1) true, a lot of my strategy is based on assumptions... but also on facts... I know for a fact she still likes me and misses me.. thats what I'm basing it on.. as long as there is that, I have a chance to "influence" her

2) with all due respect, sometimes you CAN make someone come back to u.. the word "make" is a harsh word, but there are things you do and say to make a girl want you back... otherwise, no one in history would have said the phrase "we got back together"... the girl has to miss you and once in a while be reminded of the good times you shared together for her to consider getting back.. sometimes her seeing you having fun and meeting new people and going out makes her jealous, also a feeling that makes her consider getting back

Again, I don't want to make it seem I'm manipulating her to get back with me... I really like her and want to continue where we left off, so I have to use the weapons that are in my arsenal... "all fair in love and war"...

On the contrary, I feel I'm using my brain more than my heart on this one... before any call, I think 10 times to make sure that I have balanced enough of the "NC-contact strategy"

3) your right,, now she doesn't want either... her priority is her work... but I can guarantee you that if I'm out of the pic for good, or at least 3 months straight, she will get back with her ex... bc he will still be in the pic and he has 10yrs... im just trying to level the playing ground

I'm not saying what you say is wrong or unsound, but I'm just saying that my situation may be a bit unique to the NC strategy... bc there is an ex in the pic and because time is not a luxury

Take care

I prefer my woman to want to be there on her own choosing, not by influence, or manipulations, and irregardless of the competition from an ex, or anyone else who walks the planet. Just me, mind you!!

Just another point for NO CONTACT, when they are confused, indecisive, or just not ready, willing, or able.

No Contact also allows you to see your options, and opportunities, so you won't be stuck in a confusion of thought or actions that don't produce a darn thing in your interest.

It allows you to grow, and understand yourself, which is essential, for understanding others. And being able to cope with what you have to.

OK, this is what happened tonight:

I called her to see how she is, we spent an hour and a half on the phone! It was friendly and flirtatious for the first 45 minutes, but the next 45 minutes is where it all goes down...

I started telling her how I'm glad she is happy and that I wish her the best even if its not with me, etc... I told her that I do miss her, but I was trying to get over her by actively going out and trying to meet new people, etc... then the subject of my ex girlfriend came up... which led to talking about the word "love"...

She asked me if I loved her (her meaning the current Ukrainian girl)... after a bit of "it doesnt matter anymore if i do or not" and "maybe one day u'll find out" from my part, she stressed that I tell her the truth... so I did

I told her that I do love her... how I don't give my heart to any girl.. how I fell for her from the moment I met her, how the past 4 months were amazing... I told her that I went on vacation for 3 weeks, and I couldn't stop thinking about her and how much I miss her... I told her that basically I was coming back from vacation to tell you "i love u", but I never got the chance...

I then asked her about her... she said she "really loves me too", and she misses me a lot, etc... she said I do love my boyfriend, I mean he is the one that has been with me for 10 yrs and wants to marry me, etc... but I do love you also... she loves 2 people, her ex because of what he means to her and their history, and me because of what I mean to her now and because I'm a great guy that she loves to be with

I then tried cutting the conversation short, but she didn't want me to! She told me to stay longer and then she said: "i feel like kissing you!"

At that moment I didn't know what to say... literally... I told her that I wanted to also, but didn't know if it was a good idea... but then I thought about it and told her that I would be there (her house) in 10 minutes, she said to make it 5 ;)

I got there... she got in the car, we cruised around a bit... we had a normal conversation for a while... held hands, etc... then when I dropped her back home, we made out for a good 5-10 minutes... it was all good during, like the good ol' days ;)

But when we finished, I was left with a confused look on my face! I was thinking: "what happened, what now, what does this mean?".. she noticed my confused look, and told me to smile... so we said our goodbyes, and when I got home messaged her goodnight and to have a good day at work tmrw

So, lets analyze what happened tonight... was it just a surge of feelings that culminated into us kissing? Was it us getting back together? Was it a "booty-call?" we finally told each other we love each other, is that a step forward, or will it complicate things more? Is she no longer confused? What the hell just happened?

AND more importantly, what do I do next?

My plan: cool it, go NC for 2-3 days, wait for her to call, take it easy... if she doesn't, I'll call, maybe invite her out for coffee or smthg

Thanks in advance

No one can tell you what to do, we can only analyze the situation and give our opinions. At some point she has to make a choice and stop keeping someone in their pockets. I wish you the best outcome possible, but remember everything in life has its purpose. I feel until she makes a choice she is confused on weither to put the feelings away from her ex or yours. Not to sound like an a$$.

U don't sound like an @ss at all! :)

I do appreciate your opinions... thats why I asked...

Your right, eventually she has to choose... but what happened tonight? It was just a surge of feelings that led to kissing? Did we get back?

Only time will tell... at least I now have a foot in the door...

So going to give it a couple of days, I think we both need it, then we'll see

OK, this is what happened tonight:

I called her to see how she is, we spent an hour and a half on the phone! It was friendly and flirtatious for the first 45 minutes, but the next 45 minutes is where it all goes down...

I started telling her how I'm glad she is happy and that I wish her the best even if its not with me, etc... I told her that I do miss her, but I was trying to get over her by actively going out and trying to meet new people, etc... then the subject of my ex girlfriend came up... which led to talking about the word "love"...

She asked me if I loved her (her meaning the current Ukrainian girl)... after a bit of "it doesnt matter anymore if i do or not" and "maybe one day u'll find out" from my part, she stressed that I tell her the truth... so I did

I told her that I do love her... how I don't give my heart to any girl.. how I fell for her from the moment I met her, how the past 4 months were amazing... I told her that I went on vacation for 3 weeks, and I couldn't stop thinking about her and how much I miss her... I told her that basically I was coming back from vacation to tell you "i love u", but I never got the chance...

I then asked her about her... she said she "really loves me too", and she misses me a lot, etc... she said I do love my boyfriend, I mean he is the one that has been with me for 10 yrs and wants to marry me, etc... but I do love you also... she loves 2 people, her ex because of what he means to her and their history, and me because of what I mean to her now and because I'm a great guy that she loves to be with

I then tried cutting the conversation short, but she didn't want me to! She told me to stay longer and then she said: "i feel like kissing you!"

At that moment I didn't know what to say... literally... I told her that I wanted to also, but didn't know if it was a good idea... but then I thought about it and told her that I would be there (her house) in 10 minutes, she said to make it 5

I got there... she got in the car, we cruised around a bit... we had a normal conversation for a while... held hands, etc... then when I dropped her back home, we made out for a good 5-10 minutes... it was all good during, like the good ol' days

But when we finished, I was left with a confused look on my face! I was thinking: "what happened, what now, what does this mean?".. she noticed my confused look, and told me to smile... so we said our goodbyes, and when I got home messaged her goodnight and to have a good day at work tmrw

So, lets analyze what happened tonight... was it just a surge of feelings that culminated into us kissing? Was it us getting back together? Was it a "booty-call?" we finally told each other we love each other, is that a step forward, or will it complicate things more? Is she no longer confused? What the hell just happened?

AND more importantly, what do I do next?

My plan: cool it, go NC for 2-3 days, wait for her to call, take it easy... if she doesn't, I'll call, maybe invite her out for coffee or smthg

Thanks in advance

Hmmm... not a lot of people commented yet on last nights major development... either you guys are busy with other posts, or you have realized that my strategy may be working, or at least has set me in the right direction ;)

Again, I say the NC strategy is sound and works.. but I don't think it should just be thrown around for every situation... each relationship is unique and the NC strategy should be modified based on what the person wants out of the break up

Anyway, would still appreciate some comments on last nights events

Thanks

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

hmmm...not a lot of ppl commented yet on last nights major development....either you guys are busy with other posts, or u have realized that my strategy may be working, or at least has set me in the right direction ;)

again, i say the NC strategy is sound and works..but i dont think it should just be thrown around for every situation...each relationship is unique and the NC strategy should be modified based on what the person wants out of the break up

anyway, would still appreciate some comments on last nights events

thanks

---

To be frank, I think they have spoken their mind.

We should be talking to her. She is the one with all the power, and control, and calling all the shots. Your just the sheet blowing in the wind.

Hahaha... first I get bashed for trying to "influence her", "change her", "make her", etc... and now I'm just a "sheet in the wind"

Why don't u just admit that it was my regulated/balanced NC strategy that made our phone conversations turn to flirting, flirting turn to "i love u and miss u", and culminating with "be here in 5 minutes i want to kiss u"

I'm not saying what you guys advocate is wrong, it is right.. and I did do it, I remind you I went FULL NC for more than a week after the break up and she contacted me first... and in between calls (her calling or me calling), I would go days NC

But we have to admit, my balanced strategy kept me in the game and led to what happened last night

Your right.. im not out of the woods yet.. true... but ask ANYONE who is in a SIMILAR situation as me, and they will tell you that what happened last night is 10 times better than waiting for months on end waiting for the girl to make up her mind and MAYBE come back

In fact, my friend, if I sat around for months full NC, THEN I would be waiting for her to call the shpts and I would be a "sheet"... but as long as I'm in the game, with a strategy, giving her space but also reminding her of the good ol' days, I have some control as well

As you can see from many of your answers... you have definitely made the right decision. She needs her "space." That is something we've all heard and needed. No matter how we try we can never MAKE someone see or feel what we do. As hard as it is, we all have to learn for ourselves. Even when we ask advice sometimes we don't always listen and we say "I should have listened to so and so..."

If you feel what you're doing is right for YOU, then it is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is force her decision, she needs to see for herself what you are worth and if she is really ready to move on, if not, it will only hurt you more later on. If she does decide she is ready for you, don't only hear her words, but look at her actions. If anything is saying "this doesn't feel right," then move on. It won't happen right away so I wouldn't put a time frame on it. We all need real time to heal from a past relationship, because sometimes we just like the familiarity of it. Someone will be out there very deserving of you whether it be her, or someone else. In the meantime, live your life and enjoy, and show yourself that you are worth it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

hmmm...not a lot of ppl commented yet on last nights major development....either you guys are busy with other posts, or u have realized that my strategy may be working, or at least has set me in the right direction ;)

again, i say the NC strategy is sound and works..but i dont think it should just be thrown around for every situation...each relationship is unique and the NC strategy should be modified based on what the person wants out of the break up

anyway, would still appreciate some comments on last nights events

thanks

---

Here's what I think about the development. You have to ask yourself if you want this to be a "game", or a game worth playing. Or do you want it to be a true and pure relationship? Sure all relationships take work, but how much work do u want to put into it before it becomes a chore. Yes, you're right, by doing what you did, you are "keeping yourself in the game" but you have to make sure you play your cards right then. Make sure that you don't give in every time there is a "new development" make her work too. It's human nature for all of us to want what we can't have. By you stepping back it did make her think... but you don't want her to feel like she can have her cake and eat it too.

She may have almost definitely meant what she said and feels for you, but u have to make her realize that this is a real decision for her to make and if she wants you then she's going to have to put in some real effort and show you.

Welcome to ASK ME ;)

Hey dude. Glad you feel better. Just don't pressure her and have fun. You may get somewhere.

Also, if you get confused again you might wanna re-read my posts.

Here's an excerpt: "I'd say about a year would be wise. 6 months if all goes as well as possible. Anything before that she would not likely take seriously. (She might hook up with you before that, but being a serious girlfriend before that - I'd guess probably not.)"

Peace and good luck with it.

Thanks bro... in fact, your post crossed my mind after I dropped her back home last night

Drop in from time to time.. take care

Saw your comment: haven't been on this site long enough to figure it all out.. tried sending you a private message, but it won't let me, because for some reason never got the activation email... so go ahead, ask me :)

:), no, what I did was I sent you a good reputation.. which is smthg good apparently on this site :P... and I meant welcome to ASK ME (the website)... but thanks anyway, and don't worry, u'll get the hang of it ;).. take care

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! U just put a smile on MY face. Yea I'll get the hang of it eventually. YOU just helped ME. Thanks!

Update: she called me tonight

Had a nice normal conversation for only 5 minutes, then I cut it short because I was at dinner... so far, so good

Thinking of not calling her tmrw, continue with the NC, then invite her out Tuesday night

Regards

ummm truthfully, i think your jelous and a bit over protected, shes going through a tough time he has known her longer she might have realised when he was helping her that she has feelings for him, back off let things take there own route, relax a little..do NOT get involved it will cause more jelousy

woopsie just read your update.. yeah well hope things go well, see it might just have been a small thing ;)

good luck =]

Don't call her up tomorrow... what you're doing is working... pace yourself and don't get ahead of yourself or too excited. And wait for her to ask YOU to do something, as much as it itches. Remember make her work...