Ask Me Help Desk - Can I get back with my ex-girlfriend after 2 months of no contact?

Exactly. However, I strongly believe that, when it's meant to happen, it will happen.. And it will be sudden.. One day you're sobbing over your ex, the other day you unexpectedly meet a new person which might change your life out of the blue..

General rule is not to push yourself over this, not to force yourself think "i have to get into a new relationship, in order to move on".. it just comes naturally.. in the meanwhile, it's just so fun to be a single, do things for yourself, even go out discover the dating & flirting scene, without feeling the need to make the flirting lead to a relationship

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

Keep to strict NC my friend, it will help me you a lot. Chasing her will just push her away.
You got to show her and yourself, you can live your life without her.

Think of it as a break, just like a soccer match, the first half has ended, time to pause and reflect and if destiny wants it you will have a second half with her, if not, well...

move on and start a new soccer game...

never beg someone to take you back if they don't want you in the first place.
in time maybe they will be the ones begging you to come back...
It has happened to me before.

cheer up dude you can do it.

Wow, so which girl begged you to come back?

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Originally Posted by xadmin

Wow, so which girl begged you to come back?

A girl I dated for 8 years

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

a girl i dated for 8 years

Did she break up with you and then later ask to come back with you?

Her plan didn't work out with the other guy?

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Originally Posted by xadmin

Did she break up with you and then later ask to come back with you?

Her plan didn't work out with the other guy?

It was a mutual break up but yes she wanted the break up more than me.

Yes she tried with another guy and it didn't work out.

So after about a year without talking, she called me back and wanted me back badly.

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

it was a mutual break up but yes she wanted the break up more than me.

yes she tried with another guy and it didnt work out.

So after about a year without talking, she called me back and wanted me back badly.

I guess to her, it was "the grass is greener on the other side thing" and then she discovered that it wasn't as green. Did you move on already by that point and have a new girl in your life?

This was like 5 years ago, yes I moved on and found someone else and it ended after a year, then stayed single for 2 years, then met my ex that broke up on feb 14.

So yes we are going to move on and find someone else, we just don't know when and where it's going to happen.

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

true, your right, i also told her that i still love her no matter what happened and i still want to be with her. i admit this was a mistake of my part because it no good to show your emotions, but i said this right after we broke up, in the first e-mail freshly after the breakup. So i think emotions were still high and i wasnt thinking right.

i'm thinking of writing a final e-mail after the last time i see her next week. Saying that i wish her all the best and there wont be a comeback or reconciliation because i am moving on and im cutting the strings, i don't want her to string me along and keeping this false hope will only hurt me more in the long run.

The things is i am confused to if she wanted a break or a breakup. That's why i am having trouble getting this closure. She did not say it's over final period. She said let's take a break and be friends, but i refused the friendship, so does that mean for her it's a breakup since i refused to keep contact?

Believe me your not alone I've done the same thing now my ex is back she got her life really messed up and is coming to me for some kind of support which I refuse to give her basically its like dangling a thread in front of a cat... before your ex does come back you may think its going to be great when she returns... BUT when it happens it really isn't!! As the memories that you've locked away come back to haunt you and if she's really hurt you all you can do is remember the pain and never trust her again... your story matches mine this last valentines day was kind of a curse for me too.

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Originally Posted by LiLxSaInT

Believe me your not alone ive done the exact same thing now my ex is back she got her life really messed up and is coming to me for some kind of support which i refuse to give her basically its like dangling a thread infront of a cat ... before your ex does come back you may think its going to be great when she returns... BUT when it happens it really isn't!!! as the memories that youve locked away come back to haunt you and if shes really hurt you all you can do is remember the pain and never trust her again... your story matches mine this last valentines day was kind of a curse for me too.

So what are you going to do? Do you still love her? Are you going to take her back?

I thought she just came back for emotional support and not to be with you

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Originally Posted by xadmin

I thought she just came back for emotional support and not to be with you

Don't they have friends for emotional support?

Hi guys. Long time I did not post... so since I was feeling bummed out I decided to come say hello...

It's been 6 months since the breakup, why am I still thinking of it...
I saw a picture of her on Facebook on her friends page since it was her friend's birthday and some of her friends are still on my list. I felt screwed up ever since. Why am I feeling like this?

Because seeing her brings back all of those harsh memories that hurt. It will take a couple of days/weeks to recover, but you will. Do get on Facebook for a while. Facebook is the devil when it comes to break-ups.

-Should it be the dumper or the dumpee to start talks for reconciliation?
Dumper

-If the dumpee decided to do no contact.
-how much time after the breakup can this be a possibility?
If the dumper wants you back, no contact won't stop them.
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-How can you know if the dumper still has an interest in coming back?
They will rock heaven to let you know.

What if the situation is based on the case, You as the breaker who broke up with you're ex for his/her cause like you've lost someone in your family and you're devastated and than you're ex wanted to experience like date around (more or less liking someone else lol) cause she/he wants to make mistake cause she/he feels like she/he can't make mistake with you but either way it's a mutual break up... than how does that work?? Lol close and long distance relationship wise.. I'm just curious. Pretty much broke up due to family issue and maybe other issue like school, long distance, etc. (for the ex's sake) and he/she can go experience w/e he/she (ex) wants lol does it matter who does what at that point? Or only time can tell?

Hope I'm not making it too confuzzled

Eh hi yes a bit.we break up for a number of reasons-a break up indicates that one or more aspects of the relationship were painful difficult etc.picture a broken glass-how often do we put one of them together and they re something we d actually want to drink out of again?NC is for your own healing a period for you to start finding yourself and to have a relationship with you.its not a magic wand that's going to get you back with your ex .remember they are an ex for a reason.

But having an ex sometimes do end up together if it's meant to be... that is if it's based on true love right? Having an NC is to find yourself again like you said, so there would always be chances in life where some people would always end up back with the ex and possibility married. I just don't understand this whole mind thing lol it just seems like any relationship could go any way just depends on how oneself handles it and how you deal with it with the one you love?. lol no one can really tell each other what to do but only you could do what is right. But being needy, desperate, and clingy won't ever work lol that's how I see this whole thing works out lol

How long does the pain last when you saw a recent picture of her ?

Few days... maybe a few weeks. It's best not to dwell and fill your time with fun things to get your mind off it.

STAY OFF FACEBOOK!

Here s one of my little thoughts:pain only lasts as long as you allow it to. Does that make sense?

Makes sense.

Look after yourself :-)

A little update...

Hello friends, yesterday I met the most amazing girl, she is really something. It's almost 8 months after the breakup already...

We shared stories about our ex's and we understand each other so well, we are the same zodiac sign and we have so many things in comon that she told me she got scared... lol

I find we really connected quickly in person, after a week of chatting on msn, one night we chatted for like 7 hours non stop.

I want to say thanks to you guys for showing me that No Contact really works. By refusing casual with my ex, not only did I heal quicker, but I kept my dignity and self respect and I met my match, the most amazing girl I have ever met. I felt happy again last night and she saw it in my eyes. She has this ability to read my eyes and know what I am thinking.

Also yesterday afternoon, my brother told me he went to the dental clinic where my ex works, aparently she took the day off cause she knew my brother was going to be there that day, I guess she was afraid or felt guilt and did not want to face my brother. I am glad she did not show up, so I have no info on her and she has no info on me.

All I want now is to share happiness and great moments with my new girl. Never think or hear about my ex again and forget her name.

Thanks again guys for helping through the hard times, I am finally seeing the light again and it feels great.

Hate to be the eternal skeptic, but just make sure you take it slow. It is awesome to meet such an amazing girl, but let things develop slowly and with realistic expectations.

Good for you, by the way. Now enjoy getting to know each other and don't rush anything. Bravo to you by the way!

Thanks KC, I will take my time...

Good job, especially with meeting the new girl. Don't rush into anything. Just enjoy getting to know her and see what develops.

KC, you type too fast, lol!

We made out on our first date is that bad?

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

We made out on our first date is that bad?

No, not really. Just keep things in perspective and remember that when things move too fast, "crash and burn" usually occurs... (shameless Tal plug).

So should not see her today right? Or is it OK to see each other 2 days in a row?

It's OK to do whatever you want, just enjoy and don't push anything. Let everything happen naturally, just don't question everything as if it has meaning. The more we look for a meaning in something the less we enjoy it.

Go out, enjoy each other's company and enjoy things together. Nothing wrong with that! Just have fun Luigi.

Go see her. Just don't get hot and heavy too quickly.

Well, looks like we going to spend some time together, we going to stay home and watch some movies and cuddle...

So I will do my best to resist her sexyness...

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

well, looks like we going to spend some time together, we going to stay home and watch some movies and cuddle...

So i will do my best to resist her sexyness...

Child Pleeze... :cool:

LOL, I know, that's how it is when you fall in love...

Have fun guy, just don't get carried away by her sexiness. Even if its not love, you can enjoy it!

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

LOL, i know, that's how it is when you fall in love...

S L O W L Y does it... you aren't in Love yet it's the infatuation stage. Don't blow it by being too available or smothering her.

Like the others have said just enjoy getting to know each other and remember the lessons you learnt from your previous relationship.

Good luck , because I'd hate to see you back here in a months time lamenting why it didn't work.

I read this entire thread, good to see that time and NC has really seemed to help.

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Originally Posted by Aehs01

I read this entire thread, good to see that time and NC has really seemed to help.

Yes it helped, what did not help is that every time I tried to get in a new relationship with a new girl and it failed, it brought me back to hating and thinking of my ex.

It made me feel like she screwed me up and I can't date any new girls seriously. Make sure you wait a little before you date again, I ended up hurting a lot of girls feelings cause I kept rejecting them. I tried to replace my ex with them and it did not work.

I decided to stay single for a while until I will be fully over her and ready to be with a special girl, hopefully my soulmate.

Good luck mate

Quote:

Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

yes it helped, what did not help is that every time i tried to get in a new relationship with a new girl and it failed, it brought me back to hating and thinking of my ex.

it made me feel like she screwed me up and i can't date any new girls seriously. Make sure you wait a little before you date again, i ended up hurting a lot of girls feelings cause i kept rejecting them. I tried to replace my ex with them and it did not work.

i decided to stay single for a while until i will be fully over her and ready to be with a special girl, hopefully my soulmate.

good luck m8

You know this may sound odd, but the first girl I really was in love with broke up with me and strung me along for a couple years.. torturing me. I never knew about NC and just kept trying to make it work always getting hurt.. finnally I got so f'ed up I sent her a long message to never talk to me or think about me ever again. A year or more goes by and we go out to dinner and hangout a couple times, at this point I was over her but still in some way would have liked to see us work it out (crazy at this point I know) but you know because I was over her and could actually hangout with her and say to myself.. wow this girl really sucks! Instead of being a big sap over the whole thing I think I finnally had my closure with her. Then a couple months later I ended up meeting the next girl... every girl before that I would always think about my ex.. It just takes time it seems.

Wow, you had guts to see her again and go out for dinner with her. I could never do that with an ex. Once it's over and I know she been with other guys I cannot go back. Must be a territorial thing I have.

So basically you guys were hanging out again a year after the breakup? And you realized she wasn't a catch after all. If it helped you get over her, good for you man.

My ex tried to string me along too by asking me to be casual with her (friends with benefits). I refused because I know once you go into that zone you are trapped in an endless labyrinth of mind games.

Once she says '' No '' to the relationship you must disappear forever until she changes her mind and if she doesn't it's just too bad for her, she is history and it's her loss. Yes it's hard to just disappear and forget about someone you loved and shared amazing moments with, but in the long run it's less pain than if you stay as her 2nd option. She will just use you until she finds a better candidate.

Makes sense?

Quote:

Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

wow, you had guts to see her again and go out for dinner with her. I could never do that with an ex. Once it's over and i know she been with other guys i cannot go back. Must be a territorial thing i have.

So basicly you guys were hanging out again a year after the breakup? and you realized she wasn't a catch after all. If it helped you get over her, good for you man.

My ex tried to string me along too by asking me to be casual with her (friends with benefits). i refused because i know once you go into that zone you are trapped in an endless labyrinth of mind games.

Once she says '' No '' to the relationship you must dissapear forever until she changes her mind and if she doesn't it's just too bad for her, she is history and it's her loss. Yes it's hard to just disappear and forget about someone you loved and shared amazing moments with, but in the long run it's less pain than if you stay as her 2nd option. She will just use you until she finds a better candidate.

makes sense?

Yeah I guess I just have always talked to all of my exes. I don't hangout with any of them, but to be honest this girl was different for some reason.. just the way I felt about her and everything. She hurt me pretty badly and I pretty much nagged on her a lot and made her feel like a piece of sh*t.. She admits now she knows she was.. she was 18 then and is 22 now. She is like completely different on a maturity level.. she has a boyfriend currently and I talk to her on occasion but we really don't hangout.. I just enjoy that I can talk to her like a normal person now because we are both over it. I know it will never be what it once was but I care about her as a person.

My bigger dilemma is I'm now on NC with another girl I dated for a few months.. it's been a month today, I'm wondering if I'll be actually talking to her again after a long time passes. I'd hope if she's half a person we will put everything behind us just like I did with my old ex and be able to once again talk.. despite all the bs that has recently happened.