Ok well people.. This is kind of complicated but I hope you could help me... I've been in an on and off relationship with this guy for almost 3 years in Sept. We broke up in June '06 and got back together in Nov'06... While we were broken up I was talking to this guy... I never slept with him or anything we were ONLY talking... When me and my "boyfriend" got back together I never told him that I was talking to this guy because I didn't want him to think it was more than what it really was and on top of that my use to be best friend was his cousin and I use to go to her house all the time and I didn't want him to think I was going there to see him... but This guy lets call him Chris got upset with me becaue I told him that me and my boyfriend was getting back together and I didn't want to talk to him anymore... I changed my cell phone number so that he couldn't call... I ended up giving "Chris" my number again because I felt really bad for him with everything that he was going through... I made it seem like it was a big secret because I never told my boyfriend that I was still talking to him... My boyfriend found out by someone else other than me and he flipped... We broke up again in March '07 and stilll to this day were not back together... I tell him over and over again that he is the one I want to be with but he doesn't believe me because I lied to him... He picks me up from work and he will spend some time with me but other than that we don't do anything else... He keeps telling me that he doesn't want to be with me and that we will never get back together for what I did to him but I don't know if I really believe it... The reason I say this is because he told me that he never wanted to see me or talk to me again when this happened and we talk and see each other everyday... Im not complaning because Ik now I was wrong and I should have told him but I didn't... I try so hard to be the perfect girl for him... Anything that he wants I will do for him... He means the world to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with him... I don't know what to do to make him trust me and want to be with me again... I don't like to tell or ask my family for advice because they would tell me something I don't want to hear... That is why I signed up for this... I read some of the questions and answers that has been written and its pretty good... SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!! :(

You should have told him, but you already know that... That did some damage, but don't consider it to be the nail in the coffin... This guy obviously cares about you in some form or way, because he talks to you... I honestly think you can't inform him, guide him, or let him know of trust, you have to show him... You have to be open and honest with him on everything... Start with being close as friends, time heals all (most) wounds... He will likely come back around... Tell him how much he means to you and that you feel bad for hiding a conversation in the past, but stress that it was just that... I would also drastically cut back the time you spend talking to that "other guy"... Don't force any issues or give him guilt trips, just be honest and let time do the healing... Good luck!

I don't talk to the other guy anymore... I stopped talking to the other guy when all this happened... He told me that if I stopped talking to him he would do something to me that wsould make me hate him.. When that was said 2 days later this happened..

The "other guy" said this or your "recent bf"?

The other guy is the one that said if I stopped talking to him that he would do something to make me hate him

Well good.. in a way... let him make you hate him... Then he's completely out of the pic.. No more occasional friend chat... Just focus on your man (or man you desire) instead of this other person... Make your priority the person you love...

No wait... when I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore that's when he told my boyfriend about us... so that's what he did to make me not like him anymore... and its not even that I don't like him its just... I don't know...

I'm sensing a few things...

1... You either like this "other guy" and haven't realized it yet...
2... You don't like either guys and haven't figured it out yet...

If someone you like "recent bf" is told by "other guy" that you all are talking, and you aren't mad at "other guy"... Something is wrong there... If this relationship you are wanting with "recent bf" is worth it and he's this important person to you, you really should have (in my opinion) been a bit pissed at the "other guy" and wrote him off... So think about this, as well as my #1 & #2...

Im not mad at the other guy only because I feel what goes around comes around... What he did was wrong but I feel he will get his in the long run... Im done being mad at people beacause it doesn't do anything for me... So I decided to do things a different way and not let things bother... I don't talk to there other guy at all... he calls and texts my phone but I don't answer it...

Here is an idea...

You don't talk to the other guy... Good..
You want your ex back... Good..

Change your number on the phone again.. Tell your ex you did that.. It will make a big impression on him (he might not admit it immediately)...

Tell him afterwords you love him and that from now on you will tell him everything.. But also say, nothing ever happened and we were nothing more then friends (or whatever)...

Why is it that he can't just admit to me that he wants to be with me again... why does he have to play hard to get?? I know I was wrong and I have to live with that everyday but all I want is US to be able to be HAPPY together... All I want is for him to say Yes we will be back together but now right now because you hurt me.. Do you think he knows that I will always be here for him that's why he gives me this whole run around? Should I start to give him the cold shoulder so that he thinks Im getting sick of what he does or how he makes me feel?

If I were you I would tell him... Here is how it is.. Spell it out... THen towards the end of that conversation, tell him that you want him in your life, but that if he is going to continue making you feel like you did something wrong (when you didn't) and playing these I don't know games with you, that you will be moving on... Tell him that you won't play anymore... Then just disappear for a bit... Let him find you and see what he has to say... Be receptive, but not concerned... Let him think you are leaving until he convinces you that he needs you back...

What's really crazy is he tells me we won't get back together... then my birthday was recently and the card said "TO MY LOVE ON HER BIRTHDAY" it was going on and on about how he needs me in his life and can't be without me... then when i talk to him on the phone and he is around his friends its like he shows out for them... he yells at me and that's something he never did til recently... im like where did that come from all of a sudden... i want to cut him out of my life for a couple weeks or so but he takes me back and fourth to work... without him taking me to work i wouldn't have a way... if it wasn't for that then i think it would be a lot easier on me... i want to be with him but i feel like i can't keep going through the bull... he brings up the past... i feel that im to young to go through all of this... i think the real reason why its so hard is because he is my first boyfriend... i was never with anyone else... as soon as i turned 18 we got together and been "TOGETHER" since...

Give him A (one) chance to make things right (as I said previously)... Then hit the road jack...

How old are you by the way... Just curious?

How Am I Suppose To Give Him A Chance When Im The One That Was Wrong? Im 21

Hes' 29 He'll Be 30

I Know That Is A Big Age Gap But I Feel Like Things Were So Good Between Us Til I Messed Up... and Now Things Are Bad...

Give him a chance to make it right, is what I meant... Tell him the second you get a chance to talk how it is and how it will be... Don't hold back.. THen give him that SINGLE chance to make it right... Then end it and move on... He's 29 (same age as me) and is too old for this kind of sh!t... If the ages were reversed, I would understand... YOu sound more mature then he does...

YOU didn't mess things up.. So stop blaming yourself for his insecurities.

So You Mean To Tell Me If This Happened Between You And Your Fiancé You Would Give Her A Second Chance?? Do You Know How Hard It Is To Be Like Listen.. either We Can Work This Out Or You Could Walk... he Says That He Doesn't Trust Me And The Only Time He Does Is When Were Together... this Is The Longest Relaionship Both Of Us Has Been In... its So Hard

If this happened to me and my fiancé, hell I'd be happy with the stuff that is going on... Not to make light of your situation, but this is not a deal breaker problem IMO... It is hard to say it to someone you care about... You fear that you will be looked down on or simply ignored... But you have to do it... You've got to get that nerve up to tell him... Make him listen.. If he doesn't want to listen then enjoy being single a bit and see what happends...

I Feel Like If He Doesn't Want To Be With Me Then Why Does He Continue To Spend Time With Me... us Spending Time Together Makes My Feelings Grow Strong For Him... I Tell Him Over And Over Again Like You Mean Everything To Me And I Will Do Anything For You... but I Thin Khe Knows That And Takes It For Granted...

Makes My Feelings Grow Stronger For Him... he Knows That... so Why Would He Want To Put Me Through That Unless He Does Want To Be With Me

Maybe he's got someone else in the mix? Have you been suspicious of anything or anyone? I'm not trying to alarm you are make you believe that, but you never know... Sometimes when a person cares about someone they put them on the back burner so to speak... There in case whatever in front of them doesn't pan out... Just something to think about... I've thought about that, but I know in my case that isn't the case luckily...

If he cares about you he will make the right decision.. Just talk to him..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shaunta

Honestly...nope Never Heard Of It..this Is The First Time....sounds Like Fun... But I Dont Think I Would Have Anyone To Go With....this Is So Stressful..i Dont Know What To Do....i Want To Call Him But Then I Dont Because Iu Called Him Around 4 And He Said He Would Call Me Back And Its Now 8:37(

---

I would try giving him a call back...

I responded in that message topic... Trying to keep them apart hehe..

I Don't Know What Your Talking About... I Don't See It.. lemme Check Again

Thank You So Much For Your Help... im Still In The Same Position As I Was Last Night... I Hope Everything Works Out For You... thank You Again

Just keep trying to talk to this guy and tell him what you feel and what you want... If he wants to be with you he needs to say it... Don't but yourself out there forever, make it known that you are a great person and great people don't last long!

Well I Talked To Him Today He Was Being Nice To Me... but Who Knows How Long This Is Going To Last?? So Iguess While Hes In A Good Mood I Will Talk To Him...

Let me know how it goes... Personal Message me or write back in this topic... Got to run..

All right... I'll Get Back To You... thanks For Looking Out..

The only thing you done wrong here is not tell him. But, it seems to me that he has over reacted.

If my (ex) girlfriend had been texting someone while we were separated, then I'm mature enough to understand. I understand being lied to is not nice, and yes you should have told him from the start.But, you know that already.

Just follow the advice you have already received. You have done nothing wrong. Your intentions were always good. I'm sure we have all told small lies or kept things to ourselves to protect our 'partners'. This is not worth breaking up over - and he has to realise this! Do not blame yourself for this.

Thank You... see Me And The Boy Was Talking When We And My Boyfriend Broke Up And I Just Continued To Talk To The Guy When My Boyfriend And I Got Back Together... I Didn't Tell Him Someone Else Told Him And Because Someone Else Told Him He Got Mad... he Feels Like I Was Trying To Play Him

I Wish He Thought Of It The Way You Two Do... ive Apologized To Him Over And Over Again... its Not Getting Me Anywhere... hes Suppose To Come To My House Today And That's When I Want To Talk To Him About How I Feel And How I Can't Do This Anymore... its Either Going To Be This Or That... if Its Going To Be This Then Iw Ould Be Happy If It's that Then I Will Be Upset But I Will Have To Get Over It Again...

Shaunta... Post some updates on this if you have "the talk" with him... I want to see what he says... Good luck again!

Well Jeremy... he Came Over Today And I Had "the Talk" With Him... he Rang The Doorbell So I Buzzed Him In And Unlocked The Top Door... when He Opened The Door He Seen All The Stuff He Ever Bought Me In A Bag By The Door... He Then Came Into My Room And Said That's Going On... at That Time I Said Nothing Because I Didn't Know How To Start The Conversation With Him... the I Said I Have A Song I Dedicated To You.. he Was Like What's That... so I Said A Song By Deborah Cox "we Can't Be Friends" When I Said That To Him He Was Like That Do You Mean... so That's When I Told Him Like I Can't Be Friends With You Anymore It Hurts Me... a Person Can Only Take So Much And I Took So Much... I Told Him That It Hurts Me To Just "be Friends" With Him Because I Grow More And More Feelings For Him Everyday... if Were Not Going To Get Back Together Then I Don't Want To Be Friends Anymore... then He Was Like Who Said We Weren't Getting Back Together I Just Said Not Right Now... who Knows What God Has In Store For Him... I Was Like Ok... then He Was Like So Where Do We Stand Right Now... I Was Like Ok We Can Be Friends And Eventually Be More... Im Not Going To Push Anything On You... it Will Happen When Its Suppose To... I Also Told Him That I Don't Like The Way He Talks To Me In Front Of His Friends... I Was Like You Talk To Me Like Im Your Child And Im Not... but Everything Is Good For Right Now... who Knows What's Going To Happen Tomorrow... lets See If Hes Still Good To Me When He Gets Me From Work... I Hope So... thanks For Everything I Don't Think If I Talked To You I Would Have Talked To Him... thank You Again... I Hope You Can Understand This... its Late And Im Typing Really Fast.. lol... talk To You Again...

How Is Everything With You Fiancé?<----spelling??

Well that is deffinately a possitive step and I'm proud of you for making it... Just keep it up... Hold your own and respect yourself... If he truly wants to be with you, he has been given the wake up call today... Keep me posted!

P.S - Things with my fiancé and me is apparently on the mend (lets hope it stays that way)... I think we are both going to work really hard to make our relationship return to its former glory... I'll let you know if anything changes... Thank you for your words of caring and wisdom as well!

Your Welcome... anytime... thank You So Much For Being Here So I Could Talk To You... im Glad I Came Across This Site... if I Hadn't I Would Be In The Same Position.. lol Thank You So Mcuh... good Luck With Your Fiancé