I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 4 years ago after being in a 10 year relationship with him. He e-mailed me yesterday and I know I saw him by my job as well yesterday, so I text him asking him was he by my job and he texted me back saying the man I saw wasn't him. He told me he would like to see me.

I asked him why did he want to see me, he said because he hasn't seen me in years. Also he asked me if I was married? I told him I will be soon. I asked him if he was married and he said he already been down that road.

I don't know what to think of this conversation that we had- I asked him can talk over the phone instead of the meeting and he agreed, but I could tell he rather see me instead.
My question is what is his real motive?

Signed Confussed!!

If You Feel For Him Then Go On A Date If You Don't Then Tell Him That Its Nice Talking To Him But I Got To Move

Probably recently divorced and trying to make sense of his life up until this point. Sort of a closure or something... maybe seeing if there is any chance of getting the old life back...

Sometimes it takes a person a while to get grounded or make sense out of how life has changed on them...

Sometimes, it is just good to satisfy curiousity about how people ended up... especially when you have the time and are between relationships of your own, it is somewhat easier to find time to seek those answers...

These are all maybe's but would not be uncommon. If you're close to getting married, I would find out if you can bring the new guy along... You wouldn't want to risk anything there... and if you don't include the new guy, that could lead to big problems.

He knows you are planning on getting married soon, so he should understand if you want to bring the new guy. If he doesn't want that, then go on with life without the meeting...

Wow I can't give oneguyinohio more reputation, but if I could I would. His reply is accurate and spot on.

Ooo... great answer oneguy. I agree completely. Meet him with the fiancee'... if you don't you'll create problems in your relationship.

This ex probably knows what a good thing he lost and that he wants to try for it again. Don't do anything without your fiancée... really.

For whatever reason he is testing the waters. Don't get in deep with him as he is not the same guy he was, and you have moved on.

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Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Probably recently divorced and trying to make sense of his life up til this point. Sort of a closure or something... maybe seeing if there is any chance of getting the old life back...

Sometimes it takes a person a while to get grounded or make sense out of how life has changed on them...

Sometimes, it is just good to satisfy curiousity about how people ended up... especially when you have the time and are between relationships of your own, it is somewhat easier to find time to seek those answers...

These are all maybe's but would not be uncommon. If you're close to getting married, I would find out if you can bring the new guy along... You wouldn't want to risk anything there... and if you don't include the new guy, that could lead to big problems.

He knows you are planning on getting married soon, so he should understand if you want to bring the new guy. If he doesn't want that, then go on with life without the meeting...

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Thank you for your advice!:)

I have been seeing a man for one year and he has a baby who's birthday party is this weekend. He has been talking to me about this party for over a month. Last night he said to me he did not know what to wear to her party and that he also brought her three outfits to change her into at the party. I gave him him no feedback on his conversation I guess I was waiting for an invitation.

Well I have a toddler as well and he did not inivite me and my child to his babies party. I feel some kind of way about that. I feel he hasn't told his child's mother about me and him seeing each other although: I have spoken to the mother of the child a month after him and I meet so she does know of me.

What should I do? Should I ask him why he didn't invite me and my child or should I just let it go?

If he would have inviited me I probably wouldn't of gone but it's the priniciple. If I am suppose to be his best friend and lover I feel I should have been invited.

Do you think he knew if he invited you that you would not attend? Maybe he wouldn't want to put you or him in an awkward position. I wouldn't want to be with my new lover as well as being around my old "baby momma"

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Do you think he knew if he invited you that you would not attend? Maybe he wouldn't want to put you or him in an awkward position. I wouldn't want to be with my new lover as well as being around my old "baby momma"

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Thanks for the advice.

Anytime.

I'd let it go, because personally, how would it make you feel if he got upset if you got invited but decided not to go?

Life's to short to argue over the little stuff

Maybe he doesn't want to rub his new relationship in the face of his X. It could be seen as disrespectful. Maybe he just wanted to have the focus on the baby and not on himself and his relationships. I wouldn't worry too much about it...

If he has been talking about for a month, could he think he has invited you?

I personally would not make a big deal out of it. For me it would be more important to be there for him after the party. Especially if the child is in her mother's custody not his.

He's probably feeling awkward about introducing another person into the dynamic or wants the focus to be on his daughter not on you.

If he's been talking about it openly and you are his 'best friend' why don't you talk to him about it? Ask him why you weren't invited and how he's feeling about the situation.

If your relationship continues, there will be many more family events so this will be a discussion you'll need to have anyway!

At least he's openly talking to you about the party. It's not like he's attending it behind your back. Maybe he knows you better than you think. He knows that even if he told you about the party, you wouldn't want to go. So why bother asking? I would say, just let it go. Seems like he respects you and doesn't want to hide things from you.

However, I do see a second issue. You don't think that he told his ex about you? Do you really want him to tell his ex about you? It's none of her business anyway.

Been in a similar situation recently, where my boyfriend is best man at a wedding,all talk about it,but no talk of me going...

So I asked him out straight,he ASSUMED I knew I was going, as we were a couple.. grr.

Talk to him,there is no need to argue,just ask straight out.

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Originally Posted by redhed35

talk to him,there is no need to argue,just ask straight out.

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Trying to straighten it out can work too, but proceed with caution. Because I can see this minor issue get blown up into a fight. So just make sure that if you follow this advice, you will approach him in a calm and mature manner. There's no reason to blow this out of proportion.

However, if you can find it in yourself to let it go, then it's probably better to let it go, seeing as he was very open about the party to you already.

If you have been going out for over a year,you should be able to approach this, it could be the case that someone has asked him not to bring you and now he does not know how to say that to you, without offending you,he too could have been put in an position.

Your tone of voice will let him know your not angry, if you say nothing your going to worry and torment yourself wondering what's going on..

And that will only put stress on you and your relationship,if you were only dating a few weeks or a few months id say leave it alone,but you have been together a year.

And that's long enough to be able to ask,what's the story here? Am I invited? and if your not,why not?

I must say that I am going to side with your boyfriend here.
I don't think that this is the appropriate place to make a stand about your relationship.
The mother (his ex) is going to be there and it's a celebration for the child, I don't think that your attendance is necessary nor should it be a requirement.
You have been together for one year, but it is very likely that the mother may have even requested that they do this birthday party together, for the child (which is important) but that you not come or her significant other not come.
The only way I think that you should be offended by the non-invite in this scenerio is if the mother's s/o is in attendance.
Otherwise, this is a party for the child, if you would like it to be a party you can attend, then next year plan that you and he host a birthday party and the mother can have her own.
Until there is a comfort level between the ex's, it's not appropriate to force the newer relationship into the ex's face. In my opinion.

It sounds like your man is keeping his two relationships separate. Most men can't multi-task the simplist of things, let alone relationships with two women at the same party.

I would say that you take a step back and let him come to terms with having two women in his life.