Ask Me Help Desk - SWANS-Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse

SWANS-Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse

Statistics shows that smart, successful women marry at the same rates as other women, assuring millions of American SWANS (Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse) that they have no reason to doubt themselves.
For a generation of SWANS -- Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse -- these myths have become conventional wisdom. If you attended a good school, have an impressive job, have career aspirations or dream of future success, men will find you less attractive. "I've been told by well-meaning relatives: 'Don't talk about work on a date, dumb it down, and it's bad to earn so much money because guys will be scared of you.' And I got the word 'intimidating' a lot," said Alexis, a 35-year-old lawyer in San Francisco.

Is that really a problem for guys to date overachieving women?

Thanks!:rolleyes:

I married a lawyer. I've never dated dumb girls - can't stand them.
I think the acronym is silly. Many women decide never to marry or have children though I'm not how many go it by choice.

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I married a lawyer. I've never dated dumb girls - can't stand them.
I think the acronym is silly. Many women decide never to marry or have children though I'm not how many go it by choice.

Good for you!
SOme successful and good looking women are actually disappointed on how men get scared off them.
Thank you for your response, I am glad that u only date smart ladies, u must be a really smart man, I think!;)

Tear it up! Simple answer-Yes, as far as I have seen, it is a problem for guys to date overachieving women. I am still hope some really mature men have got over with it!
Good like to SWANS!:) ( I think I am one of them)

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I married a lawyer. I've never dated dumb girls - can't stand them.
I think the acronym is silly. Many women decide never to marry or have children though I'm not how many go it by choice.

What are you then? :rolleyes:

A strong, self-assured guy. And a great daddy. :)

If you are on a date with a guy who is intimidated by your success, you probably don't want to go on a second date. There's no reason to dumb yourself down to get a boyfriend. There are men out there who respect and prefer intelligent, strong women. I should know, I married one! :)

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

A strong, self-assured guy. And a great daddy. :)

That's who strong females marry, or should.

Men (even successful ones) want a woman who will be there when they get home. I don't mean to say that men want uneducated women that are going to stay at home and cook and clean. Men just don't want to be with women that are busier than they are.. I am attractive, have a masters degree and am very successful in my career, travel a lot for work, and still run into educated men that want someone who is "less busy". I don't believe that smart men are intimidated by smart, successful, beautiful women. I however do see some of these women that hold their nose up so high in the air that men are not so much "indimidated" by them but just turned off by them.

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Originally Posted by Inspired

Men (even successful ones) want a woman who will be there when they get home. I dont mean to say that men want uneducated women that are going to stay at home and cook and clean. Men just dont want to be with women that are busier than they are.. I am attractive, have a masters degree and am very successful in my career, travel alot for work, and still run into educated men that want someone who is "less busy". I dont believe that smart men are intimidated by smart, successful, beautiful women. I however do see some of these women that hold their nose up so high in the air that men are not so much "indimidated" by them but just turned off by them.

I agree,but in real life even successful men prefer secetary type ladies, ones that are smart but NOT TOO SMART. It's not fair for good women who work hard on their way up. I understand women like us who are well educated and have to travel a lot for work, there are just tons for work for us. I am sure you have to work a bit after you get back to hotel every now and then. We are just so busy that there is almost no chance to meet men. Inspired,it's a good point not to hold nose to high in the air!
Woh 337, I am glad to bring this topic up!:)

Everyone has their own personal likes and dislikes. I don't think it would nessarily matter to me what a partner does just somebody I can talk to intelligently and has something actually going for them.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Everyone has their own personal likes and dislikes. I don't think it would nessarily matter to me what a partner does just somebody I can talk to intelligently and has something actually going for them.

NOt many men think like you are. It's mature to think like you do!
Many men can't get over with women being bread winners and overachieving, witty,powerful nowadays.sigh...

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Many men can't get over with women being bread winners

Heh, my hubby WISHES I was the bread winner! He'd kill for me to be his "sugar mama" instead of the other way around!

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Originally Posted by jillianleab

Heh, my hubby WISHES I was the bread winner! He'd kill for me to be his "sugar mama" instead of the other way around!

That actually bothers me too-if my future man wants me to be bread winner, I hope both of us work hard, be independent!

Read this book
Amazon.com: Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women: Books: Christine Whelan

Inspired makes a great point. When I marry, I want ONE of us to stay home and raise the kids... I don't want the kids brought up by a nanny or a relative or whomever. I don't care which of us stays home, but given my career I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's going to be working.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

That actually bothers me too-if my future man wants me to be bread winner, I hope both of us work hard, be independent!

He's just joking. Right now he works his butt off so I can stay home and be a full time student. The point in that is so hopefully someday my earning potential will allow HIM to quit working for three years, as I have done. Or at the very least, so my earning potential can allow us to save for a nice, cushy, early retirement.

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Originally Posted by jillianleab

He's just joking. Right now he works his butt off so I can stay home and be a full time student. The point in that is so hopefully someday my earning potential will allow HIM to quit working for three years, as I have done. Or at the very least, so my earning potential can allow us to save for a nice, cushy, early retirement.

Yup, way to go!:)

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Originally Posted by huno

Inspired makes a great point. When I marry, I want ONE of us to stay home and raise the kids... I don't want the kids brought up by a nanny or a relative or whomever. I don't care which of us stays home, but given my career I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's gonna be working.

Good for you, I hope you find the perfect one.

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Or at the very least, so my earning potential can allow us to save for a nice, cushy, early retirement.

I retired early because I had a hard working smart female who wanted me to kick my feet up, and enjoy myself, and yes I do. I'm also a cheap baby sitter and great cook, that helps.:D

Damn Tal, I'm jealous - that's the future I envision for myself though I'd like to do it now with my two year old and six year old. Love to cook too. And if the kids grow up to love golf and hockey I'd be in heaven. They'd be on the course or the rink with me. :)

When I met my ex fiancé she made more money then me. I was intimidated because she was very smart and made more then me. Do to me starting this new career I new I would be making just as much. Then she said she wanted to be a lawyer and that intimidated me even more. But as we got to know each other the intimidation want away and it didn't bother me anymore.

SAB,
When I met my wife and she told me she was articling I was aroused. :D

Hey I have a two year old and a six year old, grandchildren here now. We are headed to the pool, its 92 degrees in the shade. Take good care of your female, and she will take care of you. I also do foot massages. Make them holler!!

I could use a foot massage right about now ;)

I am also afraid that overachiving women, who are successful professionals, will end up meet men who want to marry us, because of the money.

An independent guy will want to remain independent. If you suspect that you are dating a moocher I would imagine you would see some signs early on.

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

An independant guy will want to remain independant. If you suspect that you are dating a moocher I would imagine you would see some signs early on.

Yea, that's what people say to me, I should be able to tell that early, but what if he fakes... I didn't have much experience with men so how can I tell? (I never had a boyfriend before):o

If you've never had a boyfriend before then it's hard to give you hard and fast rules. I'm guessing that you're not going to marry the first person you date so enjoy yourself and date people who you find interesting. That's the only way for you to find out what you like and don't like in a mate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

If you've never had a boyfriend before then it's hard to give you hard and fast rules. I'm guessing that you're not going to marry the first person you date so enjoy yourself and date people who you find interesting. That's the only way for you to find out what you like and don't like in a mate.

I agree, thank you for the advice... but I am so picky and take things too seriously, I just feel if I don't see this person I can marry, I won't even start date him. I feel like u can't date for fun, you can't waste other's time, and I really feel that I can tell if a guy is a mature or not real quick without dating him. I am too picky when things come to date, the guys around me about my age are too immature, not responsible... sigh,

As you get into the real world there will be those whom you attract and, are attracted to. Go slow pay attention, and above all have fun. The whole point in life (my opinion) is to be happy and share that happiness with another. So be happy as you go through your life.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

As you get into the real world there will be those whom you attract and, are attracted to. Go slow pay attention, and above all have fun. The whole point in life (my opinion) is to be happy and share that happiness with another. So be happy as you go thru your life.

THank you Tal, you are the best, hug!
I am a young professional at a global 500, I work so much and travel so much, I never have time to meet guys. I do, but just at work, at meetings, where I am so focused at work. After long day work, I went back to hotel, fall asleep. My life is like that... what can I do now? I am 23, NEVER HAD A BF:( WHen you see my pic, I guess you are surprised too, right?
P.S. I don't rely on those online dating things. I have to be careful, ocz people might lie when they only communicate with you through internet.

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WHen u see my pic, I guess you are surprised too, right?

I have read your words and understand the fear of failure in them. As to your looks, cute, but that's not what will get you a real man. What's in your heart, and what you are about is what a real man wants, not a resume. If your beauty is only skin deep then you are in trouble, unless he sees the real you he can never come to you. You are more than your resume aren't you??? And there are many beautiful women out here.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I have read your words and understand the fear of failure in them. As to your looks, cute, but thats not what will get you a real man. Whats in your heart, and what you are about is what a real man wants, not a resume. If your beauty is only skin deep then you are in trouble, unless he sees the real you he can never come to you. You are more than your resume aren't you??? And there are many beautiful women out here.

I am a kind person, very friendly and reasonable. I volunteered a lot back in college, people like me very much. I did everything I could to be as successful as I can, but I think miss the big part of life, maybe all I can do now is be patient and waiting for the right one. I don't want to fail in anything, that's problly another reason I am overcautious of dating. I don't trust guys ealisy as well. I am afraid they will drag me down sometimes. It's complicated how I feel about dating, always.
My friends say because I don't get out! I kind of agree, but I thought I did get out, I went to all the student org and attended lots of campus activities. Do I really have to go to the bar or club to meet guys?

We are all afraid to have our heart stompped on, considering the misery and pain on these forums but if you never take a risk, you cannot grow and learn. You can never be sure of anything.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

We are all afraid to have our heart stompped on, considering the misery and pain on these forums but if you never take a risk, you cannot grow and learn. You can never be sure of anything.

True, it's kind of frustrating to think about those things, I am back to work on the report now:p

Love your signature!LOL
Don't work too hard, girl!:)
Oh by the way, I think you are hot;)

SWANS-Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse? Why would a woman be considered an achiever or strong just because she has a career. From a man's point of view, isn't this a bit sexist?

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Originally Posted by Mario3

SWANS-Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse? Why would a woman be considered an achiever or strong just because she has a career. From a man's point of view, isn't this a bit sexist?

Well, not because she has a career!
OKay, let's say she graduated from an ivy league(problly with a master or PH.D), got into top global "50", being promoted very fast, attractive and wealthy... that's what we mean a strong woman!
Oh if she has morals, then that is stronger:cool:

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Originally Posted by woh337

Well, not b/c she has a career!
OKay, let's say she graduated from an ivy league(problly with a master or PH.D), got into top global "50", being promoted very fast, attractive and wealthy...that's what we mean a strong woman!
Oh if she has morals, then that is stronger:cool:

U crap me up!:eek: are you talking about anyone you know?:o It sounds so familiar!:rolleyes: