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I'm just afraid because of this law my guidance counselor told me about. If a counselor has suspisions of abuse or is told of abuse, they must call home to inform the parents of their suspicions or of the accusation. My fear is that to heal, I must be completely honest. To be completely honest, I must tell them of the abuse. If I do, they will make a call home and tell my parents of the abuse accusations
Ask the counselor about the confidentiality issue. If I were your counselor, I would certainly explore the issue with you a bit and get all the details before blowing the whistle on anyone which, by the way, you should be told will happen and when before it does. If my client says her brother is a thief, I would not call the brother to say you accused him and ask him if he is a thief. Of course, he will be totally po-ed at you and will say no, he isn't a thief. I may even be putting your safety in jeopardy by doing it that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
Are you SURE they call home to ascertain the truth of what you say? Any parent, abusive or not, will say no, of course not!
Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
So what will happen if they call your home. I think Wondergirl should answer this because I reall don't know what to tell you. I do know the abuse needs to stop!
I asked my guidance counselor at school about it, and was shocked! There is a law where parents honestly are told of the accusations. It's basically saying to the parents, "hey, we are aware of this and we're watching"Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
In the seventh grade I convinced them not to call home and retracted my statement.
Today however, there are several "brats" falsely reporting abuse to "get back at" parents who have angered them
Hmmmm. And there is this: All states require the report to be made to some type of law enforcement authority or child protection agency. Reporting to a parent or relative will not satisfy the reporter's legal duty under the statutes.Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
If a parent is abusing a child, it makes NO sense to put that child in further jeopardy by calling that parent to find out if the accusation is true. Yet, I do know about false accusations and parents' reputations being ruined.
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Wow! Is my school possibly trying to pass off their own policy as law?
I am not doubting you WG, but can you cite that so I may bring that up in my session?
Is there a place to go if they do call ? I'm glad WG posted the law enforcement authority or child protection agency.
I got that from this site, and it is about the 15th bullet down the page.Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect - by Susan K. Smith, Atty., Hartford and Avon, CT.
What state do you live in, Emo?
Emop let us know how everything goes. We do care about you. Goodnight. Sweet dreams
Are you being abused now, Emo? Or are you considered "low risk"?
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I am so concerned about this girl. I talked to my daughter about her yesterday when we went up to see her at College. I know you can help her if anyone can. I feel so sad for her in my heart. Thanks WG.
(I thought you were going to bed.)Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
I can do only so much online, although I have called and talked with various AMHD members about all sorts of things (chatty or helpful) once they decided I'm not an axe murderer. :D
***ADDED*** For free, of course
Can't sleep when I worry. I have seen so many kids like emop in this world and I worry about what's going to happen to them. I really think I'm just going to go and see what's happening on the music forum. Thanks again WG. I feel better about EMOP, since you have given her such good advice. Talk tomorrowQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I haven't been physically abused in multiple months, though a few weeks ago, my dad held my mum up by her throat, causing a physical fight between us
Physical fight is the same is abuse. Hurting someone physically or through intimidation is abuse, and should not be considered anything else.Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
That is abuse.Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
I guess I'm so used to it, I just see it as a family fight
It's abuse. Plain and simple. NEVER should a hand be raised to another person in a family. This is physical abuse.
I've also heard constant, extreme threats is verbal abuse. Is this true?
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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
Yes it is!
Yes. There's also emotional abuse and, of course, sexual abuse.Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
Can you define emotional abuse for me?Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Abuse | Define Abuse at Dictionary.comQuote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
** http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/?gc...FQwNDQodKm_Zjw **
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&d...e&ved=0CA0QkAE
From counselingcenter.illinois.edu --
Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.
Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones.
Wow, that is really considered abuse?
Here's more from that site --
Types of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of abusive behavior include aggressing, denying, and minimizing.
Aggressing
* Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.
* Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.
Denying
* Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient's perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don't know what you're talking about," etc.
* Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.”
* Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.
Minimizing
* Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient's emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You're too sensitive,” “You're exaggerating,” or “You're blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient's emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted.
* Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.
* Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.
And is this illegal?
and immoral.
WOW! I never knew it was illegal! I thought that was just being mean!
Especially parent to child... an authority to a minor.
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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
Being mean is what my son annd daughter used to say about me when I wouldn't let them do something they wanted to do, like going to a Kiss or Metallica concert. Abuse of any kind is wrong.
I can't sleep. It's 11:13 p.m here. You're right again!Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Of course, parents can say no to a child and can forbid him to do whatever he darn well pleases, and that's not abuse.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
That's the problem with parenting today. Parents want to avoid "abuse" and be their child's friend, so they never refuse the child anything. In a way, that's a kind of abuse too. Parents walk a fine line as they raise a child.
EXACTLY! It does more damage because these people are the ones are supposed to look out for you and protect you, give you guidance. When someone who's supposed to love you hurts you, it hurts way more than when a stranger or acquaintance does it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
It's disgusting to think there are people in the world who could abuse someone they are supposed to be protecting. It makes me mad enough to bite a ten penny nail in half! I always told my children I'm the mom and your dad and I will not let you do anything we feel is not right. I was a mother to them, they already had friends. EMOP needs us and I am glad she has people who are smart enough to tell her what is the right thing for her to do. WG and ohso you all have a very good grasp on her situation. I know if someone hurt one of my children I would go ballistic.
That would hurt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
I swear I think her dad needs to be horsewhipped and right in the middle of the town, wherever she lives. Maybe that would stop it. Lord I'm going to have a lot to ask forgiveness for when I do go to bed.
My children weren't perfect but we were so strict on them. I thought about it after they ahad all left home one by one. My son told me one Christmas when he and his wife were here, he said; Mom I know you thought we hated you and Dad at times because you wouldn't let us do certain things, but now that I have kids of my own I really think I want to raise them just like you and dad raised us. Okay it's going to take me a while to say my prayers tonight so I Really am going to log off.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
UPDATE:
Talking to my new therapist is wonderful. I see her every other school day!
She's wonderful. She's already figured out the roots of many of my problems!
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