As far as the phone goes I think we are all missing the obvious. Give the phone back to her, she doesn't have to use it if she doesn't want to pay the termination fee. There is nothing in the contract that says that you must use a certain number of minutes per month. Just give it back to her and let her do with it as she chooses.

Joe, as far as your own phone goes, I understand you work security at a hospital, correct me if I am wrong, but if you are employed by that hospital, most hospitals have discount phone plans with certain companies. A company here in my area AT&T gives a 24% discount to our hospital employees.

Now, for the kayak... have you even ever seen it? Does it actually exist?

The relationship won't come to an end as long as there are two people communicating over a phone bill, a kayac, and a storage unit full of stuff.

Put the phone in a box, along with a registered letter, and post it to her. The letter only has to say that you are no longer responsible for the phone, or the phone bill. If the phone bill is in your name (I can't remember), phone the company that has the contract, and tell them you wish to cancel. Yes, it might cost you a few bucks, but you need to get rid of the phone.

Pick up your own stuff, and let her worry about her stuff, that would be the stuff in the storage unit. Again, have a letter in hand for the owners of the unit, saying that you have removed your belongings, and are cancelling the contract. Make sure you are paid up. Then enclose the key. Add her name, phone number, and address. If I'm not mistaken, these units are on a month to month basis. If I'm wrong, phone them and see how you get out of the contract.

Some people are held together with mortgages, lines of credit, car payments, kids and support payments, credit card debt, investments, and lawnmowers.

You have none of that to worry about.

Consider yourself lucky, and cut the very weak links to this woman.

Jake, great advice as usual. J_9 I do not work directly for the hospital, however I do have an id badge stating that I do (of course) and I can slip by with that. However in my area there are these $50/month unlimited everything plans for Boost Mobile and Sprint. They are 3 times cheaper than Version with their unlimited talk/ text. Its bull crap that we are paying this much. But yeah, I have no direct ties to pay for this, so I guess I will just hand it back to her. She just got yet another bomb awesome job so she can afford it by herself. Also, the storage unit is in my name first however we are both on the month to month contract so I can simply remove my address from the list and the bill will automatically be sent to her. I will do the certified letter stating that I no longer own anything in the storage unit so I am not liable for anything else in there and that I am cutting my name off the lease. That'll do the trick.

Kayaks are not all that expensive, so I can get one by myself. That's annoying but I guess my friends here are 99% likely to have given the best advice possible and those odds seem right to me. So I guess that's what I will have to do. Thanks again everyone