Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend Thinks I'm Playing Mind Games Blew $170,000 on her

Girlfriend Thinks I'm Playing Mind Games Blew $170,000 on her

Hey everyone,

I have this situation. I just broke up with my girfriend of almost 3 years (this september) and she thinks that I am playing mind games that every time I am around her I get text messages or a phone call in the middle of the night as we still hang out with each other. She thinks that I am doing this to cause "suspicion" which is totally crazy because when we were together these things happened although not as much.

So now Monday was the last day I spoke with her as I am trying to start no contact. So she finally called this morning and said I was playing games by not contacting her because she felt that I thought it was to get her to call me. I actually was trying to get past her.

We had been living together and after my father died I blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship and when the money runs dry we started having all kind of problems. She would show put her bills on the fridge sometime for me to see, and always would say I was selfish. What really put the icing on the cake was this one phone number kept calling in the middle of the night and she wouild lie and say it's the wrong number. Howvever after I checked the phone while she was in the shower, it was a boy's number saved under a girls name, as that person had sent him a text SAYING her name.

So finally after 4 weeks of pressing this issue, she wouldn't tell me who it was, where she met this person, how they met, she would just say "I dont have to tell you that. You dont know all my friends" but I think that was bull. What caused the suspicion is that she had a line on my phone and I could see all the numbers dialed on the phone bill. This ONE number was brand new and the calls were lik 50mins long during the day. Had no consideration for the phone bill and now its at $1,500. Her excuse for not helping with the bill was that I never showed her the bill. I paid all the rent. As she said she was struggling which was $965 a month. So after all they questioning about this number she decides to hop up, AND GET HER OWN PLACE without telling me until AFTER she signed the lease on the same day. She said I was being emotionally abusive by not trusting her which is a QUACK. Its funny now she can afford $650 a month on her own, but coulnt afford $300 a month which was all I was having her pay. She is now struggling (go figure) and is mad at me because I won't help out. But we still have sex and hold hands etc until last week when my phone started ringing a lot and I was texting to my friends which caused her to think I was playing mind games. THIS is why I stopped talking to her as of Monday, ALTHOUGH WE HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP SINCE JUNE 5, 2007. It really didn't seem like it. I am REALLY trying to get over this. I keep tosing and turning thinking about if she is having sex with someone at the moment or what she is doing and it is KILLING ME. I want to contact her and I get a STRONG URGE even today but I want her to realize the mistake she made.

If you guys could help with advice, please assist... thanks guys and girls

It sounds like there were two things going on here - You probably wanted to "buy her love" while you had the money, and she let let you by using your money to prop up her lifestyle.

She's playing games with you, probably because of her guilt over using you for your money.

You ARE playing games - A game of "who has the power" in this relationship. Even though you feel you should have power - given the enormous amount of money you spent, your behaviour has given the power... You won't get it back by playing games, so be clear with her and cut all contact.

How do you run dry with $170,000.00... What love does to you!

Quote:

I blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship

Ain't that much love in the world, to make a guy blow his money, and she moves out, and YOU still see the chick?? This isn't love, and tell her ADIOS.

Well I didn't tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I don't get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, that's why I let her contact me. What do you think

You could have bought a house free and clear with that kind of inheritance.

I would stop all contact. She is using you for money and you are using money for her.

Do you guys think its playing a gam when you don't call her, but let her call you. Now if I don't call her, I'm starting to think maybe she will think I don't care about her

I think you've learned some hard lessons here. You should have done no contact from the get-go. Do it now and don't let her manipulate you. Change your number if you have to. Don't respond to any of her e-mails, texts or IMs. Use your software filters to block her screen names. The longer you wait to do this, the harder it's going to be.

She should make the money on her own! It's a shame she is so depend on you! Money can't buy love, she needs to grow up and be a reasonable woman! I am sorry for that, but I think you need to tell her that she needs to better herself, she really needs to do it NOW!

She's spoilt. You may have spoilt her, or she may have been spoilt already, but you certainly didn't help. Tell her not to contact you, tell her you won't contact her. Get her out of your life and move on.

It's over now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

Do you guys think its playing a gam when you dont call her, but let her call you. Now if i dont call her, im starting to think maybe she will think I don't care about her

Yes - It's a power game. You're trying to assert your "control" by making her come to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

well i didnt tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I dont get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, thats why i let her contact me. what do you think

Why would you want her back after all the games, she won't be back until you SHOW THE MONEY!! Please move on a find one who you can afford.

Thank you all for your input. I did something stupid yesteday. As I mentioned I don't call unless she calls me, so yesterday I didn't call all day, and she finally calls at like 10pm and said "What is this. Do I have to call you for you to call me? were you going to call." (keep in mind she broke up with ME).

So then she asked if I could come over to chill. I felt bad when I went over because she has no food, was VERY hungry, refridge was empty. And then she was real down saying she needs some help as the rent is killing her. I know she doesn't have the moiney for it. I feel bad, and I don't know WHY this is. Other people would have said OH WELL... But I think I had been playing the role of "rescuer" which I just looked up and didn't know I was doing that. Man was that right on point about me . I didn't realize I was doing this. It is SO hard for me to say NO

Wipe that sign off your forehead, before you go broke. (shaking head back and forth slowly)

If I had more money than you would she be with me?

LOL I see what you are saying. Maybe I just am so use to being around that person. I didn't have a life outsude this relationship which is why most of my friends were upset and left me. We were always around each other 24/7. Now I have to remember how fun my life was before I met her. That's the hard part, trying to get your life back and remember who you were before

You can do it, we all have been through it. Next time make your mate a part of your life - not your whole life. I bet your friends will happy to see you again. :)

So now my exgirlfriend is mad stating that I never call her no more and she always has to call me to invite me over. She wants me to sleep there every night now. Just at night. I think she is going to use that and I say I don't support her by helping her out with the apartment as she is broke. She even said last weekend. AFTER SHE BROKE MY PHONE IN HALF WHEN ANOTHER GIRL CALLED MY PHONE, THAT I CAN GO OOUT AND BY ANOTHER PHONE THAT QUICK (UM U BROKE IT A#@!), BUT I can't HELP HER WHEN SHE'S STRUGGLING

Its her problem not yours so why are you still even talking to her? Stop taking her calls and eventually she has to leave you alone.

1st Of all you blew your dads inheritance on your girlfriend, that's kind of deep man. She puts her bills on the fridge for you, but you can't ask any questions WOW, if it's a game you need to try a new strategy because your down playa. You live and learn though I bet another woman would never be able to pull that stunt. Damn

My ex was Hi maintence and now that my head is clear I'm remebering a lot of things she said. One was when we get married she's getting my whole check and I get a allowance. And I should be buying her and her son everything. I look back and say what was I thinking. Don't talk to her anymore she is using you like my ex was using me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

well i didnt tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I dont get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, thats why i let her contact me. what do you think

No contact means NO CONTACT. It doesn't mean you don't call her BUT answer her calls. It means no contact. If she calls you don't answer.

This person used you as a bank and you happily obliged. You learned a hefty lesson here that anyone that is willing to have their love bought isn't worth your time.

You will not move on if you do not cut off all contact with her. You don't owe her any explanation.

I am actually very surprised by how you guys(MEN) would put up with those ladies!
I mean, I am a female, I think what your girlfriend or ex girlfriend are exact controlling jerks.
Ppl always use jerks on men, but at this point, I am using it to your gfs, sorry.
But I can't really stand on those ladies, can't they just work hard to make their own money?
U guys don't owe them anything do you?
Leave those women as fast as you can, I am glad SAB123 u have done that, and you DougE it's your turn!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

..But I think i had been playing the role of "rescuer" which i just looked up and didnt know I was doing that. Man was that right on point about me . I didnt realize i was doing this. It is SO hard for me to say NO

NO you are playing the role of DOORMAT. Come on wise up. You opened your wallet wide the whole relationship. You bankrolled her all that time and now she's expecting you to continue to financially support her while she's dating other (probably poorer) guys.

Thank all you guys for your comments. Its been rough... now I think about what she's doing, who she's doing it with, etc... Its like I can't sleep and I try to work out at the gym, and afterwards I'm back to square one. WHY can't I let this go... I DID have a few drinks Friday and went totally off on her. She didn't talk to me the entire weekend because of that. I did feel bad as I said some things I shouldn't have

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

thank all you guys for your comments. Its been rough....now i think about what shes doing, who shes doing it with, etc....Its like i can't sleep and i try to work out at the gym, and afterwards im back to square one. WHY can't i let this go....I DID have a few drinks friday and went totally off on her. She didnt talk to me the entire weekend because of that. I did feel bad as i said some things i shouldnt have

WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO HER?? THAT IS WHY YOU CANNOT MOVE ON

Seriously, do you really want to move on or do you just want to be her doormat? Come on! Get her out of her life THEN you will be able to get better.

Geez! Is it just me?

Yeah true... its just so hard to cut contact when she calls I answer the phone even though I know what's going on. Love is VERY blind in my case. Anyone got any ideas on how you can avoid worrying about what they are doing or who they are having sex with... I tried the gym and everything, and yet still, I can't sleep I continue to worry which is Why I keep answering the calls

So essentially you don't think she did anything bad by sucking all the money out of you?

Oh of course I do... but that doesn't solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. She is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE...

Here is my view on women: pretty women are all around, it's the ones that have the personality that meshes with mine that I consider attractive.
Here's an example: sometimes I'll be in a pub and a friend will introduce a pretty girl friend od his to me, she seems attractive until she opens her mouth and swears like a trucker or treats the waitress like crap.

Get over her pretty exterior, she's toxic inside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

oh of course I do.....but that doesnt solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. she is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE.....

That's apparently her only good quality. She is only keeping in contact with you because you are her bank.

Yes she is probably having sex with everyone and no she won't ever have sex with again unless there is a check at the end of it.

What else does this girl have to do to get you to see she is a horrible person. Man, I'm starting to think this is a joke. No one can be this stupid can they?

As far as my ex with someone else, as hard as it is you just can't think about it. I do and sometimes I get upset. Once you go NC and let go I can say it does get better. A lot better.
Butt that's up to you to do that.

One question, Think about this, I bet you once the money is gone she's gone. Or if you can't support her?

Hey Doug, here's an idea, why don't you come over to my house, and lay down so I can walk all over you?

Yeah, it's harsh, but DUDE!!

Really!!

You have to stop playing the role of the rescuer. She can do well for herself, but you aren't letting her, she doesn't HAVE to because she knows you'll fix it all. She must have some really big issues.

NO CONTACT, as you have been told. This means as far as you are concerned she fell off the face of the earth, doesn't exist anymore in any way, shape, form or fashion.

Stop letting her drag you down!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

oh of course I do.....but that doesnt solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. she is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE.....

You are one shallow guy, I start to think about if I should be mad at your ex girlfriend or YOU instead, and I am with J_9!! ( Point above)

Thanks a lot for the posts. I am going to go strictly NO CONTACT... as she is textming me as I type I'm just not going to respond

Stay strong dude, stop being her sugardaddy.

If you really want to throw money away, I am a starving nursing student. LOL, just kidding.

It's not going to be easy, I won't kid you, but you have to delete her numbers from your phone, delete her from whatever IM program you use. The whole 9 yards. Get her out of your life. She's sucking you dry and she's loving it.

You see, she is like a callgirl. She calls you when she wants something, whether it be sex or money, and usually ends up with both.

Stop wasting your time and money with this person.

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Originally Posted by DougE

we still hang out with each other.

Dumb mistake number one. You know you need to not be friends to get away from this noise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

Hey everyone,
We had been living together and after my father died i blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship and when the money runs dry we started having all kind of problems.

Problems coping with an inheritance after a parents death isn't uncommon. But don't blame her for the cash you blew. Like it or not, even if you were not perfectly stable mentally, you were just as much a part of the problem. You were not disciplined financially. You did not make clear your expectations financially... meaning if she pulled the kind of crap you said she did, that you should have thought twice about whether it was worth it. It wasn't, was it?

Again... hard to cope after your dads death. I get it. Even blowing some of the money, I get it. But you really can't blame her too much. You were as much to blame, so you need to let that go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

She is now struggling (go figure) and is mad at me because i wont help out. But we still have sex and hold hands etc

....ALTHOUGH WE HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP SINCE JUNE 5, 2007.

....I want her to realize the mistake she made.

Uh. Hmmm. no you have not been broken up since June 5th. You've been shacking, screwing, fighting, and otherwise hanging out.

Uh... you want her to realize her mistake? Nope. Sorry buddy. That's not part of the plan.

When you break it off it isn't with the condition that the other person ever, in any way, feels sorry for what they have done to you.

If they were sorry in the first place, you probably wouldn't be broken up.

So you need to suck it up here. I've been there. We all like to think our ex's are suffering a little, missing us, sorry for all the bad things. Well... doesn't work like that.

Your wanting that is normal, but as long as you hold onto "is she sorry", well, you still aren't broken up completely.

So who cares if she's sorry or not. Unless you are interested in furthering a failed relationship with a person whom you can't trust emotionally or financially...

I know... three years is a long time to spend just to realize you were with the wrong person. At least it took you less time than me. I was with a girl (not married) almost 7 years. The minute I finally walked away, after all the noise and crap, I was in a better place. Yeah, it sucked for a year or so... but man, don't go back there again.

She's bad for you and unless you expect better for yourself and OF yourself, you are going to get it.

WOW kp2171, that last text was deep. Thanks for that. You really nailed it LOL

She just texted me asking me if I wanted to come get the $50 she gave me. Never once did she mention her apartment coming to get it. She just said "I can bring it to whever you are, or you can come get it from my job"... so my final text to HER was "I am not going to be available when I get off work today, can you just put it in my bank account. I would really appreciate that. Thanks, ttyl.

OMG, she has your account number too?

Dude, that was not NO CONTACT, you still contacted her, whether she did it first or not, that is not the point NO CONTACT means she has fallen off the face of the earth.

And, close that account and get a new one.