Me and boyfriend broke up on Wed. I was acting jealous and we broke up. It wasn't a big fight, he said he just couldn't deal with jealousy, and he wanted to remain friends. We were friends before we got involved. I was PMSing :mad: so I'm mad at myself. I apologized, but he wasn't budging, he said if we are meant to be we will be.

Anyway, I was really hurt. He called me last night and I answered, probably shouldn't have. He was on his way to drop off a car he fixed to a woman.

I got to thinking, I do want him back but I want him to want me back. We treated each other very well, got along great, have a lot in common, it was just this incident. I knew jealousy was a deal breaker and I lost control. So deal is off.

Today, he called me and I ignored the call. Two hours later he calls again and leaves a message, basically just seeing what I'm doing and to give him a call.

Should I call him or ignore him a little longer?

Why are you ignoring him? You were the one who caused the break up, you should be trying to reconcile.
Jealously is never healthy in a relationship. I used to be jealous, it caused problems, not only for myself but for my partner too, then one day it clicked in my head and I realised that I shouldn't have anything to worry about etc because it is me who's with him.
But anyway.. I think you should answer the next time he calls and tell him what you're up to etc, then ask what else did he ring for. You may end up trying to work things out and agree to try to overcome your jealousy because you're aware of what it can lead to (a second chance might be an option for him, but a third will have gone too far, just a warning).. but please don't get your hopes up, he may well have had enough already and really just want to stay friends like he said, and if this is the case, ignore him. Even block his number so he can't call you. You need to move on. You need your space and time away from him in order to get over it, being friends won't help this AT ALL. Hopefully you wouldve learnt in the future how and what caused this break up and how to avoid it next time - so if it didn't work out, it will be hard, but at the same time it's a good thing, because you gain more experience and learn from old relationships in order to make the next one better. Life is an obstacle course.

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Originally Posted by linda71

Me and bf broke up on Wed. I was acting jealous and we broke up. It wasn't a big fight, he said he just couldn't deal with jealousy, and he wanted to remain friends. We were friends before we got involved. I was PMSing :mad: so I'm mad at myself. I apologized, but he wasn't budging, he said if we are meant to be we will be.

Anyway, I was really hurt. He called me last night and I answered, probably shouldn't have. He was on his way to drop off a car he fixed to a woman.

I got to thinking, I do want him back but I want him to want me back. We treated eachother very well, got along great, have a lot in common, it was just this incident. I knew jealousy was a deal breaker and I lost controll. So deal is off.

Today, he called me and I ignored the call. Two hours later he calls again and leaves a message, basically just seeing what I'm doing and to give him a call.

Should I call him or ignore him a little longer?

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I think you should talk with him. Maybe give it a day or two without talking and to think about why you are jealous etc, and then communicate with him. Why are you jealous? Is there another girl or something? It sounds like there might be some trust issues under neath it all, that maybe you two should speak on. If he is angry that you are the jealous ttype, and there is nothing to really be jealous of, mayeb you should offer to get some help in that category so you can work on things. On a side note, I got in a argument with my guy wed too, and of course I was PMSing. I don't think men will ever understand how a women's hormones can just take control over us at times! If you are like me, I'm sure you woke up thinking what did you just do. If it's meant to be it will work out - but talk to him.

p.s. yes it's okay to answer if he calls - he obviously wants to talk about this with you.

"I did something dumb to possibly ruin our relationship. I'm really sorry, and now that he seems to be about to forgive me and let it go...should I punish him anyway for getting mad? I know it was my fault, but if he comes back, I want to be in control of everything so I don't feel bad or anything. I mean I'm sorry, and all, but I don't want to have to do anything different. Should I just punish him until he finally accepts my behaviors?"

That's how I write your story so far. I'm not trying to be mean, but it sounds like you are.

Cut it out. When you make a mistake you apologize then accept forgiveness when it comes like a lady. Acting classy takes work, especially when you were wrong.

I don't see PMS as an excuse to break up with someone. Obviously if your PMS is THAT BAD and causing you to get that angry, you should see a doctor to control it.

Now, you're the one who was acting jealous and you're the one that was PMSing. But yet, you're the one ignoring him, when it was your fault. That doesn't make any sense, like JBeau said.

YOU need to talk to him and work out your issues. He should be the one ignoring you (I would, if I was him) but he's not, he's trying to talk things out with you. I don't know how long you guys were together, but generally (especially if its just a short amount of time) when a girl FREAKS OUT on a guy it sends up a red flag that the girl is crazy, and most *normal* guys don't like crazy girls.

I know I was wrong.
In my defense, I didn't Flip out, I merely felt like he was trying to make me jealous and told him that I thought so. That was my act of jealousy. He had read some messages from girls outloud in front of me, saying stuff like your cute...
I didn't say anything at the time, I was trying to control myself. The next day, a girl approached him at the gym and it looked like she gave him her #.
I just left and didn't say anything. But it did get to me, he knew I was in the same area.
Also, his roommate has a different girl over everyday, so it just worries me.
Regardless, I messed up and we both apologized, but I don't want to be just friends.

Ha, ha.
I went to dinner with my sister. He called and I answered, told him we were at dinner and he said he would call me back. I texted him when I got home, and he text me back telling me he will call me later he is on way to movies, lol.

Wow!!

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Originally Posted by linda71

I got to thinking, I do want him back but I want him to want me back.

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Did you mean to say I don't want him back, because otherwise this doesn't make sense. I think you meant to say I don't want him back, but I want him to want me back. If so, then girl you have more problems than jealousy. Go to NC, for his sake, he deserves someone who will commit to him and a relationship without the jealousy and anger.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Did you mean to say I don't want him back, because otherwise this doesn't make sense. I think you meant to say I don't want him back, but I want him to want me back. If so, then girl you have more problems than jealousy. Go to NC, for his sake, he deserves someone who will commit to him and a relationship without the jealousy and anger.

Good luck.

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No what I am trying to say is that I do want him back but I want him to want me back as well. Does that make sense?
I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me.

I admitted I was wrong for telling him that I thought he was trying to make me jealous, I should have waited and thought before I spoke. Although, I think by him telling me that he was going to the movies was another attempt by him to make me jealous. So maybe he was trying to get rid of me after all.

But apparently, I can't commit and I have serious problems. Thanks for your help.

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Originally Posted by brkfstatiffs

I think you should talk with him. Maybe give it a day or two without talking and to think about why you are jealous etc, and then communicate with him. Why are you jealous? Is there another girl or something? It sounds like there might be some trust issues under neath it all, that maybe you two should speak on. If he is angry that you are the jealous ttype, and there is nothing to really be jealous of, mayeb you should offer to get some help in that category so you can work on things. On a side note, I got in a arguement with my guy wed too, and of course i was PMSing. I don't think men will ever understand how a women's hormones can just take control over us at times! If you are like me, i'm sure you woke up thinking what did you just do. If it's meant to be it will work out - but talk to him.

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Thanks for understanding

What I think really happened here is that he became interested in someone else and didn't want to cheat. So he tried to make me jealous because I know that it is a deal breaker for him and I fell for it and made it easy for him.
I remember he left his apartment for a little while and left his phone on the bed with me. He probably wanted me to read the messages myself, but I didn't touch the phone. Later he read the messages outloud to me, I didn't say anything until the next day, and I told him that I felt like he changed since the new roommate and that he was trying to make me jealous and he broke up with me wanting to remain friends.
Then to send me a text telling me he was going to the movies, let me know that he was probably going on a date already.

I'll try and make this short.
My boyfriend broke up with me basically because he wanted to date another girl. Currently her and I are his "friends". Three weeks ago he asked me to go out with him this wkend. He keeps talking about how his parents are pressuring him to have me come meet them. Well, long story short, he cancelled on me to go out with his "friends". He calls me everyday and we see each other a few times per week.
I have had enough of his games and decided that I will not settle for the scraps I am getting. I began nc yesterday. He texted me once late last night. This morning he called me twice. Left a message the 2nd time, saying he called just to say hi. He sent me another text and then called hours later. This time he says that he has been calling all day because he wants to give me something I left in his car. He wants to know if I want to come get it or have him drop it off.
My questions:
Do I respond or continue the NC?
How long should I do NC? He sounded pretty sad in the last message.
I want him to realize that he cannot treat me this way, but I do care and rather not loose him but I don't want to share

If you don't like the way he is treating you I would continue the NC until he make some positive effort to talk to you and not just text messages or answering machine Messages

Continue NC because if what you left in his car was so important you would remember what it is. I'm sure my ex still has some of my stuff but I just can't remember what and don't really care. Write it off as a learning experience. Are you seriously considering going back to him if he makes an effort even AFTER he broke up with you for another girl?

You need something else to do, besides listen to your phone ring. Your not using NC to heal, but as a weapon, and I think he is wearing you down, so make up your mind, heal or go back, and stop this silly game. And before you get all huffy, remember you're the one who kicked someone to the curb, PMS'ing.

Use the NC for what its intended, healing, and learning to cope with yourself in a positive way, and be able to make good decisions for yourself based on facts and not just feelings.

From what you have written in this post, and the other one, your healing is a long way off, and you will be confused, until you get serious about YOU!

The reasons I am considering getting back is because we were friends first and then when we decided to get together we moved way too fast. I think we both got scared and that is why we had to break up. I knew he had a lot of female friends and he made sure that it was clear that I had nothing to worry about. One day, I did worry, I felt he was trying to make me jealous, I said so and that was the end of us. :o
We broke up and the very next weekend, he went out with this other "friend" but he told me about it. I don't know why he told me, maybe to see if I would act jealous. I am sure she couldn't measure up to me, so I didn't get jealous, because I finally realize that I am special. I know he knows it because his friends always tell me about the great things he says about me.
This is when we started hanging out again but this time more controlled, not everyday. Except for the cancellation this weekend, everything has been fine. He did tell me that his friends had only one ticket, but that he really didn't want to go. Maybe he expected me to guilt trip him and when I didn't he decided to go? Who knows?

NC might not be for this situation, as he is still calling me, he sounds worried. Maybe I need to talk to him about it, or just let it go, so I don't scare him off again. Having doubts

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You need something else to do, besides listen to your phone ring. Your not using NC to heal, but as a weapon, and I think he is wearing you down, so make up your mind, heal or go back, and stop this silly game.

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I agree with this. I think I handled this wrong.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

And before you get all huffy, remember your the one who kicked someone to the curb, PMS'ing.

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I did not break up with him. I made a mistake, I do know that. I felt that by him reading his text messages from girls saying he is cute and things like that to me, that he was trying to make me jealous. It bothered me and I told him I thought that it he was trying to make me jealous. That is why he broke up with me and then went out with this girl and told me about it. I made sure I did not repeat this mistake, and I have been working on myself.

Edit to add:
I came here because I thought it was a good place to get help.

Just because you don't get the answers you're looking for doesn't mean we aren't helping. We are not going to tell you what you WANT to hear, if you want that, then go ask for a friends advice. We will give the you the blunt honest truth, it's up to you how you take it and judging by your response, it's not too well.

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That is why he broke up with me and then went out with this girl and told me about it. I made sure I did not repeat this mistake, and I have been working on myself.

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Don't you get the feeling your being trained. Going out with another female, and telling you about it is very extreme, to prove you won't get jealous, instead of reassuring you, and letting you know his conduct is above board.

Sounds more and more to me, your initial reaction was the correct one to begin with, PMS notwithstanding. If you use the no contact to heal, and pull back, I bet you would see his actions differently. Sorry, these are the tactics of a player.