I only have one word to respond to this post:
AMEN!
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I only have one word to respond to this post:
AMEN!
I have just read this... amazing when something happens, you Google for advice etc...
Well my story... I'm 35 my gf/ex is 23... we have been going out for 2.5 years, living together for most of this. Anyhow... all was good, until I got fed-up after 9 months... I was distant and cold... and was like this for 2 months... I felt I wanted freedom.. so she left me... well... it was so pianful... I begged her to come back and she would not... I must have cried down the phone for days... I did it, because I knew she loved me... anyhow I knew where she hung out and went there one evening and say her with a guy... I felt sick... never had a feeling like that before... to see my beautiful princess with someone else... they were supposedly friends, she was down and to make herself feel better invited this guy over from Italy... anyhow more on this later... but after a few more days, she came back to me... and things were great again for a while...
She has her place and I have mine... then my mum came to stay with me for 6 months... so I felt I had to spend my time between 2 apartments... this was tiring... and I ended up staying more at mine... well this did not go down well.. and she became more difficult... we started to argue more.. she then at one point in a heated argument told me she kissed that guy when we were not together... I felt I had been hit by a bus... she cried and apologised and because I loved her said fine... but my annoyance was for 2 reasons... she had no right to tell me, but also we were talking on the phone a lot and she knew she was coming back, and in fact she came back 2 days after the kiss... ok we were not together, but we were in a way... took a few weeks to heal... but I stuck with it but then I began to miss the single life... anyhow my mum went back and she moved back to mine... things were fine again... but the arguments were still present... she was going on holiday back to Italy, and I was due to join her... but I declined, lost money on my ticket... but I had a dose of being single to see if I wanted the single life or not... she was hurt, especially when I said "stupidly" it's not working... I then again had regrets... and she seemed fine... the day that she was due to come home she called and said she will stay an extra week... that's when things changed... she became colder, more distant... she then texted me saying that she has been thinking and does not feel she wants to try anymore... she would not listen to me...
She got back yesterday and I went to see her... it's so difficult to be with someone, but be different with them, not being loving... I wanted to hold her, but was scared that the feelings she would have would not be the same... she said that something has changed and she does not love me to the same extent... I, a 35 year old man, cried like a baby... I just feel I have ruined everything... end of the day, I caused this... I tried to reason with her, as I can't believe love can become significantly less so suddenly... because she was my everything and I hers... I have lost 5kgs in the past few weeks, which is not a bad thing... but I'm destroyed... I went out partying and was not interested in anything...
I suppose this is the regret phase, where I feel emptiness etc... but it really is difficult. Reading this article helps a lot.
I'm due to go to a councillor with her tonight... I think she wants out, but it's not 100%... hoping the councillor might help me out... I think her mum influenced her decision...
But the problem is also that the issues that cause the unhappiness will no doubt arise... unless I can compromise more... I have been difficult...
Anyway, I just feel so weak and I should be stronger at my age...
Needed to get this off my chest... but wow.. the pain!
She just gave you a very valuable clue.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Captain
This person you have become is not the one she fell in love with, but you can't get that old person back... Why?
Because that guy wasn't happy either... understand?
You are in the midst of a personal evolution but if you don't grab control of it, it will continue to go in the wrong direction.
You have to stop chasing her and properly initiate no contact, you're only driving her farther away.
The counselor might've been a good idea when the problems started, but now you need to get yourself in order first before trying to start a "new" relationship with her, understand?
I suggest you use the no contact rule to not only start to pull her back towards you, but to give you the time you need to evolve.
The problem here is you are trying to rush the evolution and hold on to her at the same time... but you can't.
You have to let her go for now (using NC) and follow a good plan to help you evolve and heal to prepare for the reconnection stage.
Once you start the reconnection stage, if necessary at that point this would be a good time to introduce the counseling... make sense?
If you want more information about NC and my free step by step plan... let me know, OK?
Hi "getyourexback"
Might be an idea if you post your advice on The Captains own thread (see link below ), probably more chance of him seeing it there.
Thanks
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lt-382923.html
Hi M .this says it all! You should write a book. :-)
I really appreciated this post! Thanks
Brilliant! SO TRUE!
Very tru
Every bit of that :)was spot on.
My girlfriend broke up with me earlier today, I'm in pain right now. Reading your post helped a little, thanks.
Each word, each sentence on that post was amazingly helpful. Thank you so much, I am in that position at the moment and yes my heart still hurts :( , but I will be strong... I will
Amazing I wish I couldve stumbled upon this when I needed it most :-( but bravo.
Yes mate forsure an amazing piece of work. The way your worded it and the examples used. It was awsome. Great job.
This has opened my eyes greatly, it has been 17 months for me and I have been dating someone for 9 of those, I see know I am still broken and I have no business in this new relationship. And the whole part about I will never love again the same way or no one will love me the same way. THat hit so far home! I am grateful to have stumbled on to this.
Wow! I've litrally just broken up with my boyfriend 2 days ago and after reading this I think I can pull through it :)
Thanks for writing this amazing post!
Soooooo true everything written here by Friend4u,, when you feel so alone, and can hardly bear your own skin... remember there are literally thousands of people feeling this pain... I have been broken up with my boyfriend now for 3 months and have been in a state of abject misery for all of it... every day, every hour, every minute he is in my heart and mind. The man is in the very core of me... now it seems I am worse than I was at the outset of the breakup. My everyday life is a struggle... and the feeling from everyone here is 'time is a healer'... so I wonder whe that actually starts to happen.As we are all individuals I guess each case is the same. Wasted or spent so much time reading how to move on... you know all the usual stuff about starting new hobbies, new interests etc etc... wow... just to be able to get out of the house is a big step...
Working week is when we have to go out and do what we do... come the weekend... my main passtime is pacing the floor, boring friends over and over with my grief. So what happened back there I ask myselfl? Before 'HIM' and during our relationship I had interests and hobbies... and now to even step out there and become involved again doesen't inspire me at all. Thankfully I am able to keeep up some kind of cheerful front for my daughter... perhaps that's where all my energy is going maintaining a happy and normal homelife for her, so there is little left for me to recover. Any thoughts anyone :rolleyes:
Hi Dragonfly
Why don't you post your own story in a new thread , you'll find lots of people who'll help you to learn how to move on.
I'll keep an eye out myself for your story.
Thank you for posting this. Even though I was the one that ended it. It still hurts but like you said I'll be fine.
I'm writing an process essay on how to get over someone. Do you mind if I use some of the things you said here? They are just really good, you know that, we all know that
Go for it :)
How true... I have experienced every single word that you have written. Though I am still dealing with the heart-ache... it gives me a lot of hope to look at the future... thank you so much...
Hi there, there are so many people going thorugh the same emotional break down as yours... and I am one of them. It's been 5 weeks for me too... I can just suggest one thing don't think of what you didn't get or how the life is going to be without him around, when the thought comes just get up and talk to someone about something else. Until you try consciously to move on it is going to be very difficult.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
You have to be strong girl... take one day at a time, when you wake up in the morning tell yourself 'I will not be sad today' you deserve the best from this life.
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
I am happy for ONE thing: I found out what a tremendous capacity for love that I really do have.
I found out that I really do need some one to love.
I've spent too many years just doing the nine to five and taking care of business. It's an empty life, and I hate it. There has to be something better than this, just satisfying your own needs and living in a routine. I don't know what I'm going to do to change it, but I'm going to make a hell of a try.
I really enjoyed this post, incredibly well written, comforting and heart warming.
Thank you!
That's exactly what I did after my terrible break up. A very nice article there. Lucky I found this site. :)
When I started reading this, I was amazed at how right you are. I am thankful I found this site. And bravo for a wonderful post! This will help me a lot on my road to recovery.
Wow.
I could say I love you right now!
You just summed up break ups.
I'd have paid to read this! Haha... well, lets not get too far.
AMAZING!
:D
It's true... I have gotten back with my ex 3 times... and it didn't work.. the same day we broke up he went to dinner with one of "his" girl friends... so even if it hurts you have to tell your heart that it isn't worth it and that he is not for you.. that someone else so much better will come when the time is right... he will regret it later
Great stuff Im so lucky Im reading this in my 1st day here. Thank you
It's a great read indeed. There are few people who choose to be in the darkness and pain, bcoz they want to punish themselves for committing something, or by hurting themselves trying to hurt their creator (i.e god) who has actually made them like that. Unfortunately I'm of the lot. I wish I could leave her alone. I have always given her all the happiness, I wish I could finally give what she asks me.. a BREAK-UP.. then finally a thot comes, maybe she is misunderstanding or misinterpretting me.. may be I may show her my improved self, may be she will feel again what we felt together, and these are few HOPES that has dragged for past 12 months and indeed I have made both our lives hell..
I wished I read his a couple weaks ago.. I was dumped and replaced in 2 weaks and still want her back. We dated 3 years and lived togeather for 1.. Its been 2 months now and I'm getting better but still miss her
Dear all, my boyfriend got on particularly well with a mutual friend, and although she speaks perfect english they chose to speak in Italian for long lengths. After tolerating being excluded from conversations, I finally asked them to speak in english so I (and our mate David) could understand and join in. Instead, my boyfriend defended his actions as he felt she struggled with english . Meanwhile she retorted in english, ' isn't David useful to you ?' (meaning can you speak to David as you are in the way). Afterwards I accused my boyfriend of flirting right under my nose, he denied it and said she had flirted with him. I had confided in this woman that I was experiencing relationship troubles, and it hurts to know she still flirted with him. I have explained to my boyfriend I feel betrayed by her, and will no longer be hiring her to work with me. He is annoyed with my decision to sack her, and 'sees me as a lesser person'. This is very hurtful to me as I have recently conceded in making a huge sacrifice for our relationship to work, but despite my gesture he considers me as a 'lesser person' over this current issue. I would like my boyfriend to have no more to do with her, but he is adamant to keep her as friend and meet her for drinks etc. He says she hasn't betrayed him so its all right and questions my version of events (even though he says I am a 100 percent trustworthy person). My boyfriends told me he loves me, he decided to have kids with me and says I must trust him - and not to worry. Am I being insecure, jealous, controlling and possessive? Can I trust him?? Or am I right to make demands?
Thank You so much for this post it has helped me to understand that I am not the only one who acts like a prat and that what I'm feeling is normal.. Thank You.
I have asked a question under a new thread any advice would be gratefully received... Cheers all
THIS WAS SOOO GOOD
But its been 3 months and everyday I think about my ex. Even though I don't cry when the pain do come it hurts even more the more the days go by the more it hurts. Its been over 1 month and half since I text then I text him once no answer. Its been 3months and only contact me 2 times.
I know time heals but that same time make me hurt more.I lovoe this guy so much.
He never told me it was over. Never said he didn't want to talk to me no more never said non of that.. jus stop talking to me cause he got mad...
I pray for him all the time I miss him so much as the time go by the more the pain hurts :(
This guy does not deserve your loving attention. Find someone who deserves it and treats you right!Quote:
Originally Posted by athena254
Hopfully he finds me cause it hurts... carrottalker
Once you get back on your feet and become the strong beautiful woman you want to be. He will fall into place :DQuote:
Originally Posted by athena254
Be happy with yourself first. Then you can be happy with another.
Yea so true... but I try .I try.. I don't talk to him no contact nothing. Even when I cut the friend off I still hurt. I try to be happy but people always failing me.
When I was alone I was getting all these blessing got with someone everything falling apart
I went through a very similar stage, where friends and family would be "failing me" or ditching me.Quote:
Originally Posted by athena254
I learned that there is only one person you can rely on, that is yourself. You can have your friends to add to your life. If you are lucky, you can have some genuine friends who will help out, but even then, they cannot be relied on all the time because that is a big burden.
Yes... but I will just stay focus :)
We all have our season and I this is not my season
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