Well, this is going to be a long post... BUT READ ON, trust me.. Im going to explain everything...

Im an 18yo guy and had a relationship with my ex girlfriend (she was my first girlfriend) for 9 months until she left me.. this is what happened...
Well, my ex had previously been devastated when she split with her 1st boyfriend (he was an a**hole, was controlling, didn’t want to commit etc)... and at the time, I was just her friend... and really helped her, made her see the light and carried her through the pain, even at times when she was considering hurting herself... Well, after around 5 months of them splitting up, I started to develop really strong feelings for her. We got really close in those 5 months, almost like best friends, we would talk about absolutely anything and realised that we had almost EVERYTHING in common, it was quite surreal.
Anyway, it was 6 months after she split with her 1st boyfriend that we both hooked up... we decided to become a couple. It has NOW become apparent to me that, when we got together I filled in the empty hole in her heart left by her 1st boyfriend, she was not COMPELTELY 100% over him. I could tell in the early stages of the relationship.. but I guess I was just in denial and didn't want to admit it (somewhere down the line, the small feelings for him did die out).

During our time together, things seemed great. At the risk of sounding big-headed.. I was a really good boyfriend to her (we never argued, I was never controlling etc), treated her like a real princess, TRULY loved her, brought her into my home and allowed her to meet my parents etc.. other girls were envious of her because I was apparently the best looking guy in school according to them (BS I reckon lol).. and I knew how to treat a girl. My ex would always tell me she had plans to be with me, she could see herself with me for AGES, she said she would never leave me - that we were a permanent fixture, and that she loves me so much. Basically, she was very affectionate with me at the time.

Things changed when she started university (Ive taken a gap year, so she went to university without me). During the first 2 weeks of her starting university, things were fine.. we did a lot of couply stuff, I visited her at university and met her friends, we even spent our first intimate night together, we were just a normal loved-up couple.. things were cool (so I thought).

Well, on the 3rd week of university... on the night of our 9 month anniversary she dropped a bombshell and sent my head into a complete spin! She told me she wanted to talk (we would talk on the phone every night, but this night was different).. she expressed to me that for the past 2 days she had been feeling as if she wanted her space, that she just wanted to do her own thing, she said some things at university are just easier to do and enjoy when you are single, she said a part of her wanted to be single and the other part wanted to be with me - her whole outlook on relationships had changed, the same girl that only a week ago had been SO INTO having a long term relationship with me was having doubts and seemed as if she just didn't want to be with me (the good thing is, she told me straight away that she had been feeling this way for 2 days). Well, we both decided to just see how things go for the next few weeks just in case it's a phase my ex is in. After that phone conversation, I was devastated and in shock.

The next 2 weeks were very painful!. We would hardly talk on the phone, I really tried to give her as much space as possible and make her own decisions.. but I still let her knew I loved her and wanted to make this work, I never went to see her, she stopped all affection with me, she started hanging out with another guy (going to lunch with him, always talking to him on the phone etc - I trusted her so I didn't say anything)... Things were just really awful!.

Then, 2 weeks after that phone conversation... she had finally thought about it and made her decision, we spoke on the phone and she broke up with me!. she told me that she felt uncomfortable in a relationship, that she wanted to be single, that she wanted to do her own thing and be herself. She said that suddenly she saw me as more of a friend and that she thought she would be happier leaving me and being single.. I respected her decision and really tried to even support her even though she had left me, I told her just to do whatever makes her truly happy. I found out from a mutual friend that a few weeks after breaking up with me, my ex said she started liking and was interested in this other guy (the one she had been hanging out with).. it hurt to know that she had been able to move on so quickly... my ex hasn't told me about this new guy, and she begged our mutual friend not to tell me, but I now know...
Obviously, for the first month of the break up.. I made the same mistakes EVERYONE does... I was in an emotional and psychological mess... I kept texting her at night saying 'goodnight.. I miss you' and was getting no reply, kept trying to talk to her, kept hope alive, and kept asking her to meet me so we could talk about things (wow... real CRINGE moments).. but she would just be cold and blew me off. After analysing the whole situation, I came to my senses...

During the second month of the break up I sent her a very short, brief email telling her I’ve had time to think and I agree the break up is good, we both wanted different things and we should now move on with our separate lives.. I then wished her good luck with everything she does. Ever since then I have been on NC (it has been 1 month and 3 days of no contact so far... apart from one 'merry christmas' message and That's IT.).. She tried to call and text me numerous times after seeing that email, but I didn't answer... she has given up trying now. Well this is where I am... still on NC...

I have realised SO many things after the first month of the break up, I actually sat down and looked at things from the outside looking in with an objective mind... this is what I discovered.
Well, it was obvious that right from the start of the relationship she still had a few feelings for her 1st boyfriend.. she hadn't completely healed from that, so it was already a bad start!. Also, I realised that I will probably NEVER EVER actually find out why she left me (it could be because the liked this other guy, it could be because she wanted to be single at university, it could be because she felt having a full university experience was more important than maintaining a relationship with me.. it could be anything) and there is no point in me wasting my time and always thinking 'WHY DID SHE LEAVE.. ' because I will never know the true reason.
BUT what I DO KNOW and what I CAN take from this is... SHE NEVER TRULY LOVED ME, I truly loved her but she didn't love me the same... IF she had truly loved me and meant all the things she used to say to me - she would have never left me... she would have never said she felt happier and more comfortable being single. If it were true love - she would have been happiest being my girlfriend, and wouldn't have been happy choosing a lifestyle being single, without me. If she truly loved me - she would have never started liking this other guy so soon, I could go on forever but its as simple as that... so basically I realised that she just didn't love me the way I loved her...

Initially, I felt backstabbed and deceived since I was a great guy to her and after everything I did for her she just left me as soon as she discovered university life. It hurt that she said all those affectionate things and then.. when university came around she completely flipped the script. I wanted her to regret leaving me.. I wanted her to realise everything she had lost and wanted her to come crying back to me. BUT now I hold nothing against her at all.. I don’t want her back, I have now realised that she didn't really mean all those affectionate things (she probably just said them because she felt it at the moment) and she didn't truly love me.. so there is no point in dwelling on what she may be thinking, and dwelling on making her regret leaving me. The simple and clear truth is.. I will probably never know the EXACT reason WHY she left, but for whatever reason she Doesn't want me anymore - HER ACTIONS proved to me that she never truly loved me!. I had to accept and realise that and once I had it was a turning point!.

I then began to think "Well, what can I take from this?"... and I realised that she just Wasn't THE ONE for me, I deserve better!! I deserve someone that WILL love me the same way I love them. I deserve someone that will give me everything I give them and will truly appreciate me and want commitment just as I do. I deserve someone that will not tell me they love me etc and then prove the complete opposite. I began to appreciate that this happened NOW and I realised her true feelings NOW rather than later - it saved a lot more heartache. I just realised that I can take comfort in knowing I DO deserve better because I deserve someone that truly loves me, my ex just wasn't the one for me, it wasn't meant to be...

After sending the email to her and starting NC I realised the way to come back from this is... to genuinely realise what has happened and focus on healing myself and moving on with my life!. I have to realise that she just wasn't the one for me, I am better off without her because she didn't truly love me - she left me to have the lifestyle she wanted at university, this proved that she never truly loved me and didn’t want to be with me for life... so I deserve someone that will truly love me... I have to keep that in mind!.
I realised the best thing is to really live well and do things for myself.. to work hard, be successful, be happy, MOVE ON, don't always look back and dwell on this, just look forward, do things to make myself happy and keep my pleasure and joy.. I also realised I had to try and do my best to not care what my ex thinks and hold on to hope because she's already shown me she never truly loved me by her actions, so its best to just heal and move on... those are the best things to do.. just LIVE WELL, MOVE ON AND HOLD MYSELF OUT FOR THE GIRL THAT WILL TRULY LOVE ME!.

Even after initiating NC, a part of me still really wanted to get my revenge so to speak. I still really wanted her to regret leaving me and realize what a great boyfriend I was to her etc. After reading LOADS of posts on this website I came to my senses. I realised I am wasting my time wanting all of that crap, it was stopping me from healing. I will never know why she left me, and never know what she is feeling now. Perhaps she will regret leaving me, perhaps she wont… I realised that it really doesn’t matter what she thinks (whether she regrets leaving me or not).. because I KNOW in my heart that she’s not the one for me, she didn’t truly love me and I deserve better!

Right now, as I have said I am still on NC and its been 1 month and 3 days.. I AM FEELING GOOD! I plan on just continuing what I have said; accepting what has happened, realising she wasn’t the one and I deserve better and then just move on, live well and be happy… and I know if I stick with that, in time I will be 100% over her and I will find the true love I am looking for.

I spent loads of time reading posts on this website since I’ve been going NC and I have actually learnt SO MUCH
I’ve learnt to see signs & any negative vibes straight away, I’ve learnt not to take words to heart and to look at the actions behind the words, to guard my heart and don't get invloved too quickly, to take the relationship as it comes and don't think of her as 'the one'... I have learnt not to make a girl my whole entire life, still have fulfillment without them - have MY OWN life, still be myself without them and be happy, I don't need anyone to make me happy, I’ve learnt that if I love myself people will love me... then I can SHARE my life with them, not make them my life. I can still be the nice guy as always in the relationship, but I shouldn’t do everything - its got to be equal.
Also, I have learnt that at the end of a break up - keep your dignity, be the man, don't run back and keep texting etc. NC means NC!!
I have just learnt SO MUCH.. and everyone on this website has helped me without even knowing it, I just want to say a HUGE THANK YOU!!

I decided to write all this because I wanted people to know my situation and give me their opinions on how I’m dealing with it (because I do have my bad days and I haven’t really had many people to talk to) – so please feel free to respond and comment on all of this, it would be MUCH MUCH appreciated! Also, I wanted to make others in my position aware of the fact that THEY ARE NOT ALONE, we all have to stick together! And DON’T WORRY, it will get better.

Thank you all so much for reading this long post! Please feel free to comment :) :)

Hang in there! I think you're doing fine. Women come and women go but you will always remain so do as you said, develop yourself and learn to enjy life again. In time Spring will return and so will love and by then you'll be an even better 'catch!' Work hard to remove the feelings of 'I want her to regret leaving me', people are foolish and rarely regret anything so don't hold your breath on that one.

Thanks so much teach... yeah I agree with you, woman come and go.. I am just going to continue to develop myself, be the absolute best person I can, and become a 'better catch'!!
Im going to stop wanting my ex to regret. Whether she does or doesn't is irrelevant now, I keep drilling that into my head. At the end of the day.. I know she wasn't the one for me, she didn't truly love me... Just got to wait for the right one to come along...
Sometimes I have bad days, but I guess that is normal right?. I am glad you think I'm going about this the right way and doing fine.
Means a lot, thanks

Hey Arzy,
I have to say, you are looking pretty good and have the right attitude which is essential for moving on. Your story sounds very similar to mine and I'm trying very hard to keep the same attitude and I am, but sometimes it doesn't seem real, it's just hard to let go. She gave me many reasons she couldn't be with me, and in the end it all came down to one. She just doesn't want me anymore. Not in that way at least. It's the only way I want to be wanted by her --at least for now.

What teach says is true. The "I want her to regret" feelings must also disappear, because they still show you care what she thinks. You must let them go completely. She might regret it, she might not, even if she does you might never know -best to let it go.

I also loved the stuff you've learned in this site. It's all the same stuff I've learned about relationships as well. In the future they will prove very handy so that our next r'ships are stronger and more equal.

Thanks for your post, it's good to hear a positive attitude. Gives me strength.

Good luck mate. May you move on soon.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arzy99

Sometimes I have bad days, but I guess that is normal right?... I am glad you think I'm going about this the right way and doing fine.
Means alot, thanks

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Yes, it is completely normal. I have been broken up with my ex for four months, and I still have bad days. The good will start to outnumber the bad, so no worries. It isn't the bad thoughts and sad feelings that will get you, it is how you handle them. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and rarely do the firsts work out, sadly. You will have many more bad days, I am sure, but in the end, the clouds clear and the sun shines, and you will be that much better for going through this entire experience. Good luck! You are doing great.

Posters like you make my day, as its good to know someone is actually listening.

Expat,
Thanks for your response, I just read your post and wow our situations are similar.. We are doing good though, I know we are!. I think you should continue as your are! Your letter to her was amazing, it could have been used for me as well.. we can't make our ex's love us, their actions proved they didn't love us and WE Don't DESERVE THAT!
We deserve girls that will love us and want the same things that we want!. and we should settle for no less..
We just got to continue the NC and we will be fine, keep posting my friend. Thank you.

PS. - I noticed you sent a NYE text to her, I didn't sent one to my ex... I was the first to send an xmas one, so I thought why make the effort again. She hasn't had any contact with me since I started NC which is a help... I know one day we will both be over our ex's and find better partners for ourselves!. We are good guys and we deserve that.

I want to thank kctiger and Tal first of all... I have been reading your answers before I posted on here and your answers are amazing, they really spoke to me and taught me a lot!!
That's why it means a lot to know both of you think I am doing the right thing by continuing NC, improving myself and being the best person I can be... and just trying to live well and move on.

I know the bad days will come, but I also have faith that they will soon pass.
Sometimes, when I am weak.. I find myself going over the whole story again in my head and just reminding myself that she wasn't the one and I deserve better, anyone else does this?. I find it just brings me back to this positive state of mind!

Im happy to know you all think I am doing the right thing... for an 18yo who fell in love, its hard!. because its my first time experiencing this.
I will become a better person from it though and will truly get what I deserve, right?.

You will get what you deserve, for sure. Life always has a funny way of working itself out, and you are a great person who has a lot to offer. One day, when you least expect it, you will meet someone that melts your heart.

You will have other relationships, and you will find that just because they don't work out, doesn't mean that either person was in the wrong. Things fall apart because in the end it is just a way of opening up another door into your life. Everything is a learning experience, good or bad.

Love will find you, as long as you love yourself. The best thing you can do is just keep on doing what you are doing, enjoy life, and most of all, help others out. The rest will take care of itself.

Thanks kctiger..
I have been telling myself lately, its not my ex's fault that she didn't truly love me.. love happens naturally and nobody can force love.

BUT, it sucks that she unintentionally led me on in a way... since she told me all those loving and affectionate things & had been so INTO having a long term relationship with me only DAYS before she actually experienced university life and then told me that she felt like she needed space, wanted to be single etc... (its taught me never to just take a girls word when she says she loves me - love is a word that is thrown around WAY TOO MUCH in today's society.. her actions should prove the love, and in the end - my ex's actions didn't prove all the affectionate things she once said to me.)

Another thing that sucks is... she was spending time with this other guy during the painful 2 weeks we had (after she called me telling me how she felt)... and then only weeks after leaving me, she told our mutual friend that they liked each other etc. That kind of sucked.
But at the same time, AGAIN proved to me that she didn't truly love me which lets me know that she wasn't the one for me...

I used to be in a place where I felt angry and deceived by her since she unintentionally led me on and then had this other guy all of a sudden... but the attitude I am having now is - just forget it and forgive her.
Because, I can safely say I have learnt some valuable lessons from what she has done now!. and just like I said before, it doesn't matter what she is thinking or doing etc. This current time is about ME and MY healing!. and that's what I have to focus on...

I guess Im in the process of moving on!. and Im actually feeling good!.
Am I going about this with the right attitude?

Completely the right attitude! Read my original questions if you want, as they are kind of in the same boat as you were (finding out that your ex is already seeing someone else). What you are doing is incredible, as you are an example to many on here.

My mindset is simple. I can spend hours upon hours feeling sorry for myself that she left me. I can drown myself in self pitty all I want... or, I could pick myself up, dust myself off, and accept it as reality. Work on myself, and most of all, be strong... be strong for yourself, and be strong for others that are dealing with the same type of pain.

It isn't what you go through, but how you come out of it. I am a shell of who I was in October, when I originally came on here. People like Tal, Rome, and Friend4U (just to name a few) rushed in and helped without judgement or hesitation. That is what this website is all about. Extremely caring people who know that breakups suck, but that you will be fine, and it is up to you to pick yourself up and be better than ever. In school they teach you everything, except how to handle a broken heart. That is just something we have to go through.

Carry on... you are doing awesome!!

kctiger I just read your questions and WOW... musta been so hard for you after a 4 yr r'ship to find out she so quickly got another guy... How are you feeling now?. It seems as if you are doing great!. you too will find someone who deserves you, and will melt your heart.

I think previously, I had the right to be angry etc at her since I did feel she led me on and then so quickly was seeing another guy.. especially after EVERYTHING I did for her (helped her out when she was heartbroken and was the best boyfriend I could be - so much so that other girls were somewhat jealous)... So I felt a little angry and shocked that she could do that...

I then realised, that she is immature - she led me on UNINTENTIONALLY.. she only said all that loving, affectionate crap because she felt it at 'that moment' and it made her happy to say it, she didn't mean it (sign of an immature person, right?)... but when push came to shove, she never really meant all those things - she decided that leaving me for a single university life (for whatever reason) was more important than being with me, she then admitted to her friend and not me that she was seeing someone else - it proved she didn't love me, and proved I deserve better, don't you think?.

That's why, I have just got the mindset that.. WHO CARES what she is thinking or doing now, whether she is with someone else or not, whether she is regretting leaving me or not... WHO CARES! - At the end of the day, she did me a favour, I was a great guy to her.. she left me and proved she didn't love me.. and has now made me available to someone that WILL TRULY LOVE ME...

Sometimes - I do find myself drifting off course and getting weak... Like when I saw her on MSN Instant Messenger about 3 weeks ago, she had 3 broken hearts on her screen name. I found myself thinking 'oh wow, is she regretting it now.. why are they there? Etc etc'... I then realised, I don't even care.. and I keep drilling that into my head, I don't care if she is regretting it or not..
Because I know she isn't for me, she didn't really love me... (I keep on telling myself this whenever I feel weak, anyone else do this?)

Right now, its all about me me me me me.. and just loving myself, getting on with my own life and moving on... I work out regularly and I have a 8 week trip to europe planned at the end of this month, Im staying with family and going to be doing some travelling, I can't WAIT!. Im already doing things and living my life!. I just hope soon enough I will be 100% over her.

So just to confirm, its best to continue NC even if I somehow hear from her, right?. its best to forget about how she unintentionally led me on and is now probably seeing someone else, right?. and its best to just FORGET about what she might be thinking and doing (cos she is out of my life and I am just focusing on myself), right?.

Lol Sorry people for rambling on and got always asking all these questions, it just means a lot when Im actually re-assured that I am doing the right things and thinking the right ways.. it sets my mind at ease I guess.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arzy99

So just to confirm, its best to continue NC even if I somehow hear from her, right?... its best to forget about how she unintentionally led me on and is now probably seeing someone else, right? ... and its best to just FORGET about what she might be thinking and doing (cos she is out of my life and I am just focussing on myself), right? ...

lol Sorry people for rambling on and got always asking all these questions, it just means a lot when Im actually re-assured that I am doing the right things and thinking the right ways.. it sets my mind at ease I guess.

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Mate, you said it yourself! Read your post directly above mine and you will find your answers. YES, it is best to forget about her, she lead you ON and is now seeing some other poor dude. YES, much better not to think what she's up to. It only hurts when I do. And you can't really know, even if you did.. it would only hurt and set you back.

Listen, I think you are doing awesome... many guys here would've loved to act with the same mindset you have. You will heal faster and get yourself back sooner. BELIEVE me, it might be help that your relationship wasn't as long. But the fact is, you were very hurt, and everyday it hurts less doesn't it? Yes, sometimes you have your lows, but that's life, I'm sure you get lows in everything, work, study, friends, even when your favourite team loses. But you recover, and the pain subsides in time.

You are young mate... AND you have an awesome trip in your future. Think about it this way, if you still had her in your life you wouldn't be free to do whatever you wanted over there. You don't even have to worry about calling her everyday or about cheating if you happen to have a fling with some eurobabe.

Don't worry about rambling on, people here are always eager to read a positive story. Some might decide not to read it, but others will love it. Ramble away mate, if it helps you then go ahead.

Thanks for the support expat..
Yeah, I guess the answers are there in my head, just helps to hear it from other people, y'know?
You are completely right!. it did hurt A lot initially, but on the whole each and everyday the pain gets less and less... and I tend to think about her less and less.

I am glad I finally realised what went wrong in the relationship. I may not have any PROPER closure because I will never know why she left me once she got into university - there could be 100 reasons...

BUT, I got closure in another way (people listen to this).. I realised from her actions that she didn't truly love me!! She left me & completely flipped the script after telling me how we were going to be together forever etc, she said she would be happier single, she said she felt uncomfortable in a relationship, she went and started liking another guy soon after leaving me... all these actions prove to me she didn't TRULY love me!
And, I Don't want to be with a girl that doesn't love me!. WHY?. BECAUSE I don't deserve that! I deserve better!! I deserve a girl that will love me the same way I love them and will treat me the way I treat them... its as simple as that...

So, for people that didn't really get any closure in their breakup... perhaps you can take from it (like in my case) that - the ex didn't truly love you!. and you don't deserve that!. the ex therefore wasn't meant to be with you...

Whenever I keep telling myself those thingsand drilling that into my head, I get stronger and remember why I am doing NC etc... TO MOVE ON, SO I CAN HEAL AND FIND SOMEONE THAT DOES DESERVE ME... :)

You have a great attitude! I can't wait till I get to that point and NOT CARE anymore and say f**k him!

Just wanted to have a little rant/vent... helps with the healing I guess!

Well, when I was reading this post over I just kept thinking, after EVERYTHING I had done for my ex - always there for her when she needed me, treated her like a princess, would have done anything for her, surprised her with little gifts etc when we went out, was always the gentleman, did SO much for her on her b'day, trusted her with the most private parts of my life, introduced her to the most important people in my life (my family.. especially my mother) and carried her through the time when she was heartbroken when we were just friends... Its just a shame that she kind of threw all that back in my face and then made me go through the same heartache she went through.. the same heartache I helped her get through!.

I understand that some of it was my fault since maybe I gave too much and was too nice in the relationship and made her MY life (because I fell so deeply for her)... and I have learnt from it. I have learnt to make sure the relationship is always 50/50, not to give EVERYTHING to a girl - because the relationship should be equal, Ive learnt to have MY OWN life and own individuality without anyone, I have learnt that I should love myself more than anyone and put that first etc... I have learnt all these things so I do understand what I did wrong in the relationship - and for my next relationship I will be different because I will make sure it is more fair and more equal, I won't be the one giving all the time. But at the same time I will still be sweet and nice.

BUT.. Am I right in thinking and saying that, she doesn't really deserve me!
She told me all these affectionate, loving things.. then as soon as she got to university for some reason (that I will never probably know, there could be 100 reasons) she 'felt uncomfortable in a relationship & wanted to be single etc'. THEN, only a few weeks after leaving me, she was out with another guy and getting close to him.

She doesn't deserve someone who was selfless, who truly loved her and wanted nothing but to be with her... she doesn't deserve me, right?
Because, all she did was lead me on (without realising it) and then left me as soon as she got to university (because she decided living a single university life was what she wanted more than having a loving, caring boyfriend) - then to rub salt into the wound she started liking another guy soon after!
Her actions proved that all of the affectionate things she once said was a bunch of crap that she didn't really mean, her actions proved that she Didn't TRULY LOVE ME the same way I loved her...

So, am I right in saying - she doesn't really deserve a guy like me!. plainly because, after everything I did for her... her actions proved she didn't truly love me, and I can't be with someone that doesn't love me...

Just wanted to vent for a bit lol... thanks people, I'm doing well by the way... 1 month and 4 days of NC :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arzy99

kctiger I just read your questions and WOW... musta been so hard for you after a 4 yr r'ship to find out she so quickly got another guy... How are you feeling now?.. It seems as if you are doing great!...

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Yes, I am doing much better. When I first came onto this website, I was an absolute mess... I mean, a trainwreck. It is barnone the hardest thing I have ever had to handle, and there are still moments of pain. More than anything, I just miss the times with her... waking up together in the morning, having breakfast, going to dinner and the movies, that kind of thing, but it is life. You live and learn. I still love her to death, but know that it will never be the same between her and I, and I am pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me, which is fine.

My best friend is now dating her room mate, which makes for an awkward situation from time to time. At any rate, you just take it one day at a time and do your best to help as many people as possible, cause in the end, life isn't just about making yourself happy, but doing your best to make others happy as well... even if it is for just a minute or two.

kctiger... I know how you feel mate!
But, you are a good guy... and you deserve better, just as I do... when we realise that, we are able to tell ourselves that there is hope in the future for us!
I believe good guys like us have so much to give... and its just unfortunate that my ex just didn't truly love me the way I loved her, its even more unfortunate that I found that fact out in a very painful way (by her just leaving me as soon as she got to university and telling me she felt uncomfortable and wanted to be single and then hanging out with another guy shortly after)... but I'm glad I found out now rather than later..
But at the end of the day, at least we know from our ex's actions what they felt for us and how much we meant to them... yes, it hurts for a while... but knowing that us guys deserve beter just motivates me to dust myself off... and improve myself, learn from this experience and get back out there!.
What do you guys think?.

Update:

Hey people, just thought Id give you all a quick update with my situation. Well, as you can see from my posts above I have been making some progress and I have felt good. Yesterday.. something happened and I felt myself slipping and losing focus for a few minutes.

Well, I signed into MSN to check email and was appearing offline so no-one could see me... I noticed my ex was online and had changed her screen name to 'I (heart) you too John' - John is the new guy.

Let me tell you about John... - well in the 2 weeks my ex gave herself to think about whether she wantd to be with me or not, she hung out with John quite a lot (hes 2 years older than me and my ex). They would go to restaurants together, talk on the phone for hours, IM each other etc... Since our relationship was fragile at the time, I trusted her when she told me they were just friends. It then turned out only a few weeks after breaking up with me that my ex and John were seeing each other. And now, just over 2 months later - she is posting on her screen name that she loves him.

Well, when I saw her screen name.. like I said, I felt myself losing focus. I started thinking;
- oh so they are an official couple now huh
- she's already in love with him
- hmm maybe she actually left me to be with him and That's the reason she broke up with me
- hmmm is he just some rebound guy right now
Etc etc
I started thinking all these silly things...

I then kind of slapped myself lol, regained focus and laughed. I thought to myself;
Well, why the hell am I concentrating on all this crap. Why am I bothering about what she is doing, who she is with and what she is thinking. She can be with whoever she likes, its her life after all. I will probably NEVER EVER know the real reason why she broke up with me.. she said she felt uncomfortable in a relationship and she didn't know why. I will never know WHY she felt uncomfortable - perhaps its because she started liking this new guy, perhaps she just wanted to be single and party etc WHO KNOWS?. I am not going to waste my time thinking about it. She never therefore gave me true closure, but I have to create closure in my head... and I can at least take from this that - she didn't truly love me the way I loved her, I don't deserve that.. I deserve better!. and THAT is my closure!
Also, I told myself... who cares and who knows whether John is a rebound or not!. again I am not going to waste my time thinking about it.

I must admit, seeing that little comment on her screen name did sting a bit. I mean c'mon - only 2.5 - 3 months ago she was telling me she loved me and would never leave me.. then she goes to university, says she feels uncomfortable in a relationship, hangs out with John a lot and now apparently loves him. Lol kind of funny isn't it.

I thought to myself last night... What I can take from this is? - forget what she said, its her actions that proved how she felt for me. She didn't truly love me, she didn't truly mean all those loving things she once said.. and her actions proved it to me. I thought to myself, FORGET about her and this new guy John. Forget about what she is thinking and doing. Then I blocked her from my msn. I guess I just lost focus after seeing that, it thre me off course for a minute there... but I refocussed after thinking things through.

Well, I woke up this morning and just wanted to write that all down... thanks for reading once again - feel free to comment :)

Hey Arzy,

DUDE!! You are one of the enlighted ones... What's the matter with you? BLOCK her and DELETE her from msn now!! You have her on Facebook? Remove her! You have mutual friends? Then DO NOT log on... don't worry Facebook will still be there in 6 months. You know better than this sh*t! You are not Trevor or G4earhead or whatever that stubborn guy's name is... NC means cutting all contact! Not just SMS and calls. It means everything... If you keep logging onto FB and seeing her stupid little messages you will only hurt yourself understand? Her "tagged" images of her latest party were she acted like a little slut just released from her f* ckin bird cage!

You seem like a TOP BLOKE --prob aussie am I right?-- chicks will be throwing themselves at you soon enough--its summer down under after all! Follow the advice and set yourself free from her. Become the dude you used to be prior to meeting her. If this chick is soooo amazing and she fell for you, then you must have been something great about you then yea?? I mean, there must have been something about you that made her like you right? Well that same stuff PLUS what you've learned from this crap will make you a better catch.

BELIEVE in yourself mate.. I don't know what you look like. I don't care... All I know from what you write is that you are a great guy --albeit young and inexperienced-- with a positive mind and a great soul. RESPECT yourself for that dammit-- I don't even know you and I think you are the sh*t!! In a non gay way lol.

Stop whining about what she lost and how her actions showed she didn't care about you. ITS ALL ABOUT YOU now. Focus 100% on yourself don't even waste your time thinking about a chick that replaced you like a f* cking tampon! GEEEZZZ you are much much better than that! You know it! Be strong... keep posting as much as you need or whenever you have an update. Remember we are here for you to cheer you on and to support you in whatever crap she throws at you. Don't take sh*t from anyone dude you are worth more than that. Be a James Bond. Hahaha yesss... that's right, Bond, James Bond. Ok, I may be a bit drunk lol.