Hey all, I'm new here and I'm hoping to get some insight on my situation. I'll keep it as short as possible. Thanks.

Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 3 yrs. I broke it off with her (in which she texted me 1 minute later saying 'we're over') due to too many small arguments leading to big ones and we had multiple breakups before and got back together but obviously it didn't work. However, the most we went without contact was about 1 month max and we would get back together 90% of the time being me getting us back together regardless of who broke up with who.

We've been broken up for 6 months now (by far the longest time away from each other). About 3 weeks after we broke up she blocked me on fb. We're not friends on there and she could only see my basic profile picture and vice versa. About 3 months ago, I noticed she had unblocked me on fb and 2 days later blocked me again. I heard nothing until 2 months ago where she emailed me and I noticed she unblocked me on fb again. I was really surprised and it was more or less small talk, her asking how I'm doing, how I've been etc. We exchanged about 3-4 emails before I told her I had to go as I was heading out. It was nice, she seemed happy and friendly telling me she's been busy etc. Anyway, about 2 weeks later it was my b-day and I didn't receive any happy birthday message etc. 3 weeks later she decides to block me on fb again :S. I was quite upset by it so I emailed her asking why she did that as I thought everything was cool now. All she said was 'I don't know'. I asked her how she was feeling and she said 'hmm, I'm not too bad I suppose'. Quite a bit different to the first time she contacted me where she seemed upbeat and happy. At this point it was my religious celebration so early in the next morning she emailed me saying 'happy celebration' or something along those lines. Why did she ignore my b-day but send me a happy celebration email? It's been a month now since I've heard anything since and I'm still blocked on fb.

What's going on here? Does she still have feelings? Does she want to be friends or something more? Does she want me to chase her? I'm really confused. Thanks in advance to any help and advice given. Sorry if it was too long.

Seems she is to young to know what she wants at this time in her life

Block her or delete her on FB( and any other site). Keep it that way.

You broke up.

It is called playing games.

Playing with emotions. Either there is contact or no contact. You need to block her from your email and Facebook and phone.

It is not worth going back and forth. Getting hopes up and them letting them down again.

So please do yourself a favor and leave this one alone. If she tries to contact you again for anything. Leave it, do not look at it. Delete it.

If you really don't want anything more to do with her,then leave her alone.Block or delete any way that she could make contact with you and move on.

However, I am wondering why it bothers you that she has on occasion blocked you... could it be that you in fact still have feelings for her!!

Hey thanks for all your replies so far. I still do have feelings for her, I do care for her still but I'm sort of stuck in limbo mode. One minute I would want her and the next I feel I don't. I guess I just wanted to get a better idea as to why she needed to re-initiate contact and unblock me on fb then block me again 3 weeks later. When I emailed her asking why she had blocked me, she said she couldn't seem to make a decision. I asked her why and all she said was 'I don't know'. I asked her how she's feeling and she replied saying 'hmm not too bad I suppose'. The first time she emailed me asking how I was doing etc, she seemed so upbeat and happy but she didn't seem like that when I had emailed her.

Sorry, I forgot to mention we broke up when I was 21 and she was 20.

Any contact with her will confuse you. That's why you cut ALL contact, so the confusion can end, and the healing can begin. Three years, good ones, or bad, is a lot to overcome, and does take time.

Healing starts with NO CONTACT whatsoever.

Hi talaniman thanks for your input. I went pure NC from the time we broke up and was getting much much better and I still am in a better place than I was 5 months ago but I have to admit, her re-initiating contact with me then doing this has set me back a little. What was the point in her bothering to email me only for her to just block me on fb again and disappear?

If she didn't know when you asked her, I am sure NOBODY knows what's on her mind, Right?

I thought maybe she was just being stubborn or didn't want to say too much.

Or both, who knows?

This is going to be a long one, I hope that it will help you in some ways.

Of course obviously that you still have feelings for her. If not, you won't even care or won't even notice whether she block/ unblock, then block/ unblock you.

I can tell you this. You wouldn't even have to ask so many questions and have lot of confusion why she did what she did, which we here can't exactly give you the right answer on the WHY (as we're not her) if only you begin to realize and accpet that it's really over between you and her.

The thing is it might sound hopeful for you that she still contacts you sometimes, meanwhile, it also confuses you when she did the opposite. Do you enjoy on/ off and confusion things so much? Why you keep going back to the same person who broke up with you or you broke up with her. It's such an unhealthy cycle. And when this same pattern and the hope of always getting back together remain, you will still being in the same cycle of confusing, longing, hoping and questioning, as well as do no contact just for the wrong reason and only for a short period then back to talk to her again, then get back together, then break up, then NC, then... what?. continue on/off until you (or her) get enough or get bored?

Breaking up is supposed to be clean and clear one. We deal with ourselves. We think reasonably why it's not working and agreed that we're better off without the ex. We do the NC and disappear totally from the ex's life not for gaining any atttention from ex or for any false hope, but for us to heal ourselves and be able to move on to a better thing in life and develop ourselves to be a better person, which of course will attract someone better for us in the future.

I don't think at this stage you do take a break up seriously or truly accept that it's ending. If you really take it seriously, implement NC strictly and never plan to remove NC and act accordingly to heal yourself, you will realize that you wouldn't have to ask most of the questions you ask here as you won't have a chance to know a single thing about her or even if you accidentally know something about her, you will just know that it's best for you to ignore it as what's in her mind or why she did what she did are just not your business and doesn't matter anymore as you two already broke up.

When I broke up being dumped, it's truly hurt like hell I just couldn't imagine that it happned to me. But even though I felt like I couldn't live without him emotionally, my mind was very strong than my emotion and I think that I deserve better and this one who dumped me was definitely not the one for me, so I shouldn't waste my time torturing myself with him anymore. I went on total NC with him, close and block all possbile connections and communications with him and begun to just focus on myself and live my life without him. Do I miss him? Yes... Do I think of him? Yes... Do things go so hard and I cry? Yes... But I knew that it's ended and I accept it with such a strong belief that I will never go back to him again no matter how hard it is and how suffer I am. Now it's almost two years after my break up and now I'm still here, survive, and feel far better than when he's still in my life! I still keep the NC with him and plan to do it permanently and it's not even an issue anymore as I have no plan to contact him or have anything to do with him. He's just the past, never be present and future.

As for your case, you should really ask yourself what's it that you really want in a relationship, not what's it in her mind. Why you still waste your time with her when you said yourself it's not working before and that's why you broke up with her. What's it that exactly in your mind? You just get used to the same pattern? You still have (false) hope that it will work out again? Will you consider changing and make othe choices for yourself rather than keep confusing about her? Stuck or move on? Win her back or take another way?

Personally I don't think the on/off type of relationship is working nor healthy. Anyway, you have to think on your own. Only up until you can step up and make a decision for yourself based on reasons not uncertain emotions, you will still be in the situation like this, which I don't think will make you truly happy. Please consider what's the best for you to do and act according to the decision you have thought through by yourself. Emotions and impluses pop up most of the time but we should never count on them or let them lead our life. I very much wish that you can make a good choice and decision for yourself.

@wonderlife

Thank you for an in depth response. I miss her a lot and I guess I just wanted to have an idea of what she's probably doing. I do and have accepted its over, its just what she did has set me back a bit, which I find is normal considering I still feel for her. As far as NC is concerned, I totally agree with you and that is exactly what I did. I didn't communicate with her in any sort of way, my main focus was/is to heal and think about my well being, not hers. It worked a great deal and still is despite my set back. I guess I just wished she was more straight forward with what she wanted.

I think she doesn't know what she wants as far is her unblocking you because she probably wants be nosy and see what you are up too. If you still care then just let it go if it come back then you know but don't ask questions and ask her why she blocked you. She is loving it and she knows you still care because you are asking her. If you don't love her and do not want her delete her. If you do not delete her just don't speak to her and she will come around.

@t2oussaint

Thanks for your input. I do still care and I felt that it was OK to send her an email asking why she blocked me on fb again seeing as she's the one who contacted me first. I am going to leave it, its already been 1 month since I've heard anything from her. Do you think she'll come around?

How long were you guys together again? From the sounds of it I personally think she will but if it has only been a month that's not that long so give it a week or two then reach out to her see where her head is if she is still acting that way wait longer. You can not rush things like this. I know a lot is going through your mine if its meant to be then it is. I was in a four year relationship and it just ended five months ago. Now she is with someone else and I still think about her but we also talk sometimes. All it is about is her nagging new boyfriend so it still hurts just because we been together for so long it will wear off hopefully.

Sorry to hear about that. Stay strong and if you don't want to put up with her behavior in regards to her ex then best thing is to go NC and focus on fully healing. We were together for 3 years and broke up 4 days after our 3 year anniversary. You're not the first who has said she will be back. Quite a lot of my friends/cousins have said the same too. I just find it weird behavior, it doesn't make much sense to me but I am swaying towards her playing mind games and being confused. I don't think 'friends' is even on her mind.

Sorry I meant in regards to her new boyfriend.

I think she may have just been curious, waning to know how you are. I think that is all there is to it.
You may never know. Leave her alone, if she contacts you again, ignore her.

Yeah fair enough, I guess it could just be that. Her needs were fulfilled and went back to blocking me and disappearing. If she ever does contact me again, I will be ignoring it unless she talks seriously about us but I'm not sure if that will happen anymore.

Another long one Guest 321, I hope you will read it :)

I think maybe we have a bit different understanding on how to do NC. You think that just not contact her is how to do NC. It's also very much involved with preventing her from contacting you as well by blocking her, ignoring her emails, texts, calls, etc.. so you don't have to hear from her at all. Go silence. It doesn't matter who initiate the contact but once you talk to her, reply to her, it means you broke NC already. The main purpose of NC is to totally removing ex from your life.

If you want to get over someone fast, NC is really an effective way to go and it gives you a power to control over yourself and the situation so that you don't have to be in the situation of what and why like you are in right now. Some people after breaking up even try to be friends and still contact each other, I just don't think that way is working and it only prolongs pains, lead to confusion, doubts, dramas, and put us on the same place with uncertainty. In my opinion, it's such a waste of time and energy trying to figure your ex out.

PLEASE ASK YOURSELF - IF SHE WANTS YOU BACK, IF SHE MAKES IT CLEAR THAT SHE WANTS YOU BACK, WILL YOU GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER AGAIN? WHAT SHE SAID AND THINK STILL MATTER AND STILL MAKE IT DIFFERENCE A LOT FOR YOU? YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT SHE STILL FEEL SOMETHING OR GET POSITIVE RESPONSE FROM HER OR FROM US HERE AS IT GIVES YOU A BOOST THAT YOU STILL HAVE HOPE ON HER, AM I RIGHT? THIS IS WHY YOU ASK THESE QUESTIONS UNLESS YOU WON'T EVEN CARE IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW YOU - MAYBE IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT OF SETBACK AS YOU SAID.

I can't force you to feel nothing and I didn't say having feelings and still think of her is not normal. We can't force ourselves not to feel or think. But you can also divert your thoughts by doing some positive activities and keep focus on you, not her. AND IF YOU REALLY DO THE NC EFFECTIVELY, YOU WILL FIND OUT THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO THINK OF HER LESS AND LESS. PLEASE REMEMBER TO PUT THE DECISION ABOVE FEELINGS. Feel whatever you want to feel, but knowing what's it that is best for you to do and act based on the decision you have thought through yourself is far more important than feelings that come and go each day.

That's why I encourage you to make a (reasonable) decision for yourself of what you really want to do regarding her and try best to strict to that, either get back together or move on. If it's to move on, then go for real NC as it's REALLY WORK! But if it's to get her back again, then maybe you can ask someone else as I'm not the expert nor the great believer on win the ex back issue.

We are different in term of situation and personality. I did what I did because I strict to the decision I made for myself and I know it's a good and a better decision for me to move on without him and whatever he wanted or what's it in his mind are not what I care about or make my decision be any different. Up until now I can tell you I don't regret my decision at all. I used to think of him a hundred times everyday when the breakup just happened. However, when time goes by (with my strict to NC), all thoughts and feelings for him started to fade away slowly. It's not getting better in several months, it always take times until you will really feel better.

As I said we are not the same, I hope that you will find what's best for you. Best of luck!

I guess all of you are right. Thank you for all your responses, I'm just leaving it be, she's not worth my thoughts anymore, I just wished she never bothered contacting me again in the first place. It was pointless!

I realize how hard this must be but you will get through it. You'll be OK
Good luck.

Cheers homegirl. I know I will be fine, I was doing great before and I'm getting there again, it was just a little set back. I just can't fathom out why people do such things.

Man keep your head up and you never know what will happen in the future.

Hey everyone, just a small update but I feel I need to write it on here.

Without my realisation, my ex unblocked me on fb again today (probably the 3rd time now) and sent me an email saying 'hey why did you put 'university name' on fb, I thought we agreed not to'.

The first thing I thought was, well there were a few thingswe agreed not to do yet you've done it so why is this such a big deal.

Basically when we were together we never put our uni's on fb in case parents or siblings find out as we were going through problems with our families but seriously 6 months down the line and she's emailing me that? She did this before last time we broke up but she called me after 1 month of nc saying the same thing. What's her problem? I'm definitely not responding to it in anyway, I couldn't believe it to be honest.

Thank you in advance for any input.

Why don't you block her.
She is just checking up, maybe trying to get your attention, maybe she is bored, I don't know. But block her and don't respond.
When she realizes that you are done she will stop her silliness.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Guest321

Hey everyone, just a small update but I feel I need to write it on here.

Without my realisation, my ex unblocked me on fb again today (probably the 3rd time now) and sent me an email saying 'hey why did you put 'university name' on fb, i thought we agreed not to'.

The first thing i thought was, well there were a few thingswe agreed not to do yet you've done it so why is this such a big deal.

Basically when we were together we never put our uni's on fb incase parents or siblings find out as we were going through problems with our families but seriously 6 months down the line and she's emailing me that? She did this before last time we broke up but she called me after 1 month of nc saying the same thing. What's her problem? I'm definately not responding to it in anyway, I couldn't believe it to be honest.

Thank you in advance for any input.

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A passive/aggressive way to torture you, draw you into some crap of hers. You done good to not respond, drive her nuts if you blocked her from your FB, and spammed her Email contact.

She must really be a bit screwed up to do something like that. Yeah I'm definitely not responding to her man and I will be blocking her myself tomorrow. I really felt there was no need for her to email me that 6 months after breaking up. If her family sumhow see that, why should it matter now, we're not together. My cousin said its her way of trying to contact me. She did this before but she had called me. I really needed to let this off my chest.

Hang in there, we are always here.

It is her way of contacting you. She is too stupid to say I messed up so she wants to make small talk then try to get with you again.

T2oussaint, she definitely has lots of pride and is quite stubborn so yeah I doubt highly she would admit she was at fault too. What makes you say she wants to try and get with me again? I don't feel like it is that so it would be great to get your opinion on that. I just think its weird and mad that she could send me something like that, half a year after we have broken up regardless if her family see that I went to the same uni. Its irrelevant now. I'm blocking her today.

No women is going not talk to you for 6 months and then out of the blue try and spark a conversation with something so stupid man if she was really moved on and didn't care she wouldn't have message you. She probably in the stage where she can't find anyone that compares to you and she knows that so now she wants to small talk and see if she can win you're heart again man.

@T2oussaint

Hmm maybe your right an. The reason why I feel its not is because of my previous experience with her the last time we broke up. After 1 month of nc she calls me saying the same thing 'why did you put the university on facebook' then started crying :s lol. I felt at that time she was crying because she was emotional and still had feelings so I told her how I felt, that I loved her and wanted to make it work. She replied saying sorry its too late I love you but I'm not in love with you. I was fine with that but confused. Then half an hour later after talking she cried again saying she was in love with me! So from my experience I truly don't know if it is that but you're point makes a lot of sense and has a lot of truth in it. Thank you for being here everyone!

Some things we will never understand, and shouldn't be distracted by them, or spend time dwelling on them.

This may be one of these things.

She's confused and she wasn't you to be on the back burner so she can do whatever and tell you little stuff like that to give you hope but if you haven't talked to her in 6 months and she says that out of the blue I guess her guy search isn't going well my ex said the same thing 7 months ago and we were together for 3 in a half but when she finds someone she is going to act like she never tried to contact you. This is a sticky situation because if you still love her this can be hard very hard and they say you will get over her but what I have learned is the longer you are with someone the more memories you have and its not that easy especially if you guys were together all the time kind of like you were married but you weren't. That's real hard so I would say this I would leave her alone and not necessarily block her but if she keep contacting you that means she misses you and possibly wanting you back.

T2oussaint

Well she did email me re-initiating contact as I had mentioned in my opening question which was about 2 1/2 months ago now but 3 weeks later after hearing nothing she blocked me on fb again, that's when I emailed her. Since then I heard nothing from her again until yesterday when she unblocked me and sent me that email about the uni thing. It seems as though it takes a month each time she contacts me. We'll see what she does.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by t2oussaint

Shes confused and she wasn't you to be on the back burner so she can do whatever and tell you lil stuff like that to give you hope but if u haven't talked to her n 6 months and she says that outta the blue i guess her guy search isn't going well my ex said the same thing 7 months ago and we were together for 3 in a half but when she finds someone she gonna act like she never tried to contact you this is a sticky situation because if u still love her this can be hard very hard and they say you will get over her but what i have learned is the longer ur with someone the more memories you have and its not that easy especially if you guys were together all the time kinda like you were married bu you weren't that's real hard so i would say this i would leave her alone and not necessarily block her but if she keep contacting you that means she misses you and possibly wanting you back

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Or is bored, or just wants attention... from any one, good, or bad.

She probably A: wants attention B: wants you back C: wants to see if your talking to any other women.

Some women are like that man they break up with you and don't want you to be happy or want you with anyone else.

T2oussaint

Yeah I broke it off with her but she text me the next minute saying 'we're over' so she had to get the last word in.