Girlfriend wants to be independent but has a new boyfriend
Ok... I've never used a website like this in my life before so bare with me.
Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me after a five year relationship and within a month, she's dating someone else.
Here's our background...
We first met each other in high school, we dated our second half of freshman year, broke up, and started dating again first half sophomore year. Since sophomore year, we've been together up until a few weeks ago. We both decided to attend the same college and we both are still in college. Our freshman and sophomore year of college we spent living in the dorms, this year (junior year) we decided we were going to rent a house with a co-worker of mine because it was financially better for everyone.
Freshman year of college, I applied for a student job with the university, within 6 months I was promoted to a full-time job at the age of 19. Reasons for accepting the promotion: no debt on my side at the end of college because the job would pay for my education, great experience in the field I plan on going in. She helped me go through the process to weigh the pros and cons. Basically, I took the job so we wouldn't share so much debt and it was an opportunity not worth passing.
I took on a huge amount of responsibility at a young age and I feel my maturity spiked from a high school jock to a full-time employee with TONS of responsibility on my side.
Anyway, we talked about serious things such as being married, kids, careers, everything…she was the one who brought it all up first to me, this is about four years into our relationship, I was scared and told her it wasn’t reasonable at our age to get married just yet. I told her we would have a lot of work to do to reach marriage. I didn’t want to show her I had absolutely no interest in her what so ever so we bought each other promise rings to show we both had the same idea of getting married, just at that moment, sophomore in college, wasn’t right. We both wouldn’t be able to afford a small wedding yet alone we didn’t have enough to buy rings for one another.
I told her when giving her the promise ring, I would do everything I can do make it work. I spent the next year working countless hours, hours away from her, accruing the money we would need.
I guess I don’t know if the hours I spent away from her changed her feelings or if it was something I’ve said to her that changed her mind about me.
Both of our families were extremely close to one another since high school and we’ve always just gotten along. Her parents to this day still tell me they view me as their son-in-law and that everything was great, they themselves don’t really know what happened.
My ex is one of three children, her parents are on the track of not helping their kids go through decisions they are capable of making themselves which is completely understandable. They are very religious just like me and believe things happen for a reason. I’m fully aware I can’t continue to hold onto her and I’m not going to force her anyway, it’s her choices, she’s old enough at 20 to make decisions on her own.
We had a rough break up, I stay near the university year long and take classes every fall, winter, spring, and summer sessions just to meet up to my education plan to finish in 2011. She on the other hand, has gone home every winter and summer to be with family. I don’t oppose being with family what so ever but my first clue of feeling “eerie” of our relationship was when she refused to be with me during summer and winter breaks when she says she’s totally committed as she says, wouldn’t you think she would’ve stayed?
Again, we dated for five great years, she broke up with me over a text message and we spent the next month texting each other, getting nowhere as most texts do. I spent an entire month texting her because she refused to talk over the phone or meet up, I felt like crap texting away a relationship of five years…Within a month of breaking up with me, she’s already dating someone she met in her class.
She says she didn’t leave me for him, she says things happen, people change, and it’s life. It’s funny because I thought I was the one living life with a job, someone to support, and have bills. She on the other hand, has no job, didn’t have anyone to support besides being there, and has no bills.
I’ll be honest, we both never had an opportunity to grow up as individuals because we dated at the dawn of high school, and I’m using this opportunity for myself to stay single and lose myself to find myself (if that makes sense)
I’m just frustrated with the idea she’s moved onto someone else and shows no emotion towards what we had. She says she is tired of being dependent on me and wants her independence but I don’t see that happening when she’s with another guy. He’s going to do the same thing I did, provide her with what she needs, doing everything for her as guys typically do that, there’s no way to gain independence that way.
I’ve read other posts and I know staying away from her is best and to avoid communication. I’ve said everything I could possibly think of to her but it’s hard for me to let go because I didn’t see any of this happening. Also, I’ll be living with her in the same house for the next four months. I’ve talked about moving out but she doesn’t want me to.
So confusing.
