Ask Me Help Desk - Useful Information

I'm bored... this might not sound very fluent because I'm pretty much just typing what comes off my head. Feel free to add things and I'll edit it and we can make it into something big that everyone can read, because it seems like everyone has the relative same problems. I used to be there, not anymore. :D

We'll start small... and work our way up (meeting someone -> relationships, marriage)

CHAPTERS
I. Approaching!
II. Dating!
III. Gifts!
IV. Relationship!
V. Break up!

I. Approaching!

So you notice that girl/guy you find physically attractive, what do you do? Most people won't even go up to them no matter what the situation because of a lot of things. Confidence, insecure, doubt, etc. it's all in your head.

Okay so you gained enough balls to actually go up to the person, what do you say? How do you say it? Omg I'm freaking out over here! Chill out. Before you even step foot in this direction you need to understand some things. The most major of things is that ATTRACTION is NOT a choice. If they is physically attracted to you, they will open a small door for you to see through.

I can only really talk from a guy talking to a girl here... if you are a girl feel free to tell me to add some things.

Before you even bother going up to her, you have to make yourself and your mind confident... if you aren't they will smell that and kick you away.

Okay so now you are talking to her and she seems to enjoy your company for the first 10 seconds. Great, you just took down a barrier. Now comes the part that will either make or break your chances to get a phone number or email address. Do not talk to her in some mono tone voice or stand there with your hands in your pockets, you will automatically be booted to the curb. Have some fenece in your voice, make lots of eye contact... don't slack off here, touch her... reach over and touch her shoulder or play with her hair or put your hand on her back... this breaks a barrier... a very important one... she will either ditch you or let you invade her space, body language... express yourself through your body not just your mouth. Make "cocky funny" statements if approriate, aka being a smart but playful, and make sure she knows it's playful. Bust her balls about something, like what she is drinking, or how she is dressed. Sounds like it won't work right, trust me it will unless she hates you to begin with. Most importantly, BE YOURSELF, and act like you WANT her but you sure as hell don't NEED her.

All right all right, so you are doing all of this and she seems into you for sure but how do you know when you are talking to her? Every girl is different here, but I'll fill you in on some common things. Eyes dilate, plays with her glass or hair or anything, seems kind of shy... hard for her to keep eye contact with you sometimes, if and when you touch her... she doesn't move away and kind of enjoys it.

Now close it, tell her that you need to get going, friends need you, whatever, and then ask for her number or email address. You want to make the conversation with her between 2-10 minutes at minimum though there are always exceptions. Ask her if she wants to hook up later in the week for coffee or lunch, give her your phone and tell her to put in her number.

Now you have a date, GJ. I just covered over basics... there are more to it then just this, and once you go out and do it you'll learn all of that naturally.

II. The Date!

Once again this is for guys... if you are a girl feel free to tell me to add things for the girls point of view.

So you call her up on a day you aren't so busy, and hopefully she won't be either. Here is where some guys mess up. Don't worry about when you call her... aka... 1 week later, 3 days later, or 1 day later, call her when YOU have time to call and set something up. When you call make suer you are forward. If you want to go out for coffee say something like: "Hey this is darrel, just wanted to ask if you wanted to get some coffee today." she'll say yes or no... if no ask for another day, or better yet ask her to call you when she isn't busy... if yes say something like: "alright how about Starbucks on hwy X at 6pm if you need directions let me know, see you there?" she'll probably say yes... I don't see why she would say no at this point. Another thing, make sure you are the one that picks where you go, if she does that's fine too, just don't say "i don't know" or "i don't care." BORING, she's going to NEXT you more then likely, we both know you are more outgoing then that.

Now she says yes, your happy, you go there a little early... sit down and wait for her to come... but she doesn't show up. 15mins roll by... then 30mins... 45... and you are wondering to yourself why. Well let me tell you, you are single, you shouldn't feel so down on this 1 girl that you met... matter of fact when you were where ever you were (bar, mall, etc) you should have met more then 1 girl to begin with! NEXT this girl, don't ever call her again, if she calls you and gives you some BS story then it's up to you to let her back in or not.

I. Gifts!

Unless you like blowing your money, stop giving her so many damn gifts! Get her something little on the days of "special occasions," and RANDOMLY surprise her on nonspecial occasions. Example: You give her something today... you've been going out for a few months, nothing special about today. 2-3 months later... maybe more do something again, keep it random, keep her guessing. She will apprietiate (spelling?) it much more when you keep her guessing then if she can see it coming. Try to be creative too, not flowers every single time or jewelry, even though they love it because it's expensive. Do something creative... for an example... I did this for my last girlfriend who actually is really really immature now and is actually not what I even want (turtle and wild know what I'm talking about :D ), anyway... before she left to go to Europe for a week with her family... I took her to dinner. Nothing fancy, just the Olive Garden, and I gave her a pink rose I bought at a grocery store and a construction paper made present. I traced my hand and glued it on some construction paper and wrote on the hand: "When you are not with me, and feel the need to hold me, place your hand on mine" or something in that extent. I have more but I don't want to bore you guys. :D

Another thing, so you gave into an argument because she thinks you are wrong and she is right? Whatever, just don't say you are "sorry!" You doing that makes her take 2 steps forward in the relationship and you taking 2 steps back. And for goodness sakes don't buy her a gift for make up, YOU are the gift to HER to begin with, treat it as it is.

IV. Relationship!

Here is where a lot of you mess up, including myself in the past. We've all been there, we've all wondered why they broke up with us, we've all been depressed because of it. So you ask why, how and what caused it.

First thing, you first start going out with someone, everything is great right? Well that's because you are so fresh into the relationship of course it is! You and your partner are on a HIGH. Here is where a lot of people mix up love with new feelings. I just wanted to point this out because a lot of people don't really realize this and sometimes they get married while still on this high and end up getting divorced because it wore off.

Anyway, just because you are dating this person doesn't mean you should stop doing your regular daily objectives. Don't forget that you still have friends, work, school, errons, working out, personal enjoyment. This person is part of your life now... notice the word "part." They are not your WHOLE life. Why take down all those years of your life over someone you met a month ago. Exactly, don't. People mess this up ALL THE TIME. Think of it like a new toy when you were a kid. Do you still play with it now? Matter of fact do you even remember it? Probably not, you played and played and played with it and soon or a later you got bored of it, or you conquered it and it was no longer a challenge. That's how relationships are, if you see each other every day, talk about your feelings 6 hours a day, and sit and watch TV or movies every time you see each other, that's boring. Remember, if I took your computer, your car, and your bed away for a few days, you would def. be more grateful when you get them back.

Think of relationships as a 2 circular refrig magnets (this is taken from DD but I think what he says is very very true). If they both are facing each other with opposite sides (+ and -), they will cling together. That's bad. If they face each other with the same sides (+ and + or - and -) they will repell... so when one magnet gets closer to the other... that magnet starts moving away at a safe distance from the one that is closing in. Then if you take the magnet that was being repelled and move it toward the other magnet that one is going to start moving away. In relationship sense, it keeps things balanced, keeps everyone guessing (not in a bad way), and livens the relationship up. Like if I was dating someone and they were packed with stuff to do for week... I would naturally be drawn in to her more because I can't be with her. Then the next week we are back together and what not... then the following week I'm the one that is very busy and she naturally is drawn into me. Hopefully that makes sense because I can't draw a picture. :p

That's it for now I had enough typing for a little bit, give me some feedback.

I have to post this in a different post because it's over 10000 characters.

Hi,
If you are bored, then you need to find something else to do; rather than sit by a computer, typing anything.
Get out of the house, get outside, meet someone new, find a hobby.
I really don't have time to read all your very long post; maybe someone else will.
Typing at a computer all day long can be very, very boring. Get out.
Best of luck,
fredg

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

Hi,
If you are bored, then you need to find something else to do; rather than sit by a computer, typing anything.
Get out of the house, get outside, meet someone new, find a hobby.
I really don't have time to read all your very long post; maybe someone else will.
Typing at a computer all day long can be very, very boring. Get out.
Best of luck,
fredg

Yes it can, unfortunately it's my career

Okay thanks, but that took probably 10mins to type... not like it was hard. Lets stick to the subject shall we.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sphyncx

Okay thanks, but that took prolly 10mins to type...not like it was hard. Lets stick to the subject shall we.

Didn't read the top - thought u cut/pasted

Fred - why don't you get a life? This very useful information for people here. You wasted our time with your post. This link is about relationshisp (something I know you're clueless on). Sphyncx is helping other because the majority of the folks here screw up the same things.

Your advice so plastic and meanigless - it ISN'T real world at ALL.

Anyway - on to the topic - real good stuff here:

If you spend a couple of hours having regular,
Normal conversation... being Cocky & Funny,
Enjoying yourself, NOT trying to impress her, and
Generally demonstrating that you could care less
How things turn out, you'll be FAR more likely to
Take things further than if you act as if she
Might be the love of your life and you wind up
Acting so nervous, stilted, and DUMB that she runs
Away.

So here it is again... one thing that most guys
Who are unsuccessful with women do that screws
Things up... one thing to AVOID:

DON'T TREAT A WOMAN YOU'VE JUST MET AS IF SHE'S A
POTENTIAL FUTURE WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND.

Instead, lean back. Be cool. Make jokes about
Her screwing up her chances with you. Tell her
That she's a nice friend. Assume that she has
Qualities that are going to annoy you, then point
Them out (in a Cocky & Funny way, of course).

Don't lose your composure. It can be fatal if
You do.

Another note:

Most guys don't "get" women.

And, unfortunately, most guys look for tricks
And "pick up lines" when it comes time to LEARN
How to meet women.

They don't realize that all the tricks in the
World aren't going to help them if they don't
UNDERSTAND what's "going on".

What about girls? The more I don't care the more the guys want to talk to me. The more I call them on their smooth lines the harder they try to outdo the last one. I guess, ladies, we have to act indifferent and like we have somewhere else to be. Unfortunately I find this very hard to fake.

In any case, have an opinion. Don't agree with everything the guy says.

And the same as with the advice for guys, don't act like he's the potential father of your children.

". I guess, ladies, we have to act indifferent and like we have somewhere else to be. "

Yes - and it's mot acting, it's realizing not think this is your next girl friend, wife etc. - don't take it too seriously to start.

Which is easy if you really don't care, but so impossible when you like someone.

I know. But, you have to hold your cards close to the vest during the first 2 months. The first two months are so critical. It's learning to behave properly on the outside.

And for god's sake don't pretend you are someone else during the initial stages of a relationship. Don't say you love sports when you really don't (for example) - it's only going to hurt you in the end. Be yourself, not someone you think Mr. HotGuy wants.

V. Break up!

Okay, this all happened to someone, whether it was you breaking up with them of vice versa. You have to realize something though (depending on what terms you guys broke up on) wanting to get back together and being obsessive now trying to get them back aren't healthy things to be doing. It is natural to be sad or depressed for a little while afterwords, feeling lonely, etc. It will happen. However, sitting here thinking about it constantly, wondering if he/she will call wanting to make up, etc. is not what you should be doing. If anything you should have learned from the break up, you now know that isn't the person you want to be with.

I really don't like to get indepth with this subject because everyone is different in acting on this, and it's touchy. But the point is that you need to better yourself, get off your and go back out there and meet new people. Still wanting to sit there and cry? Then you had the wrong mentallity to begin with when you went into the relationship. Part of your life not your whole life, by being so down about this 1 minor thing you are making it your whole life. SO GO OUT THERE, MEET NEW GUYS/GIRLS! There are billions of them out there! Clearly this wasn't meant to be, so get over it and be happy.

Get over it and be happy is a lot easier said than done, and even thought there are 'billions' of other people out there, you might only ever really click with 4 of them. So it's okay to have a pity party for a day or two. If it was a real relationship you can mourn it. It hurts for a reason.

Sorry to be so serious... (and I've never even been broken up with).

I said it was OK... I said its not okay to sit around forever and cry over it.

Well I strongly believe in win-back. Of course when I tell people how to do it and how to act - they always screw it up.

PLUS neither side could have cheated or done something really bad.

PLUS - it has to have been a relationship - at leats a couple months of heavy - more than just 3 or 4 dates.

PLUS the person HAS to change - YOU HAVE to change. You have to grow and improve yourself - PLUS remember some of the reason why that person liked you to begin with.

Also - there is just an awesome David Deangelo e-mail about win-back. Some REAL WORLD stuff... stuff you would never believe - that doesn't make sense at first - BUT, it drives that other person wild with attraction again.

It's not the crap a lot of folks post here - "oh, just go talk with her, she will love you - tell her your true feelings" - Yuck!! She runs!

Why do women leave men? - For Men Only
« H » Attraction and Dating ::Rejection ::Dating and Attraction Guru Advice :: email link
Interesting question, isn't it? We've all had women leave us...

And we've all been in the situation, wondering why she was leaving... and willing to do literallyANYTHING to get her to stay. Read the following scenarios, and nod your head silently if you can identify with any of them:

-You met an incredible woman, and you really hit it off at the beginning. But the more time you spent with her, the less interested she became... but the MORE interested you became. You could feel the balance of power shifting, but there was nothing you could do about it. Eventually she just stopped seeing you, but she never explained why in a way that made any sense...

You were seeing a woman for several months, maybe even a year or so. Everything seemed fine. But then one day she came to you and said "I don't know how I feel anymore, and I just need some time ALONE... some time to 'find myself'...it's not YOU, it's ME"... but her time "alone" turned into her seeing some other guy that didn't treat her half as well as you did... -

You were in a serious long-term relationship that had lasted more than a couple of years, and you were with the woman you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. Sure, you had your problems, but you knew that you'd always work through whatever came up, and she would stick by your side forever. Out of nowhere, she started acting strange... she started to become more controlling and angry... no matter how hard you tried to make her feel better and do nice things, it only got worse. Then she dropped the bomb that she didn't love you anymore, and she was leaving. Or maybe she cheated on you, then told you as her way of breaking up... of course, there are a million variations of these basic situations, but I'll bet you can identify with one of them. I can identify with ALL of them. In fact, I've been through each of them... some more than once. And I'll tell you... I can remember the PAIN and the DESPERATION I felt each time.

I mean, it SUCKED. I hated it.

Probably the WORST part of it was the feeling of POWERLESSNESS that went along with each time.It's bad enough having the woman you like or love leave you... but to have to ALSO deal with the fact that you don't know how to change things, and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT isjust plain depressing. Again, if you've been there, nod silently with me...

Now let's talk about how to AVOID this kind of thing in the future.

THE PROBLEM ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK

The first thing you must realize in this typeof situation is that the problem you're dealing with isn't what you think it is. Most guys naturally assume that the woman is leaving them because he's not being "nice"enough, or he's not giving her what she wants, or he's not being a good boyfriend... etc.Or they assume that this is just "one of those things that happens", that "feelings change" andthat there's really nothing he could have done anyway. Well, these ideas, and almost all the others that most guys think, are DEAD WRONG.

So STEP ONE is for you to realize that what you THINK you know is WRONG. Throw it out. Start over, and open your mind to a new way of seeing things. I'll share more on this later.

YOU CAN'T SOLVE IT WITH MORE OF THE SAMENow I want to talk about what NOT to do.I know that this is going to sound prettyobvious, but if what you're doing isn't working in a particular situation, you need to STOP. Don't keep doing what's not working. In other words, if the woman you love is breaking up with you, and you've been being nice to her, doing whatever she wants, and telling her that you'll do anything to make it better... if only she'll stay... then STOP. Stop doing that.

Whatever it is you're doing that isn't working ISN'T WORKING. Duh.

So stop it immediately. More of the same is only going to get you more of what is happening.

WHY ATTRACTION IS SO IMPORTANT

One of the main reasons I talk about and teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it comes to these types of situations, the REAL underlying reason for them is usually that the woman doesn't feel ATTRACTION anymore. When it all boils down, she just plain does not FEEL IT. Now, a woman will say and do all kinds of things OTHER than telling you that this is the problem. Women have all these ideas in their heads like "I can't tell him how I REALLY feel because I don't want to hurt his feelings" and "I can't tell him what's going on because I don't want to emasculate him" and "It's just easier if I just go away".

Love it.

But when you take away all of the B.S. and you get right to the core of what's going on, you'll usually find that it all boils down to ATTRACTION... or, more specifically, the LACK of ATTRACTION.

I'm going to say something that's pretty bold right now. Get ready. If you do not know how to make a woman feel the GUT LEVEL physical and emotional response called ATTRACTION, then you are going to beout of control in relationships, and will very likely have women leave you for the rest of your life.

There is no security when you don't "get it" in the ATTRACTION department. And you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Women KNOW that they have the upper hand with most men.

As a guy, you can FEEL IT when a woman "has you by the balls". And even if she's not evil or mean, a woman can still crush you emotionally when she's in this powerful position.

More...

Well, guess what?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GIVES HER THIS POWER.

And if you choose, you can KEEP this power

for YOURSELF.

SOLVE THE PROBLEM BEFORE IT STARTS

Now, the BEST way to deal with this particular problem is to SOLVE it BEFORE it even starts.The absolute most important prevention methodis an understanding of female psychology and

ATTRACTION.

Here are a few pointers to get you started:

1) Women are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.

Women don't feel ATTRACTION for weak men.

Sure, if you chase a woman for long enough, and buy her enough things, she may "fall" for you. But in that case it's not because she feels ATTRACTION for you. OHHHHH NO. It's because she feels AFFECTION for you, and she confuses it with ATTRACTION.

So if your Inner Wussy has been taking the wheel, EVICT IT! -slap the Wuss out of yourself. Do it now.

2) Don't be PREDICTABLE. Predictability is a mortal sin when it comes to attraction. If a woman can guess what you're going to do or say, you're being predictable. If she CAN'T guess what you're going to do orsay, she'll always be wondering...

Now, keep in mind that women are MUCH better at predicting behavior than men. So if you're going to stop being predictable,

then you're going to need to LEARN how. To begin with, PAUSE before you do and say things. Think about what you'd normally do, then

DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Throw in some crazy, off-the-wall stuff for good measure. Predictable is BAD BAD BAD for business.

3) Don't be BORING.

Boring is the bastard child of Predictable. When you are SO predictable that NOTHING is new or different, then you are officially

BORING.

Boring is also the lack of adventure, passion, energy, humor, and ATTRACTION. Unfortunately, most men are REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLLLLLLLY boring. I mean like shoot-yourself boring. Like, if there was a "Boring Score" that took into account everything from food to clothing to interests to conversation, mostmen would score a 99.75 on a 100 scale. It's a bad situation. I used to be pretty damn boring myself,so boring, in fact, that I could probably becertified as an expert on the topic.

So take it from me, BORING is BAD. I don't care WHAT you have to do to stop being boring, but do it.

A few quick ideas:

Take up an interesting hobby. Think wine collecting, not comic book collecting. Mountain biking, not chemistry. Fashion, not Xbox.

You feel me? Now, this is just a taste.

More important than what you do and talk about is HOW you do it and talk about it. There is a way to communicate with women that prevents you from being boring. I suggest that you pay attention to the things you're learning from me so you "get it".

IF THINGS GET BAD, BREAK UP FIRST

Now I'm going to REALLY stick my neck out. This one is going to make the little baby hairs stand up on the backs of necks of women all over the world... If you find yourself in one of these bad situations that I mentioned above, and you sense that the woman in your life is about to leave, then BREAK UP WITH HER FIRST.

DO IT.

Don't hesitate. Cut the line. Hit the road. No matter what your emotions tell you to do, you have to end it FIRST. If you want to have ANY chance of having things work out in the LONG RUN, then youneed to TAKE CONTROL of the situation, and BREAK UP WITH HER. From this position, you will then be ableto see things more clearly, and she will be about 100 times more likely to want to workthings out with you.

If you REALLY want to increase your chances of having things work out, then you should also start dating other women as well.

But let's not talk too much about that, because I'm already in the danger zone here. If you take the time to think about it, you'll realize that breaking up with her FIRST is the best possible thing you can do.As you've heard me say quite a few times, it's important to give a woman the GIFT of

MISSING YOU.

Never is it more important than in one of THESE situations. I know, this is a damn hard thing to do when you're in the heat of the moment... but if you don't do it, you'll probably wind upwith her leaving... and you feeling thatlame POWERLESS feeling that I describedearlier.

OK, so to wrap, let me talk about one more thing... As I mentioned before, the REAL thing that causes women to LEAVE comes down to the man in her life not understanding ATTRACTION and how to make her FEEL IT for him. And, as I mentioned, no woman is EVER going to TELL this to you. Instead, she's just going to LEAVE. When I first started learning all of this stuff about how to be successful with women and dating, I had NO IDEA that I would wind up solving the mystery of why women LEAVE men. I was only looking for the answer to how to get a woman in the first place... I never even thought about KEEPING one once I got her... But now I realize that this particular topicusually winds up being the most important one,because once you find that amazing woman, and get something good going, you certainly don't want to LOSE her.

And when you find yourself in the situation, and you realize that the woman you have is about to leave... you would basically do ANYTHING to stop it. Of course, at that point it's usually TOO LATE to do anything... which sucks. So one of the most important things you can do RIGHT NOW in your life is to learn how and why women feel ATTRACTION for some men... and how to make women feel it for you.

Great stuff!

(AGAIN - you have to be actually dating and not 2 or 3 dates - and you better not have cheated on her if you were close, lied, done something horrible)

Things you have to do if you lose her:

1. NO and that means NO contact for at least TWO months - EVEN if she contacts you!! None. You are NOW busy - she is not a part of your life.

2. DATE! Date! Date!

3. Change - you have to change for the better - workout, grow your hair etc. - Learn about your inseacurites.

4. Learn about how awful it is to be a nice guy. WHAT made you a soft wuss?

5. Rember some of things she was attracted to when you first met. Why were you the FUN guy then.

6. Figure out - and this takes time - what turned her off - were you too needy? Called too often and annoyed her? To insecure?

7. Learn to be an independent man, you're abusy guy. Don't always return her calsl right away.

8. Learn about attraction!!

9. Learn about sex. Learn to be a sexy guy.

10. Change your wardrobe, groom better.

11. Read David Deangelos books, Doc Love's book etc.

12 When you do contact her - NO Pressure - don't ask about the relationship at all. Just see how's she doing. Chat for a few minutes. Say by - busy , got to go. Call 5 days later and ask her to coffee - no dinners. Chat. Flirt a little. End the date early.

Guys: DO NOT -- I repeat DO NOT -- approach a woman by telling her to smile or telling her she looks pissed off. I get that all the time and it makes me want to kill. If you want a lady to smile, SMILE at her. If you think she might be pissed off, maybe she IS! It's not about you, anyway!

Thanks for listening.

Great info Wild. I personally don't believe in a win-back but I do believe it's possible under certain conditions.

I also believe all the new posters don't bother reading this before they post! Because everyone posts the same damn thing!!

I know win back works - but it takes a lot of effort and discipline and usually the person screws it up. I went through it this year. It's tough though and you HAVE to love that person. BUt, too many people are needy of those same people. Too needy is repulsive.

The keys are YOU have to change - AND go one with your life. No contact.

And I agree - every post is the same here.

The key is YOU have to change!! :

What do you do?
The first step is realizing it. Stop waiting by the phone, she won't call. There won't be a sudden knock on the door where you'll find her ready to leap back into your loving arms. It's over, get used to it. Cherish that moment and spend time alone, rediscovering your true self.

Then purge the pain. Grab the biggest pair of pliers and yank it out. Eat like a pig, buy a new car, move into a strip club -- whatever works for you. Take karate lessons to get the aggression out. Exorcise the demon within, in a non-religious way of course.

Next, be sure you remain busy. Bury yourself in work, set up a home bar, build yourself a hot rod, or take that work assignment to Bali. The idea is to keep your mind off that she-devil.

Finally, get back in the proverbial saddle. You've heard the crap about there being many fish in the sea from unoriginal but well-meaning friends? There's a reason -- it's true. So get back in the game, start dating again and find that rare pearl.

Next time...
The malicious thing to do would be to dump her first but the fact of the matter is, there's no helping how the heart feels. It's easier when it's a mutual decision so try reading the signs that you're about to be let go before it's too late.

Hey, mine aren't the same! :p Okay how about advice on trying to work something out with a guy who seems inexperienced (in the love area) and whose friends say is shy?

Hi,
Wow, Wildcat, I have had much respect for you and your answers; still do.
Hope you have been around the block many times, many experiences, etc; as I have. I don't claim to know everything, but at the same time, do know that getting bored at a computer is normal. Suggesting that someone make new friends in real life, maybe even with others to meet who has the same job or likes with a computer is still a good idea.
A computer can become a person's whole life, and not have personal interactions with others. Sorry If I stepped on you, or anyone else. I answer questions as they are given, not as they should have been given with maybe some information left out.
Best of luck,
fredg

Bump
Hi everyone by the way.

In chapter I, I don't agree with breaking down a barrier by touching her shoulder, hair or etc. Leaves too much room for smacking the sh*t out of a stranger who decided to touch me, when he doesn't even know me. Shaking a persons hand while you are introducing yourself is a much better and safer approach.

Turtlegirl, Wildcat suggests that we women should let a guy know what we like in bed, how we want it and let them know what it is that we crave. I don't know about you but I have not had the opportunity in meeting a man who's ego is able to handle this type of constructive criticism. Easier said that done. I also agree with you when a man is not creative enough to come up with a better line to start a conversation other than "smile" or "you looked pissed off tonight." Be creative when approaching us Pleeeze. And for the life of mankind, do not use the old "don't I know you from somewhere." That one sucks too!

Bump, read this before you post.

"I don't know about you but I have not had the opportunity in meeting a man who's ego is able to handle this type of constructive critisism."

I don't agree with that at all. There are all sorts of ways of doing this. Don't you want your toes to curl? I personally WANT to know what makes your O? And do know it also can change a little bit - or be different every time. A REAL man would want o know.

You can communicate this verbally. Show him. By moans. TELL HIM. Be thoughtfull how you present this.

I tell - "You what I love....." You know what I really need.

I have a friend, she was in the middle of sexual intercourse with her guy, she told him she wanted for him to do, and how she wanted for him to do it i.e. "right there, to the left, a little harder" etc. she told me that he simply just got up. Yes, he just stopped. Told her that if she didn't like the way he did things, she should find someone who can do it better.? :confused:
Any insight to this one?

That's pretty selfish. Why wouldn't he want to do it the way SHE wants it? Every women is different - AND, like I said things change - something you liked a month ago, you might not need/loke as much now.

Probably good ridence.

Although - if it's a partner - it's good to talk like and dislikes AWAY from the bed - NOT before you do it. Maybe over a bottle of wine.

So I guess this has probably been said one way or the other, but I think men or we sometimes try to hard. Like reading these posts on the "approach." I will give my story. I used to be EXTREMELY SHY. COULD NEVER talk to anyone let alone a woman. My whole college life I spend Alooooooooone.

So I started to talk to people, any one and everyone. At the bus top, in class, coffee shop, checking out at the grocery store etc, airport anything. At the dentist. At first I had to force myself then after a while it just came natural. I remember one time in line at the grocery store and was looking at Real Simple magazine and this cute old lady was standing there and we started talking about decorating. It was neat, felt good. So you learn to talk to people because you are genuinely interested. Now I cannot go anywhere without talking to someone. :) And I am not afraid to talk to anyone because I got no hidden agendas.

Now if I see a girl I like, I can talk to her cause a) I'm good at it and b) So I like her, and I'm not going to "hide" it or try to be funny or this or that. i.e.. Just be yourself. In my book if you try to be something you are not, sooner or later people will find out...

Self love. Be the best you can be and the rest takes care of itself...

There is only one way to get better and that's by doing. You cannot be what your are not, but you can become it. Im 30 and all the things I feared growing up now seem so weird to me. I forced myself to face them.

OMG that david deangelo guy teaches you a lot I downloaded some of his work... right now I'm listening to "David DeAngelo - 77 Laws Of Success With Women And Dating" my mindset is just changing after each step... for me it's the best ting I ever did in my life... it helps you become a better person and the way other people will look at you.

I'm surprised people are still replying to this.

David D. has a salesman technique... but with ANY technique you HAVE to go out and do it... find what suits you best in what sitautions. You can read and read and watch 1000 videos... your mind set might change... but your skills in the real world have only only improved very slightly.

Read all you want fellows, there is no substitute for a confident man, that knows himself well enough to be sure in himself, and be himself. Wildcat has made many points about that, and the best one was where we guys (or gals) give our partners too much power and act like marshmellows with the calls and begging. Not attractive at all and rather sad we can be reduced to jello. Keeping control, is about giving them what they ask for (space/break) and taking sole responsibility for your own happiness. Stopping contact is only a first step.