Ask Me Help Desk - I can't trust my girlfriend.

How about going slow with it, and while your being honest, she will have to know eventually that you JUST got out of a 4 year thing, so she can decide if she wants to be a rebound, or not.

That's not something you talk about on a second date though, but eventually when things have progressed.

Until then have fun, and don't get in to deep, to fast.

Can't young people just date without getting carried away by their emotions? No wonder I have so many posts, about the same freaking thing.

Sorry for the soap box!

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

What do you mean don't just get into another relationship? I am having fun...What am I to do if she wants a relationship and she seems great so far....do I ignore her?

Did you read what I wrote or what you wanted to see?

Be honest with her that you are healing from a bad relationship and it would be an extremely bad idea for you to RUSH into another serious relationship. You need time to make sure that the past is in the past. You don't want it haunting your next relationship. She deserves better than to be compared to someone else or to pay for someone else's mistakes.

No need to hurt this innocent girl out of selfishness. So be honest with yourself. This girl says she's looking for serious relationships, and I don't think that you are. Not with her at least.

To me, it isn't a good idea to be involved with a girl who wants more than dating right now. Especially since you're in the state you are.

Yeah I told her "I am not thinking about a serious relationship right now. We can keep dating and then take it from there." She agreed and just wants to make sure that I don't just want sex. I said no, that I just want to have a good time." She agreed so that is how things are right now. I can't get into a relationship at least until next month or the following, when I would be doing a lot better and thinking better, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

I can't get into a relationship at least until next month or the following, when I would be doing a lot better and thinking better, right?

Only when you you stop letting your past relationship haunt your thoughts will you be ready for a new serious relationship.

That will take as long as it takes. Longer if you obsess over the past. Shorter if you allow yourself (mentally as well as emotionally) to heal.

I really loved my ex... im sorry to do this... Its that I keep blaming myself for things especially the last parts. Like I learned to avoid everything prior to that because it didn't break us up, but this did so I only care for this and once someone helps me put it together, that would be my closure instead of from her.

I keep telling myself that I over reacted which is why she was mad and ignored me all night and treated me badly and then the next day, me paying her back, made things worse...

But then there is the side of me that says who cares how I reacted because the bottom line was that she said she was going to sleep and she lied and went out instead and no matter what would have stood out late behind my back. Something we wouldn't do as I thought we were honest and would let each other know.

So I'm stuck... the days that I think of the latter I'm okay but when I think of the former, I'm miserable... Most days I'm in between and confused and I NEED it to stop... please no general answers... I need specific answers as to which I should focus on and why... thank you sooo much... Please don't think I'm hurting myself by thinking... I need your reasons so that I can see it... I need this to be done with so that I can move on... Your words CAN be my closure... thank you in advance! Hoping this will be the beginning of a new chapter!

Focus on thinking with your head, and not your heart. Your impulsive actions will be your downfall until you get control of yourself.

We all have feelings, Emo, and until you deal with them better and learn to communicate. You will keep making mistakes and beat yourself up about them.

That's counter productive, as you will always take a step forward, and two back.

Think son, before you do something stupid. Think before you act, and think some more before you go for any BS.

If you need a female so bad, you keep eating crap, you need to think of why.

I don't really know what you mean T-Man... Sounded like a subliminal message. I kind of got that I shouldn't be revengeful and I should try talking when I feel a certain why... right?

And what do you mean think before I go for any bs?

Plus. I think you ignored my questions to give me only the answer YOU wanted to give instead of LISTENING to what I wanted answers to help me whether you THINK so or not.

Emo
The problem is you keep asking the same question over and over again , there are only so many ways you can answer them.

Have you thought about going back to the beginning of this thread and reading it all again? You have received really good answers but for some reason you don't seem to be getting it.

Not trying to run you down just pointing out what's obvious to all of us.

Emo, I can't give you closure. No one here can. The only person who can give you closure is YOU. When you accept that fact of Life, you will be closer to healing yourself.

You want something specific. Try this: STOP the mental Ferris Wheel and get off the ride.

You are the one running the ride. You can stop it at any time. Choose to do so or keep getting answers like this.

Unbelievable... I beg just to get all of your opinion and all I get is to stop asking and get over it. Can I have everyone's opinions on my questions please because I believe that I can get closure from YOUR answers... If I think it's that easy then maybe it is... everyone needs closure and I believe in the help of this site sooo much that I believe it WILL give me closure... why can't you believe in it?

Emo
You got all our opinions and answers at the beginning of the thread , have you gone back and read them??

Sorry for being stubborn... I did re read everything. I see you all have been very helpful and believe it or not I have been doing great thanks to all of you. Sometimes, like 2 hours a day now, it can be kind of hard, but I feel it going so low that soon it will be done. So there is strength in me that I learned to find due to the last break up. What doesn't kill you, sure does make you stronger.

Maybe all this is happening for a bigger reason that I can't see right now. I feel my mind thinking a lot more free and enjoying lots of little things and laughing more.

Please, someone tell me if I'm right in this type of thinking... Here it goes...
Maybe some relationships aren't meant to last and just serve a purpose. Maybe as much as we both wanted it to work, it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe there are certain people you can trust and others you can't and being that there is that dangerous feeling like "wow I can't really trust this person" which makes the relationship more challenging and fun in a strange way makes you FEEL like you are more in love because you can't really get this person, but its always like you want it because its not really "there".

I mean I'm not crazy and I don't think I have issues, but I mean I have a mind and I can sense when things are not right and that created my jealousy in that relationship... Im not blaming anyone. I am just sharing my views that perhaps are right. Maybe there will be a girl that it will be natural with and one that I can trust. I mean, the girl I am talking to now sometimes just stops texting me at night and I think nothing of it. I just say, maybe she fell asleep and I do something else. I just have no reason to not trust her. I don't decide to not trust someone because of my past, I give all a chance and I've been so cool with this girl so far and just enjoying the convos and enjoying my life. Do you think any of this is good thinking?

Any answers, please?

Well seeing as though 90% of that is what people have been telling you this whole thread, I believe it's a good way to think

Maybe all this is happening for a bigger reason that I can't see right now. I feel my mind thinking a lot more free and enjoying lots of little things and laughing more.

Please, someone tell me if I'm right in this type of thinking... Here it goes...
Maybe some relationships aren't meant to last and just serve a purpose. Maybe as much as we both wanted it to work, it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe there are certain people you can trust and others you can't and being that there is that dangerous feeling like "wow I can't really trust this person" which makes the relationship more challenging and fun in a strange way makes you FEEL like you are more in love because you can't really get this person, but its always like you want it because its not really "there".

Is this correct, Cat, T-Man, I Wish, Friend4U, JustWantFair?

Why did you ignore DerelictHerds? He just agreed with you that it seems like a good way to think.

He is quite right. That is about 90% of what we have been saying.

I find it interesting that you also 'copy and pasted' those thoughts instead of writing them out again.

Do you believe them?

On a side note... Everyone in the beginning made excuses for her... but she didn't go out because her friend was sick or called her last minute... because she told me she lied on purpose because she thought I would be mad. Therefore all that is erased. There are lots of things that I know she wouldn't like... That doesn't mean I should do it behind her back! And after that she ignores me for hours which is considered emotional abuse to me because that was wrong and this was the fourth time!

I'm really sorry for saying the same things in different ways... im just a bit down today knowing its over and I'm trying to find a way to say its for the best so I go over the situation... please help me.

No, I appreciate derelict's response. I just wanted responses from the other people I mentioned and that why I copy and pasted, just to make it shorter for your eyes. Thank you for your response as well, Cat. I love your responses and the way you write.

Ok... well I went on another date today with the same girl and she really likes me and we had sex... Now we will do it again on Thursday... This keeps me unbored but I'm still not over my ex. Is this OK? I told her we will just hang out for now and see what happens... is this okay?

Its far too fast for me. I wouldn't want anything romantic or sexual with someone who's missing his ex.

I feel so down right now even after a month of NC. I feel like I've ruined my chance with true love! This is miserable. I have been working out and I have gone on 2 dates. I could have done anything around her or in front of her. Help!!

Stay strong! Don't focus on the emotions, but focus on what you can learn from your mistake, and apply it in the future!

Something happened to me and I need to speak to someone... T-Man, Cat, I Wish, JustWantFair, Derelict, Friend4U, BSWC. Please relpy to this...

Are you OK Emo? The others are probably asleep it must be the middle of the night in the US now.

Emopunk7 I know how you feel and I feel really bad you have to go through this. I felt/still feel like what me and my ex had was TRUE love.. and I broke up with him two years ago because he started hanging out with a old friend who was a horrible influence on him. And basically my ex went a week without calling me or anything. That made me fill with pain, rage, I felt so abandoned & confused. Well eventually he came running back to me and would be drunk throwing rocks at my window crying saying he loved me and wants to marry me.. then I gave in and we would hook up and I'd feel all the love in the world again and would be so happy. Then we'd just stop talking... this has been happening over and over and over. For more than 2 1/2 years now. We can't get over each other and I've been having sex with random guys and trying to replace him but no one compares to this day. Now I try to play tough guy and act like I'm over my ex.. everyone thinks I am and I act like it towards him. But I keep giving in cause he pulls out the "i'm going to kill myself..i need you" and he even became a heroin junkie which I helped him get off. So basically I don't understand why he WON'T BE WITH ME FOR REAL. His excuse is he's so busy with work every night,He has a band that practices all the time and play shows on the weekend... and I know some of his friends.. most don't like me or want/have slept with me.

This is really frustrating... hopefully your pain doesn't last as long as mine. Which doesn't make any sense ='[ (sorry for the long story)

What has happen that has you so down?

Trust is the key to a relationship. Talk to her and find out the whole story.

Quote:

Originally Posted by --Charles--

Trust is the key to a relationship. Talk to her and find out the whole story.

Charles, did you read the entire thread?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Charles, did you read the entire thread?

nope XD I'm to lazy to read all of it =/

Quote:

Originally Posted by --Charles--

nope XD im to lazy to read all of it =/

Let's just say that this is beyond talking to her now. They are not together and we are helping emopunk get his life back on track.

Well I decided to not be on the rebound as it is adding more confusion and pain for some reason. I feel being alone is best right now. I am feeling a little down and I just had a dream about her. And I don't know why sometimes I blame myself for ruining it.

I decided to start reading and I wrote in my journal and I was thinking of going to a hospital with a superman costume I have and try making the sick feel better. Is this a good idea? Is it allowed?

Any help or encouragement is appreciated... I feel so down in the mornings and I think a lot... why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Well I decided to not be on the rebound as it is adding more confusion and pain for some reason. I feel being alone is best right now. I am feeling a little down and I just had a dream about her. And I don't know why sometimes I blame myself for ruining it.

I decided to start reading and I wrote in my journal and I was thinking of going to a hospital with a superman costume I have and try making the sick feel better. Is this a good idea? Is it allowed?

Volunteering sounds like a good idea, but don't just show up in costume. They may not take it the right way. :)

Instead, find out what the requirements for volunteering are. The hospital probably has a link on its website. :)

Emo, I don't respond to questions in private messages. All questions and advice need to be kept on the board.

Yes, indeed! Volunteering in charity events of communities will help u feel better with yourself. Its nice, go for blood donation for example. Start when you're young and full of energy! Keep it up,5 months of break up I'm still like crap at nights. You're not alone but we shall stay strong!

The last few days for a few hours I have been feeling pretty down and sad. I don't know why but I keep blaming myself for what happened and I keep saying that if I didn't do it back, we would still be together. I keep feeling like I ruined it all and I can't move on because of this. I don't know what to do. Please help!!

Some people may not accept this but try to forgive yourself. It is for you to carry on with the lesson learnt in this moment of life, some people blame themselves for the rest of their lives and it leads to no where.

Don't worry it's just the part of u that has not healed talking to your mind...

Thanks bswc!

Cat, T-man... Everyone... I need some support!
The last few days for a few hours I have been feeling pretty down and sad. I don't know why but I keep blaming myself for what happened and I keep saying that if I didn't do it back, we would still be together. I keep feeling like I ruined it all and I can't move on because of this. I don't know what to do. Please help!!

How about going for some exercises to boost the endorphin level in your body? Work pretty well :)

Hey emo... I have been followign this thread. Our stories are pretty similar. Effort from the guy's end and poor response from the girl's end. Accept two things.
1. There is someone else in her life.
2. If it had to be "the one" relationship , it wouldn't have ended in this way , no matter what you tried to do.

Keep the faith.