Hello all. Most of you have come to know me now, so I would hope you don't judge me by the question I ask, or the situation I have fallen into. All right, so here it goes. Recently one of my friends ex girlfriends and I just hit it off. We have had an attraction towards each other for a long time, but due to obvious circumstances, we just NEVER remotely acted on it. At any rate, my friend has long since moved onto another relationship, with my ex's room mate actually, and is very happy. I rarely talk to him anymore as we all realize I am not very welcome in that group, which is totally fine with me.

So, I take his ex on a date last night. Didn't do anything remotely physical. Just a good dinner and some good conversation. I never thought we would actually be able to get along as well as we have, so it is a big surprise. I know what you guys are going to say about the manlaw, believe me, I am the LAST person to think I would find myself in this situation, and I admit it is eating me up a bit. I really like her, but just don't know if it is even a possibility of us developing into a relationship due to my not wanting to hurt my friend. If it came down to that, I would walk away from her in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

They have been broken up for about 8 months now... FYI. Opinions appreciated, and like I said, I am a good guy, so please don't judge me, as I never foresaw this situation as a possibility at all.

I've been in a similar situation (I was the other guy). 8 months is quite a long time. And because you don't really hang out with "their group" anyway, I don't see it being a problem because you two won't run into each other a whole lot.

I'd continue seeing her. You only took her out on one date, so anything could happen. But if it does look like it's starting to veer off into a relationship, I would let your friend know what's going on.

For sure. I will have a face to face with him before I even consider a "serious" relationship with her. Well said my friend! I would think that is the least I could do as a friend.

But... that is good news my man. Keep us updated.

Kc, you know I like you as a person and generally do think you are a good guy. I read somewhere about those manlaws and while some are true, most are not. I would never say to go date your best friends ex girlfriend he is still crying over, but since he has moved on and is happy then there shouldn't be an issue on your friends side. What I would do if I were in this situation, call your friend up and ask him what he thinks of the idea. If he says no fly zone then back off, but more than likely he won't even consider it an issue.

Have fun, and no guilt, or tripping. That's not fun!!

Things like this happen all the time, I wouldn't sweat it unless you knew your friend was still broken-up over her, but, evidently, he moved on, so you're in the clear.

And I don't recommend asking your pal's permission to go forward with this chic, because I guarantee it'll get back to her. You respect your friend, which is admirable, but you got to respect her too, and by asking him if it's okay to date her, you're acting--I know this is not your intention but she'll interpret it that way--as if she's this guy's property. She will be offended.

She's a grown woman, capable of making a sound decision, and if she feels like it's a bad move, then talk about it with her. Leave your buddy out of it.

It's only as touchy as you make it out to be.

I agree with Rome. If you are willing to take a back off later, why not get the all is clear now, so you don't wait until you are too involved.

Get his take, if he has moved on and hears about the interest from you he will probably react better than if he hears about it from someone else.

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Originally Posted by JustWantFair

As a grown woman, I would respect a guy asking permission, it is the right thing to do, doesn't make me property.

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I don't know how to reply to comments so I'll do it this way.

It's respect for her, but also for KcTiger himself. The fact that he'd consider asking for permission tells you that he's a real nice guy. Which is good, but with this it just seems too nice. You seem like a good enough dude, so why would you need anyone's permission?

And asking his buddy isn't the right thing to do, there is no "right thing" as far as this situation goes.

By the way, if you guys don't agree with something I say, mark it as "disagrees". There's some taboo on this site about "greenies" and "reddies" and people seem far too afraid to hand the "reddies" out, I couldn't care less. If I didn't earn it don't give it to me. I tend to post a lot of stuff people don't agree with, so my score is already misleading.

I rarely give out reddies, unless it's completely worthless information that they give out. I like the greenies simply because I like knowing I am giving out information that is rewarding and insightful to people.

What you said was not inaccurate information, nor was it necessarily wrong information, therefore it didn't warrant a "reddie". The fact is that not all women would consider it being claimed as property.

I would think very highly of KC should he talk to his friend prior to getting too involved in the situation. It shows respect for other people as well as respect for himself in handling a situation maturely and with care about the other persons feelings.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

What you said was not inaccurate information, nor was it necessarily wrong information, therefore it didn't warrant a "reddie".

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You were the second person to recently do something like that, so I thought it was worth mentioning.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

The fact is that not all women would consider it being claimed as property.

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Yeah yeah, there's always exceptions to the rule and two-sides to every coin, how ever many ways you want to put it, but I know some women out there would be offended, and his may be one of them, so what's the sense in risking it. Don't fix something that ain't broke.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Hello all. Most of you have come to know me now, so I would hope you don't judge me by the question I ask, or the situation I have fallen into. Alright, so here it goes. Recently one of my friends ex girlfriends and I just hit it off. We have had an attraction towards each other for a long time, but due to obvious circumstances, we just NEVER remotely acted on it. At any rate, my friend has long since moved onto another relationship, with my ex's room mate actually, and is very happy. I rarely talk to him anymore as we all realize I am not very welcome in that group, which is totally fine with me.

So, I take his ex on a date last night. Didn't do anything remotely physical. Just a good dinner and some good conversation. I never thought we would actually be able to get along as well as we have, so it is a big surprise. I know what you guys are going to say about the manlaw, believe me, I am the LAST person to think I would find myself in this situation, and I admit it is eating me up a bit. I really like her, but just don't know if it is even a possibility of us developing into a relationship due to my not wanting to hurt my friend. If it came down to that, I would walk away from her in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

They have been broken up for about 8 months now...FYI. Opinions appreciated, and like I said, I am a good guy, so please don't judge me, as I never foresaw this situation as a possibility at all.

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I woldn't call this a "situation", with the underlying negative implications. For one, her and him are no longer together, It's bin 8 months, and this wasn't something you planned. I suggest you stop feeling guilty, as that will put much unneeded stress on your dating of this girl, but bemindful that your friend may be uncomfortable with it. So try to be understanding that he may be pretty upset.

Have fun, take her for a walk and look at the stars, "Or what ever the devil it is you kids do these days." - Stewie Griffin. ;)

Peace be with you.

In the relationship between your friend and his ex who you are dating with, who was the dumper? If he dumped her I don't see any problem. Your friend wouldn't care much I think. If she dumped him then there might be a little problem.the best thing you should do is to talk to your friend and make sure your friend has completely moved on. In the case that she dumped him the next problem I see is her. She might be a dumper like your ex and my ex too.I don't want to judge her because I don't know her.you know better. And if you re planning to have a serious relationship with her then you must think good.and you are a good thinker.I don't want to teach to my teacher.I wish you the best.dont want to see you hurt.you are a great guy and deserve the best.

"You say they have been Ex's for 8 months and he is now happy and seeing someone else "

My opinion KC

Everyone is someone's Ex , so I can't see a problem but appreciate you've got enough morality to at least ask if its OK.

And if it makes YOU feel better to ask him or even let him know that your interested that's entirely up to you.

Good Luck! I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Hello all. Most of you have come to know me now, so I would hope you don't judge me by the question I ask, or the situation I have fallen into. Alright, so here it goes. Recently one of my friends ex girlfriends and I just hit it off. We have had an attraction towards each other for a long time, but due to obvious circumstances, we just NEVER remotely acted on it. At any rate, my friend has long since moved onto another relationship, with my ex's room mate actually, and is very happy. I rarely talk to him anymore as we all realize I am not very welcome in that group, which is totally fine with me.

So, I take his ex on a date last night. Didn't do anything remotely physical. Just a good dinner and some good conversation. I never thought we would actually be able to get along as well as we have, so it is a big surprise. I know what you guys are going to say about the manlaw, believe me, I am the LAST person to think I would find myself in this situation, and I admit it is eating me up a bit. I really like her, but just don't know if it is even a possibility of us developing into a relationship due to my not wanting to hurt my friend. If it came down to that, I would walk away from her in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

They have been broken up for about 8 months now...FYI. Opinions appreciated, and like I said, I am a good guy, so please don't judge me, as I never foresaw this situation as a possibility at all.

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I don't know about this KCTIGER. If it was me in your situation I would probably talk to your buddy and ask him if it was okay. If he said it was okay then probably I would go ahead.But make sure you do this now before you get in too deep.

Hey KC, so I was talking to my friend today and he wanted to set me up with his ex(kinda weird). I know my situation is different from yours but, the point I'm trying to convey is still applicable. Basically, I wouldn't feel guilty or uneasy with the situation simply because I have his approbation. Like some of the other posts have told you, for your own sake, talk to your friend. I wish you the best of luck buddy.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

in the relationship between your friend and his ex who you are dating with, who was the dumper? If he dumped her i dont see any problem. Your friend wouldnt care much i think. If she dumped him then there might be a little problem.the best thing you should do is to talk to your friend and make sure your friend has completly moved on. In the case that she dumped him the next problem i see is her. She might be a dumper like your ex and my ex too.i dont want to judge her because i dont know her.you know better. And if you re planning to have a serious relationship with her then you must think good.and you are a good thinker.i dont want to teach to my teacher.i wish you the best.dont want to see you hurt.you are a great guy and deserve the best.

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To clarify, I am not planning on anything, which is why it is so fun to do this. We are both super attracted to each other, and this is almost has a "crush" type of feeling for right now, as we have no expectations about this. It is just about enjoying each other and seeing where it goes from there.

They pretty much broke up with each other. They were way too toxic for each other... they may have been in love for awhile, but they never really had a solid relationship at all.

So, no, I am not planning anything, just taking it day by day and enjoying myself. Don't know where it will go, if anywhere, and I am not really worried about that for right now. Thanks for your help, and I hope you are doing better

Kc,

If I were you I'd talk to him. If for no other reason then to put your own mind at rest. Just tell him what you said here, it's not necessarily going anywhere but I just wanted to mention it to you so there was no weirdness or anything.

Can't hurt, and relationships are hard enough anyway so start on a clean slate, no?

Update: I just ended it... I am pretty sure deep down inside, he still loves her a lot, and I just cannot do this...

Thanks for the advice fellas, and gals too!