9 threads merged

Hi,

I have been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years now and at the minute Im having problems. At the start, we were all over each other, texted each other all the time, even had each other as our mobile wallpaper. Over the last 2 or 3 months though, I think my girlfriend has drifted away from me a bit. Hardly any more texts, it seems she doesn't want to lie with me when we're in the house together.

She used to always say how much she loved me but now I have to say it first.

Is she drifting away from me?

Sometimes this can happen when people get comfortable in a relationship. They don't see the need for the constant texts and hanging all over each other. The best thing you can do is ask her what is going on and why it has become this way. She may not realize that she is hurting you, or she actually could be drifting away. The only way to find out is to ask.

Yeah, well we're both quite young..

Ok, 5 years ago.. she was completely obsessed with me (she would have been around 10/11 at the time), I'm two years older. I'm 17 and she's 16. She asked me out loads of times and 2 years ago I agreed to go out with her for a date...

We kept seeing each other so I asked her to be in a relationship with me. She agreed and here we are now.

Recently, she has got this addiction to a celebrity. She never shuts up about him (reminds me of what she was like with me 5 years ago)... suddenly most of that attention to me has gone to him.. (her mobile picture, posters in her room).. I know it's stupid and immature to be jealous of a celebrity, but I can't help it. It's like he's took my spot...

Women thinking about celebrities is just a fantasy. Fantasies can never replace the real thing. The fact that you care so much makes you sound like a really good guy. Just tell her how you feel or she will never know.

I have told her, and she dismisses it by saying "So what if I have him as my computer picture?".. I asked her not to talk about him so much, and it worked for a while but now she's as bad as ever.

She doesn't want to kiss any more.. not even really touch! Should I dump her or should I wait and see if things get back to the way they were?

Before you going to the extreme of dumping her I would have a long talk with her about your relationship. If you can't come to a resolution then I think it might be best if you go your separate ways. Just make sure that you tell her you are serious and not just playing around. Sometimes women don't take us men seriously when it comes to serious talks.

Hello all,

Me and my girlfriend broke up around 4 or 5 months ago. We completely broke up for 2 months but recently we have been getting closer again, texting each other a lot, phoning each other every night, doing things that boyfriends/girlfriends do.

The only problem is, that she is still flirting with other boys. She has told me that she has been with other boys recently and even though they didn't do anything sexually, that they were touching if you know what I mean.

The only reason I'm seeing her at the minute is because I'm trying to move things slowly to get back into the relationship again. But knowing that she is doing things with other boys, flirting with other boys etc.. Its hurting me.

Should I try to ignore this or should I just throw in the towel?

Be careful, she may be leading you on or just using you to satisfy her spare time. How did the relationship end anyway?

We are young, 17 and 16.. we were seeing too much of each other and we both needed a break from it all. I went no contact for 2 months and she came back to me and we agreed to move things slowly.

Been there myself mate, I'm 21 now. I was 18 she was 16, we saw each other too much she wanted to go out with her friends as well, not sure if this is the case with your girl? Does she go out with mates? It looks like no contact has worked but I'd still be careful, you've got to understand that she's only 16years old, she is growing up and she will definitely not know true love or anything like that. Trust me I've been there. Ask her casually next time if she fancies going to watch a film or go bowling or something like that, say it's my treat. But of course she's going to be a bit flirty with other boys if she isn't with you. That's what girls that age do... it's there idea of fun. It's nothing more, so don't worry about that.

Yeah, she's ALWAYS with her friends now.. that's why it would be very hard to get her back in a steady relationship.

It's just that she's going out with other boys now too.. nothing serious but she is still seeing other boys. I'm seeing other girls too, but if she were to ask me to be her boyfriend again, I would say yes in an instant.

You said no contact worked, and I think it did too. What I'm still doing is treating her mean to keep her keen.. that's working too. Now she does most of the chasing after me, she is the one that's asking me to meet up, she's the one that starts texting me..

You've got the luxury of it all then haven't you? Your only a teen once. She will eventually grow away from her mates and prefer to be with her guy, especially when her own mates start growing up and having boyfriends. Just be straight with her, ask her how she feels after all this time? I wouldn't worry too much, especially at that age. Just go with the flow.

But I'm not happy.. and I don't understand it. Everything else in my life is going perfectly.. things aren't even bad between me and her, so why am I always thinking about her?

I have talked to her about how she's feeling (haven't brought it up in about 3 weeks) and she says she's happy with the way things are going between us but she doesn't want a steady relationship at the minute because she is too young.

I don't know if I'm happy or not though. She wants to see each other for the minute, but I don't think you can move from being very exclusive and serious to an open relationship..

No your not throwing in the towel, your not defeated. To observe another's behavior can give insight into their down hill slide which could end in their defeat not yours. Put the thoughts of a relationship in the back room and lock the door. Focus on strengthening your resolve to stay back because she needs time and maybe lots of time to get past childhood. You don't want to regress and learn everything over do you? You have gone through that and your future is in reach. Be smart and don't try to change her behavior, that's for her to deal with and she may find comfort in living as a child for the rest of her life. You have choices just like millions of others have and now is not the time to be the Lone Ranger unless you enjoy the though of having Tonto couterize your every wound with a line of flaming gun powder.

Just stick with her and carry on what your doing, like you said your seeing other girls too right? So don't push her away, the ball's in your court.

What I mean by throwing in the towel is by just giving up on her and moving on..

Yeah but I don't feel the same way about her, all I'm thinking of is how it used to be when we were going out exclusively.

Maybe I will get her back that way soon, but to me, this seems like its going to be the way its going to stay..

Can I get some more opinions on this please?

Ignore her completely. Cut her off before she makes you worst. She will if you let her. Good Luck!

Me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up a few months ago but started seeing each other a couple of months after we broke up. We have been seeing each other for 2 months now..

When we broke up, I kissed her friend and this hurt her a lot. I never told her, she found out by someone else telling her, to make things worse. Well we have been seeing each other again and lately it's just like we were in an exclusive relationship again.. meeting up quite a lot, very touchy and close.. etc. etc..

So last night we met up and she told me that she has something to tell me.. she told me that she was doing sexual activies (not intercorse) with a guy that went to my school.. now before we started going out she has had a history with this guy.. she has had sexual activity with him twice before..

When we were going out I didn't let her talk to him and she didn't want to. I am heartbroken by her confession and asked her why..

She told me she was pissed off about me kissing her friend and that she had took drink when she seen him.. she has been on the phone crying and begging me not to dump her.. but now the beggings over and she asked me do I want to finish it..

What should I do?

Listen, you guys were broken up. She was able to see whomever she chose. The same went for you. You kissed her friend, I think that's a tad bit worse. Don't be the pot calling the kettle black. Just get over it and forgive her.

Okay, so me and this girl are still seeing each other.. I've kissed other girls but it doesn't get back to her but when she kisses other boys it gets back to me and its hurting me..

I got a bit drunk last night and said I wanted an exclusive relationship (I don't because I'm getting the best of both worlds) and that messed things up. But I explained this morning that I don't want an exclusive relationship, that I was only drunk when I said it.

So what should I do? Keep it the way it is with both of us seeing other people? It's just that most Friday and Saturday nights I worry about where she is and who's she with.. even though I'm with other girls. We have both agreed that we shouldn't worry if we kiss different people because we know they don't have feelings for that person they kiss but she still doesn't feel like mine.

Anybody?

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You said no contact worked, and I think it did too.

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No it didn't, she came back as a friend, and that's where she is keeping you. The rest is your own mind feeding you false hope. No contact is a healing process, so you can move on, and be happy, not a strategy to get an ex back. You've also said that you don't want to be exclusive, which we know isn't true. Her contacting you and you contacting her, has kept the flame alive, and you thinking this is a game, still thinking she will comeback to you exclusively, but the real story is she has moved on, and you're a friend like all the other guys, and she has you very confused with the little attention she gives you when she does. Leave her alone, and cut the contact, for your own healing this time, so you can move on, and enjoy your own life without her. Accept the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is over. Hmmm, she kisses and touches everyone but you, get a clue.

I think you've misunderstood. Me and this girl are casual.. we do all the things boyfriend/girlfriend do but when we're not with each other we are free to get off with other people. I don't want her exclusive, I'm having the best of both worlds, I'm spending time with her, acting as a boyfriend, but when I'm not with her I can go where I want and do what I want. I definitely don't want her exclusive.

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The only reason I'm seeing her at the minute is because I'm trying to move things slowly to get back into the relationship again. But knowing that she is doing things with other boys, flirting with other boys etc.. Its hurting me.

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Okay, I don't understand how I misread this, but I stick by my NO CONTACT, suggestion. Move on.

Well, I've gotten bored of the open relationship that I was having with a girl that used to be my girlfriend for two years. I always told her that you can't go from a serious exclusive relationship to an easy going casual one and I was right.

The thing is, she treats me like pure crap. When I'm with her, she text messages other boys, boys that she's doing things with. I read her text messages today and found out that she's being seeing more boys than I thought.

So I ended it tonight, broke off the relationship with her. Now, I've done this before, but I have always gone back because even though I know what she is doing is wrong, my love for her makes my mind think that it's not as bad as it is and I keep going back.

How do I prevent myself from accepting this woman back into my life again?

She sounds really immature... Don't contact her at all, you'll start to think logically after a little while and realize that there are plenty of other girls out there who will treat you right.

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Originally Posted by DazT

my love for her

How do I prevent myself from accepting this woman back into my life again?

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LOVE?

How long have you been together? Do you mean lust? How can a girl like this keep this cherade up for years and years (which is how long it normally takes for true feelings of LOVE to build) without you knowing?

My guess is that it's been a few months, right? 6-8 at the most. If that's the case, it's not love. You're confused. And since you're confused, you need time to yourself. You need ALONE time!

You shouldn't have to ask how to prevent a WHORE from coming back into your life. Do you not have any respect for yourself! Wake up now!

Us men, we need to stick together. I rat on you a little, but I think you know that I mean well because that's how men interact. We stick together, we pull through it! You need alone time. I'll suggest the same thing that works for me every time. Write in a journal when you feel like you want to talk to her. Do it, then leave it.

Also, start excercising. Do some . Read a book. Buy a new video game and beat it. SOMETHING! Call your family. Friends. Someone you haven't spoken to in a long time. Hell, even go on craigslist and talk to someone looking for a date. Don't GET ATTACHED, just go out and do something else.

But the best thing you can do, is get to know yourself. LOVE YOURSELF! The sooner you love yourself, the better off you will be. You will change some (hope you aren't scared of that), but then you will love your NEW self even more, because it fits you so well! Then you will notice that you want to date a different type of girl. And you'll look back at this whore and wonder... " why did i do that to myself?"

Good Luck Sir!

No, no.. We used to be boyfriend/girlfriend for two years.. then we split and got back together, deciding on an open relationship.

I know, she is a whore. If she wasn't, she would take me back exclusively and forget the other boys. And she is making me look like an idiot to all my friends and hers.

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Originally Posted by DazT

No, no.. we used to be boyfriend/girlfriend for two years.. then we split and got back together, deciding on an open relationship.

I know, she is a whore. If she wasn't, she would take me back exclusively and forget the other boys. And she is making me look like an idiot to all my friends and hers.

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Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well if that's the case, then yeah there is no hope for this one. You may have feelings for her and all that, which is perfectly normal, but she's always going to do this to you, because she's selfish and immature. She may change tomorrow, she may NEVER change (usually they never do), so you really need help to get out.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY! Those are your 2 best natural resources. Call them now and call them often. Alone time is what you need. Keep coming to these forums if you need help bro, we're here for you!

There is no hope, I've went back to her hoping things would be better... they're better for a while and then something else pisses me off. When I'm with her, I'm happy for the short term. But I know if I'm without her, I'll be sad and pissed off for a while but in the long run it is better for me.

You know what the good news is? You aren't the only man on this planet to have this problem. I was with this girl for 8 months. I knew she was cheating on me here and there, but I didn't care. The problem was that I stuck around for the EZ lays.

Then, after a while, I started to develop feelings. DEEP EMOTIONAL ones! I had to get out, and our relationship ended in such a horrible way that I'll probably be scarred for life. I did it to myself.

Now I see you and it's sort of a reflection of me, but with even more involved emotions. If you can get out now, you'll be better off tomorrow. It's not easy, breaking up never is. But there's so many men out there who have been in your shoes, so I hope you don't feel like you are alone.

Yeah, but that was worse for you in ways.. you were exclusive and she was cheating on you. We are in an open relationship, the difference is.. I don't want any other women but she's going out and seeing other men.

It's not easy but we've broken up before so I believe this time will be easier, if I stick it out.

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Originally Posted by DazT

Yeah, but that was worse for you in ways.. you were exclusive and she was cheating on you. We are in an open relationship, the difference is.. I don't want any other women but she's going out and seeing other men.

It's not easy but we've broken up before so I believe this time will be easier, if I stick it out.

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If you want to put yourself through that torture... then go ahead. That's like saying "yeah... i've stabbed myself with a knife before... but this time it will be easier because im used to the pain".

You are free to do what you want. Good judgment comes from bad experience. Perhaps you need more of it. Usually you physically need to feel bad a million times about something before you fully understand for yourself what to do and how to get by.

No, no.. I mean, it'll be easier to stay no contact this time and get over her, because I've been through it before..

Me and my girlfriend were going out 2 years but recently she has wanted to have an open relationship. I agreed and we did that, however, both of us were unhappy doing this so we got back into an exclusive relationship. That only lasted 2 months and then she decided that she would rather have an open relationship again as she does not want to be "weighed down" at her age (16). I said that we were not happy in an open relationship and nothing will be different so I ended it with her and she agreed. This was on Saturday night.

(I had booked concert tickets for her for Valentines Day). She sent me a message on Sunday night saying "I'm not going to the concert, so you can get rid of the tickets".. I never replied.. Hadn't heard from her since Sunday night but on Wednesday night she text me a message saying, "Are you happy like this??", I replied, "It's better than an open thing" she then text back, "Ok". I never text her back but then she texted me again saying, "Good night, I love you".

Then I checked her Myspace last night and find out she has flirted with EVERY boy I don't like, chatting them up.. But she also has pictures of us together up.. and quotes such as " I have loved you forever" and "I fall asleep crying listening to songs that remind me of you"..

Today she text me to ring her, I never replied.

This girl was everything to me, but I feel I'm better off without her?

I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her.. but I definitely don't want an open relationship. Should I just keep N/C until she decides she wants an exclusive relationship?

You have done what your supposed to do. Leave her alone, as she may agree to what you want, but still do her thing when your not around. You would never know would you?

Sounds to me like you know exactly what you don't want, and she is it. Your mind is saving you now when your heart would let you down. Good for you for listening to your own conscience and following it.

I won't put her down, but read what you wrote about her as if you hadn't written it. Is this girl worth even fretting about? 16 years old and already trying to get you to give up your morals to suit her. Oh my goodness. Imagine her at 20!

I'm so happy for you, some boys will let their "like" for a girl make them stupid, and they pay stupid tax for it for a loooong time... usually until the girl drops them and their left with nothing. You're getting out and on to your next great girl.

Awesome.

Ignore those texts, don't read her myspace, at this point it is all just her hurting you, and you've already decided she can't anymore, right?

Thanks for the advice...

Anymore?

Yes as JBeaucaire said, DO NOT look at her MySpace whatever you do... this will only scramble your mind. Stick too your guns with what you have decided, and that is a proper relationship... OR NOTHING AT ALL! If you turn back now I feel things will smooth out but it will repeat back to what it was. What you need to do is stay strong with what YOU WANT in YOUR LIFE, always put that first. Once she sees she will realise how serious you are about it. Her text messages are a test to see how strong you are about the whole thing in general. You never know after time she may realise that you won't break from your decision, and she may follow.