So my boyfriend and I are doing good. We're happy together, but just yesterday was the 1st time I saw him got drunk, like really drunk. I felt so weird. Since I don't like drunken people so I asked for a break. He is not a kind of person who is drunk all the time. It was just 1-2 a month. So while he was laying in bed, I was checking his cell phone, I know its sneaky. And actually nothings really significant, just I still saw his ex's name on his contact list. Even though they are not contacting each other, but I still felt so jealous. He told me its just a name to him, he doesn't even care about it anymore.

So I'm thinking now if I'm overreacting about him getting drunk?? I sent him an email telling him that we needed a break. He called me so many times and I didn't pick up. He also sent texts saying that he wanted to talk about it and felt so ashamed, so sad and that he didn't remember what happened. I really miss him but I also don't want things like that happen again. I don't know if I should talk to him anytime soon or just leave it. I feel like I'm not communicating healthyly.

No offense, but what's the big deal about him getting drunk once in awhile? What exactly is it that you have a problem with. IMO you are asking far too much, if you can't handle him drinking and getting drunk once in awhile, then maybe the relationship should end.

Did he do or say something out of line while he was drunk?

Breaking up with via email isn't right and you should have least did it over the phone.

Also, did you tell him the reasons behind your actions? I think your just upset because you found his ex still listed in his contacts.

BTW, I have quite a few exes in my phone. They are simply contacts in my phone. He wasn't even calling them

He get drunk, and you punish him? Not healthy, just tell the guy you don't like it.

You can't really expect your actions as acceptable, and his are not, do you?

Wow! Cut him some slack. Poor guy.

Drinking a lot is not good. The Bible agrees. God has unlimited wisdom, not me. Not us.

My partner doesn't drink, he doesn't like people who are drunk...

But he would never have the option or desire to put that choice on me. If he doesn't like me going out and drinking then we can go out seperatly that evening, but this is not an issue that would ever break us up.

If you feel this strongly about it, then tell him - IN PERSON and let him move on. It's unreasonable to want to control someone's actions in this manner.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cleverhistorian

Drinking a lot is not good. The Bible agrees. God has unlimited wisdom, not me. Not us.

---

It is his choice and it's not often.

This isn't a religious thread.

Drinking destroys friendshipz.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cleverhistorian

Drinking destroys friendshipz.

---

Please read the rules regarding the rating system. My information is my opinion and I haven't marked you, although I don't agree with your opinion.

Disagree with unfactual information. You do not disagree with a difference of opinion.

Best be seeing some one a counselor about your insecurity, causing your jelousy, Work on yourself as you do not seem secure with yourself.

Perhaps a break will be hard and painful, but as you work through it, you will become stronger as an independently confident individual. You can achieve this by Learning how to love yourself, forgive yourself, respect yourself, know yourself, and finally being yourself.

Be sides, how can you know if you care about some one when you don't know yourself let alone if you care about yourself. So take care of yourself.

Peace and kindness be with you.

Why don't you try telling him about God? God can solve anything! You can be sure you are following the right route IF and only if you choose Jesus.

No offence CH, but you do not seem like some one who can help here, as you are far too fixed on your religion and not helping the OP (original poster).

Please give better advice and stop giving out red marks as the rules state you should have Facts/Proof to back your disagreance. If you disagree then put it in a Post, not the rating of others credibility. Other wise it makes you look like a fool, not us.

Thank you for your advice I'm sure she will look into GOD.

May peace and kindness be with you.

P.S. PLEASE READ THE RULES UNDER THE HELP HEADING!!

So...

As for the ex, you've given no reason for why this is a problem outside of self esteem.

As for the drinking, you get to choose what you are willing to put up with. No judgements here.

But honestly, its pretty common that the "reason" people break up isn't really The Reason... there's other noise going on behind the scenes. Something not addressed. Not right.

So...

Is this really about his being drunk? Or is there something more? Have you been thinking about taking a break for some time? More details would help.

In the end you choose what is good and right for you. Some loves last. Some loves last for a time and not all time. Not sure I get where this relationship is... you seem off balance. Why is that? Has he given you reason to be? Have other bf's given you reason to be?

Step away from the drunk angle... what else is going on here or what else do you need that he isn't giving you?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cleverhistorian

Drinking a lot is not good. The Bible agrees. God has unlimited wisdom, not me. Not us.

---

No offense, but you are quickly getting banned here. We are a tight knit group of people on here, we all watch each other's backs very well. Your advice is not based on experience, but your own strict religious beliefs.


Btw, isn't it because of GOD, that people drink in church on Sunday's? I'm just saying. Also, where in the bible does it say drinking a lot is not good? Please PM me and tell me. I'm not a religious person so I want to be sure it says that

You need to think clearly and decide asap is he worth getting back with or do you want to get on with your life without him.
Sounds to me like he really does care for him to keep trying to call you. One day soon he might just give up and move on. Is that what you want or no?
You have to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision.

I have had a personal situation with somebody before. I got really drunk once. The person overreacted big time. Reality is I hardly drink. It is an occasional drink. Nothing wrong with it. Now I can only count a couple of times I got really drunk but to actually break up over this situation is a very very big over reaction. I also feel there is self esteem issues with you. If it is not the drinking you will find something else to find to break up what seems to be good most of the time, I am assuming.

So I think you need to realize that people are going to drink sometimes, I am also going to guess that the reason why your against drinking is because of a situation in your family or history some where a long the line.

The thing is you have to realize that just because somebody gets drunk does not mean that they will become an outright drunk. No it is not good that he can not remember anything.

Whenever things or issues come up like this in a relationship. You need to try to work through them. Have open communication and share with each other how you feel, what you like, what you do not like.

I do feel you overreacted, but now it is time to realize that no one is perfect, even though you may want it that way. Everybody has there moments and we are not in the army, OK.

I also suggest you seek counseling for yourself. There is nothing wrong with counseling many people feel that if it is suggested there is something majorly wrong. This is not the case. You just need to work through your feelings and insecurities and figure out why you feel so strongly about this situation.

Yes things should be done in moderation. Maybe this scare will help help him realize how scary it is not remembering things. It could push him either way, if you do not give him some slack and relax a bit. You may just push him further away. Do you want that?

k, so now it is up to you on what you do from here in out. I would say the majority here feels like you both were in the wrong here.

Open up the lines of communication and talk through things instead of throwing in the towel and ending it when things do not go your way.

Joe

Thanks everyone. You really helped me.

So I've been thinking and decided to talk to him yesterday. Everything was good. We didn't need a break and he apologized. And I also talked about the "ex". For the first time I felt good to tell him what I really think/feel about his ex. He said "cool, im gonna delete everything related to her because there's really nothing to do with her anymore, i dont even care if she lives or dies".

That's cool but somehow I still feel jealous at girls who stare at my boyfriend. And it sucks :((

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lmnotok

Thanks everyone. You really helped me.

So i've been thinking and decided to talk to him yesterday. Everything was good. We didnt need a break and he apologized. And i also talked about the "ex". For the first time i felt good to tell him what i really think/feel about his ex. He said "cool, im gonna delete everything related to her because there's really nothing to do with her anymore, i dont even care if she lives or dies".

Thats cool but somehow i still feel jealous at girls who stare at my bf. And it sucks :((

---

I read only page two of your thread, so I apologize if I come off as harsh or cover something that has already been covered. I had to skip a few posts as they screamed religion and the Lord Almighty as being able to help your lack of self confidence.

I have a hard time wondering why he cannot have his ex's name in his contact list. If I dated you and you threw a fit like this, I would have kicked you to the curb (once again, if I am missing something I am sorry). You ask way too much and you seem like a controlling person.

If you have a problem with people being drunk, then decide here and now if you want to date someone like that, or, get off your high horse, and realize that things could be much, much worse. I think the issue is your purely jealous attitude and mentality, and I see this becoming a huge problem down the road. Instead of talking things out, you put things on a "break" for a day or two... that's mature.

The issue is deeper than drinking, and deeper than an ex being on a contact list... I just hope you can come to terms with this issue so it doesn't haunt every relationship you ever have.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lmnotok

Thanks everyone. You really helped me.

So i've been thinking and decided to talk to him yesterday. Everything was good. We didnt need a break and he apologized. And i also talked about the "ex". For the first time i felt good to tell him what i really think/feel about his ex. He said "cool, im gonna delete everything related to her because there's really nothing to do with her anymore, i dont even care if she lives or dies".

Thats cool but somehow i still feel jealous at girls who stare at my bf. And it sucks :((

---

Like I said before and you should re read my advice. Please seek out counseling to work through your personal issues. These are personal issues that you need to stop pushing on your boyfriend. There not his issues but your issues.

Who cares if a girl looks at him or he looks at a girl. Does not mean that he is going to be with anybody else. He is with you.

You are very controlling and the controlling issues come out large when your breaking up over him getting drunk.

Why do you have such huge control issues? Is it your upbringing? I would guess it is.

The thing is in a relationship it is give and take and both sides should be understanding. It should not always be one sided. Or this relationship will not last.

You have jealousy issues you need to find out where all these issues are coming from, or stemming from.

You need to stop this or you will ruin your relationship for good. Your lucky he himself has not decided to call it quits, he must really love you to go through this crap with you.

Please do the right thing and work on these things so this relationship does grow and you learn to. In order, to open communication in this relationship you have to be able to learn to communicate and share your feelings with each other and also hear him and not be so demanding.

Best of luck and wishes to you and your boyfriend. In this experience called relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

I have a hard time wondering why he cannot have his ex's name in his contact list. If I dated you and you threw a fit like this, I would have kicked you to the curb (once again, if I am missing something I am sorry). You ask way too much and you seem like a controlling person.

---

I didn't ask him to delete this contact. I just said I felt jealous. He himself chose to do that. And your accusing me for being controlling?

What is that that's deeper than jealousy?

You got jealous over an ex being in his contacts list. Are you serious? Then, you took a "break" because of this? I mean, am I missing something? The general consensus on this board is that you have serious issues that need to be worked out. He chose to do that because you freaked out, I don't blame him.

No offense, but I highly doubt he CHOSE to do it. He just figured "I better delete this contact or I will hear the non stop nagging because it's in there. I have tons of names in my phonebook that I don't talk to, some are exes or people I've hooked up with. I don't talk to them but I am too lazy to go through my phone and worry about it.

Thank you all. I think I had enough of myself. I've been pushing wayyyyy too much.

Update:

So I met her (his ex) at a cinema, she said hi to him but not me while I was right there beside him and then nothing. She was kind of flirty and I hate that . I bite him so hard as I hated that during the film. So when we got out of that cinema, headed to the elevator, he looked at her (I gues I would do the same if I met my exbf), guess what??

I SLAPPED ON HIS FACE!! Goddamn it! I couldn't believe I did it IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. And of course she saw it too. Then I left. He ran after me, trying to explain that he didn't intend to see her, it was just because he never wanted me to face her, so he had to make sure which way she went so that he can avoid... blah blah blah. I didn't want to hear anything. I just went away pretty fast. I said "ok then go back to see her, bastard". He tried to explain over again and tried to sooth me. I was actually amazed by how he behaves. I thought he would yell at me or something similar since I embarrassed him so much. He was actually quite nice to me and acted like he did something wrong. I felt worse. I apologized him and he just said "well, i hope you never do it again. Ok just forget it. I love you, remember that. She meant nothing to me, nothing at all."

I felt ashamed and didn't pick up his calls for 2 days. After that things were fine until last night. I questioned him why his parents never care if he dates anyone. I find it ridiculous and assumed that he's not serious about me. He said that's nonsense, they only want to know when he tells them he's going to get married. ITs ridiculous, don't you think?

You have some serious issues.slapping people s just not on.and you need to ask yourself where the jealousy and insecurity are coming from.

I think your way out of line, both in your reactions, and expectations. Why are you worried about what goes on between him, and his parents? That's ridicules.

You need a very potent chill pill.

You have a very dangerous anger problem that you need to face. He's got more patience than I do, I would have dropped your arse after the phone incident, and then smacking him in the face for looking. Is he supposed to walk around with his head down and answer "yes master"

GROW UP!

Wow. I really think you should look into counseling. Your insecurities and jealousy are not something that is just going to go away without some serious help. You slapped your boyfriend for LOOKING at his ex girlfriend. If I slapped my boyfriend every time he LOOKED at another girl his face would be red forever. It's ridiculous to expect him to never look at anyone else, it's natural. You can't expect him to close his eyes or only stare at you just because she is around. It's not like you walked in on them together. How old are you anyway?

WOW YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS PROBLEM!! For your own sake and for his own sake, break up with him. He needs someone MUCH better than you.

Seriously, are you even using your head? Are you thinking? If any girl was like that to me I would have slapped her back under the anger. Not only you need a therapist, you need a team of therapist. It seems you haven't evolved from an animal to a human being.

You are ridiculous and you need to CHANGE. Shame on you! Leave the poor man alone.

I know, I felt so ashamed. So I went to my doctor yesterday for therapy. Hopefully things are going to be all right soon.

I actually asked for a break since I felt he deserved someone better. He said don't be childish, people don't break up for such a reason...

I don't really know what to do with this man. I obviously want to be by myself as I think it will help me grow up more.