He wonders why I look at her as a threat?
MY boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 months now. In the beginning, everything was good, we fell for each other quickly and have been so happy together. Well into out 2nd month of our relationship, we started arguing constantly simply because I had to move an hour away to be with family. While arguing one night, he had been drinking and decided to throw the ex-card in my face. He told me he loved his ex, and she was there for him whenever he needed her. This made me feel crappy because I had to move (temporarily, I'm back in town now) and couldn't be there for him as much as I wanted to. All the arguing we did made it harder for him to communicate with me about his problems. He told me she was his first love and he was always going to love her. It all boiled down to "if she tried hard enough she knows she can have me back" and "we both know we could have each other back if we really wanted"... We broke up immediately. Over the next couple of days, he says he worded some statements wrong and he was just drunk and angry. It still lingers in the back of my head. It hurt so bad. I felt like a rebound. He agreed not to talk to her, only until I worked through my own issues. Now I've been back in town for about a month now, we got back together and worked through some things. Everything was going great. I was putting the past in the past and leaving it there, then out of nowhere I got burned again. He went out to drink with his friends and the friend he was with invited the ex over. When she was leaving my boyfriend gave her a "friendly" hug and "kiss" on the cheek? She called the next day and I put her on speakerphone and while standing in the room with my boyfriend I listened to their conversation back and forth. She had to tell me not my boyfriend. He said he planned on telling me but we were having such a good day and I had other things on my mind, he didn't want to be a buzzkill. I got upset and asked him to leave, we broke up and he kept calling apologizing and telling me he didn't want to lose me. He loved me so much that there wasn't any room for anyone else in there and she didn't have any place with him anymore. He has asked me to quit smoking, quit hanging out with my guy friends and quit talking to my obsessive ex and I agreed and kept my word. All I asked was that he not speak to her until I work through some things and he couldn't put forth an equal amount of effort. I love him with everything I got, we plan to get married in a couple of years. But the thought of her still haunts me. I can't be with him wondering if he's still thinking about her. What should I do about my own insecurities?
I have no idea what's going on with me.
My boyfriend and I have had some problems concerning his ex. There have been a couple of incidents, one of which he thought he could give her a "friendly kiss-on-the-cheek" and a tight hug after i asked him no to talk to her, then she had to tell me he kissed her and hugged her or whatever. He was trying to hide it but he says he was "waiting for the right time" to tell me. He told me nearly 2 months ago that he still loved her and she was his first love, blah, blah. We've broken up a couple times b/c of her. I was pregnant recently and had a miscarriage. There's a lot going on. I'm trying to be happy with him and not stress over his ex. But things he said about her in the past and the way he talked about her keeps running through my head. I keep replaying situations in my head and overanalyzing everything and questions come to my head. I make myself mad over it. There's something that i can't quite put my finger on that bothers me so much. He tells me he's not going to mess up anymore. He said he's quit talking to her. He is with me as much as possible. He said he doesn't want to lose me and she's not worth losing me over. He wants to marry me and we're trying to get pregnant again. I'm happy with him but i still think about her and previous incidents constantly. I asked him today if he loved her and he said "he thought he did but i have his whole heart". He's perfect for me in my eyes, he's not perfect at all and he's messed up but this relationship isn't going to end over one young lady. He's not the type to cheat at all. That's not what i'm scared of. I just don't know whats going on with me. I think too much. I'm hurting. I make myself mad. I think about her and him everyday. I just wish I could let go of it, but something isn't letting me. He says i'm so good to him, and i know he really does love me, but if he did then why'd he have to do the things he did? Am i making a big deal out of nothing? How do i let go of the past?
