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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks, Tao. I will try. Although she remains in my thoughts, and experience setbacks, I feel like I am making some progress.

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You ARE making progress. That is obvious from reading your posts from the beginning to now. I really have nothing to add, but do not discount your progress and do not feel like you are not making it because she still pops up in your brain. That's okay, but in the end you are the one who is stronger, smarter, and better and that has already come to the forefront. That is already seen by everybody and that includes her, as I state previously she knew she wasn't good enough with all her problems. She saw that, we see that, and you are starting to see that so accept that progress is being made.

Thanks, Chuff. I know you guys did. I know that Im doing the right things, but been obsessing in the meantime. Im not denying any of that & not bashed myself for my replays. Just when I feel like Im not moving forward, something inadvertanly helps. I guess that means Im listening & acting on it in some way. Whether she felt like she wasn't good enough deep down for me, in a way I already know. She doesn't feel those type of things, only frustration & restlessness, then removal. This happens whenever there is any conflict in her mind. She has done this before and will continue. Talk about obsessing. But, that helps too...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks, Chuff. I know you guys did. I know that Im doing the right things, but been obsessing in the meantime. Im not denying any of that & not bashed myself for my replays. Just when I feel like Im not moving forward, something inadvertanly helps. I guess that means Im listening & acting on it in some way. Whether she felt like she wasnt good enough deep down for me, in a way I already know. She doesnt feel those type of things, only frustration & restlessness, then removal. This happens whenever there is any conflict in her mind. She has done this before and will continue. Talk about obsessing. But, that helps too....

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Didja see the weather report for today? Sez it's an excellent day for letting go, just a little deeper... just a little more...

Yes it is. I want to.

Hey all, Saturday marks a month since this all came down, and 25 days of NC. Its funny, I feel like it was yesterday in some ways.

Ive been listening & not so much "working" on this, just letting it happen naturally. Being open to every thought, whether I feel like Im spinning my wheels or dwelling with frustration. Accepting everything. Not forcing it.

As Tao mentioned I am at the next gate & I can see the key sitting on my table. Been touching it, put it into the lock countless times. Its starting to slide in now. Im waiting to turn it.

My scattered notes have lately turned to some pretty nasty hateful ones towards her & that's good. Im starting to loosen my grasp on her or vis-versa. Whatever helps that particular moment, day or otherwise.

Lost a bit of weight & made myself a commitment to get healthy & ripped for myself, not anyone else.

Im still jotting down all of the people & things in my life so far, whenever they come into mind. That list is now making a stack. Sometime, I will expand upon every one in a journal and will hopefully will continue that for a long time.

Just wanted to say how appreciative I am of everyone here & how admirable it is to try & help someone that has felt similar pain. Not sure what course I would have take otherwise. I haven't cried in a couple weeks, but knowing that brings tears to my eyes. I thank you more than words can convey.

As Arnold says "I'll be back". Maybe even tomorrow.

Van

I think those nasty hateful notes are good for you actually. No need to hold it in and writing is a great way to get problems out. I'd keep doing that. Congratulations on the weight loss. That's another positive from a negative. Sometimes the worst part of the break up is not the break up but the sort of feeling lost like you stated you were. We've been there but while you feel lost know that we've been down the road before and know exactly how to what direction to go.

Hey Van,

So good to read your words...

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Hey all, Saturday marks a month since this all came down, and 25 days of NC. Its funny, I feel like it was yesterday in some ways.

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You've covered a lot of ground.

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Ive been listening & not so much "working" on this, just letting it happen naturally. Being open to every thought, whether I feel like Im spinning my wheels or dwelling with frustration. Accepting everything. Not forcing it.

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Your words tell me that you are letting your unconscious mind manage the task of integrating the healing and learning taking place in you. You are not trying to control it. Great! As that integration continues to deepen, you will experience how much you actually have grown because of the work you are doing.

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As Tao mentioned I am at the next gate & I can see the key sitting on my table. Been touching it, put it into the lock countless times. Its starting to slide in now. Im waiting to turn it.

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Take your time. Take all the time you need.

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My scattered notes have lately turned to some pretty nasty hateful ones towards her & that's good. Im starting to loosen my grasp on her or vis-versa. Whatever helps that particular moment, day or otherwise.

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There's no "correct" or "incorrect" emotion in this. Let your creative juices flow, dude.

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Lost a bit of weight & made myself a commitment to get healthy & ripped for myself, not anyone else.

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Enjoy those crunches.

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Im still jotting down all of the people & things in my life so far, whenever they come into mind. That list is now making a stack. Sometime, I will expand upon every one in a journal and will hopefully will continue that for a long time.

Just wanted to say how appreciative I am of everyone here & how admirable it is to try & help someone that has felt similar pain. Not sure what course I would have take otherwise. I haven't cried in a couple weeks, but knowing that brings tears to my eyes. I thank you more than words can convey.

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Noted.

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As Arnold says "I'll be back". Maybe even tomorrow.

Van

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Me, too.

Tao

While your talking to yourself, don't forget the getting out and seeing what's out there. Not romance but the interaction with some good people. Nothing like human contact to keep you from being isolated.

Thanks all.
Yep, Tal, Ive been getting out. But need to get out more.

Through these past few weeks, my work projects have been on hold & as a freelancer, Ive kind of been left to my own devices. Most of my time which Ive spent trying to heal. Ive been getting out to exercise, a few nights out here & there & such but haven't truly been able to focus on work much. Since I moved to Vancouver, Ive met a couple who have become really good & true friends.

They invited me along with their parents to a weekend cottage out of town & accepted as I needed to get out of dodge & knew it is always cool with them.

Ive had the last remanence of special stuff from the past 5 yrs. Stuffed full in a manilla envelope. Photos, cards, love notes that she used to hide & other trinkets. I guess waiting for the right time to let it go. I know we would have a beach fire one night & thought that burning those may help letting go.

As I grabbed my bag & headed out the door, I felt weird about that & simply took the bundle & chucked it in the dumpster before I got into my car. It didn't feel good or empowering at all. I just did it.

We were having a great time & went out to this restaurant on the beach. Great meal etc.. My pals & I were out on the patio after & were asking me about AMHD & if I was still engaged. I started to tell them how invaluable its been & started to talk about the methods that were helping me. I broke down & started sobbing like a little girl right on the patio. It was so unexpected.

We went back, had some drinks, etc.. Then went to bed. I had the worst nightmares Ive had since the breakup. The last one really hurt, yet I woke up & told myself to think about it & get on with it.

The whole day, I was super fragile, could barely hold my s***t in, and even though we were busy with stuff I was holding back the tears. Had some some blubbering sessions with friend's wife. She has been very kind & understanding through this, as they were both friends with my ex.

All I kept thinking about was how my ex is fine & Im a basket case. Wondering if she replaced me & who she was screwing, or going after now. I feel like I'd been erased, with a couple phone calls an a blink of an eye, and boy is she glad now. Like I was some thorn in her side that was so easily removed.

Even on the way home, I had a hard time pushing the tears back & Im back feeling pretty much the same way.

I feel like its been pretty clear for all of you to see the negatives of all of this & I too have understood that & have been objective & clear. Makes me feel like an idiot & wish I could just slap myself in the face & say c'mon, don't be a wuss, move on. Not sure why I broke down so hard. I haven't felt this frail in a couple weeks. It sucks big time.

Don't stop the tears dude, you can't, don't try. It sucks, I agree. A relationship ending is like a death in the family, and like most funerals, you can expect to cry from your grief, its natural, its human.

Good for you for getting out for the weekend. You mentioned that you talked about us at dinner, just curious you told them I said "hi?"

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Originally Posted by vanheart

I feel like its been pretty clear for all of you to see the negatives of all of this & I too have understood that & have been objective & clear. Makes me feel like an idiot & wish I could just slap myself in the face & say c'mon, dont be a wuss, move on. Not sure why I broke down so hard. I havent felt this frail in a couple weeks. It sucks big time.

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I will admit to you all, that yes, I have cried over losing a girl. You are not alone in being a guy that has cried over a chick. If it works to get the anger and pain out then I say go for it.

Having said that, I'm going to disagree with your most recent self description. You gave of yourself for 5 years. You gave your love, time, loyalty, companionship, money, friendship, and a piece of your life. To call that being a wuss belittles what you gave because you are far from it.

On the other hand, we have established the other party here took everything she could get and really never gave much back. Not because she couldn't, but because she really had no idea how. You broke down in public, yet she's been broke her whole life. She wishes she could cry once and make her issues go away. Instead she carries it around and can't relate to you or anybody else on an emotional level. Just what she can get from them at the moment, but no real compassion. Talk about frail. Her emotional state is frail. Her self respect, or lack there of always sucks. You are dealing with and emotional loss, and she deals with a lifetime of never even having emotional understanding. You are hardly a wuss.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

...All I kept thinking about was how my ex is fine & Im a basket case. Wondering if she replaced me & who she was screwing, or going after now. I feel like I'd been erased, with a couple phone calls an a blink of an eye, and boy is she glad now. Like I was some thorn in her side that was so easily removed.

Even on the way home, I had a hard time pushing the tears back & Im back feeling pretty much the same way.

I feel like its been pretty clear for all of you to see the negatives of all of this & I too have understood that & have been objective & clear. Makes me feel like an idiot & wish I could just slap myself in the face & say c'mon, dont be a wuss, move on. Not sure why I broke down so hard. I havent felt this frail in a couple weeks. It sucks big time.

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Accept it. Let it be. Your mutual friends inadvertently triggered a replay of the program you had been running. Remember that I told you that you would relapse? Well, this is it.

It's called an anchor, and it's very common, used in every beer commercial and political speech. The mechanics are interesting but you can learn about them later. Right now the thing to do is recover as quickly and completely as you can, get back into working out, get about your business, and move to the next step. If part of you still need to weep, you might as well get it all out now.

Meanwhile, the stories you tell yourself about her, and you, and what she's thinking, and what it all means, are add-ons, unnecessary projections that pile onto you extra meaning that attacks you. This doesn't have to happen; it's just another program.

Forgive yourself quickly. No judgments. No self-assessments. Just get back on the path.

Tao

Thanks everyone.
I guess that relapse came pretty unexpected.
I will try & get back on course. I guess those add-ons are entirely my own doing. Hope I can stop that from distracting me or at least hitting me that hard.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks everyone.
I guess that relapse came pretty unexpected.
I will try & get back on course. I guess those add-ons are entirely my own doing. Hope I can stop that from distracting me or at least hitting me that hard.

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Pretty much every strong emotional state has anchors (markers that recall the state) associated with it. Some random guy with a mustache similar to your former high school gym teacher's mustache can make you feel oddly uncomfortable, like you are about to be told to take a lap. Women who have something similar to your mother—hair, perfume, gait, etc.—can regress part of you for a moment. In this relapse you just had, it could have been simply the presence of these friends, the context, and the mention of you-know-who.

You can "delete" anchors, or at least neutralize them. Learning how is a long conversation, though.

If you are curious, I did a Google search on "NLP Anchors" and came up with a lot of data. Most sites are selling NLP, so they focus on the use of anchoring as a tool; but anchors exist everywhere. Some sites:

NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Techniques - Anchoring
17 Examples of Classic And Everyday NLP Anchors | Attraction Mind Map

You can also learn about a good process by Googling "NLP submodalities."

More important right now, are the add-ons. Telling yourself stories about the meaning of any of this, especially stories that judge you, condemn you or diminish you, is a mistake that you can interrupt as soon as it begins. For ideas on this, read any of Byron Katie's books, Google "pattern interruption" and watch a few episodes of Caesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer. Why the dog guy? Ask me again after watching.

The relapses will diminish on intensity and frequency, much more quickly if you exercise, get back to work, and get laid. As you recover from this relapse, the road will get easier.

tao

Thanks, Tao.
Much better today.

I will certainly look into those sources.

Hey Tao,

Came across some great webcasts from Byron Katie.

OMG, this was amazing...

Her method of self inquiry and the 4 questions really clicked.
Im starting to understand what Ive been creating as belief vs. what is truly factual.

This is what has been causing me so much pain, sorrow & frustration. Its what has been keeping me clinging to this breakup. All of thoughts perceived realities that Ive been conjuring up in my head and not letting go of.

Those inquiries are a direct route to speaking with your parts in a way. Pretty incredible stuff.

Thanks for turning me on to that. Looking forward to putting it into action when my mind starts to play tricks on me.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Hey Tao,

Came across some great webcasts from Byron Katie.

OMG, this was amazing...

Her method of self inquiry and the 4 questions really clicked.
Im starting to understand what Ive been creating as belief vs. what is truly factual.

This is what has been causing me so much pain, sorrow & frustration. Its what has been keeping me clinging to this breakup. all of thoughts perceived realities that Ive been conjuring up in my head and not letting go of.

Those inquiries are a direct route to speaking with your parts in a way. Pretty incredible stuff.

Thanks for turning me on to that. Looking forward to putting it into action when my mind starts to play tricks on me.

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Cool. Send me the links, please. I love those four questions!

Thanks,

Tao

Here it goes:

Byron Katie on Oprah's Soul Series Webcast - Oprah.com

Tao, I've heard about NLP but never really tried it. Besides those links have you ever stuided it or have any book recommendations on the subject that are good?

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Originally Posted by chuff

Tao, I've heard about NLP but never really tried it. Besides those links have you ever stuided it or have any book recomendations on the subject that are good?

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Hey Chuff,

I had the good fortune to study with the founders in the mid 70s. It has proven useful in my personal and professional life for years and working with a lot of people. It enabled me to understand myself and others in practical ways, without dogma, just providing tools. It also helped me make fundamental changes in myself that I desperately needed to change.

NLP has a dark side and can be misused. I find that true for any powerful system that has insight into how people work and methods for influencing them. It also has many self-correcting components.

I have not followed its developmental path very closely, so there must be plenty people, web sites, blogs, books, workshops, and various media products out there that I don't know. I recommend that you start with a good scouring of the web. Read everything you find. Let me know if you come across anything questionable and I'll offer an opinion. Also:

Watch the videos on Darren Brown on uTube. The guy uses straight up NLP plus some real genius that will absolutely blow your mind. Tony Robbins was also an NLPer and based much of his method on it. You might like his work.

Googlize: Milton H. Erickson, John Grinder, Richard Bandler, Robert Dilts, Leslie Cameron Bandler, Steve Gilligan, Steve Andreas, Connirae Andreas, & Robert McDonald.

There are surely books galore, but most of what you want to read should be on the web. I'll look around and see if something pops up that you should read.

Also read about Milton Erickson: Amazon.com: milton h erickson

Read:

Uncommon Therapy
My Voice Will Go With You

Erickson was the primary model for a big part of NLP. He was the greatest medical hypnotist of all time, I feel.

That should get you some pleasure and insight. I hope you enjoy the exploration.

Tao

Hey guys.
Its been a month of NC.

Not sure if I can even communicate what I feel. Been marking this on my calendar & now not sure even why at this point.

The past few days have been ones of understanding & confusion still. Doesn't seem like a day goes by when I don't think about this girl. I almost wish that would subside.

I go from complete understanding to missing, wondering, hatred, to feelings of deception. And still I wake up with her on my mind.

I even wrote some things to help me break free and realize. Like "Shes gone, She doesnt want you, Shes moved on." Then to ones like "If you truly feel love for her her, then wish her well in her life without you."

Always looks & sounds good on paper, but I guess it all helps in some way.

Among my efforts to work hard, exercise, keep busy, socialize, etc.. I seem to end up feeling so lonely at times & ask myself why?

Why is this destructive girl having such an effect on me still? Is it me or the time/conditioning, etc..

It seems like sometimes I can't stop. As much as I try. I guess time is my only salvation. I can't wait until I don't feel anything towards her.

Its harder than I thought.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

hey guys.
Its been a month of NC.

Not sure if I can even communicate what I feel. Been marking this on my calendar & now not sure even why at this point.

The past few days have been ones of understanding & confusion still. Doesn't seem like a day goes by when I don't think about this girl. I almost wish that would subside.

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Congrats on the month of NC.

Whoa! Talk about the "almost" part. What stops you from totally wishing these thoughts would subside? Delve into this.

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I go from complete understanding to missing, wondering, hatred, to feelings of deception. And still I wake up with her on my mind.

I even wrote some things to help me break free and realize. Like "Shes gone, She doesnt want you, Shes moved on." Then to ones like "If you truly feel love for her her, then wish her well in her life without you."

Always looks & sounds good on paper, but I guess it all helps in some way.

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Whatever works. But writing about her won't help now as much as writing about yourself. You are still in a pattern and the de-energizing of that pattern still is somewhere within your power. Maybe not your conscious mind's sphere of power, but available to the Greater You, which includes your unconscious mind. As tough as it is, and because it is tough, remembering that will make it easier for you to plow through this until you are on the other side of it.

While you're not done yet, you are learning. You know that logical arguments don't work, that you can relapse and recover reasonably well, that the path to freeing your heart is hard, and that the work you have done so far hasn't reached the place in you from which you can move out of this loop and on to your next steps. But you also have a sense that you own this process, so you can find the resources you need to let go and move on.

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Among my efforts to work hard, exercise, keep busy, socialize, etc.. I seem to end up feeling so lonely at times & ask myself why?

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This is the human condition! You and 3/4 of the world's population feel lonely because of the alienation our society promotes in us. People write books about that in every culture and era.

So don't mix existential loneliness—or the simple need we all have for touch, to be together with someone—with a longing for her. She is your obsession for the moment, not the answer to your loneliness.

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Why is this destructive girl having such an effect on me still? Is it me or the time/conditioning, etc..

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That's the magic question, or near it. Right now, the question that comes to mind is What does she represent to you? You haven't gotten deep enough within yourself to hit the release button on the meaning of all this. What, exactly, does she mean to you? To what story does she belong? Take some time with this.

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It seems like sometimes I can't stop. As much as I try. I guess time is my only salvation. I can't wait until I don't feel anything towards her.

Its harder than I thought.

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Yep, so far it's been a tough experience. Time is your ally and every day that passes gives you greater distance from 30 days ago. You might feel eager to be done, but you determine how you let go. You might be fully aware that getting completely through it means that you get to heal and grow from the experience. Be equally clear that whatever residue of suffering you carry away, you get to keep.

So, take stock of what you are learning about yourself, how you operate, and what choices you can make next. No conclusions or judgments about what this turns you into or says about what you are. You're a little wiser than you were a month ago and your ego isn't so much in the way, so be patient and kind. Take a few deep breaths, relax, and get back to observing yourself, having dialog with yourself, and getting deeper within yourself until you completely assimilate this whole experience.

Tao

Fact It was a five year relationship

Fact- Its been a month since the break up

Of course you still have feelings and that's so normal as you have just gotten over the shock and are in the mourning period of this break up. You are using your coping skills to get you through this. Your doing pretty good for a normal human.

Talaniman calculation- depending on how proactive you are with your healing, factoring in the maturity factor and the support factor (Hehehe) you will feel a lot better in the coming months. Just remember it's a process, and that takes time.

You may never get over her completely, but the point is to be able to handle it and be happy with yourself and rebuild a life that you enjoy without her.

Actually your off to a good start and are on a good path.

Thanks guys.
Gives me a lot to work on
I will continue with further and more focused self-dialogue

I would think, just me, that being more proactive physically with getting out among people and having a great time would give you a good healthy balance, in the healing process.

Thanks, I've been doing that too.

Hi,
Through my efforts to answer those questions of what she means to me, I looked back at something that I pulled from the web a few weeks ago.

Here it is, speaks volumes of my relationship:

You won't believe me now, but maybe you will in the future; the fact is, you do not love her and you never did love her. You cannot love anyone right now because you do not love yourself and hold yourself in very low esteem. You hurt because you had a very sick symbiotic relationship going on; you were with an abusive out of control woman and you had a sick, needy emotional dependency on her, nothing more; you don't even really like her, you needed her to punish you for whatever happened to you in your past that created this loss of self-esteem and your need to be punished by someone. Whatever she said and led you to believe you believed because you wanted to believe it, not because it had any validity...you were the proverbial drowning man clutching at a straw, only in this case your straw was a razor blade; the more you fought to hold on, the more you got hurt.
You really have to get hold of yourself and force yourself to join a new club or organization whose members have the same interests you do or volunteer your time somewhere and feel good about yourself again.
The minutiae of why she said this or that really doesn't matter because anything she ever said to you was lies in order to get you to do whatever she wanted you to do at the time; she cares nothing for you and you care nothing for her, the two of you are deeply emotionally scarred, only the difference is, you can be cured and find your happiness.
Please understand, you are never going to have any closure from this because there is nothing to have closure from. You haven't lost anything because you never had anything to begin with; all of it was lies and abuse.
There are no good times with her and she will never change, she will be the same and nothing you can do or say will change that, so since she won't change, it is you who must and get on with your life and seek out new people and open yourself up to new experiences. You must stop clinging to your dream of her, because it is not real...it is an illusion, as was the entire relationship. Until you are a whole, independent person you really won't be able to have a reciprocal satisfying relationsip with anyone; you must not think of a partner as something you need to complete yourself, a partner should be someone who complements your life, but you are a whole separate human being who can survive on his own, which is what you have to do now until you find a viable partner.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Hi,
Through my efforts to answer those questions of what she means to me, I looked back at something that I pulled from the web a few weeks ago.

(Great description)

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Your movement continues. If you're up for reading, take a look at Amazon.com: Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up: James Hollis: Books

Hollis' insight into relationships and self-understanding is sensational.

Tao

"It matters if you just don't give up."
--Stephen Hawking

Thanks Tao.
I picked that up & started reading it.

After 34 days of NC, woke up this a.m. to an email from my ex.

"Hi, how are you? I am not sure where you are at or if you want to speak with me but I would really love to talk and see how you are doing.
I'm ok.

Let me know if I can call and when a good time would be. I hope you are doing well, enjoying summer and that your big project is going awesome.

hope to talk to you soon.
much love"

Why after a month is she doing this? In one way I feel remotely satisfied that she somewhat cares? Or maybe not, maybe she just fishing for something. Wish I knew...

Typical ex feeling guilty email. Don't fall for it. She will not tell you anything that you want to hear. She just wants to make sure you are "OK" with everything that happened to make herself feel better.

I fell into that trap a while back with my ex. I caved in and talked to her so we could "catch up". Did I gain anything from that... no, just old memories and feeling that I helped her get over her guilt and move on by being there to talk. Did she tell me anything that made me feel better about what happened between us? No. Was she trying to get back with me because things fell through with her current BF? No.

So yeah, while I was stuck on her, I still acted like a sick puppy and helped her. I should have stuck to NC and helped myself and let her wallow in her guilt.

Don't reply... just forge ahead.

Talaniman Rule-Once I disappear from someones life, they have to work their a$$ off to even find me.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks Tao.
I picked that up & started reading it.

After 34 days of NC, woke up this a.m. to an email from my ex.

"Hi, how are you? I am not sure where you are at or if you want to speak with me but I would really love to talk and see how you are doing.
I'm ok.

Let me know if I can call and when a good time would be. I hope you are doing well, enjoying summer and that your big project is going awesome.

hope to talk to you soon.
much love"

Why after a month is she doing this? In one way I feel remotely satisfied that she somewhat cares? Or maybe not, maybe she just fishing for something. Wish I knew...

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Ahhhh, the pleasures of NC!

Here's a great chance to let go and be done, or to pick it up again and do the dance with her. She's phishing, looking to find a hook. But now, the locus of control is in you.

So, it all belongs to you. Take your time. Slow down and listen inside. Treat yourself with a wholesome love. Whatever you do, there are people here who stand with you.

Tao

Thanks all,

I have no intention of contacting her.
At first, in some sick way, this put my wonder to rest if she was thinking about me or if she would ever try & contact me.

Its been a month to the day since she tried last via text.

This in fact through me for a loop & although put that wondering to rest, in a way confused me a bit more. A minor setback, I suppose.

What got me kind of pissed is how she stated "Im ok" & "Hope you are enjoying the summer" Yet Ive been pretty paralyzed for most of these weeks.

I wonder if she's trying to see if Im OK to validate her decision, or feels guilty or what. Maybe she thinks that its been enough time that we can simply chat about our day. To make her feel warm & fuzzy that she is a strong, couragous and caring person. (just the opposite) Or maybe there's no one to listen to her the way I used to. Ie: Listen to all of the amazing things she's got on the go... Or "I can't believe he hasn't tried to contact me, he loves me so much & was so broken up...

I don't know & probably shouldn't even wonder why. I guess I'm not there yet to not give a crap. It kind of effs with my head.

Another day.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks all,

I have no intention of contacting her.
At first, in some sick way, this put my wonder to rest if she was thinking about me or if she would ever try & contact me.

Its been a month to the day since she tried last via text.

This in fact through me for a loop & although put that wondering to rest, in a way confused me a bit more. A minor setback, I suppose.

What got me kinda pissed is how she stated "Im ok" & "Hope you are enjoying the summer" Yet Ive been pretty paralyzed for most of these weeks.

I wonder if shes trying to see if Im ok to validate her decision, or feels guilty or what. Maybe she thinks that its been enough time that we can simply chat about our day. to make her feel warm & fuzzy that she is a strong, couragous and caring person. (just the opposite) Or maybe theres no one to listen to her the way I used to. ie: Listen to all of the amazing things shes got on the go... Or "I can't believe he hasnt tried to contact me, he loves me so much & was so broken up...

I dont know & probably shouldnt even wonder why. I guess im not there yet to not give a crap. It kinda effs with my head.

Another day.

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One day at a time, Dude. Just keep letting go. Keep a watch out for the parts of you that are already in a new place. They've lost interest in her, and are creating your next steps. You might find yourself wondering what they're up to.

Tao

Be strong man, she's just trying to make it easier for herself. She knows what she did, and she knows it was cold and heartless... that's why she's emailing you: To see if she can get any sympathy words out of you, so she can feel better and sleep better.

You do not owe her anything, she left you to deal with a devastating breakup, now you leave her with the recoil effects. Screw her, you've come this far... don't let her F with your mind, keep moving forward.


Shed that skin buddy, we're here for you man.

Thanks.
I will.
Can't help deciphering that message, though.

"Im ok"
Does that mean?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

thanks.
i will.
cant help deciphering that message, though.

"Im ok"
does that mean?

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Knock yourself out. Parse the language; interpret every nuance; look for secret messages in the text. Then, well you know what to do...

BTW, "I'm OK" means that she's OK.

Tao

Yep, it just shows you who she is really thinking about in that message... herself.

You're making the right choice by not responding.

Try not to analyze her every word. You'll get a headache.

ouch & thanks, I'm once again in denial.

I feel stupid for trying to read anything into this. Even when I looked at it from the outside, I still wanted to analyze it. Grasping for any assemblence of true feelings from her. What a joke. Maybe this is what I've been waiting for in a way.

I guess she's been OK since before the breakup. Now I'm pissed she even tried to suck me back in. makes me feel like crap, but can't stop thinking about it today.

was I first thought was a speed bump turned into a mountain.

I guess until I remove her from the equation, I won't be free.

I go from being strong to weak. Lame.