I wouldn't say it was love at first, but there was definitely something.

My sister and I go to this club on tuesdays nights where we dance, mingle, and meet up with friends.

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

This particular night, we were running late, so we ended up parking down the street from the club, and we drank in my car.

We got out, and walked up to the club, and stood in line waiting to get in. And when I turned around to get something from my sister, who was behind me, I saw a guy who I've met before named Ryan, whom I met through a guy who dated one of my friends, and so I said hello.

With him was this handsome young man, I had never seen before, and if you know me, I am automatically interested because I like to see new faces, and he was also extremely attractive.

I instantly get giddy, turn to my sister and whisper "that guy is cute" and she looks at me in agreeance.

So, we go inside, and we dance, and do what we always do, and at some point, I separate myself and start to dance alone. And I see the Ryan, and his cute friend (the ones who were in line) so I go up, and I start to dance... and before I know it, I'm dancing with "the cute boy"

We ended up hitting if off very well, and dancing together practically the whole night... and I don't dance with ANYone, haha.

SOOO... it starts to get late, and the club starts coming close to an end, but it's not quite over, so I start to walk upstairs to say goodbye to all my friends, and "the guys" WERE right behind me, but when I turn around, they were gone.

So I get sad... (overwhelming drunken emotion, haha) and start to look around for them, but they are nowhere to be found.

So, my sister and I say our goodbyes, and start heading back to my car.

At this point I'm almost like running, because I want to call my friends ex-boyfriend to find out out Ryans number (because I don't have it), so I can get "the cute boys" number.

Once I get to my car I see that there is something stuck in my door.

So I take it off, and almost throw it, because I thought it was just a flyer, but it was a torn piece of paper, and it had handwriting on it, so I read it.

And sure enough it was Gavin "the cute boy" =D

I instantly get giddy, and yell to my sister who was well aware of how much I was freaking out because I thought I would never see him again.

"OMG mia, he left me this cute note saying he wanted to dance with me again, and he also left me his number. But... how did he know which car was mine? Ryan must have remembered my car, and told him which one it was. Should I call..."

But before I could even finish my sentence I called him... "Hello, Gavin??" "Hello, it's me Gavin... what's up?" "OMG hey... uh, so you left a note on my door... how did you know which car was mine?" "I saw you get out of your car earlier... Ryan and I were parked right behind you guys" "No , haha. That's bad ..." "Yeah, I just remember telling Ryan that I thought you had great legs, and then you happened to be the one who I danced with all night. We should do it again" "Oh definitely...."

Ok, so that was the first night.

Then my sister and I ended up going to the guys house (Ryan, and Gavin) and we had drinks, and just had a blast.

Gavin and I ended up messing around, and it just felt SOO right.

Now, he's showing me signs that he's like REALLY interested, and I want to start showing them back. But I'm afraid of the whole age thing, and I'm afraid of what people are going to say.

Should I pursue something that could possibly be amazing. Or should I definitely take caution with his age, and keep it as just friends??

I don't see the age as the issue, I do see the drinking as a issue, most of all of the sad stories here start with the words, we were out drinking

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

So I get sad... (overwhelming drunken emotion, haha)

Then my sister and I ended up going to the guys house (Ryan, and Gavin) and we had drinks



Flowerchild sounds like a boy is the least of your worries... your not being responsible with your drinking .

Pictures of Drunk Driving Victims. Drunk Driving Victims Memorial.

And here are some stats for you

- Mothers Against Drunk Driving - Victim Services


Here's one of the deadliest bus crashes in history that happened not to far from where I worked. A bus load of children died this day.

Carrollton bus collision - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I have to agree with the above posters.

Sure it's fun and I'm not going to say there is something wrong with drinking in general, but if you are planning a night out, it isn't hard to plan to have someone drive you home.

Is a night out with "a cute boy" worth ending your life?

Glad to hear you enjoyed your drunken night out, and the hookup, but trying to build something solid is something done sober. Especially messing around with a stranger at his house, right after meeting him.
Your ages are not the issue, its your drunken judgment you worry about. Sober up so you can see what your doing.
Even I know a 19 year old wants willing easy sex, and very little more.

I'm going to chime in here as well. I could understand if you went to the club and drank in the club. At least that's social drinking. But you, my dear are an alcoholic. You drink for the sake of drinking, you drink for the buzz. You are an accident waiting to happen and my only prayer is WHEN it happens you don't take some innocent person with you.

You need help and you need it NOW!! But I fear the advice from myself and the others here will fall on deaf ears. Normally I do not answer questions that have already been answered, but you need to hear from as many people as possible that you are heading for disaster. Maybe then it will have an impression on you.

As for Gavin, You said you "ended up messing around, and it just felt SOO right". How could you tell? I'm sure your feelings were highly impaired by your drunkenness. You don't define what messing around meant, but I'm assuming it referred to some level of sexual intimacy. So Gavin now thinks you are easy, that you gave away so much on first meeting and it wasn't even a real date. If you have had some level of intimacy then you are beyond "just friends".

While I don't see a problem with the age difference, I do see a MAJOR problem with your lack or morals. I think you have to clean up your act a good deal before you foist yourself on someone else.

Um... drinking aside (btw, I don't think a night out clubbing with drinks makes automatically an alcoholic) the age gap isn't so huge as to warrant not giving it a try.
See what happens. If you feel that he's less mature than you really think he ought to be, don't keep it going.
There's a rule for dating that I quite like. 1/2 + 7 = OK. BAsically, get the age of the older person, divide by two and add 7. If the age is less than or equal to that of the younger person, then the gap's too big. For example, a 14/2 + 7 = 14, meaning that nobody younger than 14 can date, and 14 year olds can olny date people their own age. 24/2 + 7 = 19, so a 19-year-old can definitely be with someone your age.
I'm 19, so according to this rule I can date anyone from 17-24 (though I wouldn't go under 18... it'd just be too weird for me).
Of course, this is just my opinion.
But what's the worst that can happen?

Kal

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KalFour

Um... drinking aside (btw, I don't think a night out clubbing with drinks makes automatically an alcoholic)

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Excuse me, but did you bother reading the OP carefully? She wasn't describing ONE night! She was describing her habitual behavior!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by flowerchildnea

My sister and I go to this club on tuesdays nights where we dance, mingle, and meet up with friends.

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

This particular night, we were running late, so we ended up parking down the street from the club, and we drank in my car.

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They "go" to the club, not "went" which indicates a regular occurrence. "This particular night" also indicates a regular occurrence. Nor did they drink IN the club, they drank BEFORE entering the club so they got there with a buzz on.

These are clear signs of alcoholism. Where alcoholism is concerned its best to err on the side of caution and treat it before someone gets seriously hurt.

In my opinion trying to minimalize the drinking issue here is irresponsible.

As to the age gap, I do agree with you, but I'm wondering where you got this rule? I've never heard of it before.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KalFour

But what's the worst that can happen? Kal

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An unwanted pregnancy!

Scott I agree...

The line about drinking in the car before going into the club - not a great sign. A club or at a friends house/party is one thing...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Excuse me, but did you bother reading the OP carefully? She wasn't describing ONE night! She was describing her habitual behavior!

[/quote=flowerchildnea]My sister and I go to this club on tuesdays nights where we dance, mingle, and meet up with friends.

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

This particular night, we were running late, so we ended up parking down the street from the club, and we drank in my car.

---

They "go" to the club, not "went" which indicates a regular occurrence. "This particular night" also indicates a regular occurrence. Nor did they drink IN the club, they drank BEFORE entering the club so they got there with a buzz on.

These are clear signs of alcoholism. Where alcoholism is concerned its best to err on the side of caution and treat it before someone gets seriously hurt.

In my opinion trying to minimalize the drinking issue here is irresponsible.

As to the age gap, I do agree with you, but I'm wondering where you got this rule? I've never heard of it before.

An unwanted pregnancy![/QUOTE]

Meeting in a club regularly does not necessarily mean drinking regularly. And a lot of people drink before they go out because it's cheaper than buying alcohol in clubs. If I drink, I'd usually do it before I go out (although I'm usually the designated driver, so rarely drink at all). It's cheaper to buy a $15 bottle than to pay $8 per drink if you plan to have more than one.

And yes, an unwanted pregnancy is a possibility. Regardless of age or alcohol content. It's always possible where sex is concerned. It's a risk people have to take if they plan to have sex. - So, to the OP: Use protection!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KalFour

Meeting in a club regularly does not necessarily mean drinking regularly. And a lot of people drink before they go out because it's cheaper than buying alcohol in clubs. If I drink, I'd usually do it before I go out (although I'm usually the designated driver, so rarely drink at all). It's cheaper to buy a $15 bottle than to pay $8 per drink if you plan to have more than one.

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Again, the OP's note indicates a clear habitual behavior. I did take into account the cost factor of alcohol in and outside a club. In my opinion ANY drinking outside of a social situation is a bad sign. If the OP or you or anyone, needs to get a buzz on BEFORE they go to a party or a club or whatever, that's a bad sign.

Wow... seriously?

Ok to start, I am DEFINITELY not an alcoholic.

My dad was an alcoholic for the first 10 years of my life, then he quit drinking for 4 years,
Which led him to find other interests (in other woman) and he left my mom.

I actually cannot stand drinking, but if I'm GOING to, I'm only going to do it when I go to a club. And I drink "before" I go, because it is WAAAY to expensive nowadays to drink at a bar or at a club.

I only go clubbing once a week, if that, and I only drink before I go to the club, and that's just to allow me to let loose a little so I can dance and mingle without thinking too much about my insecurities.

I am very much an adult, and I make sure I don't drink for an hour prior to leaving the club, so by the time I leave I'm sober.
I also only live 5 minutes from the club, and I could walk if I wanted to.

So it's not like I'm driving half a hour on the freeway, and through tight residential streets to get home while being heavily intoxicated. I never get to that point anyhow.

And if I'm drinking at someone's house, the same rules apply... don't drink for at least an hour before driving home. Or better yet, don't drive before I'm sober.

Also just so you all know, the night I "fooled around" with Gavin was the SECOND time I hung out with him, and it was very much a double date with me, Ryan, Gavin, and my sister... we just didn't go OUT.

I was with him for about 4 hours that night before I even kissed him, and by the time this happened I was already sober, because I only had one gin and sprite when I got to his house.

The fooling around was only light petting, and making out. There definitely wasn't any sex involved, and there wasn't even any oral sex.

I'm not that kind of girl.

And IF I decide that I'm ready for sex with him (it's been 6 months since I've had sex with anyone, and the last time I had sex was with my ex boyfriend, who was my first and only boyfriend for 5 years), protection would be the first thing I'd make sure either he or I had.

I only told the story I told to explain how I met him, and how even though we met at a club, it still managed to some how be very romantic.

And for a guy his age, he definitely is charming, and adorable in his way of flirting, and showing me he's interested.

My only question was if it was wrong for a 23 year old woman to date a 19 year old boy, and I got my answer... so thank you everyone.

Feel free to respond to anything, or to answer further.

More feedback is always appreciated.

To answer your original question, no it's not wrong for a 23 year old to see a 19 year old. I am only 21 and was dating a 25 year old, so age once you're legal, doesn't matter.

I'm not surprised that you are in denial. If what you say is true, you may not be in as bad shape as first appears, but the key point was your saying; " only drink before I go to the club, and that's just to allow me to let loose a little". If you need to drink to let loose, you have a problem.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm not surprised that you are in denial. If what you say is true, you may not be in as bad shape as first appears, but the key point was your saying; " only drink before I go to the club, and that's just to allow me to let loose a little". If you need to drink to let loose, you have a problem.

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Of course you're going to tell me I have a problem, and it may seem like I do.

But how can I defend myself without seeming like I'm in denial?

No matter what I say unless it's that I AM an alcoholic, you'll tell me I'm in denial which definitely is not the case.

I only drink ONCE a week... if that. And I NEVER EVER drink alone.

There's also nothing wrong with drinking before going to a club. It's the same as drinking at a bar, or drinking at a club... the only difference is how much I paid.

The way you're making it sound is like just because I drink before I go somewhere where there's a bar that I'm an alcoholic. But if someone drinks at the bar or the club they're not??

I know people who drink before, during and after they leave a club/bar. And I also know people who drink right before they go to bed.

But that doesn't make them an alcoholic. An alcoholic is someone who is physically and mentally addicted to alcohol. Not someone who just wants a little buzz before going out, so that they can have a little more fun.

Even when I drink in my car, or at my moms before I go out... I'm still drinking WITH someone.

I'm not pounding back shots alone before I even leave my house.

Drinking is and always will be a social thing for me, and once I start drinking alone, because I can't stand to be without it... then I'll openly admit to being an alchy.

Until then I will stand my ground. I know what I do, and I know who I am.

I also know what I'm not... and I'm far from an alcoholic.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KalFour

Comments on this post

KalFour disagrees: You're making biased assumptions.

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First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Whether I'm making biased assumptions or not, those assumptions are mine to make. I disagreed with some of your comments here, but I did NOT give you a negative comment because the comments were based on opinion not an issue of fact. Just as my comments were. Therefore, your use of a negative comment was inappropriate and seems to be a retailiation because I disagreed with your views. Such behavior is not acceptable. Here.

Drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism but not the only one. I will say I am much less concerned about you from your followups then I wasa from your initial post. I am still bothered by your need to get a buzz on before going to the club. If you are not going to be hanging at the club without a drink in your hand, then why drink at all? The fact that you seem to feel you need that buzz still concerns me. You may not be an alcoholic now, the seeds are there, In my opinion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism but not the only one. I will say I am much less concerned about you from your followups then I wasa from your initial post. I am still bothered by your need to get a buzz on before going to the club. If you are not going to be hanging at the club without a drink in your hand, then why drink at all? The fact that you seem to feel you need that buzz still concerns me. You may not be an alcoholic now, the the seeds are there, IMHO.

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Had to read that twice. The first sentence reads as "Drinking in itself is a sign of alcoholism". After I figured it out, I agree. Just wanted to clarify for anyone else who thought that... (Meaning: Drinking by yourself)

You should be careful with how much you drink, and when you do it... especially with a history of alcoholism in your family.

"I can dance and mingle without thinking too much about my insecurities."

Potential problem because the next thing you feel insecure about are you going to have a drink and the next and the next...

"I am very much an adult, and I make sure I don't drink for an hour prior to leaving the club, so by the time I leave I'm sober."

I was raised around people that were alcoholics and of course I married a binge drinker.
I can tell you for a fact... your making excuses because if you have a good enough buzz going on an hour is not going to do crap for your judgement.


"I also only live 5 mins from the club, and I could walk if I wanted to."

But you don't walk, you drive and 5 minutes is enough time for you to kill someone or yourself, hell you could do that in a few hundred feet. It would be awfully sad if such a young girl ruined her life or even worse ruined someone else's life because she was insecure and needed a few drinks to feel comfortable mingling.

When people indulge they all have their reasons they do it your no different. It can be once a day or all day, if they are not responsible or they need it then that says to me there are some serious issues that need to be addressed.

My problem with your post was not that you drank, that's your business, my problem is you DRINK and DRIVE. I hope you took a look at the links I provided. I bet those people thought they could make it home safely without killing someone.

Well then everyone I know, and everyone they know should be hearing this.

Because we all do the same thing, and we are all around the same age.

And we all drink before we go to the club.

Point I'm making is, I'm not the only one doing it.

Doesn't mean it's not a problem, just means that it's not to uncommon... it's just that no one else talks about it.

My dad was, and probably still is an alcoholic. I'm 23 years old, and know I don't want to be like him, or like that.

But that doesn't mean that I'm going to stay away from alcohol altogether. Drinking for me isn't a necessity, it's a social thing, and I drink socially.

If drinking and driving is the only problem, then I'll carpool with someone who isn't going to drink.

But that's unrealistic unless someone's mom drives us, and picks us up.

That kind of stuff doesn't happen, and not very many people WANT to be the designated driver.

Anyway, this is pointless... I'm glad this turned into me being some careless, drunken hussie.

That's exactly what I wanted.

Thanks.