My name is Joe. I am 25 years old. Her name is Carolina, and she is 26. We have been together for 2 years. Throughout our relationship her and I were seriously talking about marriage. This is something she wants before she is 30. Her family wants this for her very much as well.

About 1 month ago, she tells me that she wants space because she is confused. She feels I am too controlling. I am because I would call her way too much and show up at places when I could not reach her. This made her feel like she was not trusted.

About 2 weeks ago we spoke on the phone and she told me she loves me, misses me, and has been crying. She also asked if I was talking to other girls. She said that she wants to work on the relationship, but wants me to work on my trust issues first. As far as my trust issues, I have been talking with a therapist since this break happened 1 month ago. She also says that she wants to be friends to reestablish the trust between us.

This passed Monday, I started receiving text messages from her asking how I was and what's been going on. SHe also began telling me what she has been up to. We agreed to meet the following day for coffee. Once we met, it was a little awkward at first, but the night went well. I kept a very positive and confident image. I did not bring up anything over how much I love her, or miss her, or when we can get back to the relationship. She began to tell me about all the fun things she has been doing to keep busy. SHe also told me about a bunch of new people she has been meeting. She also said she is starting to incorporate religion into her life because there are positive changes she wants to make in her life as well. She began telling me that her father keeps asking about me. I know he likes me, and she is close to him. She also asked me how my therapy was going and if I feel I had made any progress. I replied that "I am doing my thing, and you are doing your thing, and once the time is right we can take it to the next step".

I initiated ending the night early and walked her to her car. When we began to part ways I told her maybe we can do this next week. She did not disagree and was smiling.

Throughout this time, I have not called or initiated any contact. I have been lettinh her be the one to make the first move in regards to contacting. Now, how do I get her back? Should I be worried that she will not want this relationship anymore? I have been working on bettering myself in this process. I also go to the gym regularly.

Sounds like you guys are on the right track but still a little early to get back together.Shes obvisily still interested in making it work but maybe she's just trying to protect herself from getting hurt.It also seems that your doing well and that you guys will most probably get back together once you have finished with the conseling.if you plan too see her like you did again keep up the act of not letting anythign heavy come up in the convosation.

I think your on the right path and should be patient as you work on your issues, and she works on hers.

My problem is that I always focus on the negative. I am afraid that she might be stringing me along, or she might have a change of heart throughout this process even though I am doing everything I need to be doing. What is the best way I can continue to approach this and cope with it?

Keep up with what your doing.if she loves you she will be back.theres not a lot you can do I'm afraid.chances are she will be back so just keep up hope.have you consided meeting new people,not just girls but guys just for general fun?distractions might help you out.if anything though just focus on your goal and keep at it.It will all be fine in the end.

I thought about meeting new people. I amnot too crazy on the idea of meeting girls though. I am not the type of guy that likes to date to keep my mind off my relationship vacation. However, I would love to make new guy friends that would be fun to hang around to help me along with this process. Most of my friends now do not even talk to girls. So their relationship advice sucks, lol!!

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Originally Posted by Joe2982

I thought about meeting new people. I amnot too crazy on the idea of meeting girls though. I am not the type of guy that likes to date to keep my mind off of my relationship vacation. However, I would love to make new guy friends that would be fun to hang around to help me along with this process. Most of my friends now do not even talk to girls. So their relationship advice sucks, lol!!!

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You don't have to date just have fun with your life. It helps with keeping yourself balanced and healthy. There are other things to do besides bother your friends about your relationship, that's what we are here for.:D

LOL... I appreciate the help guys. Its just that I actually saw my future developing with this girl. I have had relationships and break ups before... but this girl and relationship is really different. This has knocked me into left field. I just hope everyhting works out between her and I. As for me, I have identified my problems, and I am now taking the steps to address them. I just hope in the end of my process she is there and wants to work on us.

Last night my brother went onto her myspace page. There he tells me that there are still pictures of me on her myspace page. This morning he chose to look again for reasons I do not know, and then he tells me that she took many of my picstures down. Is this her having a change of heart? Is she trying to send me a message? Or is she just doing this as part of the game so I see it? I made a promise to myself not to look at that for my own well being. Please help!!

If your brother had not told you then you wouldn't know what she has done on myspace. She wanted a break so let her have it. Work on yourself. Yes she thinks your checking her site and wants you to worry. Get healthy with your life, and let her call. Any decision she makes must come from her, and not you pressuring her. Tell your brother he doesn't need to snoop for you. This time is about you stepping back putting your life in balance and seeing things clearly. Stay busy and make sure you have a life that you enjoy without her and have a balanced life to make you happy so you can share that happiness and not smother someone and depend on them to make you happy. You have issues that you must work to change that drove her away so now you work to correct them. In a day or two TEXT a Hello how have you been? to her, and then stay on the path.

I am in the same spot as you are man... so I guess I can say I feel your pain! Check out my string of posts... but it seems like you are on the right path with this girl and I hope that soon I will be on the same path as you are with my girl. Keep your head up I know it's hard I am struggling as well but there is always something to learn from every situation and there is always a positive that comes along. We may not see the positive now but it we will see it sometime! Keep strong... best of luck!

Are these breaks good for the relationship? I have been trying to stay focused the last few days. I am definitely giving her the space she needs. I am not been calling her or text messaging her. Any contact we have had has been made by her these last few weeks. Is this turning into a break up??

I sure hope these breaks are good for the relationship... one thing I have learned from mine is that you have to trust in the relationship that you had before this. My relationship was great minus the last 6 months but she tells me she still loves me and wants to love me in the way she used to so I am holding on to that and making her miss me by not contacting her just like you. I think its good that she is contacting you when my girl contacted me yesterday it made me feel good I felt like hey it must me she is thinking about me... and that is what we want! The more they think about us and miss not having us around the better chance we might have to get our loves back. Keep in mind I am just telling you how I feel there is much better advice out there but this is just from a guy going through the same stage you are.

I am so upset over this whole thing. I do not know how to face this. The thought of losing her is really getting to me. This not knowing of what is going to be is intolerable for me. One plus is that I am not calling her.

Can someone please help me in dealing with this. I feel as if I am losing control of the situation and myself. Please help!!

Get busy Joe, every time she pops up in your head is a signal to focus on something else. Its all about learning to be happy by yourself, and enjoying your life. We have all made the mistake of being dependent on a relationship to make us happy and now its time to learn to make ourselveshappy and break the cycle of dependence and be happy, healthy, well adjusted males. Easier said than done but its doable.

That's good advice. As far as the relationship goes... should I give hup hope and view it as the end, or still think of it as a big possibility it will work out?

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She also asked me how my therapy was going and if I feel I had made any progress.

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Nothing concrete, just a hunch. Time will tell.

What is your hunch on that comment?

Well... it has been 10 days since I last saw her. There has been no new developments so far. In fact, I have not even heard from her. I am not sure if she is deciding to move on, or if she is just taking her space. I have increased my time at the gym as well as spending time with my friends. As for this situation, all I have to go on is what she has told me in the last few weeks. The only thing I am afraid of is with all these new religious people she is meeting, she is moving on. Why would someone take all this time on a break, and just end the relationship in the end of all this?

You're doing the right thing so far. Keep it up and keep working on your trust issues. You don't want to be calling or contacting her constantly and she's not going to do it either ; that's what led to your initial breakup. Keep living your life and working on your trust issues. Check in with her occasionally and keep it brief when you do, with no mention of a relationship. She seems to care for you but is uncertain because of your trust issues. Working on that is a good thing. But she also has to realize that it's a two-way street. She broke with you and if she eventually wants to get back with you then she's got to keep her foot in the door too, so to speak. Otherwise you have every right to go on with your life and to meet and date others. Actually, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do just that.

At this point it is hard for me to see myself without her. Just that when we saw each other for the first time in a month last week, it was weird at first. I just do not know what more to do. I feel that if I contact her at all without her making the initial contact, I am showing that she has all the power and I am needy, or I cannot live without her. I have been in therapy over a month now, when is it time to address the relationship issues? SHe told me she is going away with family to miami and honduras. I figured this break would just run to the end of the summer, but I am having my doubts. I love her very much... but I do not know how she really feels. She tells me she wants to work on the relationship, but that was a month ago. No talk of the relationship hase come up since. Is there anything else I can do?

I am at the point where I feel as if she doesn't care anymore since I have not heard from her. From when her and I last spoke it sounded like she was taking all the steps to move on with her life. She said she was making new friends, and doing new things. It hurts that I am not included in this at all. I do not know if she is just trying to keep me on the back burner, or if she sincerely cares for me and wants to work on us.

You both must get a life that does not revolve around each other to balance your lives. It is dangerous and unhealthy to build a life around someone else. If you let your fears and insecurities rule your decision making, your asking for long term trouble. As it is your mind is assuming the worse, so that tells me you have issues that must be addressed and resolved. Focus on identifying and overcoming these fears and insecurities, and let her do the same for now. Before you can work on a relationship you must first work on yourself.

If she really cared about you she wouldn't have done this to you in the firat place!! That's prety simple you cantse that cause you are blinded by the heartache an thefear of losing her.. At this point in time she does not see you as the one who she wants tospend her life with ican tell you that right now... If you were she would be withyou.

A lot of people complicate there relationships but it you think with a clear ind if she really wantedto be with youwould she need to have a break. No she would not need a break.\

Although this is not saying that a break will make her realise you sre the one and this will be done by her missingyou an wanting you in her life... While you are in the relationship it is very importantto kepher missing you nstay a challenge this keepsher believing you are the one and she will be lost without you in her lfe crating a fear of losing youwhich triggers her emotions to say she could not be without you which she defines as she loves you.

People have funny ideas about love and say stuff lke I just know I love him. This is not true love is created it is not just in your hed , it is made and created from making someone feel likethey need you and mis youwhen you are not around and as time goes on in therelationship they cannot imaginebeing without you and also wheneve theyneed approval or something theyonly require it from you...

Don't get fooled here your relationship is pretty simple and no matter what garbage she feeds you at this stage there is only one thing to do and that is ABOSLUTELY Nothing!!

Do not try andwin her back do not beg her back do not need to do anything ,you must buikd thetension and recreate the feelings and these will come with her missing you from her life and believing she wants you in her life. When an if she does call don't be an idiot and answer, don't answer this will create more tenision she will want to talk to you enven more...

You know what... I think your right. If she really cared about and loved me, then she would not have done this. It is not fair that I have to sit and wait for her to decide when she wants to get back. I have had it with this whole situation. My therapist even suggested that she may not really care for me if she was doing this. If she really wanted to work on the relationship, her and I would still be together working on this stuff together. It hurts that it took me 2 years of my life to relaize that she does not really care for me. I think it is time that I pick up the pieces and move on with my life. I know there are other people out there that will love me and treat me with a lot more respect than what I have been shown this last month. At this point in my life I am very angry and upset with her and this whole situation. What's weird is that 1 week before all of this we had our 2 year anniversary and she was so excited and wished for many more. Just after 1 week she decided that she wanted space. Its time I move on with my life.

Patience. Don't get insecure and/or show her you are... that's the reason things went bad in the first place. It's only been a couple of days, and from what it sounds she is still interested in the possibility of fixing things. That is a good sign. Don't mess it up. Wait a few more days. Show her you are strong and give her time to come back to you on her own. In a week or two if you still haven't heard from her, like Tal said, send her a "how are you doing?" text, something like that, see how she reacts to it and take it from there.

I'm going through something similar, but with less hope. So I know how you feel. But hang in there.

It is almost 2 weeks since I heard anything from her. I do not know what she wants anymore. I feel if I come out an contact her, it looks like a breakdown on my part. I feel that any contact between us has to come from her. I do not want to force her into having contact with me.

After 2 years, 2 weeks isn't that long. You're right that if you contact her "it looks like a breakdown on my part. I feel that any contact between us has to come from her." Unfortunetly that's the only way to go for now. You think she's never going to call or contact you again? Of course she is. It's just a matter of time. Wait one more week and see what happens, then reconsider your options and see what you want and feel like doing.

I felt that she had a few things planned this summer like a vacation, with her family and other things that I would have had a problem with in the past. I thought that she wanted this summer to be free to do those things without the pressure of a boyfriend. Once the summer is over, I thought I might see her trying to bring the relationship back up and work on it then.

Yeah, I used to be like that too with my ex. And now she has all these plans this summer too and is enjoying things independently because we're apart she doesn't feel the pressure/guilt/stress anymore that I probably used to make her feel before.

She probably felt smothered before. This time apart could be a good thing but you have to keep in mind that there are no guarantees, either way, the way I see it, you really don't have a choice here. So yeah, take it one step at a time. I've been no contact for two weeks too now (after a 4 year relationship which looks like it has no hope), so I know how you feel. One week at a time. If nothing changes and you feel the urge to contact her next week, ask some people on this site and get some opinions/advice/encouragement - that's worked for me so far. You've been strong and made it to two weeks. That's a good sign. Hang in their and keep taking care of yourself.

I understand that there are no guarantees... but I just do not know what to expect anymore. I do feel that the best thing I can do is just move on with my life. Whatever will happen I will leave to fate I guess. I just did not think things would come to this extreme.

Ok... I agree that you should not have any expectations. That sets you up for failure. But I don't agree about moving on. If you love her then fight for her. But you have to fight for yourself first. Get to a place where you are happy again... with just being you.


Many people just don't get that statement. When you are happy you are confident... attractive... strong. Isn't that what she was attracted to in the first place?

This is very true... but I feel as if I am not going to have that chance to show her again. I definitely am taking the steps to be happy with myself again. I am back in the gym, spending time with all my friends, and going away in August. However, I feel if I do anything, I will push her further away. When does the relationship get worked on?

Sdjosh, but how do you fight for her while giving her her space? It's contraditory isn't it? I think that's the answer everyone is looking for.

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Originally Posted by Joe2982

This is very true...but I feel as if I am not going to have that chance to show her again. I definitly am taking the steps to be happy with myself again. I am back in the gym, spending time with all my friends, and going away in August. However, I feel if I do anything, I will push her further away. When does the relationship get worked on?

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Its not something either of you can work out. It just kind of works its self out. All you can do at this point is what you are doing. You are on the right track. Being happy again.

Give it time. My strategy was when she called... bring up nothing about the relationship... problems... hurt... pain. Talk about the now. What I'm doing. Be fun... cheerful. You don't want to relive those bad experiences. You want to get past them. Grow from them.

That's what I am asking as well.

Will I ever hear from this girl again?

Haha... I guess that was contradictory. But I didn't give up. I new that I had to fix myself. Be on my own because in the 7 years we had lived together I had gotten into a rut. I had lost who I was and molded my life around her. She had done the same. Even though I didn't understand her leaving at the time, I look back and see it as the best thing for the both of us. We both needed a chance to figure out being just us again.

And if you don't, is there ever an appropriate time when you should contact them again?