Ask Me Help Desk - If I am so wonderful, why am I still single

If I am so wonderful, why am I still single

Dear everyone,

Can someone please help me with this:

I am an 23 year-old asian american, 5'4 130 pts with a beautiful face and cute figure.

I attended a very good university, double major in Civil engineering and Accounting with an almost perfect GPA. I speak three languages with lots of traveling expereince.(english as second :P)

Outgoing, ambitious,basically capable for doing most of the things on my own. I have good friends and I help people anytime I can.I am very active on campus-the Vice President of Student Body, Chairman of Engieering Society, the President of Accounting Club.

I only been on only two dates in my entire life, once each. Both of the guys are intelligent guys too. Both of them said to me that I was beautiful, wonderful,perfect, but neither of them wanted a second date with me.

Thank you in advance. I really think I try hard in everything in my life. I don't know how to flirt with guys because I am a good girl. Other than that... I think I got everything that a guy wants.

P.S. I am against sex before marriage and take things very serious and very dedicated at school and work. And if that is why they don't like me... I feel really sorry about the messy world now!

Thanks again!

I will be interested to see what other people tell you. I think I used to be a bit like you, although my test scores weren't as high and I was never a homecoming queen! I think guys maybe want someone who is less smart than they are, plus I think they like girls who flirt. I am caucasian, but when I was in school all my friends were Asian American and I pretty much acted like them. I worked hard and didn't flirt, put myself down. I thought that was the way I was supposed to act, modest. But I don't think it helped me much. I am much older now and feel that because so few guys were interested in me, I ended up marrying someone who picked me instead of someone I picked. Don't do that! (I'm divorced now.) You should pick the one you are interested in and maybe be more aggressive. Ask them for a date yourself. Think of something you'd like to do anyway and ask if they'd like to come. Or invite them to go with a group of others if that feels comfortable.

Recently, I went on a few dates through a dating site and one guy I went out with told me he didn't think I was interested. I was really surprised that he thought that. I realized that he expected me to flirt. So the very next time I went out, with someone else, I forced myself to flirt and got instant interest and THAT guy has been calling me constantly. I hate to say it, but I think it was just me flirting on the first date, which I'm not used to doing.

Anyway, I'm no expert for sure, but those are my thoughts based on my own experiences. Good luck!

PS. Definitely don't play dumb. You need to find someone who will love you for your brains, not be intimidated by them or feel like he has to persuade you that you are not that smart.

Aw... thank you so much. I am outgoing though, doesn't it help at all? How to flirt? I dress very nice though.
Guys all stare at me, but how come they don't ask me out?
I was told I was perfect by many people, I don't think I am perfect all I know that is I try hard in life and I am a smart person.
Thank you , I won't play dumb, I know to find the right one!:)
GOod luck on your dating too!

Come to England, we need more girls like you :p

One word, "intimidating." Of course you have all the attractive qualities that most look for, myself included. But I would feel so damn intimidated by all your achievements.
Are people who say how humble they really being humble? It's kind of oxymoronic.
I am sure you aren't as boastful as some would be in your position, but you've listed all these accomplishments like a RESUME.
To me, that's only part of the relationship deal, it also depends a lot on WHO YOU ARE, not WHAT YOU'VE DONE. I like someone who is down to earth, someone who loves to laugh and make me laugh, someone I can trust and depend on... etc.. etc.
You sound like a very good person and I wish I had more girl friends like you, don't worry, you will find someone, just don't rush the process or you'll end up with a jerk who doesn't deserve someone like you.

I have a great sense of humor, but seems like the better I am trying to be, the worse chance to get a date. Oh by the way, I am against sex before marriage, is that also why guys not interested in me? I will stay the way I am without a doubt. Anything wrong to have strong morals and all such?
Thanks

Be patient and keep doing what your doing and the right type of male will come your way, you don't have to settle, but you can find your own happiness, and someone will be glad to share it.

Thank you for the comment and advice. :)
I have been patient all the time, but once in a while, I get frustrated... if you were me u problly will do the same!
Thanks

hi

I think u should just take a chill pill.who soever z made for u will value u.
therz nothing to be sad about this that no guy goes datn wd u.trust god and b as you are.
no need to prove that you are wonderful n pure.

f u'll try n think this way your lif will b much easier.

yours truly
rehaan

Thanks, I hope my life is easier too. But I like to be the best as I can, just different views.
SOme people are happy about who they are now, some are not. It's my way of working hard to be the top and I won't take chill pill at all. :)
Thank you though

Hey, you know what you are lack of??
You need to RELAX, yes, relax. Almost everyone can see your ambition because you are showing it to them. I don't mean that ambition is bad. What I mean here is PPL only see ambition in you and other good characters are eclipsed. That's called imbalance. Everyone is afraid of being with imbalanced person. Maybe you are not so imbalanced but the way you behave/act/do/talk... shows them it.

So to repair this, you need to relax yourself 1st. Then things will come to you surprisingly :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by lmnotok

Hey, you know what you are lack of???
You need to RELAX, yes, relax. Almost everyone can see your ambition because you are showing it to them. I dont mean that ambition is bad. What i mean here is PPL only see ambition in you and other good characters are eclipsed. Thats called imbalance. Everyone is afraid of being with imbalanced person. Maybe you are not so imbalanced but the way you behave/act/do/talk... shows them it.

So to repair this, you need to relax urself 1st. Then things will come to you surprisingly :D

PPL only see ambition in you and other good characters are eclipsed". That makes so much sense! But I really didn't tell people about it, I don't talk like that... I am just writing it as a statement, let you analyze what is the problem. I am a humble personT.T

I think the bad guy and the good guy are intimidated buy you because I think they feel you are too smart for them and what can they talk to you about and the nice guy is to shy to approach. But if you are attracted or interested in someone just ask him out. What do you have to lose.

But those who did ask me out but I have rejected are either socially awkward ( don't get it that I have high standard) or jerks( that if they will ask any pretty girls out... can be my friend tomorrow). How come there is not a single normal, high queality guy?
Thanks

I think another thing is if most guys don't get that vibe that you are interested in them they won't ask for a second date. When on a date and had the vibe she wasn't interested, later I found out she was. So maybe if your interested at end of night give them that vibe you are interested.

what is a vibe please? SAB123 ^^

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

what is a vibe please? SAB123 ^^

Vibe=Feeling something... Letting that person know you interested in them.

This is not the only problem that is intitled with you.men like me have also serious problems like you and I want to say you that it is only time that can decide good things for good people like you .I am sorry for what you faced anyway!

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Vibe=Feeling something......Letting that person know you interested in them.

Hm... how? I don't know how to flirt... ^^ I feel it's bad to flirt,, just can't do it.
I mentioned like " you look nice with the shirt"... :P what would u suggest me to do?
Thank you!:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by tatek2006

This is not the only probelm that is intitled with you.men like me have also serious probelms like you and i wanna say you that it is only time that can decide good things for good people like you .i am sorry for what you faced anyway!

Do you mean women don't like you because they are intimidated by you as well? What is your situation then? :)
Thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Hm...how? I don't know how to flirt...^^ I feel it's bad to flirt,,,just can't do it.
I mentioned like " you look nice with the shirt"...:P what would u suggest me to do?
Thank you!:)

Yes, I would think you are interested in me if you said that or when talking a quick touch to his hand after he has said something funny. Because if I don't get that feeling she's interested I won't call again. You may won't to pick up a book about flirting or when a woman is into a man etc.(Don't no names of books but stuff like that)

well... I asked one of them if he was interested in a relationship after the first date, he said his life was in transition,blah,blah... would rather stay as friends... ^^
he still writes to me and say I am wonderful, beautiful... geez, I am confused
Should I say more to him?
Thank you SAB123~

OF course there are all sorts of varoius guys. So you need to find and decide what type of guy you are looking for. I believe in finding and becoming good friends first. For example my wife and I meet on the internet, we chatted for about 3 months before ever meeting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

well...I asked one of them if he was interested in a relationship after the first date, he said his life was in transition,blah,blah...would rather stay as friends...^^
he still writes to me and say I am wonderful, beautiful...geez, I am confused
Should I say more to him?
Thank you SAB123~

Yes, be friends with him, because he probably has single friends too. Who no's you guys become friends and maybe one day you'll fall in love. Another thing do you tell the guys no sex before marrige. Im sorry to say but most guys won't wait until their married.

Thank you, but yea, I am pretty sure they can tell that I am against it. Ppl know me know that I am a tradiational, good asian girl. And my friends all know that and I am well known on campus as a moral person. ^^. I think my future husband will appreciate I keep it for him! U think so? As a man...

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

what is a vibe please? SAB123 ^^

All those brains and you don't know what a vibe is? Hmm... :p

Well, first off--most guys are not put off by intelligence. There are some, I'm sure, who'd be either intimidated or bothered by it, but I highly doubt most are. GIRLS don't like intelligent guys. They prefer meatheads. Doesn't work vice versa.

That said, looks get you the audition, personality gets you the part. If you think you have the looks part covered, then something's wrong with your personality. As has been said, I doubt you rattle off your qualifications whenever you meet someone, so I'm guessing something about you is off-putting. Are you quiet when you go out with a guy? Do you have a hard time answering questions? Sometimes shyness or a lack of communication is taken as snobbery and that DEFINITELY is a turn-off.

Also, your devotion to celibacy before marriage is, in this day and age, going to rule out a HUGE percentage of guys. Do you mention this on the first date? It may be the reason you don't get second dates. NOT SAYING you should start having sex just because of it, but I strongly believe the majority of men in today's sexually liberal society expect sex before marriage.

Anyway, again, my point is that your qualifications aren't going to get you a guy: your personality, however, will. Why do you think there are so many religious studies girls out with all the guys you wish you could get?

Good luck!

Well, english is my second language, so I don't know what is "vibe"... :P
But howcome they can't wait until marriage... if they don't put up with my intelligence, how about my beauty and morality?
Sigh...

You list several impressive accomplishments and positions, but what do you do just for fun? What are your interests or hobbies outside of accounting and engineering?

Quote:

Originally Posted by huno

All those brains and you don't know what a vibe is?! Hmm... :p

Well, first off--most guys are not put off by intelligence. There are some, I'm sure, who'd be either intimidated or bothered by it, but I highly doubt most are. GIRLS don't like intelligent guys. They prefer meatheads. Doesn't work vice versa.

That said, looks get you the audition, personality gets you the part. If you think you have the looks part covered, then something's wrong with your personality. As has been said, I doubt you rattle off your qualifications whenever you meet someone, so I'm guessing something about you is off-putting. Are you quiet when you go out with a guy? Do you have a hard time answering questions? Sometimes shyness or a lack of communication is taken as snobbery and that DEFINITELY is a turn-off.

Also, your devotion to celibacy before marriage is, in this day and age, going to rule out a HUGE percentage of guys. Do you mention this on the first date? It may be the reason you don't get second dates. NOT SAYING you should start having sex just because of it, but I strongly believe the majority of men in today's sexually liberal society expect sex before marriage.

Anyway, again, my point is that your qualifications aren't going to get you a guy: your personality, however, will. Why do you think there are so many religious studies girls out with all the guys you wish you could get?

Good luck!

Well, english is my second language, so I don't know what is "vibe"... :P
But howcome they can't wait until marriage... if they don't put up with my intelligence, how about my beauty and morality?
Sigh...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kattalover

You list several impressive accomplishments and positions, but what do you do just for fun? What are your interests or hobbies outside of accounting and engineering?

I cook, bake,volunteer and organize student activities on campus. Watch movies with my girl friends and just hang out with my girls... I don't drink , smoke, party at all... but I do like to meet new people

Yes, I believe he will appreciate it, and as huno asked are you a shy person, because that will turn off a guy. I went on date with girl I did all the talking the hole night. And didn't ask for second date. Saw her a couple of weeks later and she said how come I didn't want to go out again and told her you didn't talk. She begged for another date but said no thanks. You may want to go to church or check out churchfriend finder to find people with morals.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Well, english is my second language, so I don't know what is "vibe"...:P
but howcome they can't wait til marriage...if they don't put up with my intelligence, how about my beauty and morality?
Sigh...

Well...

1) What kinds of guys are you going after? Do you meet them in libraries, the Accounting Club, and the Engineering Society, or by the keg+ at the frat*?

2) This is America--this country is just coming off the 1960s, where sex was not just everywhere, it was damn-near a commodity! I think Newsweek just published an article about this.

Now, I have a Taiwanese female friend--also very bright, and looks great in tight jeans (people who've read my posts will notice a trend here... :D)--she dates guys exclusively from Taiwan. Plenty of great guys there, as they are raised with traditional values matching hers.

From reading your posts, I think you'd do better dating men who have been raised in a similar culture. I was Computer Science, and there was no shortage of Asians there. Try hanging out at the CS labs.

--huno

*frat: short for "fraternity house." A building housing fraternity members; identifiable by looking for large buildings with greek lettering above doors and burning couches parked on lawns. Usually smells of beer, weed and condoms.

+keg: short for "keg of beer." A metal receptacle housing an alcoholic beverage; identifiable by looking for large oafish guys and nearly-naked blonde girls hovering around said receptable, confined within a frat*. Usually smells of beer, weed and condoms.

Quote:

Originally Posted by huno

Well...

1) What kinds of guys are you going after? Do you meet them in libraries, the Accounting Club, and the Engineering Society, or by the keg+ at the frat*?

2) This is America--this country is just coming off the 1960s, where sex was not just everywhere, it was damn-near a commodity! I think Newsweek just published an article about this.

Now, I have a Taiwanese female friend--also very bright, and looks great in tight jeans (people who've read my posts will notice a trend here... :D)--she dates guys exclusively from Taiwan. Plenty of great guys there, as they are raised with traditional values matching hers.

From reading your posts, I think you'd do better dating men who have been raised in a similar culture. I was Computer Science, and there was no shortage of Asians there. Try hanging out at the CS labs.

--huno

*frat: short for "fraternity house." A building housing fraternity members; identifiable by looking for large buildings with greek lettering above doors and burning couches parked on lawns. Usually smells of beer, weed and condoms.

+keg: short for "keg of beer." A metal receptacle housing an alcoholic beverage; identifiable by looking for large oafish guys and nearly-naked blonde girls hovering around said receptable, confined within a frat*. Usually smells of beer, weed and condoms.

I do go to all those student organizations because I am the Presidents of them all,lol

I like guys who are smarter than I am, not afraid to ask me out. And well behaved.:)

Well... I hang out in the engineering lab all the time, I have fun with them. I make tham laugh ALL THE TIME. I know they all like me if not they won't vote me as homecoming queen and they all stare at me, that's how I tell. :P but they are afraid to ask me out, because I am one of the two TA in the department. I make all "A"s, they know that! I tried to ask them hw questions, but they end up ask me about it. Geez...
Well... be frankly... I think I am attracted to white male ^^;
Do you like asian girls? ;) sounds like you might...
hehe

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Yes, I believe he will appreciate it, and as huno asked are you a shy person, because that will turn off a guy. I went on date with girl I did all the talking the hole night. And didn't ask for second date. Saw her a couple of weeks later and she said how come I didn't want to go out again and told her you didn't talk. She begged for another date but said no thanks. You may want to go to church or check out churchfriend finder to find people with morals.

I am outgoing! If not, how do I become all the Presidents and Homecoming Queen?:p I have a great sense of humour too! :D but I am too bad at driving a car, do u think that is an issue?:rolleyes:
OH, but my face does turn red easily when I am with guys, but overall I am out going...

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Well...be frankly...I think I am attracted to white male ^^;
Do you like asian girls? ;) sounds like you might...
hehe

You and every other Asian girl on the planet wants a white guy... :D

And sorry to disappoint you... Watashi wa Mekishikoke Amerikajin desu!

Quote:

Originally Posted by huno

You and every other Asian girl on the planet wants a white guy... :D

And sorry to disappoint you... Watashi wa Mekishikoke Amerikajin desu!

Haha, don't mexican guys all like a white girl?:D

Have fun and be happy, and I suspect after the academic life is over, and you get to the real world, your opportunities will increase. I think an older more mature fellow, will rock your socks. One who is as confident, and very established. He will appear when your ready, not when you think you are.

I agree with talaniman. Now guys around you are not as excellent as you. The real gold's shimmering color can't be hidden bu anything in the end. By the way, proud of you, beautiful Asian girl :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

haha, don't mexican guys all like a white girl?:D

Hahaha... not all of us. I am more into mexican girls. As I've said before, I can only seduce in Spanish.

BTW, what the hell did that guy who disagreed say? I failed the Kanji portion of Japanese 101 six years ago...

Watashi wa chotto nihongo o hanashimasu. Chotto, chotto, chotto.

--huno

P.S.: Chotto.

Huni don't get worked up over nothing I'm 26 and I'm not with any one but like my mother said the right person will come looking for you one day so just live your life well your young enough to do so if you want I will come out some time and meet you its up to you just don't put yourself down your worth more than that OK huni