Hi Guys I'm 20 years old , and I'm currently living in the UK

Ive been going out with this girl for 3 and a half months now , we met in lyon in france this summer... she's 28 and she's a dancer in the nearest major city.. I'm from dublin ireland.. but I have now moved in with the girl because I want to look for work over here too... her job didn't bother me when we met or for the first few weeks of our relationship , but now.. its really getting to me :(... I've met her co-workers and I've been in her job (but not while she's working) she claims that she "doesnt get as close" or "does it different than the other girls" etc... but I personaly think its bull... I'm absaloutly bonkers about this girl and I love her very much... when she's not working we are a team and we share everything... but her job really annoys me a lot of the time... the hole idea of it and its making my feelings for her really sour... she's just finished college and we are planning on going travelling.. it really started to bother me the other night when I was picking her up ( I do this regularly) I was sitting in my car and a group of guys who had just walked out made a sleazy comment about her... I keep getting the feeling she's hiding something because anytime I bring her job up she gets extremely defensive and drops the subject.. it has caused a few arguments between us were she dusnt listen to what I have to say which drives me insane... I just see it ripping us apart now :(

Thanks in advance

PS if I'm not being clear enough about my problem please just ask.. I'm really bad with words

Hello..
If you are both going travelling together it will give you both time a space away from her job,and most likely a chance to discuss your future together..

Was the dancing just to fund her education?
If she has plans to continue dancing and if bothers you,the best you can do is just tell her it upsets you when guys leer at her,without being defensive or getting angry state your case,and ask her what her plans are.

I agree. What is the reason she is at this job? Have you TALKED to her about this issue?

Yeah we have talked about it but all she says is "you have nothing to worry about"... that's all I get

Have you asked her to get a different job?

Better she says 'you have nothing to worry about' instead of 'stop wreaking my head about it'

For now your could just take her at her word,trust her judgement,and when the time is right discuss your future,and if she is willing her plans for the future.

If you don't love her enough to accept who she is, and what she does, you really don't love her enough. You may think you do but you don't. She has said don't worry, but you do. I understand, but you had better look to your own issues about her job, and her, and decide if you can truly handle it, or not.

It takes a VERY SECURE MAN to deal with a stripper. Are you secure with yourself? No butts, that's the question you must answer for yourself, and deal with.

Well... the future is so far we are going travelling... we have already began to start saving for it... I'm just finding it hard to trust her.. like she kept something from me before... she kept the fact that her "best friend" is actually her ex.. and I've read a text on her phone stating that "he still loves her".. and when I questioned her about that she did the same caused an argument and didn't want to know... driving me mad

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If you don't love her enough to accept who she is, and what she does, you really don't love her enough. You may think you do but you don't. She has said don't worry, but you do. I understand, but you had better look to your own issues about her job, and her, and decide if you can truly handle it, or not.

It takes a VERY SECURE MAN to deal with a stripper. Are you secure with yourself?? No butts, thats the question you must answer for yourself, and deal with.

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Yeah I am... its what attracted her to me... I really do try to deal with it man.. it just drives me mad half the time..

She's a lot stronger than me though... she has a lot more life experience and realationship experience.. but I think its because of the age gap

You got to trust her. If you really care about her, stop pestering her about her job. That's her choice. She already told you that you have nothing to worry about it. If you keep questioning her, it shows that you don't trust her and it will just cause more of a rift between you.

You already knew what her job was before you got into a relationship with her. So there's nothing new. You either accept the whole package or you don't. You can't take part of the package and want to change another part. That would mean that you don't really like her for her.

I don't pester her . Because if I do it causes arguments... its just a feeling inside me at this stage

If it's an internal battle, maybe try reading some self-help books. You can't control her actions, you can only control your own actions.

So instead of hoping that she might change, change your attitude towards her. Realize that she's independent. She's going to make her own choices. What you do is support whatever decision she makes. If you feel that you can't support her, then maybe she's not a good match for you.

You said that she has more life experience and you felt that the age difference was an issues..
If she is younger then you,do you think she will find a younger man more attractive and understanding,if she is older are you worried she will leave you for someone with more life experience...
Either way.. look at your own self esteem and confidence,is there something there that's causing the problem,not just her dancing.

So what did she go to college for? Maybe instead of talking negatively about the job she has, you could try being positive about a job in the field that she's been studying.

She was doing business in college , but she doesn't want a business job yet , another issue I have is she knows a lot of people trough her job... and I can't stand it :( like " my mate dropped into me in work today" and yes... they are all men... I can't stand the tought of her naked on top of other men :(

Shin, You knew what her job was when you met her, but now you're in love. That's got to be tough. But for now you're going to have to go with the flow. The most quick way to lose her is to keep going on about it . Ask her if she can see herself doing that next year. If not, what her exit strategy is. Until then, bite your tongue, but insist she stay monogamous, and you do the same.

There's a price to dating a stripper, and you've got to pay it.

What if you two get married, and live in that city? You'll be running into her former "audience" from time to time. Can you handle THAT?

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Shin, You knew what her job was when you met her, but now you're in love. That's got to be tough. But for now you're going to have to go with the flow. The quickest way to lose her is to keep going on about it . Ask her if she can see herself doing that next year. If not, what her exit strategy is. Until then, bite your tongue, but insist she stay monogamous, and you do the same.

There's a price to dating a stripper, and you've got to pay it.

What if you two get married, and live in that city? You'll be running into her former "audience" from time to time. Can you handle THAT?

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No way man... I can't handle it all now like...

It is no brainer. It will not work no matter what you do.
She loves to strip, which give her excitement under spotlight, boost her sexy body image, heated tension from gorup of guys, and of course good money. She will not easily change her job. A 20 years old sweet heart will not satisfy her sexually or financially not too long, no matter how hard you try. You are too young, and does not know the world very well. Thank god you had a good time with her, and move on for your future. You will break up anyway. It is a matter of time. Why do you try to call striper as girlfriend on earth? Her naked body is public toy for all guys. The guys do not simply look at her, but they imagine they do her. Have some ground rule for your dignity. It is impossible to love someone you can not respect. End of story.

Well we are trying to save to travel... obviously she will have to stop doing it when we go :(... this sucks... oh and you have no idea about my finances or my sexual potential...

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Originally Posted by Shinobi01

well we are trying to save to travel ... obviously she will have to stop doing it when we go :( ...... this sucks ... oh and you have no idea about my finances or my sexual potential ...

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My fiancés? Do you have multiple finace? I guess it is typo.
Do you really want to marry this girl, and make her as 'respectable' mother of your children? Do you really think she will settle down with you forever happily after?

I am pretty sure you have good quality, plenty of energy, youth, good looking, pure love, and dedication which she likes to keep you as boyfriend. However, the passion does not last too long, and intimacy and attachment has to follow up if you want to develop the real relationhsip. Why do you want to attach yourself to the public asset, and how will you be intimate with the girl every guys know her as naked body on earth? If it was easy, you would not come to this site.

Move on if you want real relationhsip. You fell for wrong girl.
If you like to have just good time and sex, you are with right person, do not complain her job, and do not expect further development.

FYI. Good girls are amazingly sexual in bed & have great body as well, but they only please 'one guy', and show off their body for only for the guy. Do you know that?