Entire story merged

Are their any sure fire ways or methods in getting your ex love back?

There's one chance. DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and if he comes back then he still wants you if he doesn't then he doesn't want you. Try anything else and your waisting your time!!

It's that simple and you probably won't even believe it but its true, if he wants you he will let you know, don't ever contact him again...

My boyfriend left me a week ago today. I called him and begged him to come back on Wednesday and again on Friday but haven't contacted him since... DID I BLOW IT?

You know what I don't get though. Ok, what if she does come back but after she has been with other guys? This is my worry in my current situation, that she might come back after but after she has met other guys. I actually wrote her an email saying that I don't want her to ever tell me she wants me back even if she does. Maybe I have depleted my chances of her ever coming back when she does feel so, but on the other hand if she strongly feels she wants back she will not care about the email and beg for it. Then again my ex has such a personality, where she would not let her emtions do as she they tell her and instead she will stay strong and not ask me back just for her own sake of not feeling stupid. And to be honest I probably will accept her back, given she has not been with other guys cause that is just bull in my opinion. And to be honest my perception of her after having been with other guys will be just that I am her plan B, more so than I was her Plan A but she just needed time away from me to reflect, regardless of the fact she doesn't want me anymore and tells me she wants to experience other people. It could be so many things, I sometimes think I am more confused than her. Oh, does anybody have any tips on how to sleep without the girl propping up in your mind. Last night I couldn't stop thinking of her having flash backs of good times. I even woke up and walked around my room looking for her. So pathetic. Oh and one more question, people say you should not get back with your ex after she has been with other guys. Well, should the ex know that you will never get back with her after she has been with other guys? My ex is under the impression after she has met other guys and might have figured out that I was really the one for her that she might come back to me. I would consider it but not under the condition she met other guys. I guess she is most likely to meet other guys, so I shouldn't even think about her even daring asking me back again and that is why the chances are so slim that people get back with their ex. So complicated... the funny thing is, when I read what Im writing above, it just shows how I am having hopes when in reality that is the worst possible thing I could be doing to myself. The irony.

My guy and I were together for 7 years. He was totally devoted and loving. In that 7 years that didn't change. He was wonderful to me. He left me last week and I have yet to get a straight answer as to why he left. He doesn't call or try to contact me at all. Should I hold out hope he will ever come home?

>THREE threads merged as they are all the same issue<

My boyfriend of 7 years left me suddenly out of the blue. Their were no warning signs that he wanted out. He was as loving the day before he left as he had always been. How can someone be loving and devoted for all those years and then just POOF they're gone.

Are you sure he wasn't unhappy and he was just putting up an act?

Firstly, how long has it been since he left you?
Secondly, what reasons did he give you for leaving?

He may be back in your life again soon. Its not over until its over. I've seen people get back together after months of being a part.

Sounds like there must have been a lot of underlying issues that were going on without you knowing. It is strange that he was loving one day and the next day he wanted out; life is truly a mystery. What were his reasons for leaving?

You never know what's going on in the other person's mind. Don't contemplate too much, it will drive you crazy. It's sure is sad that he left without letting you know what was going on, but in a way good too. You know why? Because he was a coward and you sure don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would want to come and go as they please. Damn 7 yrs.. a bit too much... but let it be an experience for you to know that No One person stays with you forever... live the moments. I am sure you enjoyed some moments with him... cherish them and go on with your life. To hell with someone who didn't care enough to hv open conversation with you... learn from it.

I was wondering, in everyone's personal opinions. What seems to be the most successful tactic in order to reconcile with an ex

The best tactic is to not be available and have no contact for a while. Even then it doesn't guarantee that they will come back. I've said it before and I'll say it here again you broke up a reason and unless both people in the relationship are willing to address those reasons it won't happen. With that being said, I hope it works for you.

By reconcile what do you mean? And explain your situation.

Are you talking about being friends. Are you talking about trying to get him back?

Why did you break up? How old? How long together? Explain.

But a general trend has been mentioned already... most of the time when a break occurs it's the end of that part of the relationship. Yes... sometimes people can reconcile. But its rare and I don't think there is any perfect "system".

Addressing the issues that prevented the relationship from moving forward is the first step toward understanding what "went wrong"... even though sometimes its just the match that's wrong, at least longer term.

So more details can help. No perfect system.

Back off, let them contact you and from there on out it's everything on your terms, not theirs.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

but a general trend has been mentioned already... most of the time when a break occurs its the end of that part of the relationship. yes... sometimes people can reconcile. but its rare and i dont think there is any perfect "system".

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I don't know if I would say it's "rare." In fact, I think it happens more than people think, it's just that we don't hear about it. Remember, people don't come to sites like this when things are good.

Also, I think many times relationships end up having a chance for reconciliation but then one party or another decides that it's no longer what they want.

As for the system, I totally agree, no perfect system or set of actions. No instruction book, so to speak. It's completely reliant on the people involved, their personalities, the situation of the relationship, etc etc.

If there were really no warning signs then it's hard for us to give you an answer. You're best bet may be to talk directly to him. If you do, be prepared for a possible runaround but I really can't give you an opinion. It seems most unusual that he'd invest 7 years in a relationship that evidently seemed satisfactory then just up and go without any warning whatsoever. Are you sure there's something you're not telling us here?

I think rare is perfect. Name all your friends. All of them. Since you were in HS and on. How many of them broke up with someone and never got back together? And then dated again and broke up and never got back together? And then ones that did get back together, how many of those lasted?

In my experience, I know of only two different people who dated, broke up with the partner, and some time later dated again and made it last. One of them was after divorcing, of all things. Considering how many people I've known through the years, that's not very many.

So yeah, rare is what ill say. If we are talking about yo-yoing back into the sack with an ex or trying again and failing, sure it happens more often. I'm guessing she's wanting this not to be a fling or another failed attempt.

You can choose to compare like that, however I would never compare what happened in high school to real life. Teenagers are not what you want to base your idea of relationships off.

Really? This is where this is going?

OK. Forget HS. Forget college. Even though we don't know whether this person is in hs, college, grade school, or beyond... so it might, just might, matter...

Of all the people I know from work and other social circles in my adult life, I know of two who have made it.

Do I really need to keep justifying my position? I think its rare. You don't. We agree we don't agree. Most people I know don't get back together with the ex. To me that means few people do. And fewer make it work.

Never said doesn't or impossible.

Know what, I give up on this one. You win. Choose the word I should use and post my opinion for me. Will save me the time and not distract from the original post.

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y'all ignore my noise today. I'm b!tching at anyone and everyone it seems. Mama said thered be days like this
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I know of two people in my immediate family from teen relationships which failed to adult relationships when they met again, which succeeded. Apart from that I am going to discount any teen/young adult relationships I know of.

Personally I think its best to let the emotional dust settle with no contact for a while, whether that is many months to many years. Chances are though it won't work. So that's why its important to go NC to stop the confusion and get happy again.

I'm really good at getting back together with exes.

The only thing I can say to help is you need to be honest. It usually also involves a few admissions:

1) I made a mistake

2) I miss you

3) I can't see me without you

4) You are my best friend

Those kinds of things. But you have to be ready to face rejection if the other person doesn't want to get back together. And if the other person says "i'm not sure", then you have to be patient. I'm not sure isn't a no, it is an invitation to try harder.

One thing that absolutely does not work is waiting around for the other person to come back to you. That is passive behaviour, not active behaviour.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

do i really need to keep justifying my position? i think its rare. you dont. we agree we dont agree. most people i know dont get back together with the ex. to me that means few people do. and fewer make it work.

never said doesnt or impossible.

know what, i give up on this one. you win. choose the word i should use and post my opinion for me. will save me the time and not distract from the original post.

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I don't know why you felt you needed to justify your position in the first place. It's all a matter of opinion. It's your position and it's fine :p I'm not entirely sure why you seem to have reacted personally it to my position being different than yours.

Has he done this before? Some guys just disappear for awhile when they undergo stress. I think it's kind of weird that he didn't give you an explanation after seven years. Have you tried contacting him?

How old are you? I need a lot more background here. Sorry for your loss.

He may have been thinking about breaking up with you for a while. So he was probably acting rite before breakup.

My ex told me his life wasn't worth living if I wasn't in it 3 weeks bfore he left me, now in all fairness to ex I noticed he was unhappy even asked him about itn he said if he didn't want to be there he wouldn't told me the love you bit then up and off. I thought it was just a touch of depression and sometimes still do but now he has someone else so I guess the depression lifted lol. There probably will be e a rason all I get is I was unhappy but never a why and that makes it hard to move on what did I do? How do I not make the same mistake again if I don't know what I did wrong in the firat place? All of these questions and more will be e foating through your head right now and it takes a bit of getting used to. I still talk to my ex and he says nothing bad ever happened between us he still cares agreat deal for my but he can't allow himself to be affectionate to me any more. I guess I may never know the real reason he left in fact I sometimes wonder if he even knows. If he isn't going to give you an honest answer then there's not much you can do I'm afraid but if you badger him for the truth you nedd tob eprepared for it to hurt. I hope you get it sorted please don't make hin mistake I made of constant contact it really does hold you back

Friends will tell you forget him move on but avoid a rebound relationship as you will only end up hurting the person you rebound with as you have just been hurt trust me that's what happened with me I reckon we rushed in too soon after he split with ex now he has done it again with new girl and I still care enough to hope that he doesn't get hurt and I hope she doesn't either because although I don't know her it is unfair for her to get caught up in our emotional mess so I realyy hope it works for them and for you take care gal

We're going to need a wee bit more info so we cna help ya out.

Since my recent breakup I've been visiting some of those DON'T BREAKUP and GET BACK WITH YOUR EX websites, they say if I buy their E-books that they can guarntee me methods on how to win back my ex and keep them for good. They give you little bits of imformation about what's in the book like ( make absolutely no contact with your ex and that will make them come running back to you) but you have to buy the book to get more detailed imformation... My question is has anyone here or anyone that you know bought any of these books and if so did it work?

Hi
I have brought some of these books and to be honest the advise you get you can get for free on a lot of websites if you type "Breakup" etc. into Google. I have soft copies I would be happy to email to you if you like.

Your local public library is a treasure house of (free) books like this.

You don't need the book. Just do whatthey said. Don't contact till they contact you and if they don't well you have your answerr

Basically what these books are saying is that at the end of the relationship it is natural for both parties to still be emotional connected attached to the other. The dumper ends the relationship because there is something, not everything wrong in the relationship and they will generally feel a sense of frendship to the Dumpee.

The Dumbee on the other had feels a sense of loss and rejection and if left unchecked and they act on their emotions they will try anyting to get the Dumper back. This attention to the Dumper is there fore greater than the normal attention given and is overwhelamling negative. The Dumpee acting on stronger than normal feelings does not see this.

The Dumper gets a barrage on constant contact that is negative and reinforces the negative aspect which made them want to leave, therefore pushing the Dumper further away.

The books like the helpful people on here basically advocate no contact.

First and Main reason is that the Dumpee can emotionaly step back from the relationship and stop the feeling overwhelming them, and thus making a fool of themselves. Ie, they can emotionaly heal and realise that life is not over.

Now the no contact affect on the Dumper is that once removed from the relationship, and given time, alone without the emotional benefits of a positive relationship, they MAY begin to miss the positive aspects of the previous relationship and the person who provided them. It is by this no contact that these books say you can win back an ex !

Obviosly there is a little more to it than that, but that is the gist of it... Now my hand hurts!. lol.

No one can guarantee that. You cannot make someone want to get back into a relationship. The best thing you can do is instate no contact and get along with your life. If they want to comeback they will but you cannot make them

There is no such thing as a guarantee on changing how someone feels....

I have wasted my money on these e-books. I have several if you want a copy of relevant information. The information is mainly all good. Basically there is no 'one' way to get your ex back. All the info from these books you can get online and in this very forum and others like it. Just look through all the threads. In fact to outline them all in one short sentance:

"Go no contact and improve you!"

Why be exes in the first place? There's a reason you are exes, and doubtfully a "no contact" rule isn't going to change that in order to win him or her back.

Any stupid tricks and ploys to win someone back is an attempt to tamper with their free will. Think how you would feel if someone did that to you - can you honestly say you would respect them?

More often than not, people assume they want their exes back because they THINK they love that person, when the truth is, they simply cannot bear being "dumped". If the other person does not love you, find someone who will and quit wasting your time.

Breakups are often painful and can make someone act totally out of character. Let some time pass and decide then if getting back together is what you REALLY want, and if so, remember the feeling has to be mutual.

Save your money and read and get free advice that works. Most people after a break up really don't want their exes back because as they heal and get healthy, they want someone better, and are ready for it.

I haven't bought any of them but to me it just sounds like a big money-making gimmick. The truth is, there is no magic formula to make an ex come back to you. You cannot command another person's love. There are things you can do to up the odds in your favor but there are no guarantees. But you can find all that information on this forum ; you don't have to buy some online book. In the long run, what you really want to do is learn how to attract the kind of people who won't leave in the first place. You can find a lot of pointers to that effect on this forum as well. To that end, investing in an inexpensive paperback on relationships may not be a bad idea. However, I wouldn't trust any online advertisement promising big, miraculous results. Try browsing bookstores in person or online. That's a safer bet to finding something that will actually be useful to you without getting yourself sold down the river.

I've asked a couple of questions on this site but have'nt giving too much details about my situation. Okay here goes my boyfriend an I were together for 7 years (living together for 7 years) Our relationship was wonderful. We had just about everything in common. We did everything together. He also had friends and was able to go hang out with them whenever he wanted. Neither of us were jealous or possessive. We were committed to each other in everyway. We had a closeness that's rare, We would get up on Sunday mournings and have coffee and talk for hours then maybe go fishing or whatever together. We never fought and basically just loved being together. I swear I'm not exaggerating that we had a PERFECT relationship. The only one thing that was not ordinary is our ages. I am 19 years older than he is. Now before you all freak out about that I'm telling you that was'nt a problem. He was totally attracted to me, even until the day he left. In fact he was the agresser in our relationship. He was the one that usually got things going sexually. Then bam 2 weeks ago today he left me. His reasons were he didn't love me anymore and that the passion was gone. But I don't buy that response. I know him better then anyone and He still loves me. Just the day before he left on Sunday we had a wonderful day we went fishing and spent the day having fun then that night he made us dinner after we ate we went to bed and made love. It was great. The next day we were kind of arguing because we were both trying to quit smoking and were using those nicotine patches so we were a little on edge. I asked him during our argument if he still loved me and he paused. He said he didn't think so. I was crushed and said if he didn't want to be here anymore he should just go. ( SO HE DID ) The crazy thing is he was sweet and loving and affectionate right up until that day. The next day I begged him to come back and he said NO. I called a couple days later and asked him to come over and explain to me what happened so I could have some closure. He refused... he said it would be to hard to come see me. Since that day I haven't contacted him at all and its been 2 weeks since he left. My son sees him everyday at work ( they work together ) and says that he seems quiet and sad and that he asks my son how I'm doing but he has'nt tried to contact me or anything so I'm confused about how a guy can love you so deeply for 7 yrs and then just quit and move out. IS HE REALLY OVER ME??