So here is what went down. No need to tell me that I shouldn't have done this or that. I know what I did is wrong. But I just had so many unanswered questions. The following are the texts that went on between her and I.

Me: Katelyn told me how you and her talked about me. I can't be friends with you right now because I am in love with you. I always will be. So I just need to let you go since you do not have the same feelings for me. I will keep things short and polite as I move on with my life.

Her: Okay I understand. I hope things are going all right.

Me: Things are going great and I'm happy to have received this opportunity because I am having a blast. But no matter where I am I will always think of you. I just wish you had the same feelings for me that I have for you.

Me: I just have a question though. How can you be over me just like that? I know the whole friends and keeping busy thing but still. Were you over me before you even broke up with me? This reminds me of how you broke up with your other ex.

Her: I just felt that I needed to move on and go with my heart, and confidence in this lead me to have no regrets and keep moving forward.

Me: Well thanks for using me as your stepping stone. Much appreciate.

Her: What are you talking about?

Me: What do you thing I'm talking about. You telling me this makes me feel that I was used as an object for your personal needs. You are not the girl I thought you once were.

Her: I can't believe you, do you seriously think I would use you or stay with you if I didn't love you? You weren't a stepping stone, and if I didn't love you I wouldn't have been with you

Me: Well if you loved me you wouldn't have left me. Enjoy your life and have fun being heartless.

Her: There are different kinds of love. I loved you but I needed to go my own way. Don't you dare call me heartless.

Me: Well I guess you had the wrong love for me.

Her: Ive been in love with you many times before, but then I think I came to feel a different kind of love and I couldn't keep going merely out of fear of losing you.

Me: So if you lost all feelings for me why do you want a friendship?

Her: Because I feel connected to you and it would be great if we didn't have to give that up. But I will accept whatever happens.

How the hell can someone be this heartless. What the f***!!

*sigh.. * Yea, so much for NC man. You're just hurt and hurting yourself more. On top of that, you just showed you were weak. Where is your pride? The break up is a life lesson, if you don't learn from it how will go on in life?

Go NC ASAP and apply it until there is no tomorrow. You NEED this time alone. She is at least being honest and straightforward with you, she isn't giving you false hope. That shows her integrity from her part. You need to leave her alone and take care of yourself already.

So you fell off the wagon-time to get back on it again.
You know the drill so no need to advice on NC-will this conversation help you move on?
I hope so-and you shouldn't consider friendship not for a long long time.

Well the reason as to why I did it is because I had nothing to lose. I knew she wasn't coming back so I thought at least I would find out her reasoning.

She is out of my life completely. I will not bat an eyelash at her anymore. F*** her. I don't care if she is happy. I don't care if she succeeds. I don't care about her anymore. I gave her everything. I committed myself 100%. I made her feel like she was on top of the world. Any girl would love to have what I offered her. But what does she do to me? Leaves me. F*** relationships. F*** her. F*** love.

What a shameful display that was. She is what she is, and you had a choice to walk away clean with your head up.

You didn't. I don't have a clue what you expected, but I hope you got it.

I just can't believe you skipped the football games for this.

Yea, that's bad man. You can try and use your anger to move forward now, at least chanel that energy for something positive.

It drove me crazy that I didn't know why she left me. I needed to find out. So according to her her love for me changed. She has a "different" love for me. So I got what I asked for.

How the f*** can someone tell you every day that they love you. How can they give you thoughful notes that say: You are the one for me. You make me complete. I can see being with you for the rest of my life. You have made me happy. etc... How can they do all this and more and then leave? Just like that. This was quick and unexpected. Its as if a switch clicked.

I hope karma is a b****.

I am not a horrible guy. I was that guy that every one loves. That guy that every girl dreams of being married to. If I was an a**hole I would understand. If I didn't treat her well I would understand. If I didn't make her feel like a million bucks, I would understand. If I didn't buy her things, do sentimental things, be there for her during tough times, be her friend, partner, lover, etc... I would understand.

But I was all this and much much more and she chose to leave me.

You don't get to call people names when you're the one pressing someone to explain why they changed. Your actions have led to this point so why be mad you couldn't control her feelings?

People change all the time, and relationships fail, for one reason or another. Don't blame it on her, she gotcha, and you helped her do it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

You don't get to call people names when your the one pressing someone to explain why they changed. Your actions have led to this point so why be mad you couldn't control her feelings?

People change all the time, and relationships fail, for one reason or another. Don't blame it on her, she gotcha, and you helped her do it.

---

What do you mean by I helped her do it? I helped her feel that way? Is that what you mean by that?

I was there for her in every way. I went out of my way to make her happy in every way. I don't need to list all the things that I did for her but I did not drive her away. I cannot explain why she changed her feelings.

The main problem is that you are "took" care of her and you seem to have forgotten a bit about yourself. Like Tal said, people change and we need to move on.

Yeah, well why should I ever be in another relationship when they will just change their feelings and leave me?

Quote:

---

What do you mean by I helped her do

---

Instead of dropping her like a hot potato, you kept pushing and pushing. You were being the in love puppy dog when you should have left the witch. That's what I meant, but instead of seeing this one sided thing as over, you now chose to not understand how she played you and dumped you. That's what I mean.

You did a lot of good caring things, for someone who didn't deserve it, so you helped her, or let her get away with What she did.

All you had to do was take a few suggestions, and see beyond your own misplaced, and misguided, feelings.

Re read this whole post, the advice hasn't changed at all, and you had enough opportunity to nip this in the bud, and come away clean.

In cases like this, your actions play a big part in all that's happened so don't you dare put it all on her, witch that she is, she didn't MAKE you do anything. That was ENTIRELY your choice.

We all have learned some hard to face facts about ourselves after things like this happen. You aren't the first to fall for the charms and games of someone, and won't be the last.

When you have calmed down you will get over it, we all do. For now it sucks.

I agree all these feelings that I am feeling now are because of my actions. I am the one who asked her. You are very correct there.

All I was saying is that I do not think my actions throughout our relationship is what caused her to change her feelings. I think it was something more internal for her. I was trying to explain how I was trying to do always the best and treat her the way she wanted to be treated. That is why I am angry. I am angry because I feel I tried to be the best boyfriend a girlfriend could have. My feelings were genuine for her and I do not believe she had genuine feelings for me throughout our relationship. That bothers me because she made me believe that her feelings were genuine. When she said that I was the one for her or that I made her complete, I believed her. I was immersed into out life and put myself out there completely. She took those feelings and shattered them into a million of pieces. She used me as a stepping stone to reach a little bit higher in her life.

She said she didn't know if I was the one and needed to go out and find out. Bull because now that she left me she has not want to come back to me at all. She lied to me. She kept on telling me how she wishes we met later in life and not so early on.

Screw her and everything I gave her. I was so gullible and she used my love. I hope she finds everything in life that she is looking for.

Actually I sympathize with you as I can remember how mad at myself I was, when I got played by a really cute playa, whom I believed in everything she said, no matter what it was.

Hell of a lesson, isn't it?

You can say that again. I think early on in the relationship her feelings were genuine. But once things started getting worse then I think they disappeared. Also, after our first break up nothing returned to normal even though life was bliss for the both of us. Those feelings never disappeared even though I made sure to ask her before taking her back. I asked if she will be committed to me and will not regret having stayed with me. YES! She said. Nothing but lies.

She had so many beautiful qualities that I was immediately drawn in. Screw her. I feel bad for the next guy. I can't believe how hurt and angry I am. But I know I will pick myself up and become strong again. I will move on and be successful.

I'm the same as Tal and had the same thing happen to me , and when I think back now and think of all the energy I spent trying to get her back and worrying about all the ifs and buts I cringe. I was such a Doofus :rolleyes:

Now I'm just so glad I have nothing to do with her and learnt some valuable lessons along the way , believe me , you'll do the same once you just let it go.

I do just need to let go. She has caused enough pain. I will not tolerate this crap anymore. I can't believe her true colors are tinted dark black.

Time to go work out and get some frustration out.

I feel more anger than pain now but I feel like tomorrow I will be very very hurt. I hate these damn rollercoasters.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A4Effort

Time to go work out and get some frustration out.

I feel more anger than pain now but I feel like tomorrow I will be very very hurt. I hate these damn rollercoasters.

---

As long as you decide to keep riding the Roller Coaster your going to continue to have these ups and downs.

Might be a good time to get off at the next stop , we can only tell you why it's a bad ride but it's up to you to get off :cool:

I know exactly what your going through. I hated how I gave my ex my all and somehow it still wasn't enough. It seemed like everything she said was a lie when she left me. I know its hard at first I cried so much when she left and I tried so many things to try and get her back and all it did was push her farther away to the point where I got mad at myself deep down inside and let out all my feelings to her. It felt good when I did it because I hated how she turned out to be the girl I never thought she could be. I look back now knowing that NC really helped me out as I sticked to it and got through all of this sh*t. You will too, you just have to actually apply it to yourself and keep all your bad thoughts to yourself and let them out on your own time when your alone and don't go to her. Don't let yourself down because it will just restart the process. You can do it you just have to believe and get through it because in the end you will be more then amazed with everything you achieved.

Yeah, I definitely take my anger out through my martial arts and working out. It calms me down and it enables me to let all my anger out through bunching bags and physically challenging myself. There is so much that I wish I could tell her but I will not give her that satisfaction. I am applying NC all the way until I heal. I do not want to be friends with her. Im not going to wallow and be sad anymore. I need to stop focusing on her and start focusing on myself. I need to take care of myself and be the driven, ambitious, dedicated, and self confident man that I am.

Well here comes the rollercoaster. I am thinking about how she tells me her love changed for me and how she was able to move on so easily. That hurts so much. My love never changed for her. I don't even want to think about this but it just floats around in my head. I feel like my heart is being used as a punching bag.

Your so caught up in your own emotions, you can't see straight.

You know what brought me some understanding, when my feelings changed for a girl I was dating who was willing to do anything for me. That sucked to disappoint, and hurt someone like that, I mean deeply hurt.

Being on the other side of the fence, gave me a whole different perspective, of not only myself, but others.

One day you'll have the same understanding. Keep living.

How can I NOT be caught up in my emotions? What can I do to stop that? I mean keeping busy, being social, etc... only helps when I am engaged in those activities. But I cannot be busy 24/7.

What is the best way to deal with these emotions? Let them all out? Write them down? Keep them inside? Post them here?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A4Effort

How can I NOT be caught up in my emotions? What can I do to stop that? I mean keeping busy, being social, etc....only helps when I am engaged in those activities. But I cannot be busy 24/7.

What is the best way to deal with these emotions? Let them all out? Write them down? Keep them inside? Post them here?

---

Post them on here or when you have alone time let your emotions out to yourself it might hurt since you have been building it up inside but letting them all out will make you feel a lot better! Write them down, post on here, etc.

Take the pain, and next time you want to do something stupid, bite your tongue real hard. You have to understand logically and rationally, that those repeated mistakes won't help you get better, only NC will. Read the posts around and you'll see.

I wonder though how long before the next incident. *sigh* yet again.

Well since I am up doing homework like crazy I thought I would take a break and let my feelings out. This is directed towards my ex but since I do not want to directly tell her this I am letting it out here.


I cannot believe how you have changed. I have given you 2 years of my life. I have given you 100% of myself. I was there when you needed someone the most. When you cried I was your shoulder. When you were happy I smiled with you. When you accomplished something great I was there to applaud you. When you had a rough day at work I was there to give you a body massage. When you were in the mood I was there to please you. We embarked on many journeys together. You showed me what love was. You made me believe that you were the one for me. You told me how we could be together for a long time. You told me how I was the one for you. Here you are now. You lost all feelings for me. You want to be friends. You want to see other people. You do not want to be with me. You forgot how good I made you feel. You forgot the countless hours I spent with you. You forgot the trips we took, the passion we shared, the conversations we had, the adventures we went on, and you forgot me. Your family took me in as their son. They loved me and were very glad to have met me. Your brother who almost beat your ex to death loved me. There was not one sister, mother, cousin, uncle, etc.. Who did not love me. The only person who did not love me was you. You lied to me. You kept me on a string. Why did you not leave the first time? I wish I never took you back. I can't stand looking at you anymore. Your heart has turned dark and you are not the person I thought you were. My mind was clouded by your beauty and by your wonderful traits. You are heartless and afraid of commitment. I swear to god that one day you will look back and realize that you made a huge mistake. I will show you who I am and what I can become. I have worked hard my entire life to get where I am. I am determined to make the best out of my cards. You had it easy your entire life. Your parents pamper you in every way and paid every bill. You do not understand hard work. You do not understand pain. You are not the woman for me. I finally can see clearly now. I know I will find one day the woman who will be committed to me. I will find the one who will truly love me. She will not have doubts and once I find her I will give her everything. My heart is filled with pain because of you. My fists are clinched and my vains are filled with anger. But I will not give you the satisfaction you seek. Go and find that man that you seek. Go find out who the hell you want to be. I wish you well and I hope you learn more about love, life, and yourself. F*** you. I was too good for you. You did not deserve anything I gave you. You did not deserve my love. You did not deserve commitment. I should have left you a while ago but I did not realize it. I was inexperienced with this love thing. I am glad I was able to experience it. It is not the first time I have felt great pain. I take this pain and turn it into motivation. I will become stronger and better in every way. You do not know the drive that I posses. I will work until my back breaks until I accomplish my goals. "Per aspera ad astra." "Through the thorns towards the sky." I will go through these thorns. I will be cut. I will hurt. But these thorns will not stop me. I will touch the sky. My wounds will heal.

Wow, reading what I wrote yesterday is crazy. I need to stop worrying about this whole deal. I do not have time to be a mess. It felt very good though to let it out. I need to learn how to focus on myself rather then continue thinking about her. We are done and she needs to leave my thoughts/mind. I am having difficulties with just letting it go. Is there something that I can do to make it easier on myself? Or is this what I have to endure as I apply NC?

There will probably be ups and downs until there are no more downs that's human.
Keep posting and have,as you said, nothing more to do with the ex.
It takes time but you have a great life to look forward to.

Yes you do have to endure. Sometimes the thought of pain hurts worse than the actual pain. You will get use to it though, and make adjustments.

That's how you learned to ride a bike isn't it? Had you given up when you fell down, you wouldn't learn. So the fact is when life knocks you down, get back up, and keep moving forward.

Over time you LEARN to let go.

Confession: I didn't know any of these things back in my youth, (I was a really bad listener) and some lessons it took some very hard slaps upside my thick skull to get it right. Just trying to save you some slaps upside your head, because as you get older they still hurt sometimes, and maybe your head was not as thick as mine.

Yep,
We're basically trying to save you from more pain, NC is tough and hard, but everyday that passes it GETS easier. Especially if you take care of yourself full time.

I am so hurt. The last six months was all one big lie. I can't believe how I was used by her. I believed she changed. I can't even describe the pain that is inside me.

I feel so used. I feel I was taken advantage of. What did I do to deserve this? My heart is bleeding and I can't make it stop. How can someone be so evil and use me for their own needs. I gave her everything.

I need a break. This happened during the worst week possible.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A4Effort

I am so hurt. The last six months was all one big lie. I can't believe how I was used by her. I believed she changed. I can't even describe the pain that is inside me.

I feel so used. I feel I was taken advantage of. What did I do to deserve this? My heart is bleeding and I can't make it stop. How can someone be so evil and use me for their own needs. I gave her everything.

I need a break. This happened during the worst week possible.

---

I felt the same thing. It will soon fade after time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A4Effort

I am so hurt. The last six months was all one big lie. I can't believe how I was used by her. I believed she changed. I can't even describe the pain that is inside me.

I feel so used. I feel I was taken advantage of. What did I do to deserve this? My heart is bleeding and I can't make it stop. How can someone be so evil and use me for their own needs. I gave her everything.

I need a break. This happened during the worst week possible.

---

Yep... and the hurt and pain will keep going on as long as you let it. Only you can let go of all this.

Blaming your problems on her, accusations of being slighted, all the self-pity and loathing isn’t her, it’s you. Let it go. It’s over. Quit thinking about it and damn sure quit wallowing in it. Allow it to run off you like water on a duck’s back.

How do I do this? I know I need to stick to nc. But how do I let go?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A4Effort

How do I do this? I know I need to stick to nc. But how do I let go?

---

By giving yourself more time to heal.

Take a chill pill and get yourself busy. Don't make any more mistakes! Be strong and have some sense of pride!

Yeah after this week I'm going to take some time off from work and relax for once. I'm am very stressed out right now and having to deal with this is not as easy. But I'm not here to pity myself. I will work hard and get through this. What has happened, has happened. Time to pick my a** off the floor.

I feel so dead.

I have been running on only a few hours of sleep these past few days. I have work over my head and it does not look like it will stop any time soon. My face hurts from having to put this fake smile on my face. I am not wallowing in my pain, just writing my feelings down. I am moving on but this is so hard. I know things will get better soon but I am in the now and this is how I feel.

I just want to give up. I want to drop everything. I need a break. I will snap if I do not get myself in control soon. My motivation to do my work has been diminishing day by day. I feel like I am on auto pilot. My body is moving on its own but my mind is somewheres else. My heart is in pain and time is not moving fast enough. I don't know how much longer I can stay confident and strong.

I give up.