Ask Me Help Desk - Trust Issues and being inconsiderate

Trust Issues and being inconsiderate

Hey everyone,
So here is my situation... I met this girl a day before easter. She asked for my #. I txted her the next day just to say hi and that it was nice meeting her. We txted throughout the day and she made the 1st move and said we should go out. We decided to do dinner on Tuesday. Tuesday came and we had a great time. Good conversation and everything. She told me she was hesitant about meeting me because of my job. (I'm in a rock band that just got signed to a major label and an actor that did a few movies) I told her I do these things cause I love them. I don't drink or do drugs, I don't sleep around, I have a great family life and I'm an easy going guy. We both liked each others company and decided to get together again. We got together Thursday and had a great time. Even though she brought up she doesn't know if she could trust me. We made plans for Saturday around 8pm. I called her and she said her friend was over and she would call me when her friend left. She called at 930pm and said they were getting pizza and drinking and that she'll call me soon to hang out. 11pm came and she said they were cleaning up and she will call me to come over. She calls at 1230am and says you can come over now. I said I was tired and that I felt that she made me a last resort. She started begging for me to come over saying how much she missed me. So I did... when I got there she was drunk... I simply said, listen, you mad me feel really bad and that was inconsiderate. I told her to get some sleep cause I wasn't going to talk to her drunk. The next day she tells me she has a 2 year old son. On top of that she is ALWAYS txting. She has the phone glued to her hand. Even when we are cuddling or kissing she has to stop and answer her text messages.
This past Monday I had to film and I told her that. I said we are not allowed to have phones on set. I got a text message from her saying "No call huh? I don't know about you"
I called her when filming was over and she got really mad saying why can't you call me, I don't know if your with another girl. We worked it out and then made plans again. I didn't see her wed. or Thursday even though we had plans for Thursday, Friday we got out of the studio early so I called her. She said she would come over in a little bit and that she misses me and really wants to see me. Around 5pm she texts me and says "I don't know if ill make it, im going shopping and then out with my friends tonight". Then she says "Well maybe I don't know". Later on she texts me and says " I really want to see you. I miss you". I told her to come over and she said I don't know if I'll have time. Well she txted me and said "I"m coming now". Then txted me another 15mins later and said "I'm going to be a little late I stopped off at my friends house to hang" This stuff goes on nonstop. Keep in mind we only live 5 minutes from each other. We will have plans and she'll go to other friends houses or have friends come to hers.
Advice and Help Please?!

Advice and help is what you asked, but all I have is an opinion.

She sounds selfish, immature and insecure (always needs assurance).

You've just recently met, so her having trouble with "trusting" you is unfounded.

You are correct. She is inconsiderate of your time and feelings.

As far as the advice and help, I would suggest either confronting her with how her actions are affecting you and go from there OR I would look for someone else to date.

Doesn't sound like your very compatible, and aren't clicking that well.

My advice would be for you to cut your losses, and stop putting yourself through this. Its not working for you so move on.

My God. If she acts like this and you've only known her since Easter, can you imagine what she'll be like when she get comfortable enough to drop the wall and be her real self. Get rid of her now.

So should I just do NC?
Or wait to talk things out with her?

I don't mean to be too blunt or sound insensitive but "She's just not that into you"... I believe she has someone else she's pining for and is probably being treated the same way she's treating you.
I would cool it with her, she's being passive aggressive, and you're in the outside wondering what's going on. If she respected you and your feelings she would just say yes or no. None of this 'my friends over, maybe later' or 'I'm on my way but stopped to hang out with someone else, maybe later' and then suddenly she's in a panic to see you. It's not the actions of someone that's emotionally stable.
Maybe in time she'll get her priorities straight and you can give it another try. For now, my advice is to really walk away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

So should I just do NC?
Or wait to talk things out with her?

Talk WHAT out with her? Definitely do NC.

She said she wants to talk things out. She said she feels that she can NEVER trust me.
So she said she wants to come over later and talk about and make a decision...
Don't know if I should have her come over or not?
phiverson... I thought the same thing you did... but I have a friend that knows her best friend and all her stories add up. She is where she says she is and who she's with.
It's really strange. So should I even have her come over tonight?

Why not, but what are you looking to accomplish here?

I'm looking to resolve it once and for at all... If she says she can't trust me than I can't do anything about that... I'll move on... If she says she will try and pulls this crap again, then I'll move on. Either way I just want closure or a solid answer... No more Maybe, or I don't know

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

I'm looking to resolve it once and for at all...If she says she can't trust me than I can't do anything about that...I'll move on...If she says she will try and pulls this crap again, then I'll move on. Either way I just want closure or a solid answer...No more Maybe, or I dont know

And you can trust her to show up or be available when she said she will, or will she continue to spin you around on her little spindle? Closure? A solid answer? And she will give these to you how?

I guess by either saying yes or no... Either she's willing to make an effort or not... If she pulls her games again... ill end it.
I just want to get everything out in the open.

Truth, she said she didn't know if she could trust you on the first date... why? Shouldn't someone get to know someone, and then, based on their integrity and actions, judge whether they can be trusted? Why should you have to jump through hoops to prove something to her when it's not justified? If she knew you previously or was told of some wild and crazy reputation you have then fine, but to meet someone and just say "I don't know if I trust you" is weird.
In my opinion, this girl has issues that SHE needs to deal with.
Obviously, you've fallen for this girl, ask yourself why. When you honestly can answer those questions (are you trying to prove her wrong? Protect her?) then ask yourself if you're willing to try and live up to her expectations. You know, if you do anything that she deems 'untrustworthy' even showing up late she's going to say "I knew I couldn't trust you..."
Again she has issues from her past or present life experiences that are causing her to be insecure and flighty.
BTW, where is her two year old?

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

I guess by either saying yes or no...Either she's willing to make an effort or not...If she pulls her games again...ill end it.
I just want to get everything out in the open.

Everything IS out in the open, isn't it?

phiverson... that was a good post... I think I might print that out and show that to her... haha... Her 2 year old is either with her dad, her brother, or at the kid's dad's house.
I don't think she's a very good parent... I mean she was drunk 3 times in a week... And she knows I don't like girls that drink. And on 2 occasions she drove drunk... And I specifically told her to call me and I'll pick her up if she drinks... but no... I also agree with you. She doesn't know my past and she's basing it on my work. She asked all her friends that know me and they all confirm that "I'm a nice guy and will treat her right"

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

phiverson...that was a good post...I think I might print that out and show that to her...haha...Her 2 year old is either with her dad, her brother, or at the kid's dad's house.

STOP RIGHT THERE. You do not date or talk to this woman. Do you know how F-ing horrible of a woman you have to be for the courts to give the kids to a father? Don't get me wrong, it's a sexist male hating system designed to punish great fathers, but you have to be one F-ed up woman for a court to take them away. I can't believe you wouldn't run upon hearing. I'm beyond stunned.

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

I don't think she's a very good parent...

As God is my witness, I didn't read this before what I just wrote above. What are you doing? We all told you before we got ahold of this to dump her. YOU knew this and you still want to work it out? What is wrong with you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

I mean she was drunk 3 times in a week...And she knows I dont like girls that drink.

So what, she doesn't care what you like.

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

And on 2 occassions she drove drunk...And I specifically told her to call me and I'll pick her up if she drinks...but no...I also agree with you.

Wow, it's a double today for guys that put up with women that use them and associate with people who might murder me. At least the other woman in the other thread could see her kids.

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

She doesn't know my past and she's basing it on my work. She asked all her friends that know me and they all confirm that "I'm a nice guy and will treat her right"

I was once like you (well not exactly, I never went out with someone who the court system took there children from because even I could see that one) but I used to be a nice always treating them right. Guess what that means to her. That means you'll put up with anything, and that's exactly what she has you doing. You've known her since EASTER. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? I'm thinking it wasn't no more then 6 weeks ago. You have no trust, but you talking about it like you've been together for years. She doesn't even have her kids which is mind boggling you'd think she'd be a great person to be around.

You need to gain confidence and some basic understanding about yourself and what you will put up with. NO MAN should put up with a woman who doesn't have her own kids. I swear, how do you miss the biggest red flag of them all?

No she has her kid... I thought he was asking me where her kid was when she is with me... She has him during the week except tues. and thurs. and every other weekend.
The kid lives with her, her dad, and her brother

Quote:

Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

No she has her kid...I thought he was asking me where her kid was when she is with me...She has him during the week except tues. and thurs. and every other weekend.
The kid lives with her, her dad, and her brother

I'm sorry about that, my mistake, I take all that back then about her not being a good parent.

She doesn't treat you right though and you should still dump her.

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Advice and Help Please?!

You don't need advice or help, just a better girlfriend.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

I have to add one thing. I just think that sometimes when someone is blaming you for something they have no basis on, it's almost like an admission of who they are.
She comes off saying she doesn't know if she can trust you, based on what? It's based on her behaviour, as you have seen for yourself. What she is really telling you is, she isn't one to be trusted.