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Nothing, as we said before take it slow. It's hard because you have to see her, just continue doing what you are doing.
Yea, I remember my high's and low's, they are hard to get by, but they get less and less painful. You said yourself, you are getting better.
Yeah, this is so strange because all my anger turned into happiness. I am just finished work and I cannot be happier for some reason. I don't care what happened between us. I don't care that she might be with another man. I am happy and I am confident that I will make it. I know I will succeed.
I have know idea how this happened but I hope it stays for a bit. I FEEL GOOD!!
LOL, keep it up. I was a bit like you, but you have your channel your happiness and control so that you can feel happy all the time.
You got to enjoy when you're on the top of the roller coaster ride, it will be zooming to the pit anytime.
Man, I cannot believe the up and down emotions. Here I am at my university job and I just saw her because she works there too. Now for some reason I feel sad and I have no idea why. I can here her giggle as she tutors a fellow student. She is beautiful and I miss her.
Well I guess the only thing is to roll with the emotions. This sucks.
She seems to be happy whenever you see her.
Maybe you should seem happy whenever you see her. You can giggle too, can't you?
So here is the conversation that went between the two of us. I came in to work as she was leaving and she approached me.
Her: Hi!
Me: Hey!
Her: How are you?
Me: Good.
Her: You smell good.
Me: Thanks
Her: Ok? (Commenting on the fact that I was not engaging in normal conversation)
Me: What?
Her: Nothing
From there she walked out without saying anything.
So, I feel like because after she left I felt like I should have engaged in a normal civil conversation. I did not do that and kept answers short. Did I screw up? Should I have been more engaged?
What does she want from me? Should I apologize?
No need to apologise-short and polite is all you need-its awkward for you-it would be a lot easier did you not have to see her as often as you do.
Why care? You're broken up. Try to remain unaffected and aloof.
Quit worring about how you should act, what to say or do. Just keep going on with your life.
What does she want from me? Does she want to be friends? I don't know where we stand anymore. I don't know if I can loose her completely and have her leave my life completely.
You seem to like this endless pain eh?
That's your heart speaking,not your head.
You can't be friends,its much too soon after your breakup.
Plus you re going down confusion road by trying to guess her
Thoughts-not a good idea.
You know all this-you re really doing well so don't let her get to you.
You are right. So I guess I handeled the situation well. This just sucks seeing her all the time. I think I would be over her much quicker if I didn't see her 3 times a week. Hopefully next semester things will be easier. But ona good note, I met another girl and her and I might hang out soon.
Yes-you could do with seeing less of her.
And enjoy making a new friend!
Well I am kind of forced into it by having the same classes as her and working at the same place.Quote:
Originally Posted by Imabadman
I think I would be over her much quicker if I did not see her all the time. But I think I showed her today that I can't be there for her anymore. I felt really bad too. Life moves on. I have been enjoying meeting new people and having fun being alone.
Talaniman Rule- When you can't disappear, short, brief, polite, but unavailable.
As you can see by your experience, and these forums, its not easy being an ex, when you have to see her a lot after a break up, especially if you have to see them, at work, school and socially. But you did well this time, and have to repeat this again, and again, and not worry about her reactions, or what she feels about it.
Thats what we did in grade school, and high school, wasn't it? That is until our interest got focused elsewhere.
It's difficult when we have to see our Ex's through work, school , socially etc.
But the best thing you can do is just be cordial , pleasant and make it short and sweet as if your just going about your business. It's awkward for her too remember so you can make it easier for the both of you if you follow these rules. She'll see you in a much better light then and you get to keep your dignity.
I just feel like she wants she wants to be friends. I do not want to be friends with her because I will hurt every time I find something out about her. The less I know about her the better off I am.
Yes, keep it that way. It never works without consequences the friend thing.
You know she's more than likely feeling the same anxiety as you. Like I suggested... stay calm, try to remain unaffected. Be cordial but don't blabber... A quick "Hey, how's it going?" evade the small talk about family and what's going on in your life and then, "Yeah… take care, buh bye." You're done. That's it. You were friendly, unaffected by her, and you were cordial. Leave her thinking about what YOUR THINKING.
Now walk around to a secluded place and high five yourself.
Yeah, that is what I have been doing but I still get affected just by seeing her. I feel like I am at this stage now where I can accept that we broke up. I understand that I will find another. But, I am still not accepting the fact that we will never get back together. I still love her and I doubt that will ever change. I am feeling better each day about being single. There is more time that needs to pass to heal these wounds.
I keep having this floating thought in my head about how one day she will contact me and ask to hang out. From there we will start seeing each other again and end up dating again. I don't know why I am thinking this but I cannot continue believing this because if it does not occur it will hurt me even more.
A4, the situation I was in a couple months ago was similar. I left my first everything because I was unhappy, even though I didn't know if it was the right decision.
To this day, I still have these floating thoughts about her contacting me, well she does every once in a while and since I'm still a bit weak, I answer and talk.
So my advice to you is: if she tries to contact you, do not answer/reply, etc. In my case, we talked for twenty minutes and she just told me how this was great and that was great. Sometimes it can suck you back in. For me, she treated me terribly during the relationship so it's not the same situation, but you do know that if she reels you back in, she will probably break your heart.
Stick to your guns, don't give into wanting her back. You will find someone better than her who will know what their life is about and won't need to leave you behind.
I wish you all the best.
Killer
I carried those thoughts myself so very long ago, that never happened, but one thing I have learned very well since then, It gets better every time I got dumped, because I knew what to do about my own feelings so moving forward happened fairly fast.
I was on a real roll when my now wife made that come to screeching halt. Darn women!
Thanks killer for sharing your experience and I agree with you. If I talked to her again I know I would get sucked in and I would be hurt again.
Talaniman, your telling me that I should just date more and get dumped more so that I can learn more about myself? Hahaha jk
Well, I can't wait until that day that I find that screeching halt.
Oh, and one more thing. I met this girl yesterday who was very interested in photography so today her and I will hang out. I will teach her how to use a DSLR camera and just have some fun. She seems like a very nice girl and is beautiful but for some reason I don't feel happy. It has nothing to do with her. I should be very happy that I am able to meet people left and right but for some reason I'm still hurt/sad.
This is not good. I am having these crazy feelings know as love for her floating inside me. They are making me want to contact her and profess to her how much I still love her. I thought I was done with this stage. I thought I was fine with her being out of my life. But all I am thinking now is how much I am in love with her.
I won't though since I know what it can do to me.
Calm down-it s your heart ruling your head.
You think your over something and then it comes back to bite you in the butt. I know my feelings will probably change once I hang out with this new friend that I met yesterday. I never was this emotional before.
Well, now I am just talking to myself. Don't even listen to my stupidity. I almost texted my ex. I wanted to tell her even though I was moving on that I was still in love with her. Before I did I texted my good friend/martial arts instructor telling her that I wanted to do this.
She told me that I was being an a**. I told her how I was worried that if I have no contact with her that she will leave me for good and never talk to me ever again. Then she sent me this quote via text: "If you love someone set them free. If they come back it was meant to be."
Is this true?
You love her, that's why u wanted her so bad. On the other hand she don't want you back, you do the maths A4!
Well like the quote, I set her free. Now if she comes back to me I know its meant to be. But she did that to me once before and it didn't turn out for the best.
Then it wasn't meant to be.
You think a guy made that up? I doubt it, but some female did, and told her daughter, so she could get rid of the guy in her life.
Yep, are you willing to lose time over her again? I doubt it. Besides, there is plenty of girls but take your time of being alone and being selfish. It's excellent to do things you really want to do, being really free without having to look with somebody else if what you are doing is OK with them.
God, I love being single right now!! It's so liberating!
That's good, you can learn from the past. Keep your head straight up man!
Great! Just great!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Yesterday I went on a date with this girl I met recently. She wanted me to teach her how to take pictures with a DSLR. We when downtown for a few hours and took pictures while getting to know each other. Afterwards I took her out to dinner. We had a great time and I really enjoyed it. Afterwards I had a few friends come over and we just hung out. We ended up going to a party and having a good time. I had a great night but I feel like still.
I had a mutual friend of my ex's and mine tell me how she spoke to my ex the same day her and I had that little incident. She told me that my ex was saying how I was being weird because I didn't want to talk to her much. She says she wants to be friends with me. I was very frustrated. How can she want to be already friends with me only after a month. Has she lost all romantic feelings for me already? This hurts so much.
All I can think of is how I want to be back with her. I don't care about being single and having a good time with others. I don't care about being able to go on billion of dates and getting all these numbers. I don't care about having time to do anything and everything. I am miserable without her. I am in love with her and nobody else. Why can't I move on like her? I love this woman!!
THIS DAY SUCKS! I need to make sure not to be weak and do something stupid.
I think you know that listening to whatever info other people volunteer s not the greatest of ideas though sometimes hard to avoid.
Next time politely refuse to listen.
Your ex has no right to expect friendship from you -she s let you down twice and you re still hurting.
There is no magic wand that will take your pain away instantly but even though you re feeling low now you ll feel better as soon as you can let go of false hope.
I am doing everything right. Dating, NC, socializing, learning new things, etc... But I still have these feelings for her and I don't think they will ever go away. I just want to be with her. But going up to her and telling her all this will only push her away. But waiting around will have her forget about me.
Geez guy, go somewhere, and cry your butt off. The point of the exercise is to learn how to manage yourself in positive ways, and pining over someone who doesn't want to be with you is not positive. You expect to feel good after only a short time? Doesn't work that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by A4Effort
That's your problem, there is no instant happiness for any one, so get busy, and keep working until it works.
Now man up! Get the job done. Sorry to be harsh, but we don't wallow in our own s(crap)T. To hell with her, and her friends, who cares.
That's the thing I care about her. I couldn't care less about her friends. I care too much about her. I need to let her go but I can't. I don't know why but I feel like she is the one for me. It sounds sooooo cliché but its true.
I can move on. I can be happy. I can be single. I can find another. I can do everything necessary to be alirght again but doing all these things will not get ready of the feelings that I have for her.
I think you ll find that those feelings will go away-with time.
Yes it will. Nothing is in the absolute and you are only thinking with your feeling. We never told you it's going to be easy, we said it's going to be hard but in the end of the day, you will feel better.
For now, you shouldn't care about what you want or desire, you should just continue NC and continue taking care of yourself. If you take care of your body, your body will take care of your mind.
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