Threads merged.

Hey I know I am an so lets get that out of the way now. My best bud had a girl yrs ago cheated on her, skip some yrs, they got back ,skip some more yrs, then she split with him, grew apart. I had no part of this at all. I told her to give him a chance but she was done it was a bad break up. She fell for me?? I don't know why never had eyes for her nor did I think she did me either. Well I f)#&#d up and went with her.Of course it was bad I lost my friends ,as I should but wasn't in the right mind at the time. All was good till last week, I think we are done. I feel like a total . I have lost so much ,karma is a . Lots of stuff to add about the relationship till last week but I can't type that much. Wasn't bad, just got into a rut, I am a single dad /kids . I fell for her bad and hate that another relationship is done. It should haven't have been I know ,but who really knows if it should have been. I don't know if she wants to quite says she loves me doesn't want marriage,or live in ,nor do I. Maybe an beat would help.

You did the wrong thing getting involved with your friends ex. That never works out - there are always hard feelings and break-ups. Give her up and find a lady that has no prior links to anyone you know - you'll be much happier.

I haven't heard from her asto if she wants to try, but yep I did wrong. That has been in the back of my mind for a long time. I ask for no pity ,nor is it deserved. And as for anyone I know, well isn't none left.The small circle of friends died when I lost my mind. All but 1.

Some insite to why I did what I did. I felt at the time he got a second chance with her and he blew it. I never judged him when he did it but I was judged by all. Pissed me off at the time but I guess they were right. I am not a bad guy,I know right. Stuipd yes but bad. I did learn. Bros before hoes to be sure, just wish I would have listened.

It maybe to late to change what's done, but not to late to let go, and put this behind you. She is gone so rebuild your life, and don't let her stop you.

What's done is done, you still have the future.

Your friends may no longer be there for you but you're there for you, or you should be.

It's time to get your life back on track. You will find someone, just stay out of your friend's little black book and you should be fine. ;)

Hi All , an update to were it is at. We had a long talk, was by phone and she is willing to give it the old collage try .She asked what I didn't like with her, said would like more/better comm. Told her how I thought and the things I have said that caused her doubt and that put the "what if" thoughts in her head. Explained to her my willingness to change and have started to do so, even if she didn't want to try. I say her tonight,tried to go to her house for alone time , she felt bad at work today ,went home early and said she wanted to get out of the house so she came to mine. Confused me a bit since she said one thing was alone time? I had a house full of kids tonight. I kept the kids away and we "hid" in my room. Had a nice evening, asked her if we needed to talk more and she was OK for now, Some little things she did before are missing still, but she said she forgave me for what I was doing. She did notice changes I am making. Man my head is flipped out. I have never been given a 2nd chance and do not want to mess it up. I just woke up I remembered something I said that may have started this. I don't want to push her by talking and seem needy/desperate but feel she needs to know. I am giving her space, letting her call me and not making 1st contact. I did get a card and she liked it.I just can't if she says she loves me, and from her letter she said that but didn't know what to do, think that was a what if I was with someone or?? We are not kids,I'm 47,she is 44,both did the marriage thing and she is done with that. I know there if a lot of info missing and will fill in if you want. There wasn't any problem we like a lot of things, the rut thing and ,I think too much time together did it, she did say she felt like we were married. I love this woman a lot, I am tired of messing up relationships . I am a auto tech, I fix things why can't I fix my relationships?? Is the biggest thought in my head, and why doesn't people try more? NO body stays and try to work out problems anymore. Wonder why divorce is so high. She isn't my 1st GF after my divorce, I did a lot of work on myself after that bomb went off. The problems to me are not that bad if we try it can work. I need some insight as to how to show her I am can be again the guy she fell for in the 1st place.She has said I make her laugh, I still can. I am working on more stuff I know I need to fix, I got lazy and backslide on a few things. Sorry its so long, it 430 and snowing like crazy. I hate snow.LOL Thanks.

If this is going to work you both need to start communicating honestly about who you are and what you want and need.
Is that happening here?
Some people do manage to sort out their problems,it takes hard work and dedication from both people.
Good luck.
Ps I like snow! :-)

We are talking,I need to say more things to her but don't want to seam to be a wuss.I also don't know if this a "get through the hollidays" thing.Why is my head so full of this crap.Why can't I just take what I got and run with it. I guess that's the work I need to do. I am letting her make the contact, not calling her 1st.

Ok just go with that and yes keep working on yourself.
I hope it goes well for you.

When you do talk to her again, remain calm, cool and collective. Don't get overly emotional and ramble on about things. That will be a major turn-off to her. Just take things one step at a time and don't force things too quickily. If you push yourself on her too fast, she will pull further away. And don't try to solve everything in the first conversation. Have several light conversations over a period. After she contacts you the first time, do not be in a rush to call her back immediately, unless she asks you to. You need to give her a day or so between conversations to give her time to think and feel unrushed and more relaxed to talk with you some more.
By the way, I love the snow. Going snowboarding as soon as it stops.

Thanks I am keeping busy now with house work,kids . I am letting her call me, but I want to say hi to her. She is busy today and I am so F*#@^^$(D in the head and want to rush things I am a need to know guy. Us auto guys are like that,LOL. I didn't have this problem when my last live in girlfriend went away,I knew it was done and felt she was into someone else,trust issue. Went a yr/2 before I got with her. I have know her most of my life, but we never had Any ideas of getting together. I was a wild guy in my youth,drinking and partying a lot she doesn't . Light wine drinker. I ain't that way now been clean over 10yrs. Man this is testing me.LOL.I know we maybe shouldn't have gotten together but we did, karma coming back? I am calm when I talk to her and giving her some room to breath. I would be cool with the way it was in the beginning, not a problem but now the idea of her finding someone else is killing me. Any way to keep my thoughts on me and not her would be cool. The biggest thing that is this 2nd chance is to get past the holidays. Would be nice to know . Crystal ball anyone?

My crystal call broke-sorry.
All I can suggest is keep super busy,do stuff with the kids,and hang in there.

No crystal balls here, your just going to have to take it day by day and see what happens. You really need to keep calm and stop thinking about it so much or your going to end up getting frustrated with her.
By the way, if you do curse, it might not be a good idea to use those words when you talk to her.

I do try to use the info I get here and other places. Just hard I guess. Thanks!!

If you try too hard, or not hard enough, you are sort of in a position of being damned if you do and damned if you don't. Not an easy position to be in.

What does she expect from a relationship with you, and what do you expect from her.

While you can't let her call all the shots, she should at least be willing to give you some idea of where she's heading with you, so you know where you stand.

If she wants to go slow, ask her what she means by that. If she says she wants her space, ask her what she means by that too. You're in the position if you call her, she may consider that to you being pushy. You can't be walking along on eggshells here trying to anticipate her thoughts, nor can you read her mind.

Be careful that she may only want what she wants, and considers you a means to an end. Your needs have to be figured here as well. Relationships that work, are partnerships, with good communication. She can't hold all the cards, it is just too one sided.

Stay warm.

Thanks Jake, I guess it is harder for me right now cause a lot of crap hit me this week. I am a fixer kind of guy, stuff breaks I fix. Craps doesn't get to me . The things I can't change got to me and has me weaken in the head . I work for Saab and they just died,thanks GM, this problem came to head, stress from hell has gotten to me. I know I got to let go and stop thinking some much, but its hard when it seams everything is taking a crap at once. Even my comptr went nuts today.LOL The stress in the job, imcome is down 40% in the last 1.5 yrs. I am on top but just a hair. I got 3 kids, worry if ,job goes, x might/could take them, that worries me a lot.Its no wonder she isn't looking at me in a good light. I let all the crap get to me,this past yr and it shows. I called her last night to say goodnite ,she didn't say the 3 words, made me freak. I know I can't make her stay,must keep my head, but am running low on super powers right now. Iwill ask her her game plan, that would help a lot. The nagging feeling that this is a hold over till Jan won't go away. I hate the way I am feeling right now, not staying true to what is most important. I hate living in the Gray, I am a black and white guy . That doesn't help LOL. Need a kick in the butt to get my head out of it so I can think straight. I have been busy but that last just so long before my brain slips and mr. emotion kicks in. LOLThis place helps. Thanks all.

On a practical note,is there anything you can do to improve your worksituation?

It helps to get it out, even if it doesn't make a lot of sense to you at the time.

I know exactly what you mean about the thoughts. I haven't been to bed yet and it's already 7 a.m. Too much on my mind, and it always seems worse when you're tired or stressed out.

You have a lot on your plate right now, but it is what it is. If she doesn't accept you the way things are, so be it. You can't turn an apple into a pineapple.

One problem at a time, one solution at a time.

Try not to come off as needy and clingy, but rather cool calm and collected, like you have it all together, and are rolling with the punches. (I can't do that but maybe you can!)

What I'm trying to say is that you can't sweep your life under the carpet to impress anybody.

Just take it slow, and you'll be okay.

Job, I think will be OK for a time,boss says not to worry, right,LOL. My plate looks like a big persons plate at an all you can eat.LOL. Reading too much into her is my problem, I can't read minds.I am keeping the needy stuff at bay, but how to talk and not seam so. How much time to give? I asked her if she want to talk the last time we were together, was a nice night, gave her a massage,she likes massages, was OK. She didn't have anything to add so I didn't push it. I have noticed less passion, but? Could be nothing. I am prepared for the bomb, if it happens, just never had 2nd chance/work on it thing and am worried about messing up, told her that too. She didn't give the last 2 guys the chance,? Who knows. On a side note I like the chance to share with people from other countries, get a different outlook from the way people think here.