Hey everybody! Well as I'm sure this is just a temporary high and that I will have my low spots from which I will no doubt ask your infinate support in, today I couldn't be happier. I went to a church today with my friend and her boyfriend (who is really a stand up guy, especially compared to her jealous ex) and I was nervous at first getting out of the house rather than sitting around being sorry for myself. The church I went to was unlike any I had been to. It's a non-denominational Christian church (http://www.faithpromise.org)and they welcome everybody. I haven't found a church I felt this connected to ever. They are probably the most welcoming, nicest, most devoted group of Christians I have ever met. I really couldn't even think about wanting my ex back while I was there. I really just felt happy. Happier than I ever did with anyone. I felt like God actually spoke to me. I'm sorry, I've always had faith, but I really just had a religious experience today and I'm actually excited about going next week. Me, the guy my ex says "never gets excited about anything", is as excited as I've ever been. Well its really been all I have been able to talk about since. I actually cried in happiness as I was leaving. I manned up and waited till no one could see me but I cried, and they weren't tears for my ex. For a few hours there and after I really felt whole and just happy to be me. I guess I'm getting some spiritual healing. I finally just trust God to do what's right for me. Hell I wish I could thank my ex right now for giving me the motivation to seek out God again. I have really lost touch with my faith, and I didn't even realise it. Like I said, I'm at a bit of a high right now. I'm sure I'll have my lows, but I really just feel great right now.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

I care about her too much to watch her throw her life away, but I feel helpless to do anything. I hate watching someone I care about going a such a self desructive path. She could inadvertantly kill herself, and I'm not even sure she cares right now. I don't know how someone could spiral out of control so fast for no appearent reason. She comes home everyday from work misserable and until a V-day weekend all it took was seeing me to feel better about it. I guess she thinks this is more of an escape, but its the people that she works with, at the place where she is miserable, that are encouraging her to go down this path. It makes no rational since. A choice between someone who protected her and something that could destroy her and she picks the dark path that could kill her.

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The common pattern with a lot of dumpees on here is that they look for excuses for the dumpers behaviour. I did it! My ex suffered from depression, and I thought that was causing her to question our relationship.

The reality is that she was probably very selfish, to the extent that she was prepared to use the depression as an excuse for her dwindling feelings. Not good, but not unique either.

Don't make excuses for her. Think of yourself.

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Originally Posted by confused25

*Round of applause*

Beautiful and very touching. Seriously, in my personal opinion you handled that very well. I know it was hard but you should be proud of yourself at this point. You were able to let her go and you are now ready to move on with your life.

No one knows what the future holds. You are right that this was the last chapter regarding your relationship with her as it is now. She may appear somewhere in the rest of your story. Its clear, from what you wrote, that you both really cared about one another so after a time apart you two may come back into each others life. However, as things stand now"it really is over."

Don't let that scare you. This was the end of only one chapter in your story. Why don't you turn the page and begin writing the next one. It's an exciting moment and personally I'm looking forward to reading it :)

As a side note, and this is not to take away from the seriousness of the issue, but you have a real good sense of taking life and nicely portraying it through words. You should consider writing stories as a hobby and maybe even taking it into a career. You have a skill and you should develop it.

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Hi dear, so glad to see that with all you've gone through, your healing process is advanced to the point where you also encourage others. They need help from those of us who have been there and I think you are doing a great job! So here is an ***attaboy*** just for you!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_75.gif

Well I broke no contact today... I don't know why... I don't know what I'm hoping for... I didn't beg her back or anything... I actually told her I agree with her for leaving me and that I'm OK with it. I told her I'm doing good and keeping busy... not that she asked... its only been 10 days since we spoke last... I told her I wasn't going to keep in touch... now I shot her an email out of the blue... I guess I'm trying to keep communication lines open... well what's done is done... had a weak moment I suppose...

On the brighter side, I don't feel bad about myself at all for the first time in as far back as I remember... I've actually been out having fun with my friends. Got in touch with some I haven't heard from in a while. Sleeping good most nights. My appitite is starting to come back though I can tell my stomach shrank... not a bad thing as I'm now trying to lose weight... I'm out job hunting too... I realized just how unhappy my current job makes me... no job satisfaction... 3rd shift... I'm ready for something new... I've been doing things for ME... not usually in my character... my new therapist says that I'm addicted to "being needed" and I need to start doing things for me so I am.. Started going to church and I am really enjoying it... Still miss the ex obviously and still love her, but I'm not sitting around all day dwelling on it... I'm not pitying myself over it... I'm regaining myself confidence and learning to be happy with myself... learning to think positively... trying to become a better person mentally and physically... I still hurt, but I am good...

The aboves a little random, but I hope it makes sense...

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

Well I broke no contact today... I dont know why... I don't know what I'm hoping for... I didnt beg her back or anything... I actually told her I agree with her for leaving me and that I'm ok with it. I told her I'm doing good and keeping busy... not that she asked.... its only been 10 days since we spoke last.... I told her I wasn't going to keep in touch.... now I shot her an email out of the blue.... I guess I'm trying to keep communication lines open... well whats done is done..... had a weak moment I suppose....

On the brighter side, I don't feel bad about myself at all for the first time in as far back as I remember.... I've actually been out having fun with my friends. Got in touch with some I haven't heard from in a while. Sleeping good most nights. My appitite is starting to come back though I can tell my stomach shrank... not a bad thing as I'm now trying to lose weight... I'm out job hunting too... I realized just how unhappy my current job makes me... no job satisfaction.... 3rd shift.... I'm ready for something new... I've been doing things for ME.... not usually in my character.... my new therapist says that I'm addicted to "being needed" and I need to start doing things for me so I am.. Started goign to church and I am really enjoying it.... Still miss the ex obviously and still love her, but I'm not sitting around all day dwelling on it... I'm not pitying myself over it... I'm regaining my self confidence and learning to be happy with myself.... learning to think positively... trying to become a better person mentally and physically... I still hurt, but I am good.....

The aboves a little random, but I hope it makes sense...

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Every time you break NC, you are going to open old wounds and set yourself back. I know that well. It took me 6 months after my ex dumped me to implement true NC, and I am gradually getting better for it.

Think of you, not her. I know you have concerns about her well being but you are not her boyfriend anymore. She doesn't get to pick the benefits she gets from you!

I will predict that at some point in the next few weeks she runs the line " I still care for you and don't want to lose your friendship". You should be very careful and think long and hard about ever agreeing to anything like that.

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Originally Posted by Chery

Hi dear, so glad to see that with all you've gone through, your healing process is advanced to the point where you also encourage others. They need help from those of us who have been there and I think you are doing a great job! So here is an ***attaboy*** just for you!

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Thank you for the kind words. They are much appreciated :)

Well she text messeged me today (while I was sleeping) after reading the email. I had apologized for being such a child and an a$$ in the email. She text me back saying she was sorry for being such a b!tch. (in the relationship) She asked me if I was seeing anyone. I told her I was dating around and being flirtatious but wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment. Said I bet all the guys are circling her like vultures now. She told me to wear a condom. She also said "yeah right" to the vultures comment. She told me to "be good" and I told her to stay out of trouble. She said she'd call me sometime... if she does I think I'll make myself "too busy" to talk... If she doesn't oh well... Anyway, I'm done initiating contact I hope. I'm not going to be shoved into the friend slot but I'm not going to beg for her back or anything like that. I know I'm taking a DANGEROUS road with my feelings, but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. You guys must think I'm stupid. I very well may be. I got no expectations, just seeing what happens. As far as my mind is concerned we're over for good and I'm going to keep thinking and acting like that. My hearts just the thing that needs to be kept on a leash.

Emotions are what makes us humans different, and sometimes they are hard to control. But you are taking it well and I wish you all the strength in healing, dear.

And, no, I don't think you are stupid - we don't judge here - we help you get through and support when we can.

So stay with us and keep us posted.

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Well the Ex texted me tonight... I texted back to not be rude, but I wasn't very chatty. Her 21st birthday is April 6th. She said "a bunch of us are going to cotton eyed joe for my birthday wanna come?" I told her probably not as I have to be at work at 10:30pm. I said maybe we could do something some other time. She said maybe and told me goodnight. Sound like I did the right thing? I was honest. I do have to work that night. I figured if I asked for time off work it would seem like I was just jumping because she asked me to. I don't think I should go that far out of my way for her. Then again, I don't want to be rude and ignore her birthday. That would be hurtful of me to do and I don't want to be the bad guy. I know I'm holding out hope, don't kick me for that. I really just wonder, from a women's perspective, does it appear that I'm being strong for not giving into her wishes, or does it appear that I'm wimping out on her by avoiding hanging out with her and her friends? I don't know, its still a ways off, I just wonder what I should do. Any suggestions other than "No Contact" are welcome.

From a women's perspective, you're doing the right thing. Send her a card if you like, but keep it impersonal. Nothing romantic, just hope you have a good time, happy birthday, do not even sign it 'love', and no kisses. Nothing that's going to give her any idea that you're still harbouring hope. You have done really, really well. She's probably a bit of a drama queen by the sounds of it and instead of being able to go into work ing about the 'neurotic ex who wouldn't leave her alone' and seeking attention, she's come a cropper. You went into Facebook? - you seriously think she didn't realise you'd do that and that posting wasn't just for attention from others and to see if she'd get a reaction from you? This is one self-centred female you had aligned yourself with my son, and you have had a lucky escape.

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Originally Posted by kandyfruitcake

From a women's perspective, you're doing the right thing. Send her a card if you like, but keep it impersonal. Nothing romantic, just hope you have a good time, happy birthday, do not even sign it 'love', and no kisses. Nothing thats going to give her any idea that you're still harbouring hope. You have done really, really well. She's probably a bit of a drama queen by the sounds of it and instead of being able to go into work ing about the 'neurotic ex who wouldn't leave her alone' and seeking attention, she's come a cropper. You went into Facebook? - you seriously think she didn't realise you'd do that and that posting wasn't just for attention from others and to see if she'd get a reaction from you? This is one self-centred female you had aligned yourself with my son, and you have had a lucky escape.

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No doubt she's self centered. Very needy. She's always been opposite of me in that regard (most of the time) and got demanding and needy the times I actually was self centered (which wasn't often). I tend to fall for the one's that aren't quite "right". I won't say the "crazies" or the nutjobs, but definitely the ones that have issues. Don't know why, its just what I'm attracted to.

My therapist says I'm "addicted to being needed" so I guess that has something to do with it. Any other women think I'm hadling this the right way? I figured I should be in control of my time and not jump just cause the ex tells me to. She dumped me she should have to earn my time. If she wants to spend time with me she has to work for it and it'll be on my terms. What do you ladies think? Men feel free to jump in too, especially those that have kept up with the story.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

No doubt shes self centered. Very needy. Shes always been opposite of me in that regard (most of the time) and got demanding and needy the times I actually was self centered (which wasn't often). I tend to fall for the one's that arn't quite "right". I wont say the "crazies" or the nutjobs, but definately the ones that have issues. Dont know why, its just what I'm attracted to.

My therapist says I'm "addicted to being needed" so I guess that has something to do with it. Any other women think I'm hadling this the right way? I figured I should be in control of my time and not jump just cause the ex tells me to. She dumped me she should have to earn my time. If she wants to spend time with me she has to work for it and it'll be on my terms. What do you ladies think? Men feel free to jump in too, especially those that have kept up with the story.

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I've been following this, and you're best to avoid her. You owe her nothing, as she has broken your heart. She sounds like a typical drama-intensive 20-something. It's too bad that you had developed such strong feelings for her. From what I've read - admittedly, only through your posts - you seem too mature for her. Mature people work their relationships out; they don't end them abruptly. You've grown, and she hasn't.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by captaincourageous

I've been following this, and you're best to avoid her. You owe her nothing, as she has broken your heart. She sounds like a typical drama-intensive 20-something. It's too bad that you had developed such strong feelings for her. From what I've read - admittedly, only through your posts - you seem too mature for her. Mature people work their relationships out; they don't end them abruptly. You've grown, and she hasn't.

Good luck.

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I couldn't agree more with this post.

You have tried to rationally discuss matters, resolve things etc. She displays immature behaviour. It is not immature to break up with someone, but it is immature for a dumper to assume the dumpee will feed their ego and/or ease their guilt by agreeing to their hollow friendship requests.

I have also followed your story as to it does fit my age range and do agree with everything you have said. You have given this girl every possible chance to work things out with you, yet she still chose some other guy over you. When she got into the relationship with him, that was your whole reason for not owing this little drama queen a thing! NO birthday card, no text, nothing. You will be much better off, because if you text her she will use that as ammo to tell her friends about the guy "she still has control of" show her you don't care what she does anymore, and you do that by not talking to her. She doesn't deserve a single thing from you, none of our exes do. Congrats on realizing you are better off

Given what you have been through, were is the anger?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Given what you have been thru, were is the anger?

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I'm starting to think she's not even worth my anger... I hear about her partying and doing drugs and I find all I can do is feel sorry for her... that kind of behavior turned me off from her while we were together and now its just turning me off her more so... The times I did drink with her I had to babysit her and it got to the point that I didn't even want to drink. I would stay sober while she got so drunk she would pass out then I'd put her in bed and let her sleep it off. Meanwhile my day was ruined watching over her. Very Unattractive.

Now though I can go to the pub and enjoy a few pints among friends without worry. I had to sneak to the pub when I was with her because she wasn't old enough and she got "jealous" of me being able to go to the pub. And lastly a quote to demonstrate the difference of maturity levels, "You are old enough to drink and you dont even take advantage of it!" - Her screaming at me during a fight about me not buying her booze

Thanks for holding up the mirror on my former relationship guys... sometimes we all just need a kick in the a$$ to knock some sense back into us.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

I'm starting to think she's not even worth my anger.... I hear about her partying and doing drugs and I find all I can do is feel sorry for her.... that kind of behavior turned me off from her while we were together and now its just turning me off her more so.... The times I did drink with her I had to babysit her and it got to the point that I didnt even want to drink. I would stay sober while she got so drunk she would pass out then I'd put her in bed and let her sleep it off. Meanwhile my day was ruined watching over her. Very Unattractive.

Now though I can go to the pub and enjoy a few pints among friends without worry. I had to sneak to the pub when I was with her because she wasn't old enough and she got "jealous" of me being able to go to the pub. And lastly a quote to demonstrate the difference of maturity levels, "You are old enough to drink and you dont even take advantage of it!" - Her screaming at me during a fight about me not buying her booze

Thanks for holding up the mirror on my former relationship guys... sometimes we all just need a kick in the a$$ to knock some sense back into us.

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It is good that you are not angry. That is better than most!

Her path is her own now. What she does is not your concern.

We too often let our heads be clouded by our old feelings of love, and forget what we actually went through with the hurt, pain, rejection and confusion, and the humility of actually wishing they take us back. We refuse to get angry at them, and justify turning it on ourselves, which was my point about anger. When the crying is done, anger is healthy, and makes those loving thoughts poison, but motivates us to move on. Then we don't have too look back, and question ourselves any longer.

Your words are so true tal... I find I have done my fear share of hoping she will come back, confusion of not knowing what to do how to feel and being angry. After seeing my ex last Saturday I missed her I wanted her to come back tell me she loved me.
Now for the twist
2 days later a friend told me that she had a couple of one night stands and she now has a, (excuse my language) "fuk buddy" with a loser dumb guy who use to chill with us. I have to admit the guy is funnie but does so much dumb things... but how desperate can you be? Really tells you about her and character... anyways I've made up my mind about her. I'm not angry or sad deep down I know I am very much better off without being without a girl like that . If she comes back I would be like "WOW" in my mind and just tell her "how does that sound go...oh yea ...its too late to apologize ....its too lateeeeeee" (hate that dam song... always on da radio)
I know you can't change how someone thinks and she's not with me she can do what she wants with who ever she wants. Its so hard to see someone you care about so much make so much stupid decisions in their life. But now the only life I care about is mine, my family and my dreams. I spent a 1.5 yrs caring about someone who in the end don't even care two shiets about their lives and their well being. I just though she was better than that and had some class... love is really blind and ignorance is really bliss but not anymore.

Don't do anything rash SBJ! Even though things didn't work out for me either, its hard I know and learn to cope losing someone I really cared about. It does Suck!
But don't do anythign rash,or I'll hit you upside yo head! Get you to smile!