I have this girlfriend that I REALLY love a lot! But I can't get over her past! Before me, she had sex with 4 guys and there's two other guys that she had oral sex with ( they gave it to her, she didn't give it to them). I don't know why I can't get over this. I guess it's because I was a virgin before we started dating? But she has really changed and she is a really good girl. It was 8 months before we had sex together but there were times when we almost did before that, and it took both of our efforts to wait longer. On our first date, or the first time we hung out, she showed me her panties, she didn't pull her pants down she just opened the zipper and showed me the top of them then asked me if I liked thongs or boyshorts better lol. I asked her after we had been dating for a while why she did that and she said she was just flirting with me because she really liked me. Is this how some girls flirt? Idk why all these crazy thoughts are going through my head. She's my first serious relationship and I just want to get over it! Help me!

How old are you two?

We are 18. But there are girls our age that has had like over 10 sex partners.

Hmm. Being a sexual guy myself the number only starts to irk me if its above 10. I think this is just a deep rooted stigma that society has put in our heads that sex is bad. The more important thing is that they are clean.

You have to realize that there were others before you. If she was willing to wait 8 months to have sex with you then I think she is pretty loyal. Most people don't stick around that long if they don't put out sadly.

A total of six guys is not bad. If you don't want to lose her, get over it. She had a life before you, she'll have one AFTER you if you can't get this out of your head.

I absolutely refuse to discuss number of lovers that I've had with my wife. She knows my past, and how I was girl crazy. She hasn't asked, and if she did, I would explain that it's not important. In turn, I don't want to know the number of guys she slept with before me. We simply choose not to talk about it. There's no healthy reason to bring it up.

A friend of mine had this discussion with his wife one night recently. Her number was 50, his was 30. He is having a hard time getting past this now, after 14 years of marriage. He looks at her in a different light.

So, if you really love this girl, go on with youir relationship.

As far as her showing you her panties on the first time together, that's pretty forward. Very forward actually.

If she is someone you can trust totally, go enjoy your time together, and forget this.

I mean we met at a party and we had been talking on the phone and texting and stuff for over a month. Then we hung out and she showed me her panties. But she didn't pull her pants down, she basically showed me the top of it, like the top of her pelvis.

This isn't a big deal. I have done way more than that on day one and had long lasting relationships.

I mean she's not easy at all! The two guys that gave her oral sex both wanted to have sex with her and she refused, and she regrets having sex with those guys in the past because she felt like they were just using her but she also doesn't regret it because she said that she learned from her mistakes.

Look, if you can't accept her past is in the past and before you,move on..

If you can't get over it,there are plenty of fish in the sea of never never land who don't have a past..

People have pasts,a history of good and bad choices and decisions..
They may not all be sexually ones,there could be any numbers of bad choices...

But today right now,do you respect her?

How would you feel if you walk away?
Sad? Happy? Not care?

Think about that,how would you feel without her?

I would feel horrible without her! We've been dating for a year and a half. This used to bother me a long time ago then it stopped and it recently just now started bothering me. Our relationship is special and she has told me like every secret! Secrets she hasn't ever told anyone! Could this be bothering me because I was a virgin before I met her?

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Originally Posted by Anonymous91

I mean she's not easy at all! the two guys that gave her oral sex both wanted to have sex with her and she refused, and she regrets having sex with those guys in the past because she felt like they were just using her but she also doesnt regret it because she said that she learned from her mistakes.

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I said forward. I had sex on the first "date" with girls. I was just saying it was very open and forward for her to do that. No big deal. Get on with your relationship if you love her that much.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous91

I would feel horrible without her! we've been dating for a year and a half. This used to bother me a long time ago then it stopped and it recently just now started bothering me. Our relationship is special and she has told me like every secret!! secrets she hasnt ever told anyone!! Could this be bothering me because i was a virgin before i met her?

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Possibly,only you know the answer to that.

Don't make her regret confiding in you... learn from each other,your both learning about how relationships work,and how to communicate with each other...

Here are some of the basics of a good relationship,and although on a screen they look easy,some are very difficult..

1. respect each other.
2.communicate,communicate and communicate.
3.give each other space to see friends.
4.trust,without it,there is no relationship.
5.be honest about your feelings.
6.care for each others feelings.
7.worth repeating,communicate.

This is a short list,time and experience will teach you more.

Let the fact that she had others partners before you go... she is with you now,and your feelings of insecurity will damage what you have.

Me and my girlfriend are dealing with a long distance relationship right now because we both go to different colleges. But for the past month and a half she has been very upset with me and we are on a break. She said that there were nights when she was lonely and needed someone to talk to and I didn't call her. She said I wasn't there for her like I promised I would be. But Im extremely busy! Not only am in college, I'm also an athlete there too! That takes up so much time! But now I do have time to talk to her because our team camp is over, during our team camp we were basically busy from 6 in the morning to 9 at night! But I call her like every night and I try to explain to her that I'm not going to let her be lonely again, that I'm going to call her more! But she doesn't believe me, she thinks that once we're good again that I'm going to think that I've won her back again and stop calling her again! She said that I never learn from my mistakes. But that is not the case, I really love this girl and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep her! What can I do to let her know that I am serious this time and that I'm really going to change?

She seems demanding, but if you really want to keep her...
Different things work for different people, you know her best so you'll probably know this ---

Is she the type of person who will let go when challenged or will hold on even tighter? Because some people get tired of something when it's always available. Some people like missing their significant other. Others can't take the distance.

That said... It really takes a hell lot of maturity to be able to handle a long-distance relationship... Is she/you coming back soon?

Me and my fiancé did long-distance for over a year. He was on the west coast, I was in the midwest. We talked on the phone 2 nights a week-Monday and Thursday. I would let her know that you're lonely without her too, and set up specific times to talk that work for both of you. She does seem very demanding. I NEVER freaked out about being long-distance or anything. Especially when I knew that my fiancé was busy doing his job, that's just me though. If you really want to keep her, I would recommend sticking with a calling schedule that you agree on. That way, she can't complain since she agreed on it. If that's a certain time every night then it is. It's important to have something to look forward to during the week. It can get pretty lonely. Let her know that if she needs to call at a time other than the scheduled times, she's welcome to, but you may be too busy to answer.

There's nothing you can do at this point. It's up to her if she wants to give you another chance. If you really believe that you can change for her, then you'll just have to hope that she gives you that chance.

She already knows that you will try hard to change, so it's up to her to see if she believes you or not. I suggest that you give her some time and space to sort out her feelings.

Mate, if you really loved her, you would have never taken her for granted, I should say.
You know this clearly that she loves you.

But that's a common mistake, give her time to find herself, call her. Sometimes only send her a text. She'll feel that you're still here, you love her.

When you call her ask her about her parents, how she's doing.

Meet up. Don't go sexual, discuss about things you never did before, like how might the future be.

Cheer her up dude, make her laugh, feel secure..

Possibility!

"there were nights when she was lonely and needed someone to talk to and i didnt call her. She said I wasnt there for her like i promised I would be"

When boy ignores her girl, she tries find that love or someone else gives it to her. She can feel love for anyone.
During that time frame anyone can get as close as you are, shouldering her, cheering her up.
She might feel more secure with someone else than with you.

Beware man, it hurts. Don't let love go if you really love her !

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Originally Posted by Terry MJ Carter

When boy ignores her girl, she tries find that love or someone else gives it to her. She can feel love for anyone.
During that time frame anyone can get as close as you are, shouldering her, cheering her up.
She might feel more secure with someone else than with you.

Beware man, it hurts. Don't let love go if you really love her !

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... Actually, as a girl, I think I can agree.
Good one.

But that was during my 2 week fall camp for football. I told her that I was going to be busy and she understood that. I was busy with football from 5 30 in the morning to 9 at night for two weeks straight but I still called her. We just didn't talk as much because I was tired and needed my rest! But how it really got bad, was when my phone got wet and it wasn't working. I told her my phone was messed up over the webcam one night and then after that we didn't talk for 3 days because of my phone. I didn't want to use anyone else's phone here because they don't live in the same state so it would long distance and run there bill up! So I went on the internet and just searched for about an hour!! And found a way I could call her from my computer! I also found a way I could text her too! Until my phne started working. But she was still mad and said that I made no effort to call her! And I was thinking how? I mean I found a way to call you from my laptop! How is that not making an effort? And now that I think about it, I have been there for her! There's been nights she was sad and I stayed up late on the phone with her even though I had to wake up at 5:00 the next morning! And the only time I didn't call her was those 3 days my phone was messed up.

So I take what I said back, I never took her for granted. I just make myself think that because she's upset with me, and because that what she thinks! She actually took me for granted! Everybody else's girlfriend's here understood that their boyfriends weren't going to be able to talk as much during team camp except mine! But I also guess that I'm the only guy that was willing to stay up with my girlfriend on the phone until she cheered up NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TOOK! That's how much I love her!