Quote:

---

Originally Posted by paxe

It seems it's the day of good news lol! Keep it up Rebecca. Dont worry about your mom, she doesn't understand.

---

Yes, you are right. I like to keep it up. I am crying your loss anymore. It is another good new.
You guys understand me more than my mom. Perhaps because I shared my inner thoughts with you guys, not with my mom? My mom is wonderful lady inside and out. She spends a lot time to help community, and of course has great reputation. She is sweet, caring, and giving person. She only missed this part though.

So, how is your volunteer work going? How is your healing? Are you completely healed?

Of course there are ups and downs in healing, the trick is to give yourself ways to lessen the impact of the low moments. Redecorating, volunteering, shopping, a long relaxing bath, anything that helps boost your spirits. The down moments will pass and they won't come so often after awhile. Be patient with yourself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Of course there are ups and downs in healing, the trick is to give yourself ways to lessen the impact of the low moments. Redecorating, volunteering, shopping, a long relaxing bath, anything that helps boost your spirits. The down moments will pass and they won't come so often after awhile. Be patient with yourself.

---

Cat1864,
It is wonderful advice I can get only here.
I like your every word. Nobody wants breakup pain. I like to avoid it as much as possible, but there is any speedy way to pass the breakup period without pain.

I love this, "the trick is to give yourself ways to lessen the impact of the low moments". I will stick with it. Thanks again.

Women's re-decorating post break-up:

I thought about my impulsive purchase of new bedding set and re-decorating plan.
It seems it is beyond simple women thing to make us busy, but actually strong subconscious reshaping is going on us after break up.
1. by re-do, we are getting rid of the old time evidence with 'the ex'
2. by getting rid of the old time evidence, we are unconsciously making our break up as permanent. The old memory stays with the old environment which now it is not reversible.
3. by re-do, we set us up in the new setting which we can comfortably open a new chapter

So, all that means we are preparing for ourselves for next relationship and enforcing the healing process by doing this.
Ha! It is very good for healing.
I wonder what men do after break up to reshape the life.

I like the way your mind is working. :)

Positive thinking is the way to go.

I have gone as far as changing my hair colour and shopping till I dropped...

At least its better then crying into a tea towel,not washing,listening to sad songs, and eating my body weight in choclate...

Your way is better!

You doing really good,keep positive,you'll get there.

Hey Rebecca,
It's very healthy to redecorate your room or to change something in your house after a break up. I'm all for anything that is constructive. If you want to do what I did, I just listened to the stickies lol, gym, friends, family and enjoying myself and after 2 weeks I was getting much better... until she called back.

My volunteering is time-consuming, but I feel so much better with that. See if you can join one too if you have some free time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redhed35

i have gone as far as changing my hair colour and shopping till i dropped...

at least its better then crying into a tea towel,not washing,listening to sad songs, and eating my body weight in choclate...

your way is better!

you doing really good,keep positive,you'll get there.

---

I have not thought about changing hair color, but sounds really fun. The 'tea towel' sounds really funny.
I started to order too many stuff for re-do my apartment, and it really makes me feel good. It will cost me money though. Who said that everything has price?

I am going to have the best & happiest life without my ex ALONE in my beautiful place~!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by paxe

Hey Rebecca,
It's very healthy to redecorate your room or to change something in your house after a break up. I'm all for anything that is constructive. If you want to do what I did, I just listened to the stickies lol, gym, friends, family and enjoying myself and after 2 weeks I was getting much better... until she called back.

My volunteering is time-consuming, but I feel so much better with that. See if you can join one too if you have some free time.

---

So, how did your ex approach to you? How did you feel and respond?

For me, I started not to care about what my ex doing, and am talking to myself "whatever..." when my ex mumbles something really means nothing to me now.
I do not even think I want to bother to change my phone number. It really means nothing to me now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

I have not thought about changing hair color, but sounds really fun. The 'tea towel' sounds really funny.
I started to order too many stuff for re-do my apartment, and it really makes me feel good. It will cost me money though. Who said that everything has price?

I am going to have the best & happiest life without my ex ALONE in my beautiful place~!

---

Hah, I've gone everywhere from blonde to brunette, but I always come back to red - it suits me. :D I'm hitting the salon on Friday - hair, manicure, pedicure. I bet that will be next on your list - a little pampering.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Just Looking

Hah, I've gone everywhere from blonde to brunette, but I always come back to red - it suits me. :D I'm hitting the salon on Friday - hair, manicure, pedicure. I bet that will be next on your list - a little pampering.

---

Yes, that is in my list too. Oh, boy. I love to be a woman. What about collecting brand name handbags? It is in my list too.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

Yes, that is in my list too. Oh, boy. I love to be a woman. What about collecting brand name handbags? It is in my list too.

---

I bought my favorite one in Italy... put that on your list. :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Just Looking

I bought my favorite one in Italy ... put that on your list. :D

---

Thanks, I will keep it in my mind.

I think I am all set to be a beautiful & happy woman again.
Do you know my ex did not support my handbag collection hobby?
I did not know until now, but I am more realizing everyday he even controlled my hobby, and ruined my little happiness & fun as woman.
Now I know what to do, and follow my own check list. Ha!
Life is getting better and better.

Thank you for supporting!

Hello. You probably don't remember me posting when you first came here with this question but I was just checking in on you and seeing how you are?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adam_89

Hello. You probably don't remember me posting when you first came here with this question but I was just checking in on you and seeing how you are?

---

WOW! What a perfect timing! You just re-visited me at the very moment I realized how stupid I was!

Did you say I would not remember you? Can I politely ask you, are you kidding me, Adam? When I join here on September 27, exactly a month ago, while I was crying morning to night without eating, you told me the below.

Quote:

---

Wow, it doesn't matter what you are thinking right now, just get in your mind to get this piece of crap out of your life. I am sorry for being mean here but after reading that it really makes me mad that someone could do that to somebody. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve his bullish. Kick his lousy a$$ to the curb and be happy about it. You should never even consider marrying him in the future, nor seeing him again. He can't treat you like a piece of candy and try out the different flavors and see which one he likes the most.

---

When you called my ex immediately 'piece of crap', I felt relived, but somehow honestly I thought you were little harsh. Back in my mind, I wanted to reconcile & wanted to be with my ex if he could be clan up to match with my expectation somehow. Oh, well.

Now, after a month of Painful debating & intensive self realization, I just realized that it was not worth to ruin my life for THE MAN really! I was in illusion with wrong person!

I made him to be gone for good as ex now.
I cleaned up my past.
Now, at this moment, I just started to wonder why I was so miserable for the man. It was not necessary, nor worth it really.
He was cheating, immature, self-centered, weak, and would not make me happy because he was not good enough for me. I really have to think I was saved by finding out his real doing. I just did not see it before!
I have to admit I must be blinded.

You won. I happily admit it. You were right, and you were way ahead of me. I can be happier without him, and I am already happier than before. I do not need him, should not have him, and he did not deserve me.
I do not have to torture myself by dwelling in pain morning to tonight anymore.
I know my life will be getting better and better from now on.
Thanks for your support.
I really THANK YOU, Adam & All.

Rebecca

FYI Rebecca I have followed your story and I am glad you seem to be doing much better! Hope you continue finding the happiness you deserve. :)

Good Rebecca. I am so happy and relieved to see that you are happy and you have bettered yourself. Things like this do take time and it did but it was worth it in the end wasn't it. We all want the things we used to have and try and believe it can happen but we have to face the truth and you did it and I am very happy for you. You are a perfect example for a lot of people and you should help out around here if you haven't already. You would do great. Just live life to the fullest right now and have fun. You deserve it!

You know all relationships are learning experiences but don't you agree its so liberating when we wake up to the fact that we ll never have to bother about them and their little lives again?:-)
Good luck my dear!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adam_89

Good Rebecca. I am so happy and relieved to see that you are happy and you have bettered yourself. Things like this do take time and it did but it was worth it in the end wasn't it. We all want the things we used to have and try and believe it can happen but we have to face the truth and you did it and I am very happy for you. You are a perfect example for a lot of people and you should help out around here if you haven't already. You would do great. Just live life to the fullest right now and have fun. You deserve it!

---

Adam,
You make me emotional, and make my eyes wet. You sound like you are congratulating me at the post breakup healing class completion ceremony. Did I accomplish something then? Yes, I went through the dark tunnel, and start to see the light. It was only a month long, but I feel like it has been a year long, and it seems I grow up a lot.

You guys are all wonderful, this site is greatly helpful, it seems all we went through the same painful path no matter what kind relationship, partners or background we had. What I am amazed about is every piece of advice is not empty comforting words, but actually came from you guy's vivid life experience. Moreover, everyone is willing to pass their hard learned lessons to others unconditionally. All of you guys are perfect example of Samaritans who help people are going through lonely & painful journey.

I am so thankful I have lived by all the support for every sleepless night and painful moment. It is really valuable experience to feel the beautiful souls in tough time.

I read so many posts here, learned a lot, and am convinced I must saved my time by not repeating the wrong relationship with the wrong person. If I was still confused, I might take him back, and start another round of heart wrenching relationship, or get married to suffer more for life time. I am so glad I borrowed you guy's wisdom. As you advised, I would not see him again or marry him no matter how hard he try.

Regarding to helping others though. I love to, but I am not sure I am qualified to do it. Overall, I was the one who blinded by love with the wrong man. I am not sure I can wisely help others as much you guys do. Let me see. I have to confess I am developing addiction to this site.

Have a good day, guys.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

FYI Rebecca I have followed your story and I am glad you seem to be doing much better! Hope you continue finding the happiness you deserve. :)

---

Kctiger,
Thanks for your warm support. I did not know you are following my story.
I have read all your posts as well. I am seeing your advice is help many people who are going through lonely & painful journey evidently, and seek support on this board. It is very nice of you. I hope you are keep doing it for many others. It seems every minute, heart broken people are joining this site.

I like your signature, but am afraid you are getting a trouble for the credit card company commercial copy right. :) Just Kidding. It is charming as much as your post.

You said women are irrational on another thread, but like to point out that it is partially true. Maybe we are more emotional focused? But certainly we have well functioning brain too. It is a great news for guys because if women are not compatible, you guys' life will be very miserable. Ha Ha Any thoughts?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by amicon

You know all relationships are learning experiences but dont you agree its so liberating when we wake up to the fact that we ll never have to bother about them and their little lives again?:-)
Good luck my dear!

---

Yes, amicon,
It feels so great! I learned my true value I cannot loose myself for the wrong & small person.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

Kctiger,
Thanks for your warm support. I did not know you are following my story.
I have read all your posts as well. I am seeing your advice is help many people who are going through lonely & painful journey evidently, and seek support on this board. It is very nice of you. I hope you are keep doing it for many others. It seems every minute, heart broken people are joining this site.

I like your signature, but am afraid you are getting a trouble for the credit card company commercial copy right. :) Just Kidding. It is charming as much as your post.

You said women are irrational on another thread, but like to point out that it is partially true. Maybe we are more emotional focused? But certainly we have well functioning brain too. It is a great news for guys because if women are not compatible, you guys' life will be very miserable. Ha Ha Any thoughts?

---

It's funny you mention that. I am actually a very emotional guy and I tend to sympathize with women who have to deal with us men, who sometimes act like robots. Yes, without women our lives would be awful. I am one guy who considers himself the lucky one anytime he is in a relationship. :)

On a side note, stick around for awhile, get comfortable and chime in when you feel the need to. We all start somewhere, and I think you offer a tremendous amount of wisdom to us all, for we all share unique perspectives.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

Regarding to helping others though. I love to, but I am not sure I am qualified to do it. Overall, I was the one who blinded by love with the wrong man. I am not sure I can wisely help others as much you guys do. Let me see. I have to confess I am developing addiction to this site.

---

I think you underestimate yourself. You are wise and compassionate, a perfect combination to answer questions. You have a soft way about you that is very appealing, and why so many of us care about you.

I agree with what you said about saving time. I know I could have easily been lulled back into something in August, but would have eventually found out the truth. I was also blinded until my eyes were forced open. You could save someone else that heartache if you do get involved.

Hi Rebecca,
It is MUCH easier to give good advice to others than to know what to do oneself.
I agree about your kind and civil ways being an asset.

One thing I've learned here is that when 5 people here all tell me the same thing, I should listen. Sometimes I haven't and I have basically wasted a lot of time, like you all say, sometimes months and months. I have gone back and reread threads where I asked for advice and didn't take it. I think, What an idiot I was! :)

Oh, well,
(I am cleaning up my throat here... ha ha)
If you think I will be helpful, then I feel honored, and will accept the invitation then.
I will promise I will do my best to help others if I see any chances.
Let see... Do I have a membership to do that?
What? I already have one? Oh, Thanks. I was not aware of it.

Thanks, Just Looking, Tiger, Cat, Amicon. Adam, Asking. Thanks, all.
It is truly my pleasure to meet you, the wonderful guys, on this board!

So, where is my welcome beer?

Rebecca, I would like to extend to you an invitation to my ship:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge...-410834-4.html

It is a lot of fun there and everyone enjoys it. It was Kc and Justlooking's (J-Lo) idea to invite you and it is a great idea. Please come join us and have a beer.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adam_89

Rebecca, I would like to extend to you an invitation to my ship:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge...-410834-4.html

It is alot of fun there and everyone enjoys it. It was Kc and Justlooking's (J-Lo) idea to invite you and it is a great idea. Please come join us and have a beer.

---

OMG. I love party. My middel name is party as well. :D See you there.

Decisively reshaping my place & life : Silly Story

I am working at home today to receive some furniture I ordered to completely re-do my apartment. It is very important for me now, I can make myself busy & occupied in a constructive way. It will refresh my mind in a big deal, and greatly cure my depression from my breakup.

I got up early, and started to think I also need fresh painting as well. My apartment management offers fresh coating of paint once a year with no charge if the tenant requires. I am living in a high raised apartment complex by river, which offers great view and professional neighbors, but it has very strict regulation. As you know, all the units are painted with same color, creamy beige color. I want cappuccino color for total re-do.


9:30 am:
So, I went to management office down stairs. I talked to manager, Mr. xyz, I need a fresh coating in my apartment as soon as possible. It was no problem, and he arranged it for me this Saturday. I told him, I also need to paint to cappuccino color, and I will buy the paint, you paint it for me. He said No Way even without consideration. I looked at his eyes, and said softly. "Mr. xyz, I just broke up with my boy friend a month ago. I need this color to restart my life." He looked at me for a while, and finally laughed loudly, but still said No. He said it was a good try though.
I will get the new painting, but the same creamy yellow color this Saturday then. Sigh...

10:00 am
I went to mr.xyz again. I told him I still need the cappuccino color, and it should not be a matter for them to paint if I buy a paint. In fact, they actually save their paint. I looked at him again, and said softly "Mr. xyz, I still broke up with my boy friend a month ago. I need this color to restart my life." He looked at me, and laughed again. After a moment of pause, he told me they will paint whatever color paint I buy. However, when I move out, I should paint back to the original color by myself. I also should keep the door closed, and do not let other tenants I had a special color." I promised and left.
I will get the new color this Saturday then...


10:30am
I went back to mr.xyz again. I told him it does not make any sense I have to paint back to the original color by myself when I move out. Because painting service is included in the terms, and I should get it once a year if I ask. I told him again softly, " I promised and left.
I will get the new color this Saturday then...


10:30am
I went back to mr.xyz again. I told him it does not make any sense I have to paint back to the original color by myself when I move out. Because painting service is included in the terms, and I should get it once a year if I ask. I told him again softly, " He nodded his head, did not laugh at this time, and told me he understood. He said they will paint it back when I move out. I thanked him and left.
So, I will get the new color this Saturday without complication! Happy Ending.


So, it is all good.
Do you know where I picked up this negotiation skill though? From my ex in the past month. If you try hard, you can shake someone else hard. You never know if you don't try. Did I get the lesson right or what? :)

Extremely funny story Rebecca! :) You learned well. At least he taught you one thing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

Extremely funny story Rebecca! :) You learned well. At least he taught you one thing.

---

I cannot agree anymore. I am trying to learn from any resurces. :)

Quote:

---

talaniman agrees: In the mail! Thanks for hanging around.

---

Talaniman,
I am seeing you are helping so many CONFUSED people on this board. It is nice of you, and many people include me appreciate your wise advice. Thanks for welcoming me!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

So, where is my welcome beer?

---

You rang... ;)

Oi ! One for the brits too please :) :) :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

I am new here, but totally heartbroken & lost, and really need guy’s view point & everyone's advice. Thanks for help in advance...

I am 27, in 1.5 years of relationship with my bf of 28 yrs old, and I love him so much. We exchanged our promise ring, and talk about getting married in a year or so. Recently, I felt he became distant. Last night, I could not reach him at all, and realized he was not available every Friday night lately. So, I did my research, and guess what, I found out he posted his profile on multiple dating sites, and has been active. I was heart broken.

I confronted him with tears today. I told him I have been faithful for him since we met, and he should do the same thing for me. He was upset about my confrontation, and told me that he would marry me someday but now, and he likes to explore 1or 2 years to see what else is out there. He told me he would be faithful once marred, and that’s why he needed the experience right now. He is telling me that he will still see me every weekend, even though he is trying to see someone else, and I should not take it as a big deal (?). He is also saying that he does not like a promiscuous girl, and I should stay with him no matter what he does. He told me “You are telling me you are not interested in anyone, I will marry you in a couple of years anyway, and you should be with me.” I was speechless, and asked him to leave. He was very upset, slammed the door, and left me even without apology.

I had a sleepless night, and I have cried all day long. I was in denial, but now I know he has been cheated on me. How could he do it to me? I am totally shocked and confused. I am very angry, and my brain is keep telling me that I should break up with this cruel person right now. However I am so scared to loose him. My heart says I should be with him unconditionally. I love him so much, I will regret if I loose him. What should I do? I am totally lost and need help big time. Can you please give me any advice? What should I do?

---

Would you believe I spent a whole afternoon going through your entire thread y'day and kept going over what I had read almost all the time after that?:)

Rebecca,I agree with most of the posters here(whom I would rather call my friends,esp Redhead,Tal,I Wish,who've been there for me and whose advice has given me the strength and confidence to carry on in my times of misery),that you appear to be a very sweet,caring yet smart and tough woman.As I read through your progress,it gave me renewed hope to me and validated an evergreen truth once again,that :Everything happens for a reason.

Had you not gone through this suffering,you perhaps wouldn't have realised what strength of character you possess and what you deserve from others especially a man.Its so true,isn't it,that when we love someone we become blinded by it,lose sight of all the wrongs they do us,the pain they inflict and the bad behaviour they dish out to us?All is forgiven,because we forget our worth as people.

I am so glad you have found yourself once again and are going from strength to strength.As someone posted,it's a delight to come across someone who truly "gets it",all the advice and suggestions and really works on them.

Be happy and cheerful as you are Rebecca and wish you all the very best in love and life:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Starry nights

Would you believe I spent a whole afternoon going through your entire thread y'day and kept going over what I had read almost all the time after that?:)

---

OMG, Starry nights,
It is so sweet of you, and I am thankful you spent a whole afternoon going through your entire thread and kept going over what you had read.

Starry nights,
I read your thread as return. In your writing, I found you are very special and sweet lady.

Most of us here are in a same boat, we are hurtful because our relationship did not turn out as we wish. Well, we have no choice but have to deal with it. I agree I am not an easy cookie, and have been very tough to my ex, and I believe my decision was right.

The reason I could be tough was very simple:

1. My goal of life is happiness not negotiation.

2. I will not degrade myself for wrong relationship, because it is about my life and future. I am not buying a bathroom tower, but making a decision for my life. I am not looking for bargain sale, defected product, or opportunity to sell myself short.

2. I know the pain of breakup. I suffered it for more than 4 weeks. I will not let it happen to me again. If I take back my ex, I possibly will have the pain again in future. I will take the risk for the same person

3. I clearly know that taking back my ex, making him promises to be faithful, or blackmailing him to marry me will be only temporary bandage. It is not a remedy for major trust & heart broken. I passed the bandage solution, and I guess that made me tough & graceful.

As you experienced, I have had the full support from AMHD members, and it was much easier to go through the turmoil. You and I have been both very lucky.

I hope we talk more on this board. I love your evergreen hope.
I wish you all the very best in love and life too!

Halloween Party

Hi everyone,
I hope all of you enjoyed the Halloween, and get what you want, and very happy!

I had so much fun last night. My girlfriend and her fiancé picked me up, and we went to the special Halloween party banquet place. It was so crowded with 100’s of beautifully dressed men and women. I really enjoyed the party all night, and shook off my post break up depression.

I dressed as as Genie, it was a big success, and people asked me if I could do some magic for them. Ha Ha. I wish, but of course not. If I am a real Genie, I will make everyone happy by wiggling my nose anytime.

Instead, I ended up offering palm reading, and I could talk to so many people and had so much fun. It was easy. If they seemed a happy couple, I say “oh, you guys will have a beautiful future together…”, and if he is a single guy or girl “Oh, I can see you will enjoy this party, and meet someone special very soon if it does not happen tonight”.
I basically gave all of them my best wish. I think I have a good possibility to be a good match maker or fortune teller. :D


- From Genie in a bottle -

Hi there Genie so happy for you ! Life s good again and you re doing so well.
Strangely enough someone read my palm last night and the dark handsome stranger awaits in the wings.hmm-we shall see about that one.
Anyway my dear keep taking care of yourself. Hugs.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by amicon

Hi there Genie so happy for you ! Life s good again and you re doing so well.
Strangely enough someone read my palm last night and the dark handsome stranger awaits in the wings.hmm-we shall see about that one.
Anyway my dear keep taking care of yourself. Hugs.

---

amicon,
I used the line too. LOL.
How was your Halloween? Tons of Hugs...

Rebecca,your doing so well,keep it up,your like a different person to your first post and your last post.. looks like you have taken off the shackles and dancing away now.

Great to see it.

You're an inspiration.

Ha ha good line.. .
It was great thanks, good friends and a cute puppy. :-)