Multiple threads merged

I just broke up with my GF of 5 years. Mostly good, some tough times, but we love each
Other. We are both type A personalities... it's wonderful, but our communication is really
Hard. I think we have to work much harder at it. The problem is, I realize this now! Help,
I mean, the cell phone is the worst invention when you are broken up.. just waiting to ring..
Anyway, 3 weeks ago she was freaking out about her bro getting engaged, and started
Asking about us.. etc... we had taken a break almost 2 years ago for 3 months. and I thought
It was headed that way again, so she was like, "well, I don't know what to do... anyway I said, let's end it, that's it... but I stayed over, and we spent the next day in the most amazing way... it felt better than the last month! Later that week, she was like, I miss you, I love you, and we had dinner that Friday. Then, oh yes, it happened. I called her, and she didn't return my call, and I panicked... I didn't yell, never do, but was like what's up? She was a bit cold.. anyway, that was 2 weeks ago. She obviously needs space, but is she done with me? I mean, after 5 years? And when I phoned her last Monday, left a message, she phoned me RIGHT BACK and talked with me for 20 min. I called her yesterday for dinner,
And she screeens her calls at work, but took mine. She said she'd call me tonight for dinner, but nothing... what gives? Sorry so long, but should I just leave her be, and create a distance? Right now, she KNOWS she has the power... or am I just being dumb
And can't see it's over? It seems like she's still there? If a girl is pissed and angry, woudn't she NOT talk to you, or be real curt?

Please help,. what should I do!? I really want to marry her!

I think its not her playing games. Its simply girl's behavior, like you said "she was freaking out about her bro's engagement", and after that she wanted to break up. She just waited for you to make the next step. Well, the problem is that she doesn't find out if you want to marry her or not. So, wait for a few days, then call her, say that I want to talk, then propose her, don't be afraid, don't think so much, just do it! (I bet that's what she is waiting for)

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she KNOWS she has the power... or am I just being dumb

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She sure does and aftr 5 years?? If you don't know what you want, and how to get it, you may never know. Just do as she says and practice your yes dears.

Hello

Give her some time. Lets say a full week and if she hasn't contacted you then you can send her a message asking how she is. Wait another week then do the same.

Never push or send gifts, that just makes her push away more.

Good Luck
Dennis777

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Originally Posted by Dennis777

Never push or send gifts, that just makes her push away more.


Dennis777

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:cool: so, forget what dennis said entirely because being that I am a girl, gifts never hurt. Secondly, you have to realize that you two are just playing games. No one is being honest and no one is just taking the cold plunge of romance. Why are we as humans so scared to commit and just be happy? We assume that being happy will ultimately set us up for even more disaster if something were to happen. More happiness and love= more heartbreak and despair. But it doesn't have to be like that! Just propose to the girl because she does love you. She probably wants a family, a house, weekends off with you just snuggling in bed all day...
Just do what feels right. Girls don't need time, they need direct answers and direct actions.

Hey All,


Am I not seeing the writing on the wall? Or is she genuinely confused? My ex (3 weeks now) told me the other day on the phone that she'd try to see me before she leaves for europe with work. She didn't call me, and I don't know if she's just being polite. Yet she
Said, "oh, we should see this movie with our friend" sometime... so it's not like she won't take my calls... so my question? Is she still interested if she is returning calls, or taking them... and she is going to europe next week for business, will this help her to miss me?
I haven't reached out to her since the other day, so as not to be needy... I know that is what I am... but how do I get her to come back? Is it best to hold out and not call her?
Girls what do you think? She's 27, I'm 39 and I feel like a crazy kid... or should I just let it go?

You didn't mention her leaving in your other post. How long have you known and when will she be back??

Hey Talaniman

I forgot to mention that... I knew she was leaving for the last 3 weeks, and she'll be back the following Monday... 1 week in all... she isn't a cheater, nor does she party too much..
I wonder if the trip will prompt her to think of me... I haven't called her since Friday just
To keep myself respectful in her eyes... I know she would call if she wanted to see me,
But if I call her, it'll make me look needy! What do I do?

Leave a message and go about your business.

How long have you 2 been together and don't call!! Doesntmatter what you do you will look nedy, what areyou going to say in this call anyway. You said your EX , if this is the case then why areyou letting her see you before she leaves. You know ehy you think this will help you IT Won't MATE!!

If she dumped you then don't let her walk in and out of your life, give her what she wanted you out of her life!! Let her know what it is like to not have you, don't mope around although you will don't let her know your there for her, if she calls be busy to busy for her now she has all the control saying she will try and see you before she goes, she knows she has you by the balls! Saying she will try, you don't want her to try if she dumped you then you have to show her this isn't a game she can't do that no dimping you and trying to drag you along, Stad up for yourself or she's gone champ... No CALLS NO Nothing YOUR NOT NEEDING HER . You wanted to let her be part of your life you love her she knows that but your not an idiot she canttake you for grantedthat you will always be there.

NO girl wants someone who's EASY so NO TALKING become unavailable and she will latch back on when she ges back, and yes she will miss you if she doesn't see you before she's gone... Let her wonder what your up too, have you moved on are you having a good time are you meeting people!! She will be back in your life as soon as she thinks your moving on witghout her, so do it. Well you probably won't really move on but at least pretend you are by not speaking to her this will vreayte the fact that you are and that's your best hope for now. NO TALKING...

With these kind of people who just lead you on and can't be straight with their attitude, I would simply not bother about them, they don't deserve my attention until they start behaving themselves...

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Originally Posted by tr3sha

:cool: so, forget what dennis said entirely because being that i am a girl, gifts never hurt.

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:cool: so, forget what tr3sha said entirely because being that I am a guy, gifts have ALWAYS hurt. Every time... and I mean Every time I have tried to be the nice guy and buy gifts... to a girl that I've already given my power to it has just made it worse. Looking back I see why, because buying gifts is a sad attempt to buy their love. I may not have recognized it at the time, but that is exactly what I was trying to do, and that is exactly what your trying to do.

Start NC... with her... when she phones you make it short... when she text you text her back w/ one word... let her start to wonder... for you it takes time.. but you did your part... its time for hers

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Originally Posted by chuff

:cool: so, forget what tr3sha said entirely because being that I am a guy, gifts have ALWAYS hurt. Everytime....and I mean EVERYTIME I have tried to be the nice guy and buy gifts....to a girl that I've already given my power to it has just made it worse. Looking back I see why, because buying gifts is a sad attempt to buy their love. I may not have recognized it at the time, but that is exactly what I was trying to do, and that is exactly what your trying to do.

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So, apparently this kid is a ;) (no offense?). There are different ways to go about sending and receiving gifts. It's called timing. Most people are unaware of their ability of coming across as clingy or obsessed. It's okay- we've all been there. But, since you know this girl.. and she knows you, through and through.. a few gifts shouldn't hurt. It would help. Not as a material thing, but as a thinking of you thing.

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Originally Posted by tr3sha

so, apparently this kid is a ;) (no offense?).

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None taken. And no he is not a . He has been taught time and again that the more he gives to a woman the more she will appreciate it. Well that is not true. In fact the exact opposite happens, the more you give the more it comes off looking like you don't believe in yourself as a person and the only way to get someone's attention to buy it.

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Originally Posted by tr3sha

there are different ways to go about sending and receiving gifts.

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Yes there are. And this situation is not it.

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Originally Posted by tr3sha

it's called timing.

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And this is not the time. The time for a gift is when she least expects it, after he's been dating her for awhile and rarely at that. He's already given enough of himself to her. If anybody ought to be getting a gift it's him for putting up with her emotional abuse. He should not be rewarding that behavior with a gift. That is an act of desperation.

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Originally Posted by tr3sha

most people are unaware of their ability of coming across as clingy or obsessed.

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Yes that is true. Handing over gifts after being dumped is acting clingy or obsessed. And I'm just trying to make him aware of it.

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Originally Posted by tr3sha

it's okay- we've all been there. but, since you know this girl..and she knows you, through and through..a few gifts shouldn't hurt.

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He's dead in the water as it is. Why would he be giving her gifts? He needs to disappear and get his head back in order and maybe... maybe she will miss him when she's gone.

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Originally Posted by tr3sha

it would help. not as a material thing, but as a thinking of you thing.

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It would not help... in any way.

Jesus. Good thing I'm back to defend myself. So, okay. Apparently the present thing is not going anywhere. I'll agree to disagree. Don't buy the presents.
So, getting back to the real subject- this thread sucks.

Just... RELAX.

THINK. Ponder your future... for real.

Egos are on red alert. You've been together for 5 years.
You both just want to know where you stand and feel a lot of pressure.
You started something you'd like to have back - now ask yourself can you/do you
Want to marry this girl? If so, next time she calls make a plan to meet... and... well...

My Ex and I have been broken up for 5 months. Now... I ended it after a long talk... we had 5 years together, a lot good, a lot bad. (I was with a fiancée when I met her) and she hasn't been in touch w/ me... she was the one initially who was over the moon with me... I'm older than her... anyhow, she still has a bag w/ clothes and some items of importance... I told her 3 weeks ago I'd send them, but after asking her to meet for lunch to give it to her, she said, just hold on to it and I'll pick them up sometime... she is back at school, super busy etc... is she being sincere, or leading me on? Am I not seeing something? It's been a long time, and I know she has moved on, but I feel really hurt that she just up and ignored me..
Unlike her! Does she still have feelings? Is she avoiding me and why? I'd love to get back with her... help!!

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Originally Posted by mozartrules

My Ex and I have been broken up for 5 mos. now...i ended it after a long talk...we had 5 years together, alot good, alot bad. (I was with a fiancee when i met her) and she hasn't been in touch w/ me...she was the one initially who was over the moon with me...i'm older than her...anyhow, she still has a bag w/ clothes and some items of importance...i told her 3 weeks ago i'd send them, but after asking her to meet for lunch to give it to her, she said, just hold on to it and i'll pick them up sometime...she is back at school, super busy etc....is she being sincere, or leading me on? am i not seeing something? it's been a long time, and i know she has moved on, but i feel really hurt that she just up and ignored me..
unlike her!! does she still have feelings? is she avoiding me and why?? i'd love to get back with her....help!!!

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Read my topic tonight on the real reason for hurting when dumped.

The inalienable truth, and I accept this myself too, is that she no longer wants th eperson you have seemingly become in your relationship.

Did you love her more than she loved you or show this?


Then show you don't give a toss; and really; do not give a toss.


It's a paradox. You do not care about them, they wonder and will start to want you becase they think you don't want them.

It's why players get everywhere. By this I mean they do no get hurt because they do no allow it.

Don't take the things back. If she asks, tell her you have put them in a box somewhere in your attic.

Mail them or get a friend to take them round. Or simply store them away somewhere out of sight. You don't need constant reminders of a past relationship! Now leave your ex alone and go nc.

Hi, its me...

I would really like to understand how she doesn't respond to me at all... like I don't exist..
Perhaps I don't anymore as it seems apparent... however, this is from a girl who would move the stars for me... I want to have lunch to catch up, but she really and truly is superbusy with her work and school... does she think of me? Is a new guy going to replace all we had for 5 years? I am dating someone now, but think of her a lot... should
I just not contact at all anymore and let her reach out to me? Does she hate me? I don't get it? Thanks

I'd send them back to her and be done with it. I don't think there's anything to be "read" into this situation.

Hi,

I've been broken up with my ex GF for 6 months... we have hardly had any contact since then, I initiated the breakup, and have tried a few times to reach her, however, while
Polite, she avioded me... we had been together 5 years, with a break initiated by her about 2 yrs ago.. it lasted 3 months... and she came back to me wholeheartedly... I found out she dated someone briefly, and a close friend said she really didn't care much for him...
Anyhow, when we met, it was the strongest chemistry ever... im 39 , she's 27... she fell for me instantly, and I her... she wanted to get married, and have a family... but, I had an ex who was in the picture... no cheating, but she is jealous... anyhow, we went on vacation twice and got along amazingly... great chemistry... so, she was getting freaked out since her brother got engaged, and he's younger.. she wanted to know if we were on the same page etc... but she seemed to want to break it off, I sensed it... anyway, now I recently went to see her at her work... she was surprised, but pleasantly welcoming... she had a concert to go to, but she asked if I'd like to walk with her to her friends apartment, her and the girl are best buds... anyway, great converstation, and I found out she is going to be working at the office building right NEXT to me! Starting next week... so we'll see each other I'm sure... and I asked her if she was seeing someone, and she said, yes... it was the same guy from a few years ago... I thought that odd, but a girl I know said he might be easy for her, a rebound, no effort... I asked her if it was serious, she was like, "i don't know, it might be" and we kept walking... she didn't ask, so I told her I was seeing someone... she was SHOCKED, by her face, but was like, "oh great..."... how long? I told her a few months... she said, how's it going ? I'm like OK... but there's only one you... and she said right back, well, there's only one you! And she said, our relationship had a lot of good times, and I said yes it did... so... we parted at the subway, and she reached out to fix my windblown hair, and we hugged... the next day, she stopped by my work, to show me photos of th concert from the prior night... (she really did have to go to her new job to sign papers, which is next door... )

Sorry so very long... question: I still love her, and never wanted to breakup... do you think she is gone, or is there still hope after all the ups and downs? And if so, what do I do to win her back? Or if not, should I just let it all go? I really love her... but she has been avoiding me for so long... now, we will be separated by a buiding no more than 20 feet away...
Help please!! Thank you all and god bless you!!

Mozartrules, sounds like the two of you are still good friends. She likes you and feels fairly comfortable with you. I suspect that either she wants to just continue to be a friend, or, she is waiting for you to make a move. Tell her how you feel! Keep in mind that you don't own her, never did. Ask her how you can make the relationship better. If she just wants to be friends, it should be apparent. If she wants more, give her more.