Please help me find a way through this
My girlfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago. The relationship lasted 3 years, at various stages she needed her space and said she felt claustrophobic. I duly gave her space and we got back together each time, usually after a couple of days I have often felt unloved at various times in the relationship, I could feel her pushing me away due to this claustrophobic feeling that built up in her.
We knew each other before we met up, here is the complicated bit! We were both married, her ex husband and my ex wife had a child together. I had separated from my wife and her husband left her with 3 children. After about 4 months of her husband leaving her we got together. There was no infidelity here, nor are we related, honest!
During the 3 years we both went through divorce, her's much more amicable than mine, I went to court on many occasions over finance and finally for a court order for regular access to my son. We always supported each other throughout and very rarely argued.
We never lived together fully, I would stay 3-4 nights at her house sleeping over and most other nights there but not sleep over so it would not affect her benefits from the government..
So to the fateful Day 5 weeks ago where she tells me that she needs a proper break, obviously I am gutted but accept her wishes. She says she loves me but enough to commit to me and that it wasn't fair what she was doing to me. I have been through many emotions over the last 5 weeks, the loss of what I saw as a family, my son and hers were best friends and have known each other all of there lives, and generally the loss of what I saw as my life.
Now I can get over her I know I can and that takes time, however she doesn't seem to be able to let go of me properly. I have been round on say 5 or 6 occasions to her to see her children as I miss them very much, I take my son there so that he can see her children. I got to a point where I could only see it causing hurt to everybody, she would cry, I would leave feeling like crap and her children would want me to stay longer. I told her that I couldn't do it anymore and that I wanted it to stop for the reasons just outlined. She continued to text and I relented convincing myself I would be OK with in time and that it was best that my son could continue to see his best friend.
We have flights booked to all go on holiday in July, we haven't decided if we should go yet, I do have the option (which she is unaware of) to change the names and go with members of my family instead. I asked her the other day on the phone if she was dating anybody else, she said that she had been asked to go out for a drink and that she was considering it, she said she liked the attention and felt flattered by it. I was calm and said if that is what you want to do that is fine. She then texted the next day saying that she wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone, so I assume she declined the offer.
She still texts but seems to love the control of dropping the conversation and leaving it until the next day. I have asked her why she texts and her answer was because she cannot let go of me fully and that she worries for me and the children. So basically I get very mixed signals, or perhaps I just read it that way!
My problem is that I can get over her and move on with time but I will feel guilty with NC because of the children. Any comments and help would be appreciated. Thanks and sorry for the long post.
