I met a girl and we have been talking since August. So about 4 months. She lives in Fricso and I live in Los Angeles. I went up there once, she came down here once and both times we had a blast, we really got a long. Well we made plans of me going up there again for 3 days. She was excited and so was I, but the week before I was coming up she started becoming more distant on the phone and text messages. One day we didn't even communicate for the fist time in 4 months. So I knew something bad was coming. The next day I get an email from her saying Im great but she doesn't want to date me anymore. She said she wasn't developing those feelings. She called me later on that night and we talked, she said she is a bit confused, wants to be friends but isn't really sure about things but that the distance and my job worry her. She said she has been burned by guys in the past so that might have something to do with this as well. She says she needs some time and space to think because she was confused. So I gave her a couple days before being the lame guy and over texted her for two days, well I haven't in three days communicated with her and she texted me yesterday saying she doesn't know what to say, I said take your time, I thought a lot aand would like to talk when you are ready and I have been running a lot like in forest gump thinking of her, she said that was her favorite movie and I texted her she was my Jenny. She said that was so cute and wants to talk soon. So now I'm just plaing the waiting game, she is supposed to come down in a week for work. I need some help. What to do next

The thing is she is a great person and isn't playing a game so I am not made at her. This "relationship" that we have took off quick even though we never saw each other you know so I gues the time off is good to think about if either one of us would move, how can we date etc...

And helps or words of wisdom would be great and I don't have a bad job but its just not a stable office one.

You haven't really gotten to know each other and whatever feelings she had have changed.
I think you'll just have to chalk this on up to experience and move on.

So, you two met, had a blast. Then went a while without talking. Thers lots of reasons the sudden change. Maybe she was talking to someone and they got in her business and convinced her that "long distance relationships dont work". So it got her thinking. Or perhaps she just doesn't know if she can handle it. She may be too week to take it on. Maybe she needs someone there all the time with her. But the fact is, if she is having these doubts about the whole thing NOW, when you two aren't even IN LOVE. Imagen the prolems she's going to have when she does get stronger feelings, if she can't handle now, then shw won't be able to handle later, and it will just be a big mess, and you can't keep convincing her to stay, it will continue to get worse. She has self doubt and mixed feelings about you. Why do you want to get with that? Wouldn't you prefer someone who is sure they want to date you? Who is into you as much as you are into them?

She probably met someone else that lives closer, ~350 miles is quite the drive.

Let her go.

I wouldn't assume anything, nor force any commitment on her at all. She canceled a date,, and isn't looking to get too deep too fast for whatever reason, so keep on with doing your own thing, and just talk occasionally as friends.

Not all dates end up in sex, romance, or love. Some are just friendship, and fun.

I'm not sure it's someone else, she is an honest person and says that is the last thing on her mind, last thing we talked about was she is confused and needs some time to think.

I'm giving her the time its just hard, we really did have a lot in common and yes it would be easier dating someone here but believe me I have dated a lot of girls her and didn't find anyone as good as here. I'm one of those guys who never develop feelings for someone so it crazy me acting like this you know

If you like her so much, then respect her wishes and wait this out.

It does look bleak, but I wouldn't give up on her so easily. When she comes down for work, hopefully she will have time to see you. Enjoy the time that you spend together.

Instead of always talking about your "relationship," maybe you should take a few steps back and go back to the basics. Just enjoy the conversation for what it is. Allow yourselves to bond with one another by communicating, instead of tying each other down into a serious relationship. Remember, this is long distance and not everyone is willing to commit to a long distance relationship. But if you're willing to put the effort in keeping in contact with one another, even just as friends, then maybe you can build something more from that. But, again, I would go back to basics.

You are right, I made a dumb move and texted her today to see if she thought about the situation more or is her mind made up. I just wanted to know more about it since she has been waffling. But last text I promise. I feel stronger after the text like either way she answers I don't care as much as I did before, I just want to know.

She doesn't want to know. Stop texting & find a girl around the block, so to speak..

Be cool. You had fun, good.

Well we will see if she relpies back or not. But Im done texting her, if she wants to have dinner with me when she comes down for work I will leave it up to her now I made my feelings known and that's all I can do

Exactly.

It's just hard when one week things are great and then suddenly like the next week its not. I guess she just thought deeply about if she could actually keep up the long distance

Be prepared for more weeks like that.

Seems like you both have different expectations.

You don't REALLY know her. Do you?

Your up against some odds here. 2 cities, no real communication, yada yada... Way more.

Plus the big one, expectations outside of reality (fact). Hers & yours.

I was in a LDR for too long.

Use your gut.

Well We did talk everyday for 4 months. Last week was the end. We only spent 6 days together in that time but we talked a lot on the phone. BUt I know once she makes a decision then its final so I am slowly starting to accept the fact that we won't be together, unless when we go to dinner next week it just sparks but I am no fool, just surprised by how quick and the reasons it ended

Cool. Glad your not a fool. Take that path.

Don't get sucked back in if you meet up. Maybe you should just blow her off instead. Show her that she can't have flings.

Your post actually made me realize a few things about my ex.
One sided.

Save yourself the agony later.

See the thing is that she is a very good person she just doesn't know what she wants, I think this kind of took her by surprise you know. Now the last girl I dated that one was not so nice haha. My ex girlfriend before this girl she was very one sided, always about her so I'm very aware of that in other girls I date. This one always asked how my day was, made sure to text me and me not the one always making communication etc... so for those reason I was surprised but talking about it helps and I get to figure things out you know

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Originally Posted by bdogthahog

I'm not sure it's someone else, she is an honest person and says that is the last thing on her mind, last thing we talked about was she is confused and needs some time to think.

I'm giving her the time its just hard, we really did have a lot in common and yes it would be easier dating someone here but believe me I have dated a lot of girls her and didn't find anyone as good as here. I'm one of those guys who never develop feelings for someone so it crazy me acting like this ya know

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Holy crap dude, I'm the same way, it really sucks when this happens, bad.

Yeah its all new to me, I can usually just shut a girl off but for whatever reason I hold out hope, I guess I really liked her but just going to lay low for a while with her and keep busy here

I think it is a question of too much, too fast. She has put the brakes on the speeding bullet train, and wants to move slower.

That does not necessarily mean it is over. But if you push it, it will be.

Intense feelings can be very overwhelming, and suddenly it feels like your life is out of control, and you realize that you've only known this person for four months.

With her coming to town for work, whatever you do, don't show up unnanounced. Let her know, maybe in an email that you won't bother her, but if she wants to get together for dinner, or coffee, to give you a call.

If you don't hear from her, then I would assume the relationship is over.

The more I think about it the more I feel it was too much too soon, she started to like me but then thought about who would move etc... and got scared. When we talked I picked up on little things like that. Lets see if she texts back before she gets to town Tuesday next week