My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago, we are both in our fifties. We have dated over two years. HE lost his mom two years ago and is selling his house that he can't afford the mortgage. Over the past year he has been withdrawn and emotinally unavailiable, he use to come see me all the time, and now we were just seeing each other on the weekends. He has changed and this has caused a problem in our relationship over the year. He isn't as affectionate as he use to be. He says he wants to be alone and not in a relationship and he can't give me what I want. He say its not much, your simple and I more simpler. He use to care about everything and my needs and its our discussion every weekend, and its hurting him, but he has changed and I have felt it. So now he has closed all doors and broke up with me. I tried talking to him a week ago, and as he said he can't give me what I want, and ndoesn't know if he can ever give me what I want. I told him I want the old Scott back, and he says you may never find him. He said maybe a week ago he would call me if he was up to it, after I left him but nothing. We have mutual friends and I know he is been going on his boat every weekend with them, his best friend and his wife I work with.. SO how can he even think of me and not know he is hurting me.. I stopped all contact but nothing... He is stubborn, and he knows it.. I have been the one that always caves but I won't do it this time... Help sully 123

Well do you want him to come back or the Scott that you fell in love with? It sounds as if they are two different people.

Right now you are only going on one week of no contact so of course its going to be tough. The best thing to do is set goals for yourself with rewards. I personally believe in 60 days no contact after a breakup I think it gives you enough space to allow you to actually see what's going on. I usually set up a reward system for myself like after 2 weeks of no contact I get to go buy shoes after 4 weeks a massage... you get the point. You can do this so many people on here have all said they can't and its too hard but everyone is able to get over the hump and see it from the other side. You can do it too!

Everyone says your ex-boyfriend to give him space and miss you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but then again its out of sight of mind. If he things he can't give you what you what you want, and you don't ask for much.. what do you do then? It seems like when I told him for the past year what was hurting me he took offense to it. I tried to discuss these things with him and then in turns he thinks I wasn't happy with him. I tried talking to him two weeks after we broke up, I asked him if he missed me and he said no, but I thought about you. Two years is some time to go with someone, and then to shut you out. If you discuss this with him he says its too much for his head, He is stubborn, way too stubborn on certain things, and he knows he is. He told me after our discussion he might call me that week if he was up to it, but then nothing. How can he go from something to nothing. DO I JUST WAIT IT OUT... it hurts... I never thought he would break up with me, I am shocked... After our discussion, two weeks after we broke up, the next day I texted him and asked him if he was ever going to be with me again, and said NOPE... IT JUST SEEMED SO HARSH... I just don't know please help

Well, the bottom line is it's over. Not a nice thing but it happens. You broke up for a reason , so that cues you that you weren't right for each other. Move on with your life and pursue other interests. You need to stay away from hm and have no contact with him whatsoever. Not so that he'll come back to you but so that you can move on. By continuing to hang on, even if it's only by a thread, you'll never be able to continue living your life. Forget him and shut him out of your life. That's what you need to do.

Yeah that's pretty harsh. But I've noticed that's the case with many break ups. There is always a harshness there. Maybe it's a repressed bitterness, I'm not sure, but either way it sounds like he has a shield up right now that's making him cold towards you. Is there anything you can do to warm him up? No. That's the sad reality. I'm in your same shoes, only it was a 4 year relationship, and after all the trying to get her back, and begging it only made things worst. From experience... wait. Dig deep down and get self control. Min. 3 Months of no contact, than way out your options. In the meantime he may contact you. Most people will probably tell you just to move on, and this probably is the right advice, however, depending on what was invested and the person involved / personality/circumstances... sometimes (although it seems rarely)…sometimes it could be worth it to try again. BUT YOU MUST DO IT WITH SELF CONTROL, for your own health, and because it depends on his feelings towards you as well. But for now, just take care of yourself and do things for yourself.

Try this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

If this doesn't work try this: AHHH!!

If that doesn't work ponder this: Someone ALWAYS circles back at least once... may as well be him. Go have fun. Unless he was desperate to get away - he'll be ready to talk one day. It may be about moving on or it may be about getting back but don't worry.

TRUST YOUR GUT.
If you still feel connected for the right reasons he probably does too.
If you all are meant to be it'll work out!
If not, you'll know in a few months...

PS - karma goes to the one who gave the most! So, consider that when pondering your fate.

Hugs A

I am ready to call or see my ex boyfriend and ask him if we can have a second chance. We did talk two weeks ago, it was me going to talk to him after he broke up with me a month ago. Saying he can't give me what I want. I don't want to feel desperate but at times I do feel like that. I thought I would mean more to him than that after 2 1/2 yrs. Of course he changed over the year, but it became my problem, financially and emotinally not available to me. I felt the pain over his change. I thought maybe he would have called me, but he hasn't. We have a couple of mutual friend, a women I work with who thought was my friend, and her husband who works with him. What hurts is this couple has been going on his boat with him every weekend since we broke up, we use to go together. For some reason I think its to get his mind off me. I have broke my communication off with this friend I work with. I don't think she has helped the situation, but I am unable to say a word because her husband works with him. They were friends before I met him and they are the one who introduced both of us together. We use to go out all together on the boat last year and a few times this year. But now since I am broke up with him, they keep him occupied every weekend with him and their daughter and her friends on the boat. I can deal with that, but what is she tellling him about me, maybe nothing, I don't know. But it hurts I thought she was my friend.. Nohting I can do about it, they were friends before me. No email from my boyfriend, no phone call, no text message, when we last talked a couple of weeks ago, he said if he felt up to it , he might call me during that week, but nothing. IT seems like he shuts me out when there is pressure. He is a very respectful man, he does have clincal depression for like twenty years, but you wouldn't know it, just in the winter he seems to get a little withdrawn. I know his house trying to sell it is a big burden on him. BUt in turn he has pushed me aside. I just won't understand how we broke up in one sentence he told me to come over a month ago, and then called me on the phone to tell me he had to pick a part in his car, and we would be doing something later, and I din't have the extra cash to go back over twice, and felt slighted when I was so close to his house, and then I turned around. THen that evening when this all happened I tried to explain, I didn't have the extra cash to go back again, and that I was so close to his house then and he said well you could have came over and then in the same sentence said I AM DONE... that is how we broke up... he thinks I am unhappy with these little things, but I didn't feel he was considering my feelings... I just don't know.. do I try and call him or just hurt inside when I have tried.. does he care or doesn't he... so upset

Girl you deserve someone that is going to be there all the time for you, not end things over something so reduclous. You seem like you have so much to offer someone. Let him be and if he calls then you do the talking and let him know how much he has hurt you. I can only bet that every time he has needed you, you have always been there for him. Don't be so there all the time for him and stop calling him and let him think about what he has done. Maybe he'll call and maybe he won't. But you deserve someone that loves you not someone that is going to hurt you. I know your hurting right now a great deal but time heals all wounds. And things will get better. And if you wondering what's going on so bad then ask his friend what he is thinking and what's going on with him. I hope you get what you want out of everything. Everything will get better just remember that the grass is always greener on the other side... and there is always light at the end of every dark tunnel...

Don't waste anymore time. When someone truly loves you they put the effort in. You are willing to right? That's because you truly love him. Anyone that feels the same about you should be willing to work on things. Keep yourself busy and stay away. Be strong and think about how many years you have lived without him. That might give you some perspective. Good luck

Either way you look at it, it's over. I know it's hard but you need to accept that fact and move on. Don't even worry about your mutual acquaintances or anything like that. Go on and live your life for you, without worrying about him or anyone else.

I am feeling kind of down today, as some people know my boyfriend of two yrs broke up with me a month ago. I talked to him a couple of weeks ago. I didn't ever think if would happen to me. He says he can't give me what I want and he knows I don't ask for much. I thought we had got past that. I just wanted his love and attention, as some know he has to sell his house, mortgage is too high, his mom died a couple of yrs ago. He is stubborn, he has been hurt over the past many years ago, just like we all have. I wonder if he will ever call, because too him I am pressure one more added thing to his life. He can't handle pressure like I am.. It was ridicuolous how we broke up, me supposedly suppose to come over and in the same sentence he was done. He things I wasn't happy with him. Everyone says he's not coming back just face it, don't waste your time, that hurts. I have tried real hard not calling him, for the past two weeks, and I haven't. People say give him space to miss you, but sometimes when a person is stubborn they won't give in because they can't handle it. Does he have feelings for me, or am I wasting my time. I do miss him. People say if I call him I am desperate and it will push him away further, but if he cared wouldn't he be thinking of me and trying to get hold of me. Sometimes I think the longer your away from each other is worse, well what is it.. lost and heartbroken... Denise

Yes, he's thinking about you...

But if it's a specific incident - call after a while... a month or so. And tackle it...

If, like most break-ups though it is a final fissure... and a need for space. GIVE SPACE - for at least 90 days...

It does give them space to miss you. You also have to use the time to work on yourself. Every relationship is a two way street and you made mistakes too. This is a good time to try to get an idea of what those were and learn ways to correct them.

A friend of mine once told me that in a situation like this, the ones that left spend a lot of time consciously not thinking about you... which means they think a lot about not thinking about you (which means they're thinking about you)

Interesting words their haplo lol! I don't forget my fellow class mates or the sites of my holidays over ten years ago. I still remember a childhood book which may have been read once or twice over 15 years ago. Of course your ex will think about you as you will think about them. I have got over people in my past, took a while but I did it. I usually only think about them once a week if that though.

It could just be a passing thought for them, but ex's do think about you and you about them. How can you not remember someone you've shared intimate moments with? Those who say they've forgotten, simply fib... no one forgets anyone... the definitions change, u may change but what we call memories.. always remain. It should not matter whether he is thinking of you or not, when the time comes, if he is willing to come back, he will find a way to find you... Patience is the key word... hold on to it.

They never forget how could youu forget they are memories. Especially idf you had some gret moments in the relationship they will remember and going no contact will not make them forget but sometimes even wonder about you more. People thin by contacting they won't forget well by not contacting they will wonder and will thjink of you evenmore. Why they haven't contacted andso fourth ill enter there mind! Recreate some mystery and bringthe passion back and therefore bring your ex back if they are willing...

I still remember my ex from 4 years ago don't think about it all the time and definitely do not want her back but I still remember the times we spent togethe and every now and then something will remind me of the times we spent although she was a psycho hahaha

I have been broken up from my ex boyfriend over a month. I haven't spoke to him in over two weeks, tried to be strong, no texts, no emails, no phone calls. He broke up with me says he can't give me what I want. I am simple, and he is more simpler. He had changed over the year, wasn't emtionally available. I was hurting because he wasn't as affectionate as he use to be and we were only seeing each other on the weekends now. I guess he thought I was nagging him, but I was hurting how he changed. He was under a lot of pressure, having now to sell his house he can't afford from his mom's death two yrs ago. I didn't know I was nagging him. I know he has some things of mine at his house, but I know if he gives them back to my mutual friends, its over, it scares me. A friend told me that doesn't mean anything if he does give them back, people can still go back to their ex boyfriends. My friends husband who is his best friend said to my ex boyfriend I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE, AND MY EX BOYFRIEND SAID NO I AM NOT READY... I AM NOT DONE... I don't know what to believe... I haven't heard from him, nothing no phone call or nothing in two weeks.. I am scared... its so hard I am giving him space... but don't know what to do next or what is going to happen... please help...

You must move on as if it is over. You can't put your life on hold because he wants you to. Tell him or tell your friends to tell him that you want your stuff back and that your moving on.

Go on and live your life and do your thing. He may or may not come back. If he doesn't, you'll have the option of deciding whether to take him back. Don't structure your life around him as he is largely unavailable at the moment.

I would give him space and let him solve the problems he has on his plate right now.
He probably can't give you what you want right now, just plain and simple as that.
If you do ask for the things from the house it might mean the end, or just that they will not be tossed away when the house is sold. Period. Again, as simple as that.
When you see each other around, be cordial, don't question too much. When he gets himself sorted out he will let you know.

Sometimes good things do come to those who wait.

Good Luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

My gut feel is that he actually isn't ready. Relationships are sometimes just like deciding to have a baby... like you're sometimes you're not mentally prepared to have one, but it just happens. And when it happens, instead of making u feel happy, it drains you completely.. IF you're not mentally prepared. Same goes for relationships... it's lot of hard work and if one of the parties is more emotionally involved than the other, it chokes... that is what happened here. I suggest... u keep this thought of winning him over on the back burner... Time will help you... keep looking ahead for the time being... this is the best recourse u can adopt.

Instead of waiting for some to be ready, I would suggest you live your life, and let him deal with his own issues without any pressure from you. Be happy by doing the things you enjoy and the people you enjoy being with. Life is to short to be waiting for some one else to be ready for what you want.

Ok, some people know my situation, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, haven't talked in over two weeks. I do miss him terrible. We are both in our 50's, dated for like 2 1/2 yrs. Says he can't give me what I want, or doesn't know if he can. I have been very strong by not contacting him, its killing me inside. My last contact was as I said two weeks ago. But what hurts me we have mutual friends, they introduced us, a couple and daughter, they spend all the time on the weekend with him. She works with me, and her husband works with him.. It hurts.. her daughter was talking about it this morning at my job, I over heard it.. Sometimes I feel her mom isn't even my friend.. I couldn't do that to her, even know I know they were friends before me all of them. Its camp time now at our school so mom and daughter are there. It breaks my heart. TO think my ex boyfriend is going out boating every weekend, he has a boat. I am not jealous by no means, but then I wonder is he even thinking of me... here I am miserable at home. Never knew what I did to hurt him, he told my so called friend that I nagged him, he never told me that. That he didn't miss me but he thought of me.. But then when her husband said that she could give me the things back I left at his house, my ex boyfriend, told him he wasn't done, not ready yet. I wonder, he hasn't called.. The very last time I talked to him, he said he might call me during that week, that never happened. How can a boyfriend just turn it off, and not even be sorry for what he did.. He is stubborn, that I know. But I always thought he had that respect for me but I guess I was wrong.. Should I give up will he ever come to his senses, is he thinking about me, or is it over, it breaks my heart.. This is the first time I have never gave in anymore... please help... sad...

I'm so sorry I don't have any answers for you hon. I'm in the same boat you are my boyfriend of 7 years left me 3 weeks ago. I'm in a lot of pain also. I haven't contacted him since the day after he left. Absolutely no contact. I still hope he comes to his senses. We had a wonderful relationship. Our only dfference is I'm older then he is but that was never a problem. The attraction was always there. I have had some really good advice on this site. They have told me that he will probably realize what a mistake he's made giving up a good, loving and stable relationship. So I'm hangin in there hoping he does realize this soon. I hope you can hang in there too. And remember lots of people are in a lot of pain also so please don't feel alone... your not

Some know my boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. WE went together a little over two years. He says he can't give me what I want, and doesn't know if he can ever give me what I want. I am simple and he is more simpler. He has changed over the past year,and he wasn't emotinally available for awhile now, and its hurt me and this is part of the problem.. he is going through a lot, with having to sell his house because the mortgage is too high. His mom died a couple of years ago.. I thought I stood behind him. Tried talking to him two weeks ago after we broke up, but as he said doesn't know if he can give me what I want. Haven't heard a word, and its breaking my heart. I was thinking about talking to him again, and asking him if we can have a second chance and work things out.. I don't know what to do, people say make no contact, but he is stubborn and he knows that, that's just his nature... not all the time.. but for now he is.. do I go to him or is it better when I stay away. Does he not care if he isn't callling me, and take that as a bad sign, or do I go and talk to him about a second chance.. then I am afraid, don't know what to do... please help

Do nothing! Absolutely nothing. Talking to him is what your heart is wanting but this will not change his mind. Do not let him fill you full of rubbish about how he cannot give you what you wantm this is a line for I don't want you! That's the truth I'm sorry to say an easy way out. If he is to come back the only reason ewill be because he realises you mean a lot to him and he wants you bacj=k in hs life.

Hi sully,

I think if you contact him now you will blow any chance of him wanting you back. I've heard enough people on this forum say that their ex's came back only after no contact. That's what I'm doing but now I realize that I need the no contact for me. And if he comes back ( If its not to late ) then that's a bonus. But I know if I contact him he won't figure out he misses me.

I've read all your other posts and feel your pain. I honestly think you should be leaving him alone at this time, and start moving on with your life. He is not ready for a relationship with you, and you should accept it, and move on. No contact will not bring him back, that's up to him, and only him, so forget false hope, and let the no contact help you get over the hurt and pain, so YOU can move on, and find your own happiness. It will take time, and it isn't easy, but do this for yourself. Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss.

He has told you he cannot give you what you want and never will be able to. That's a pretty big statement on his part and a pretty honest one at that. Why are you not listening to what he has said to you? Men are pretty simple they say what they mean and they mean what they say. They do not encode their words the way that women do. He is telling you he is not for and its time to move on. I know its hard to believe but that's the truth.

Leave him alone and try to start moving on with your life. No contact is not for getting that person back its for you to help you heal. You cannot heal when you have a constant communication line with your ex. Believe me 3 months from now you will feel much different.

Hey second chances rarely work... only if both ends are willing and that too after a lot of hard work and communication. In your case, it may sound bitter, but it may not work simply because this guy isn't ready and you definitely can't get him into it. So best option is to let time tell what holds for you... as of today, this guy has gone from your life... you run after him.. he'll run further away... your choice!

I am feeling very down today, as some people know I have been broken up from my boyfriend about five weeks, no contact in three weeks, trying to be strong. But yesterday reading all my answers I felt so discouraged. I am more bummed out than ever now. I thought by no contact they would think about coming back, but from everyone's opinion, it seemed like it's just for me to heal and go on with my life. It's easier said than done.. some people can brush it off, and go on it's easy for them. I am one of the individuals that take a person really too heart. So I guess some people don't get second chances. Everything I have read by No Contact I thought they would miss you more.. I thought their was some hope.. but now I don't feel the same.. am I wrong?

[QUOTE=sully123] I am one of the individuals that take a person really too heart. /QUOTE]


You are no different to anyone else ! We all take it to heart. You have to risk the hurt to risk the love... That is part of life. You still have an emotional connection to this person. NC will allow that connection to go... you to heal and be happy again.

Problems in a relationship need to be solved whilst in a relationship, not after the end. NC for the dumper might mean that they miss the time of being with you and may look more favourable to a reconsilation... But they left because they were unhappy. Might not have been any fault on your part, you may want different things, you may just not be compatible.

But you now need to remember this: Before you knew this person you were healthy and whole, you did not miss them because you did not know them. You are now single and you do not know your next love, you will not miss your next love because you do not yet know them. Once you do, it will then be them you miss...

I have been broken up with my boyfriend for five weeks now, and I talked to him three weeks ago at his house, after the break-up.Says he can't give me what I want and doesn't know if he ever can, he said he just doesn't know. I don't ask for much. Well last night I left him a message saying it was me, around 7 pm on Friday night, and said hope your doing OK and said I miss talking to you.. all right.. and good-bye. Did I blow it, we were together for 2 1/2 yrs... I had been so strong with the NC... and didn't hear a word.. Did I do wrong... please help

I think that it would be best that if you are seeking out a relationship with someone, that you seek out someone else. He obviously isn't interested. If he was, then he would be responding to you and also trying to contact you.

You can play the games with your mind and heart all that you want. That is your choice. But, the writing seems to be on the wall.

Why do you want to keep beating yourself up and dragging yourself over the coals? There are plenty of fish in the sea. If having a relationship with someone is one of the things that you seek, then you will find another. I know that there are plenty of men who also seek out relationships with women. You just go to the kinds of places where you might catch up with them.

You are a strong person. You can move on with your life.

After having many failed relationships myself, and then moving on with my life, that is my opinion, anyway.

It sounds like he's made up his mind and is moving on. You need to do the same. Don't call or contact him anymore.

Well, you've gone 3 weeks so now you know you can do that and go for six. Once you get to that point it should be easier. Just keep moving forward.

If you would stop dangling on the fence, and make up your mind to get over him, it will be easier not to contact him again. Your still harboring hope he will change his mind, and take you back. Understandable, but please get over him, and that is what no contact is about. Are you doing the things necessary for no contact to work? Such as building a life that you enjoy without him, with family and friends and hobbies, and work. Or are you sitting on a pity pot, pining away for some little morsel of his attention??

Some know, boyfriend broke up six weeks ago with me, hadn't had contact in three weeks. Ok, don't know if I was wrong but broke down and went to talk to him at his house. We talked for about 1/2 hour. He told me our mutual friends, that introduced us was coming over to go boating with him. The wife I work with and her husband is his best friend and their daughter and some of her friends.He sid he wanted to give me head's up because I told him in the past I don't want them knowing my business anymore.. He said it was up to me to stay or leave. Jokingly I said why can't I go, he laughed. We talked a little longer, he was pleasant, but very stressed. His house is up for sale and he has to sell it, because he can no longer keep the mortgage up, its too high. He's upset, because the house across the street sold, and the one on the other side sold. I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS STRESSED, AND HE SAID WHAT DO U THINK? During the conversation he said why don't I call u tonight which was Sunday night. Me being impatient couldn't wait and called him that night, and he was on the other line and asked if he could call me back.. I said sure, well he did call back, but he is emotionally dead inside, I asked him how is boat ride was and he said relaxing, and we talked mainly about both of our works, tried to keep it light, no pressure. I ended the conversation and said I guess your tired and he said I am beat.I said good night and he said bye. He has clinical depression and sometimes he is a hard nut to crack. I know the other side of him, his friends don't see it, I do.. Why we broke up was he couldn't give me what I want, he says, and I don't ask for much, weeks ago.. He isn't able to deal with his house and me, and I am sure he says its not me its him and that;s probably why he ended it, or maybe he just does't want to be with me, but his depression has a lot to do with it.. But I don't understand sometimes. I tried calling him two nights after this, when we talked Sunday night, because I am worried about him, but he hasn't returned my phone call, left a kind message. Is it me or the clinical depression why he has walked away, or do I try and be his friend.. do I call him again, to see if he is OK.. don't know what's right. We are grown adults in our 50's... hurting..

You need to let him go and work through his problems.. alone..

Don't contact him , work on yourself and why you are attracted to a depressed guy.

I would leave him alone and move on, as rol said he needs to work out his issues. For you, you need to heal and find a new life without him.