Another "I need space" victim
The quick stats are that me and my ex-fiance’ were together 7 yrs, engaged 1 yr. Three weeks ago she did the I need space line on me. That last few months have been sketchy, there was definitely an emotional disconnect. She wanted space, and so I withdrew my proposal and took the ring back. But I felt I agreed to the separation way to easy, and I let her know that I did not think it was a good idea. So me the ex, spoke on the phone. It was clear that she did not want to reverse her decision. She tells me the standard line of I’m smothering her, and she needs the space. I live three hours away, it’s not possible to smother her. And no, I don’t call five times a day either.
A lot of people including myself thinks there may be another guy in the picture. All I know is that things were fine, and great with us until she took a trip to Atlanta, during which she saw an ex, and ended up having dinner and going to a club. To her credit, she did not hide that fact when she got back, but to say I had a freaking hissy fit would be the understatement of the year. I didn’t shriek or anything, but I made it clear that it was not appropriate. She tried to argue with me about it, and then I dared her to call any one of her male friends and get just one of them to agree with her—none did.
Nothing has been the same since. She still says there is not another guy; especially not him. That she wants to separate because the stress of me wanting to get married. She says she has shut down, and does not want to give me a chance to unlock the door. And then the further craziness comes out. Here’s the play by play.
Me: So how long is this “separation” supposed to last?
Ex: “I don’t know. I can’t tell you. Don’t try and make me follow a schedule within a separation. It’s like you’re still trying to control me.”
Me: No, I’m not. But I need a date that this is going to last, and I want to know the rules, like neither of us are going to date and be intimate with other people. If all you want is time for work and to clear your mind of the wedding stress, then you don’t need to date anyone.
Ex: I don’t know that I’m going to come back to the relationship. I don’t want you to be with anyone else. It would bother me if you dated, or slept with someone else. But I’m not going to promise you I won’t date anyone.
I’ll never understand why people that seem perfectly reasonable three weeks ago, can now be complete _oles! I mean, I love this girl, but does that not sound like the most selfish, self-centered, Y thing I have ever heard.
So my question is there seems to be a rule that separations never end up getting back together. That’s the rule, what makes an exception. Her behavior in the last four weeks is puzzling, but before that we had a decent relationship. We fit like a glove, same values, goals, family loves me, etc. I don’t know how to deal, well I know cause I’ve read posts here and elsewhere, but still the actual doing is hard. Have NC for about two and weeks. Sorry about length:eek:
