My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years and everything has been great but this last month. I was her first serious relationship and we had a great time traveled the world together. With in the last year she moved about 4 hours away for work so we haven't seen as much of each other. The last time I saw her she brought up the fact that she needs space I asked why. Her response was she hasn't ever been independent she feels like all her friends are my friends and she wants to go and figure her life out she also said she loves me and feels like I am the one but she wants to make sure that it is true. So I went along with her space idea don't like the idea but that's what she wants. Here is where I am lost before she left she started crying and couldn't stop hugging me for about twenty minutes. Her last line to me was I love you and I can't picture my life without you and I don't want that to change she kissed me and drove away. I know I need to not contact her but this is eating away at me should I totally move on or should I keep a little hope that the love of my life will come back to me? Please help me figure out what she is doing here!

Don't lose her. Looks like she really loves you and I'm guessing you love her as well or else you wouldn't take out time to sit and write about this here. Just give it a week or two if not a couple of days if it already hasn't been so already, and call her. There's nothing more that makes a girl happy then seeing that the guy she likes cares enough to not lose her. Go for it.

How old are you guys

We are both 23!

She probably wants to experience being independent for a while or from the way she acted when she drove away she may want to see what other fish are in sea.

>qoute< I love you and I can't picture my life without you.
If she feels this way why does she need a break. I know if I felt this way about someone I would risk losing them?

Yeah I think she wants to see what else is out there and when I asked her about that she said well how do I really know if you are the right one for me? So I think she wants to test the waters just to make sure.

I was 29 when I met my first love and she was 36. She always used to tell me in the beginning of our realationship How do you know I am the one. I told her I don't know but I love you and I'm not going tyo risk us to find out. Maybe I should have seen what was out their. 5 years and 5-6 breakups later she has my engagement ring and has supposely new boyfriend. I should have ran years ago. So I would heal yourself and see what out their. I she comes back you will be healed to make a decision to take her back.

Thanks for that I hear u I have had many year plus relationships and this one felt like no other relationship I know she is the one I want to be with.

If she cares for you she will be back. On one of my breakups she did to me she wanted me to go on dates to find out if she is the one but no kissing or sex. I told her I could never date others if we are together. But I would move on.

I don't think its fair to ask someone to wait, while the other explores life to find herself. If she does find someone else now what?? Unless this break is a lot more specific, and more fair to you I would be doing my own thing ,to make myself happy without her. Never wait on maybe's. Ain't that much love in the world to make me a backup plan.

Hey guys I really need some help I contacted her today just to say hi and what's up. I know I shouldn't have but I did she got very pissed off said things like I thought you would have respected my space and she said again that she isn't happy with me right now and the space is going to help her if she ever gets it. She told me she is 90% sure that she wants to be with me but if she doesn't get her space she can't make it to 100%. It really feels like I am being played with here and it is so hard for me right now to not forget about things because I am on vacation so not 2 busy and thinking about her all the time. How do I move on I want her to look at me as the fun guy again but I can't do that is she doesn't want to talk. I know that if she doesn't come back to me I will be fine but I really love her and want to be with her I just wish I could have let her know the past 6 months.

I went through the same thing. I was able to contactact her and she contacted me a bit as well but almost the same situation. I made sure to go out have fun, improve my sitution and word got back to her through our mutual friends. She came back to visit for a week a couple weeks back and things went really well. She is gone again but is cutting her stay short to come back home and live with me. We have agreed to not be with other people while she is away and we now talk every day. When you eventually are able to talk again be very supportive. I did not rush her back because I knew if I did she may regret it.

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so not 2 busy and thinking about her

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Get busy and leave her alone. Its to late for should have, would have, could have. Find a life without her in it. Get friends, a job, or volunteer, anything to occupy your time in a positive way.

itit did she want to have no contact with you until she was ready?

Well she wanted very limited contact I talked to her maybe 2 or 3 times a month she was gone for almost three months before she visited and she called me maybe 2 or 3 times total and a bit of MSN. With in the first few weeks of the break up once I got my head straight I sent her a big email explaining how I understood why she was doing what she was doing. I just put myself in her shoes to understand what she was going through and that helped open up communication. Another big thing is I tried to keep all conversations light but at the same time I was supportive. I think if she was only 4 hours away she would have probably asked for no contact as well because it would be easy to see each other and get back into a relationship but my girlfriend is a 5 hour plain flight away. Hope this helps, check out my threads to get all the details of how everything went down. I happy to answer any questions I know how bad it sucks.

itit I take it that you went through almost the same situation as I did and I looked at all your post and seems close to what I am going through. This is her first relationship and I almost get the feeling that she wants to break it off but doesn't have the heart to just tell me. But I feel like I should trust her when she tells me that 90% of her wants to come back and I think that is a good chance. This is an email she sent me before she came over that last night and told me she can't picture her life without me and doesn't want that to change.

That is what I want (to be with you), but right now I need to just let go. I don't want it to be forever, but its not fair to you or me to try and put a time frame on this. I should have never let it gt to this point, but I guess I always just figured I could let stuff go - but I couldn't and now its built up to a point that I really can't deal with it. I think being away from you will help me realize that I still want to be with you, that I love you in the way I did, and that I more or less need you in me life. Right now, I can't say that I feel that way - but I do want nothing more than to feel that way again.

When she says she let things build up she is talking about my lack of telling her how much I loved her she just wanted to hear it but I never said it and she felt like she was going to get dumped any day. Did you give up hope on your girl coming back? Did you think that there was no way she wanted to come back no matter how much she told you she wanted to? I have emailed her and told her that I am going to change and I want her to be happy I guess I just need to let her go and let her become happy without me but I feel like if I do that then she won't want to come back to me.

Its way easier to focus on the negatives, I did all the time and defiantly gave up hope a bunch of times. The not knowing thing is super hard and if she is unwilling to talk to you at all at this point I guess there is a lot you don't know. I guess the best thing is to go out and try to have fun, exercise improve yourself in anyway you can. You mentioned you have a lot of mutual friends all this positive stuff will get back to her for sure. As long it's been a few weeks since you last contacted her. Email her something super casual EG. Something you know she will find funny that happened at a party or the bar. Just try to get any kind of interaction going and progress from that but take it slow.

She does talk to me when I call but she gets super frustrated that I won't just let her be and she says that is driving her nuts. We took a break once before like 1.5 years ago it was my call I came back to her she gave me the space I wanted could that have anything to do with it?

I don't think the break had anything to do with it. Same thing happened with me as well; I broke up with her and for the most part she gave me space then I went back to her.

How often to you call her? You may need to go no contact for a bit and just try to stay busy doing fun stuff. That should get back to her. When my girlfriend started hearing about all the positive stuff I was doing she started calling me. I defiantly made a few calls where I got the vibe I was annoying her but all that eventually changed.

I will have to go no contact she said she is going to call me tonight to talk about everything. Should I tell here that I am going to move on so then she gets the real feeling that I am totally gone during the break or should I just say well I hope someday you will come back to me but at this point I need to let go? She said she wants a break like a week ago and we have talked on the phone twice, we went three days with no contact then I got a text from her saying Happy 4th and hope you are having fun out east (I am on the east coast for vacation right now). I guess I just need to forget about her at this point and do my thing I feel deep down inside of me that we are meant to be and she has mentioned that she feels the same way but doesn't know how to verify that feeling since this is her first relationship.

This is what worked for me and few other people I have talked to. The site seems to be very pro 'no contact'. My approach was a bit different. I would not tell her you are going to move on. Just give her the vibe you are having fun on your vacation tell her about your trip and be the old fun you. I would try to keep things light but if you guys planned on talking about your situation tonight this is what I would do. Tell her you love her and you want to be with her but you don't want to be with her if she doesn't want to be you. Tell her just want her to be happy. Also say that this break up is probably a good thing because it has given you the chance to reflect on the relationship and see the mistakes you made. Tell her you are going to enjoy the rest of the summer, have fun, save coin (whatever positive things you plan on doing). Take an interest in what she is doing (without getting nosey) not just pertaining to your relationship. Try not to get emotional stay positive and only let the conversation go as deep a she lets it go follow her lead that will help you keep it light.

Thanks for the advice I will post after the call and let you know what happened I just can't shake the feeling that she is going to come back to me and I want to because I think that will help me with this but maybe I am not supposed to shed that feeling because she tells me she "wants" to come back.

Well we talked tonight and it went very well I played it cool just like everyone said to do. We talked a little bit about the break and finally she was calm enough to tell me what she was thinking. She told me once again that she is not going out to replace me but doesn't want to rule out the option of dating other people during this break because what would be the point of the break. She also said that she didn't foresee anyone that could compare to me and that any dates she would go on she is afraid she would end up comparing them to me. After we said goodbye I went out to dinner with some friends she ended up calling me left me a voice mail saying "I hope you know I love you I just don't love you in the way I want to love you for us to be in a relationship I know I want to love you in that way and by taking this break I know I will grow to love you more." There were some other things about she has an email that she will send me next week once I am home something that she has put together for the past week of this. I don't know what will come of this but I know that by playing it cool it made a difference. So I don't know what to do next but I think I need to move on but at the same time if she comes back down the road and I am still having the same feelings for her I should give it another chance.

Flyguy I feel for you and I know what you are going through. Holding on to every thread of hope and analysing emails and thinking well she may come back she may not.

I will give you the absolute truth right now. Weather you believe what I tell you or not it is 1000% yes 1000% correct.

What you are currently doing will not work that's right Will not work!! What is happening at the moment is she does not feel the spark for you she loves you know doubt after 4 years you always will love that operson forever. But there's a difference between loving them in a nice way and loving them in a needing way. She doesn't NEED you at the moment aND SHE IS CONFUSED ASA TO WHY BECAUSE SHE can't UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HER FEELINGS WHICH SHE PREVIOUSLY HAD.

Let me tell you what that next email will sound like unless you change your approach. It will say """I love you so much but I just dont feel like i used to feel and I know i will always love you but this is what i have to do for myself to grow,I hope you understand. Love you.""""


In the first two years she was probly worried maybe even longer that you were going to dump her so her interest and love for you was higher. I have been there i went out with a girl who was 18 for 3 1/2 years she was loving me so much and missed me heaps when i wasnt around but as the relationship goes on they gain more confidence and realise you may not be getting ridopf them and that you do love them and instead of being normal these girlsthen start to feel safer with you which is what you seem is a good idea but the problem is since the now have you they then start to wonder what else is out ther and since you are first they know they have you and start to feel like they can venture out . These girlsnormally comeback cause there are a heap of jerks outtherre and they realise what they had. the idea is to never let her feel like she totally has you , I know this sounds bad but thats the way it is with these first relationships. If you understand what i mean whileshe feels so in love and is wondering what your going to do all te etime she cannot think of anything or anyone else caus you occupy her mind all the time. This is for sure what was happening in the beginning ofyour relationship.

Anyway to help you o, because you must not think what i could have done or anyhting like that. IT TIME TO ACT NOW thats right starts now what has happened id done past!

If you want her back you MUST do exactly this cut trhissmall talk outand let it go. It will be so hard but let me tell you listen to what she said she wants to date other guys!!! COME ON MATE WAKE UP.. You tell yourselfas every other guy does well if she goesout and dates some guys she will realise im the one!!! TOALLY WRONG DUDE... Who wants a girl who has to meet other guys to know your the one thats CRAP!!!!!

Put ittis way ifyou really wanted this girl wqould you tink ofmeeting other girlsto know ifshes the one NO WAY MAN you wouldnt risk it.

Next time she calls dont ANSWER, dont answer for sa god dam week are you listening to what shes saying she said """" I know if ispend time apart from you then i will love you the way i want too""""" So listen spendtime away that means no contact at all PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make her feel the void your so close yet so far!! And this is only going to go the wrong way if you don't do this.. You do not need to let her know that your not talking to her anymore you do not need to let her know anything. Don't CALL HER at all!! PLEASE DO WHAT SHE SAYS LET HER MISS YOU!! DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. Let her discuss it tell her nohing.

Dontaswerfora fewdays and f she messages you tell her your moving on and not waiting around you knowwhat you want and yourve decideyou dontwant to wait around for someone who is unsure tell her yourve thought about it and you don't deserve that sothats it.

DO it it sounds bad but you must show her she can't makedecisions your in chrge that is what she wants she wants the opld guy back who makesher feel like sahe can be replaced at the moment you look like a desperate hanging onto her. Show her your moving on and good luck. Then never call her and if she alls you she wants you if she doent then she doesn't want you. Let me tell you now ifyou keep doing this crap your doing which seems fine it NOT your out I promise you now she willadventually say I jut dontfeel it. YOU MUST MAKE her feel it NON TALKING NO YOU VOID VOID VOID VOID VOID Make her feel the void she will get angry and may say something like well if your not talking why would I bother don't listen to that just say you wanted the break and I don't want tobe stuffedaround tell her you want to be in a relationship with someone who knows whatbtheywant!! DO IT NOW

Remove the source of your pain for now. That is her. Don't be second best for anyone especially yourself. Your first and last love is yourself. Not saying there isn't someone special out there who won't ever let you down but this one just has.

Accept what's happened and try your best to keep busy. I changed my outlook on life after my breakup. Instead of saying no to people I said yes. Because of that I have had so many good memories and trips away, as well as destroying my bank balance - but that's another story. You must keep busy!! You could try these:

1) Write a list of your short term and long term goals
2) Write a list of all the bad things about your ex
3) Hide away all memories of your ex
4) Notice I say EX
5) Join the gym - exercise releases feel good chemicals, makes you look good, and makes you feel good + you meet a load of nice people
6) Get out in nature
7) Ever wanted to do something in life like travel? Nows the time
8) Flirt with other women - you are free to do as you wish now, so enjoy it, pig out, eat rubbish food (For a bit) watch the film your ex hated but you loved,
9) Go no contact - (very important, you both need time apart to get over the feelings)
10) Stay away from the grapevine, ignorance is bliss
11) She's confused, let her rot in her own confusion, don't become part of it and let it wash over you even more
12) Remember time will heal the wound but you will never forget, the scar will be there for ever, you can choose to move on or stay in the past!
13) You don't need anybody to be happy, the best revenge is to be happy yourself and make improvements for yourself.
14) The more you push on her the more she will pull, so become that fun bubbly person for you not for her! Maybe in the future you will meet again as friend, foe or lover, but for the immediate future you need time apart to reflect on life and start afresh. Accept this as an opportunity.

Thanks all for the advice I know I need to not contact her and I am going to do that. I think that be me contacting her in the past week I have seen her pull even more. She doesn't want to look at this as over yet on the phone I told her I am going to move on just like she is and that this will be the last time we talk and she got pissed saying she isn't looking at it that way she is looking at it as she just needs space and she wants more then anything to come back and she thinks she will but she said you never know what will happen. I am going to get myself in way better shape during this time I also start my job flying for northwest here in a few months which will cause me to move down to her area and I am going to do everything in my power to make her miss me and think that I am the fun loving guy I used to be.

No you don't do anything for her to miss you. Its all you from now on not her YOU! Get that in to your head.

Its just you from now on. Who cares what she's doing.

Watever you do don't call don't aswer!! Definitely don't believe anythibg she says like that rubbish line of how I'm not looking at it that way and I think I will be back!! Ive heard iyt all before this is just to make you feellike your still in there she will just keep you dangling and you know what when she says this she isnot being mean she actually believes what she is saying she does not think she's draging youalong mateshe actually doesbelieveshe may be back but if you don't make her realise this then she will jut drag this out and you know what either some other jerk will arrive and teat her crap and she will say how she loves him so much and yoor out then!! So get bust living without her and become a bit of a jerk and se will love you for it. That's riight be unavailable be out don't be there for her HELL she dumoed you your free and you mujst act like there's plenty ofgirls who are going to steal you from her. YOU MUSR CHANGE thisaroud show her that she is going to have to fight to keep you cause the way she is talking at the moment she thinksse is making the decisions.Did you see how when you told her your moving on I bet she gotangry thae only reaon she got angry wasbecauseshe started to worry. That is right you may move on and she will be on her own and she doesn't want tha. So unless you want tobe on your own show her your ocf there are girls who no what they want and they want a great guy likeyou. Shre will realise this when your gone but at the moment she will say things like wellif your moving on then you obiously don't like me enough and if you are a wussy and back down becauseyouthink you might lose her then you probably will. You have to say something like no I just want someone who knows what they want and you said your not sure so I'm justhavingfun an we will see what happens anyway gootago . That's howyou do it you can't be afraid show her your living the life withouther and someone else is going to live it with youNOT HER CHAMP! Se will be running bak wanting to bepart of your life again...

Thanks for that mckenzie... I will make sure to do that I am looking at this as she isn't coming back because then I will be ready for the worst. I will move on and have a good time and she will see this... I am going skydiving today kind of a little celebration/I can do anything and no one can stop me type event. I will keep everyone updated on what happens thank you all for the advice and if I struggle with this I am coming right back here to let you all talk some sense into me.

Mckienzie, don't forget to use paragraphs!

Have fun jumping out of the plane.

I think if you play it cool that's the best way. No contact is good for sure but I think its best to talk or email occasionally and keep it super casual and don't get deep. This will create good memories ONLY if you can do this with few if any emotional slip ups and give the impression that you are having fun and moving on with your life. Don't ever talk about other girls or ask about other guys and always keep conversations light and fun. I wouldn't say things like “this will be the last time we talk” unless you mean it. Move on have fun and try not to dwell. Not every situation is the same but this is what worked for me.

Wow... this sounds so familiar. Sounds just like my relationship. Same thing happened to me last September.

Trust me... its not you. Like you said, its her first real relationship and she has never felt true independence.

You need to let her go do her own thing right now. She needs to find something that is missing in her life.

So the best advice I can give is to do you. Anyone on this board will tell you that you need to get busy with your life. Make friends... go to the gym... do your hobbies... make new hobbies... get busy making your life the best it can be. I know you are thinking... how the hell do I do that... I feel like sh!t. Well... take it a day at a time and realize that you will get better. That people like me have been through the same things and we are proof that the pain does fade... and your life does get better again.

So Do You!


Here is my breakup... this will help you because I choose a different way to get through it and it worked for me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...her-93599.html

All of us go through that phase in life where we want to know if we can have a life that we enjoy without anyone else helping us. It natural, and called growing up.

Hey everyone skydiving was a blast gave me such a rush. No one can slow me down I have great things ahead of me and if she wants nothing to do with me that's fine. She is going to be missing out and I think she will feel the void very soon. It is still going to be hard to move on but I should be with someone that knows what she wants.

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It is still going to be hard to move on but I should be with someone that knows what she wants.

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Confusion is okay for short term dates, but relationships require more than confusion. Flyguy you just found out something you needed to know.

Yeah I try but even though I am moving on there is still a large part of me that wishes she comes back and feels like she will.

I feel like she just need a little space to figure out her life but she's going through the stage her life were she's trying to find out who she really is in life.

Honestly I think you need to make a choice. Do you want to give it a try and get her back? Or do you really want to move on, forget about her and cut off communication? I think the later is easier said then done. If you do choose to try to get back with her that doesn't mean you can't have fun and even date other girls if she is also dating. What you should do is just be supportive with what she is trying to do, don't put any pressure on her and give her lots of space.

Move on. Forget her unless she comes back & proposes to you on her knees.

Hay mate she isn't confused she just isn't into you at the moment this is for sure. What will happen is you will keep hanging around like a desperate and every lifeline she throws your way you will analyse and think maybe I should call and she will even say stuff like well your not even trying. Well its simple she will say whatever ittakes to provoke you so the best thingyou can do fortwo weks is disapearstop communicting with her if she asks tell her your taking a breakl and you don't really want to talkaboutitatthe moment and you are going to figure out what you want out of life. Let her know this break has opened your eyes to what you want, don't tell her whatyou want let her wonder then sauywell I've goota go an go!! Get lost let her wonder what the hell your thinking now,, Now yopur the one who needs the break andshe woill be the one contacting you...