You have seen in other posts, how females like to keep you confused and full of false hope, so you will be unable to move on, and she still keeps you available to them, if her current relationship fails. All of this under the guise of friendship. She doesn't care if your hurting from the break up at all, and as long as you call her back, this calling you will continue, and leave you with more questions than answers. Take back control of your life, and stop playing her game, by leaving her alone, and break the spell of confusion. Kick her to the curb, the same way she did to you.

So the advice is to not call her and avoid her at the wedding? I don't want any drama at this wedding, I'm in the wedding party and believe it or not we're sitting together at the same table.

I would leave it. I doubt she still loves you, she just doesn't want to lose you as a friend and is probably upset that you won't remain friends with her (I don't blame you though!)

Should I at least call her and tell her - "you said that you're dating someone else and that you don't love me, i accepted that and said that i can't be friends with you because i still have feelings for you, so we can't be friends while you're dating someone else".

Hmm I think that's a very good reply to her.
If she loves you she'll come back
If she doesn't, it's less painful to move on

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Originally Posted by Righthearted

should i at least call her and tell her - "you said that you're dating someone else and that you don't love me, i accepted that and said that i can't be friends with you because i still have feelings for you, so we can't be friends while you're dating someone else".

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No, why give her the chance to run her game through your head?? Don't go for that. Your action will be better than your words, since she knows how you feel already.

I don't want her to make a scene at the wedding.

Her quote- why won't you call me back? I guess I'll just see you at the wedding, should be fun (she ends that with sarcasm).

Just left a message with her- I'm calling you back, not really sure what you want to talk about after we talked the other day, I've got the rehearsal dinner tonight so I won't be around until later on tonight if you want to talk.

Bro u don't need that... the truth she wants to make you jealous that she's in love... she believes her own lies... she knows she loves you... trust ignore her... if you want her back then ignore her and she will eventually come back to you... same happened to me

If you know my story my ex is making a point to make sure I know she has a boyfriend. Don't do this to yourself. It fine now but I now if I ever saw my ex with some new dude I would get jealous. Is she bring this clown to the wedding.

No she's not, she's supposed to be my date. I just talked to her and told her that there isn't any bad feelings- that if she's moved on then I'm ready to as well. She said that it will be awkward, I should've said than don't go. It's my friends wedding and I'm in the wedding party so I'm going to have a great time.

She also said that she doesn't have anything to wear and hasn't picked up a present yet... that's when I said the bride and groom are your friends too (she says they're not anymore - I say they're as much your friends as you want them to be).

I'll be checking in later on for more advice- thanks again everyone.

If she's into some other guy already would any of this really matter? I don't know.

No It wouldn't matter. If you met someone I don't think you would be here talking about it. You would care less about her. Well if their not her friends anymore why is she going?

So basically she has stopped you from making any back-up plans for the wedding??

Just tell her its You're either her lover or nothing, because it's painful and nearly impossible to move on as just being a friend when she's got another man and you still have feelings for her.

I wasn't looking for backup plans for the wedding. Like I said I'm going to have a lot of fun at the wedding, she can do whatever she wants to do. I just don't get why she's calling me (10x) if she's already told me that she's moved on - in a new relationship - doesn't love me anymore. I just don't get it.

Get this, she is keeping you on a string for later use, and she has to go to the wedding to prove you are still there for her. It will be just like old times and you will be confused. That's the whole point. Keep you confused and on her string.

It seems like everybody's saying that she's playing a game. I don't know her and I don't know you, but I believe she might be very confused herself. However, if she's the type who collects ex-boyfriends, it's clear that she might be playing a game. I can't tell, but...

First, she said she doesn't love you anymore.

Then, she realized that she lied to herself and that she actually still loves you.

In the end, she didn't like the way your conversation ended because that would've meant letting go off you.

Obviously, she's not ready to let go off you... so, she desperately called you back hoping that she'll make things right before it's too late.

What about giving her one last chance? She might be thinking about you when she's with the other guy. :rolleyes:

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What about giving her one last chance? She might be thinking about you when she's with the other guy. :rolleyes:

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The key here is she is with another guy.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

The key here is she is with another guy.

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So what?

She's with the other guy, but she's calling her ex...

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Originally Posted by kristynn

So what?

She's with the other guy, but she's calling her ex...

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Why can't she leave the ex if coming back was her goal??

Righthearted,

Can you please give us details concerning your break-up with this girl?

How long have you been together and how long has it been since you broke up?

Why did you break up? What happened?

What did she do afterwards?

For how long has she known this new guy she's with?

Thanks.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1536002

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Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1536002

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OK. I get it now.

Stay away from her! :rolleyes:

Can you please give us details concerning your break-up with this girl?
- we were together for almost 2 years, always together she was very much dependent on me. She tells me that she can't continue being together because she didn't see a future for us
How long have you been together and how long has it been since you broke up?
- we broke up almost 2 months ago, but we really never went no contact.
Why did you break up? What happened?
- we broke up mostly I think because she's young (22) just out of college, not too many friends or own interests.
What did she do afterwards?
- started dating, going out with other guys, then she tells me that she's in love with some guy 2 hours away who has his own baggage.
For how long has she known this new guy she's with?
- a little over a month, but they've only seen each other 4x (long distance)
Thanks.

thanks for your advice - in advance

- UPDATE -
So my EX tells me that she made a mistake and that she wants to try again. I don't know how I feel about things. She tells me that she misses me and that's when I tell her that I missed her for 3 months and now feel like I don't know if things can ever be the same again. I told her I didn't know how I felt, but that we can take things reeeeally slowly.
Thoughts?

- UPDATE -
So my EX tells me that she made a mistake and that she wants to try again. I don't know how I feel about things. She tells me that she misses me and that's when I tell her that I missed her for 3 months and now feel like I don't know if things can ever be the same again. I told her I didn't know how I felt, but that we can take things reeeeally slowly.
Thoughts? What are other peoples experiences?

So I guess she found out that it wouldn't work with the ex, and since your still on the string SHE'S BAAAAACK!!
Ain't that much love in the world, to crawl out of the crap hole and then want to crawl back.
In this case, slow is for turtles, and you need to take the time, without pressure from her, to evaluate your feelings AFTER you are healthy enough to think clearly, and make a good decision. She didn't take the time to get over the ex, and then you came along, and she still went back to the ex, and now she wants you back. This is insanity, and you should want no part of it, unless you are as crazy and confused as she is. Get off this string, as she is not ready for a real relationship, but does need to get herself together. So unless your happy being a rebound AGAIN, and a crutch for her confusion, you need to leave her alone for a long while, and get your own life without her.

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So I guess she found out that it wouldn't work with the ex, and since your still on the string SHE'S BAAAAACK!
Ain't that much love in the world, to crawl out of the crap hole and then want to crawl back.
In this case, slow is for turtles, and you need to take the time, without pressure from her, to evaluate your feelings AFTER you are healthy enough to think clearly, and make a good decision. She didn't take the time to get over the ex, and then you came along, and she still went back to the ex, and now she wants you back. This is insanity, and you should want no part of it, unless you are as crazy and confused as she is. Get off this string, as she is not ready for a real relationship, but does need to get herself together. So unless your happy being a rebound AGAIN, and a crutch for her confusion, you need to leave her alone for a long while, and get your own life without her.

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I think there's some confusion. She didn't go back to an EX. We broke up almost 3 months ago after being together for almost 2 years. She dated during that time; I didn't. Now she tells me that she made a mistake and wants to try again. I told her that I don't know what I want now, and that we need to take things slow, as far as reestablishing anything.

Well, why did you break up the first time?

She's younger (22), and was unsure about our future. Basically didn't know if I was the one she wanted to settle down with.

Well maybe now she has it all out of her system, I mean maybe she is ready to settle down and be committed.

This is a total coin flip in my opinion! 50/50 I know I have taken people back into my life before and it has ruained whatever friendship we might have had. I thought they might be differnet or they might have changed, but low and behold they had put this wonderful front up and I fell for it and got my heart stepped on!

But at the same time the guy I am with right now (he just turned 24, and I am younger) we were seeing each other a few years ago but he said that I was too young to know what I wanted and that things would never work out, so he called it quits and we didn't talk to each other again... I was heart broken as you can imagine. I really wanted to be with him.

But then last year the falme was reunited and we have been together just over a year now and we are incredibly happy!! When we got together officially as a couple he apologized for brushing me off but I thanked him for what he did! If we would have been together then things would have never worked out

I agree... she could've gotten it all out of her system and is ready to settle. Or she could get back together and remember what it was that made her want to be "free". I've never really had good experiences with taking ex's back, but I always do it. I think you're going about it the right way and go VEEERY slowly. Make sure she knows what she wants. If she ends up wanting you, then things can be the same and even better than they were.

My reference was to the guy she was dating, sorry to confuse you. I still think you both need down time from any relationship for now. Sorry, but neither of you sounds very healthy emotionally right now.

Listen Rigt heart your in for one hell of a shock but this is what has happened...

She decided she didn't want you she wanted this other dude probably cause sghe didn't see hiu very often girls who are 22 love guys who are never around its called missing them not loving them. She doesn't love you she misseds you and you know what it obviously didn't work with the other guy you know why he was to far away so that's why she came running back ti you but this will happen again in about 3 montrhs I gaarantee you that let her go . I know you won't you will take it slow and steady because you still want her.

You are best bet would be ti do this aktough MORALLY wrong get back with her don't give her all your time just here and there and while you are with her be on the look out for another hot girl and when you find her leave the ex you will feel mnuch better with a new girl and she will respect you more and you will be able to get one easier while you have this current one and then you can use her a s the back up plan/. Its unheaklthy but your heart won't heart as much and when you find the new girl you will be fine anbdstuff her

There is no way you can convince me she has left this other guy and wants to be back with you after only a few days.

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I'm in the wedding party and believe it or not we're sitting together at the same table.

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Did something happen that we need to know??

Nothing happened, she told me a couple of days after the wedding that she made a mistake and wanted to try again. That's when I said that we would need to go slowly with things- that I'm not sure how I feel anymore and that we would need to work on things that needed to be worked on. (i.e. spending all our time together, dependency, her not being able to have her own identity).
We'll see what happens.

Is it wrong to read a current/ex's emails without them knowing it?

Yes. That is a HUGE invasion of privacy.

Why do you feel the need to invade their privacy? How would you feel if you found your current partner or ex was reading your emails?

Not only is it wrong, but it may be illegal. Unauthorized access to a private computer system violates US Federal law.
'

That's wrong every way that you look at it. Not only is it illegal, but you are also MAJORLY violating personal space...