Ask Me Help Desk - Am I being selfish?

Am I being selfish?

So here it goes.. I had posted on here awhile back about my boyfriend and how he wasn't being nice to me... Thanks to Jeremy... after we had the "talk" things are great now... He is being extremely good to me... But now there is this one thing... I think I'm being to selfish... Im not sure... Ok I see my boyfriend EVERY SINGLE DAY... I don't have friends so I expect him to spend every waking second of the day with me and if he can't I get really upset to the point where I want to break things... I know its not healthy and I try and have been doing a good job controlling my anger... It all started today... We have our own apts... I live by myself and he lives by himself... This morning he came to pick me up around one to go to the zoo... we went to the zoo then we went out to eat and he brought me home around six... I didn't mind him briging me home but I wanted him to stay with me... He couldn't stay with me because he had stuff to do(had to pick up his cousin but seeings how he only has a two seater I couldn't go)... I threw a fit... I wouldn't let him leave then after 20 minutes of begging I finally let him go... When I got in the house I just started to text him telling him to come back and stay with me... He told me I was being selfish and Im like a second job... He says he goes to work and when he gets out of work he has to go to his second job(which would be me)... I know I get on his nerves and I try not to... But I'm so use to being with him all the time and I don't ever want him to not be with me... He tells me he sees me more than his mother and little sister... which is very true... I don't know what to do if Im being selfish... I need some advice... PLEASE HELP

He does need to have some measure of freedom in his life. If there's stuff he needs to do, responsibilities etc, you got to let him do them. Don't worry, he will be back.

Its just so hard because I just sit around doing nothing... being bored... waiting for him... I also get jealous when he is hanging out with his cousins... I feel like he could be spending time with me not them... I guess I'm spoiled... I like to have my way and if I can't I get mad..

Get a hobby, hang out with some friends, don't do nothing in your spare time.
Its very sweet that he seems to be your whole world though.

Yea its sweet but it sucks... im 21 and its hard to find friends... thats why I keep to myself... I don't trust anyone... ive been hurt twice by what was suppose to be my best friend... so now its just me... I feel like I only have him...

I know its hard to trust. I have a problem trusting my friends motives for being my friend, I can never trust whether they want my friendship, or whether they are just being nice to me.
Be yourself, relax. Be confident. Its true that you shouldn't trust anyonre, except god. What you should do, is trust people, through god, and if they break your trust, let god worry about it, and move on.

Give the man some space and learn to be without him for a while. You can't expect his entire world to revolve around you, it's unreasonable.

Eventually he's going to tire of this and dump you; then you won't have him at all.

I work full time and when I'm not working I'm spending time with my boyfriend... then he gets these days where he has things he needs to do and can't drag me along... I feel like since I moved out of my mothers house she like really doesn't talk to me unless she reallly has too... when I lived with her we would always bump heads... and now that I don't live with her things have been a lot better on my part... kinda... but seeings how I have no one else I depend on him... but there's times where he can't do what I want him to do because he has something else to do or just isn't able to do it... thats when I get upset... my world revolves around him... and sometimes I feel like he should feel the same way about me

Quote:

Originally Posted by huno

Give the man some space and learn to be without him for a while. You can't expect his entire world to revolve around you, it's unreasonable.

Eventually he's going to tire of this and dump you; then you won't have him at all.

He has time to himself when he goes to work and in between the time he gets off and has to pick me up... isnt that enough

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaunta

he has time to himself when he goes to work and in between the time he gets off and has to pick me up...isnt that enough

NO!

There's just so many things wrong with this... work is not fun; it's WORK. Time spent going to and from work is not personal time--that's part of work.

He needs to have his own life.

Ultimately, you need to have other things to do besides hang with him; your dependence on him is unhealthy and weird. You honestly have no friends? What do you do to pass the time? Are you ever in a place where you can meet new people?

Get some friends. Its easy enough.
I once made a friend by walking around in circles until someone came over and we started talking and yeah.
I wouldn't advise that method though.

No no no... im saying he has his "personal" time when he gets out of work and has to pick me up... I really don't have any friends... I kind of keep to myself... this just recently started when who I thought was my "bestfriend" did something really evil to me and I just decided to leave her alone... not only that when I hung out I wasn't getting anything done... now that its just me and my boyfriend I have a lot more things going for myself.. (flying out to chicago for an interview for a flight attendant position and going back to school in sept. for my lpn).. when I was hanging out my friends they weren't doing anything they were content with their life so I wasn't doing anything and I basically wasted my time... so now that I don't talk to anyone I feel like we should spend time together everyday... sounds crazy I know...

Quote:

Originally Posted by cal823

get some friends. its easy enough.
i once made a friend by walking around in circles until somone came over and we started talking and yeah.,
i wouldnt advise that method tho.

Females are sneaky... maybe when i go back to school i won't be as bad... i have a interview in chicago for a flight attendant position and if i get the job i would have to stay in chicago for 3 weeks for training and im kind of thinking about not going because i thenwouldnt see my boyfriend for all that time :(

You really need friends, other than your boyfriend.
If he leaves you or something, or if he hurts you, whose shoulder will you cry on?
I could not live without my friends, they have helped me through depression and heartbreak.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaunta

i guess im spoiled....i like to have my way and if i can't i get mad..

Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom.

The best help is self help, and god help.

That is so true... I guess I haven't thought about that... last time when I was feeling down I just signed on her and told everyone what was going on and they helped me... without him I feel incomplete... I honestly feel llike I have no one...

You need to make some friends. Go and socialise, go to a party or something, start taking dance lessons! Great way to make friends (just beware of possibly jealousies). Go to a group of somekind.

OK... I don't do parties of clubs... just not me... I don't drink smoke none of that... im pretty plain I guess... I wouldn't mind taking dance lessons I just don't want to do it by myself... I would want him to do it with me... not saying I'm a prize package at all but I do have a lot of females who are jealous of me because I'm with my boyfriend... maybe you guys don't know but because he is black and I'm mixed but could pass as a puerto rican... black girls give me nasty looks because we are together... they probably thiknk what I think when I see a white girl with a black guy so I do have issues with females...

Hey, don't think about the things stopping you from making friends. Think about the pros, not the cons. The silver linings, no the clouds.

I hate this... I know I need to make friends... do you think if we lived together I wouldn't be like this? I ask him to move in with me but he says I would be way worse then what I am now... I think if we lived together I wouldn't care as much because I know he would be coming home to me... I would probably get sick of seeing him and telll him to go and be with his people

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaunta

ok...i dont do parties of clubs...just not me....i dont drink smoke none of that....im pretty plain i guess....i wouldnt mind takin dance lessons i just dont want to do it by myself...i would want him to do it with me....not saying im a prize package at all but i do have alot of females who are jealous of me because im with my boyfriend....maybe you guys dont know but because he is black and im mixed but could pass as a puerto rican....black girls give me nasty looks because we are together...they probally thiknk what i think when i see a white girl with a black guy so i do have issues with females...

What kind of people do you hang out with that you can't make friends because you're dating a black guy? I know there ARE people who don't get caught up in such petty issues... find them.

I still contend you need to get a life of your own... that way you can appreciate his need for a life of his own.

When you drink water everyday, it is mundane, taken for granted
When you've been parched in a desert for a week, water is sweeter than any wine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by huno

What kind of people do you hang out with that you can't make friends because you're dating a black guy? I know there ARE people who don't get caught up in such petty issues... find them.

I still contend you need to get a life of your own... that way you can appreciate his need for a life of his own.

THIS WAS SAID...

You need to make some friends. Go and socialise, go to a party or something, start taking dance lessons! Great way to make friends (just beware of possibly jealousies). Go to a group of somekind.

I WAS SAYING THAT THERE ARE FEMALES THAT Don't LIKE ME BECAUSE IM MIXE AND LOOK PUERTO RICAN AND MY BOOYFRIEND IS BLACK... I GET DIRTY LOOKS ALL THE TIME... AND PEOPLE THAT KNOW HIM SAYS THINGS LIKE "OH I SEEN YOU IN YOUR CAR WITH THE TOP DOWN AND I WAS LIKE OH LOOK AT DRE DOING HIS THING TIL I SEEN THAT WHITE GIRL"

But It Would Only Be People From His Job Or That Is What Someone Said That Works At His Job

Its Not The First Time Someone Has Said Something About Me Being White And Why Is He With Me... we Over Heard Some Girls Talking And They Were Saying Of She Must Be Giving Him Money That's Why Hes With Her

I know what you mean about girls being jealous... what I'm saying is not all of them are like that. Most girls, I think, don't really care. I hope you can eventually meet them because, independent of your relationship with your BF, you should have friendships. You keep saying you feel like you have no one, and that's absolutely not healthy.

I Know... I Sometimes Wish I Had Friends So I Wouldn't Depend On Him So Much Or Complain Because He Don't Want To Be With Me... because Then I Would Go And Hang Out With My Friends...

So what do you do during the day? Do you go to school? Have a job?

Incidentally, if this job as a flight attendant pays, absolutely go. You can't ignore a job opportunity because you want to be with your BF...

I work full time Monday through Friday from 10am-7pm and when I come from work the day is over so I just spend time with him until he wants to go home...

Yes... the flight attendant job does pay good money and with me being a flight attendant I could fly for free and I could pick 8 or so other people to fly but they would just have to pay the taxes on the tickets... It does pay pretty good but just the time being away from him... and its sad because I don't feel that way about my family just him...

You really must get a life you enjoy without him, or your insecurities and fears will push him away, and you will be alone so find some hobbies and things you enjoy doing and do them when he is not there. Some things you are interested in will put new people in your life and you will see that not everyone has petty hate and jealousy issues. It takes time so get started finding out what you like doing without him. You know what needs to be done so just do it. And try to be happy with yourself.

Well i would love to rate this answer but i must "spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again." so i can't do that... thats what im going to have to do... i just feel like i need to be home in case he gets done doing that it is that hes doing early and he feels he wants to come back over...

Quote:

I work full time Monday through Friday from 10am-7pm

Work is a great oppurtunity to make friends.

nope... I would rather not make friends at work... I would rather be friends with a random bum from off the street then with people at work

Yes you are being selfish and childish. You need to get your own life and friends. If you continue with this behavior you won't have a boyfriend at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stonewilder

Yes you are being selfish and childish. You need to get your own life and friends. If you continue with this behavior you won't have a boyfriend at all.

How do i stop being so childish and selfish? Today he told me he wasn't coming to see me because the way i was acting yesterday... i hate when he says hes going to do something and doesn't even do it...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaunta

he has time to himself when he goes to work and in between the time he gets off and has to pick me up...isnt that enough

Please,please tell me you're kidding!

No... I Wasn't Kidding... its Crazy... I Feel So Lonely Without Him... today I Talked To Him On The Phone And He Said That He Wasn't Coming To See Me Because The Way I Was Acting Yesterday... I Started Complainig And He Was Like Ok Well I Have To Go Take Ashower I Will Call You Back... I Wouldn't Let Him Off The Phone So He Just Hung Up 9on Me... now I Tried To Call Him Back And Text Him But Hes Not Answering... ugh... im So Freakin Mad!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaunta

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO CHILDISH AND SELFISH?? TODAY HE TOLD ME HE WASNT COMING TO SEE ME BECAUSE THE WAY I WAS ACTING YESTERDAY...I HATE WHEN HE SAYS HES GOING TO DO SOMETHING AND DOESNT EVEN DO IT....

I'm sorry Shanuta I don't blame him, I wouldn't come see you either! You say you hate it when he doesn't do what he says he's going to do but at least this time you brought it on yourself. I don't know how you stop being like this, but eventually you will learn how when he and ever guy you get involved with brakes up with you. I don't know what to tell you except what has already been suggested which you are brushing off. You might think you would love it if he had nothing better to do than spend his ever waking moment at your side but that would get old after a while. You would just think he's a desperate, pitiful person you don't want to be involved with. He's probably starting to feel that way about you. You can't make one person your whole life or expect you to be their whole life, it just doesn’t work that way. Just stop it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by stonewilder

\I don't know how you stop being like this, but eventually you will learn how when he and ever guy you get involved with brakes up with you. I\B]

He is my first boyfriend... ive never been in a relationship with anyone else... i don't want things to end between us... im trying very hard to not be so selfish anymore... i know what im doing is wrong... i want to stop and i try but i have really bad anger issues... :(