Ok, I'm perfectly fine. Really. I've been ridiculously busy. My attitude about life is very positive, I'm good. I've met so many girls since my last ex. A decent amount of them have liked me too. Ready... here's what's driving me insane. I can't stop comparing them to my ex. Her negative traits were heartbreaking and I have too much pride to go back to someone that would even attempt to treat me the way she did, but man those good traits were intoxicating. She was funny as hell (I mean really clever). Extremely well read and intelligent. Very, very cute. The funniest, no... the smartest, no... the prettiest, no, but man her specific chemistry spoke to me. Ok, scales of justice. She wasn't stable (mentally, or otherwise). Half the time, I didn't even like how she made me feel (worried, irritated, pressured, unappreciated, etc.). It didn't feel like there was enough room in the relationship for me.

I'm not a superficial person. I take the time to really get to know people. At the same time, I really only form strong bonds with like 1% of the people I meet. Probably not abnormal, but it holds true with the opposite sex as well. Yeah sure, I could date any number of girls, but I know pretty early on whether I'd be serious about them or not. I just don't want to waste anyone's time, or hurt anyone's feelings. Damn. I don't think about her all of the time anymore. It's only every once in a while now. Despite everything, I get this urge to contact her, in the hopes that she has changed. I know. She hasn't, at least more than likely she hasn't. I'm not idealizing her. I don't need therapy. I just know, that some of her traits are always going to charm me. What does one do in my present situation?

I had a boyfriend like that...
Don't go back, don't look back!

I know it's irrational to think this way, but I would love to meet someone who has many of her positive traits and none of her negative ones. Or at least, someone similar, but more balanced. That's really the only thing I wanted. She seemed pretty grounded at first, just a little quirky. That quirkiness evolved into a crazy monster.

Everyone isn't the same and you need to realize that. If anything, you learnt from the relationship you had with your ex and know what you will and will not tolerate. You learn something from every relationship and you shouldn't be afraid to move on because of your ex--your only end up alone and miss out on that special someone.

Yeah you have to look at it that way the good qualities minus the bad. I think that is part of what its all about getting to know people and finding the qualities you like.

I know all about the evolving into the crazy monster or the pure jerk.

Okay, you need to have some pride. What you're basically saying is: I am not good enough for the most wonderful, smartest, prettiest woman in the world. That's lame. It's apparent that you still aren't over her. I once thought that my ex was the greatest thing as well. Once I realized how damaging this was to myself esteem I changed my opinion in a hurry.

You need to open yourself up to other women. You'll never stop comparing unless you become completely honest with yourself about her. All I had to do was strike up a random conversation with a random woman to realize that what I was thinking was nuts. Go with the flow. Everyone is different, and everyone has certain traits and charms and quirks that can also speak your language. You just need to become multilingual.

Itried... way off. Thank you, but I'm quite prideful, bordering egotistical (and working on it).

Liz, I'm not really even holding on to my ex in any meaningful way. I'm definitely not trying to stay alone. I just haven't met a girl that put's my ex to shame yet.

Okay but how do you expect to when you keep comparing them to your ex??

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by inertia

Itried... way off. Thank you, but I'm quite prideful, bordering egotistical (and working on it).

---

Sure. Whatever you say. In any case, if you're still comparing other girls to your ex then you can't say you're over her. It sounds like all this chest-puffing on your part is just a smokescreen. Once you stop comparing other girls to her you will agree with me.

Good luck.

Interesting post. I think it can be taken in a lot of different way.s Feel free to tell me if I am wrong. You stated that you are igotistical and that she wasn't the prettiest, funniest, or smartest. So here is my take. She is not the problem. I think the problem is kind of you. You stated that you bond with about 1% of the people that you meet. I think that sometimes when you have so much about someone that clicks you learn to put the quirks aside and love them for who they are.
In my experience there are people that come your way in life that you will love and will have a lot of what you are looking for. It's up to you not to let that "one" get away because you are lookng for something more... you just may never find anything that compares.

No need to patronize me "Itried". I know this is an anonymous board, but I hope you don't speak that way to people face to face. It's quite off putting. You can be direct yet tactful. I didn't say I was over her either. Those were your words, twice now. Advice along the lines of "go out there, meet new people" would be great for someone with no self esteem. That's why I said I'm borderline egotistical. My problem has nothing to do with self-image. I'd really like to stop comparing other girls to her. That's the problem I posted. So to say "stop comparing other girls to her is pretty useless. Try again I tried.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Interesting post. I think it can be taken in a lot of different way.s Feel free to tell me if I am wrong. You stated that you are igotistical and that she wasn't the prettiest, funniest, or smartest. So here is my take. She is not the problem. I think the problem is kinda you. You stated that you bond with about 1% of the people that you meet. I think that sometimes when you have so much about someone that clicks you learn to put the quirks aside and love them for who they are.
In my experience there are people that come your way in life that you will love and will have a lot of what you are looking for. It's up to you not to let that "one" get away because you are lookng for something more.... you just may never find anything that compares.

---

No, I'm really trying to avoid saying she is the greatest ever because we broke up. I thought she was the cat's meow when we dated. Right after breaking up I thought she was something in the cat's litterbox. At this point in time, she was just the best cat I've known so far.

Okay. Here's my least patronizing, most constructive, pithiest piece of advice: Get over you're your ex.

Once you're over her, you won't be irritated with thoughts of her when you meet other women. How you accomplish this is up to you. I can't tell you how.

Sleep on it. Maybe tomorrow you'll come up with something better. (I'm kidding). In all honesty, this isn't that big of an ordeal for me. I guess I was looking for a justification to date the same kind of girl. I just think I know how it will turn out in the end. Leaves me in this "what the hell kind of person am I meant to be with" outlook.

How many other women, besides her, have you had relationships with in the past?

2 other serious relationships. Plenty of not so serious.

This one just seemed more right. Kind of like the embodiment of everything I was looking for. With some craziness sprinked on top.

I don't know what to say, man. You just need more time, I guess.

Yeah, been a year though. Something's got to give. Didn't even think (when we were breaking up) this would leave such a huge footprint on me. I've been out and about quite a bit. There are a lot of great girls out there, no argument from me there. I just haven't found the original thought I saw her as yet.

I thought the same when I first came here. It will be a year (for me) in the next week or so, I'm not too sure. I wanted to call my ex so badly on more than one occasion (we were together for 6 years; Great chemistry). The only thing that kept me from doing that was the fact that she dumped me and made me look like an idiot in the process. I had to keep telling myself that I would never try to contact her again and just kept pushing those thoughts out of my head. In my mind, it had to be her who would have to make the first attempt at contact (believe me, I hoped the day would eventually come).

I have been working out 4-5 times a week, play sports, eat right and just try to work on myself. I gained at least 10 pounds of muscle over the last year and I feel and look great (in my humble opinion). For the longest time I was hoping we would eventually get back together because I had the same thoughts you did.

Then, a couple of weeks ago (to the day) she texted me and said that she wanted to talk. I had imagined the day early in our break up and hoped it would come. When it did, I just smirked, shut my phone and just kept on doing what I was doing. I never responded and don't plan to at all. For me that chapter is finished.

Again, time is all it takes. It's a remarkable concept, really.