That sign is a good sign. Just don't let any sign make you call your ex ;-).

Seriously, though, you are right. Take care of yourself and you'll be fine.

You mentioned you saw signs. Read positive books and fill your head with positive things. Read over and over, because at this time your brain will go negative and keep the focus there. Don't wait for signs, put them there for you to feed off.

Imtotallylost...

What was your spiritual ephany?

By the way... im going to go read your story to get the full scoop but if you could please some crib notes ;)

Signs could also be over interpreted, over analyzed. But reconizing them as that could make positive changes for you

Hi everyone...

Just wanted to say that I'm feeling pretty good today. Fyi. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

hi everyone.....

just wanted to say that im feeling pretty good today. fyi. :)

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So grab a green beer (non alcoholic for you babies) and start celebrating... :D

Thanks kctiger... hope you have good st.pats. Day too!

Hi everyone! Happy st patty day!

Just wanted to let youall know an update...

I received an email from our mutual friend... but I decided to NOT open it today... just didn't want to deal with anything he has to say she said... ill let you know tomorrow what's up.

You know, I think back now at our relationship.. and I feel so stupid. That I let ANYONE talk to me that way. Especially, someone that said that she loved me.

I wouldn't have any respec t for me either if I was her. To treat me so poorly and me just take it is abominable. I will NEVER let someone be abusive like that to me again...

I was blinded by her beauty and her $EX. And, me wanting to keep her happy above everything, inculding myself.

Anyway...

Update for you guys...

Our mutual friend just wrote me an email saying that he's there for me... etc.

And he said that my GF is going through a lot of stress in her family life right now but that she loves me still more than ever... at least that what he thinks. Anyway, he tells me to NOT let go of my love for her and that he will call me later today.

Now what? Is the $hit I am in? Uggh!

Tell your friend to get out of your business, because you don't want to hear about someone else business. It's that simple, and maybe that's the lesson to be learned... don't get caught up in someone else's opinion, and good intentions, when it comes to your own best interest.

He thinks he is doing you a favor, but isn't, and its up to you to express that to him.

Stay focused, you were doing well!
Actions speak louder than words... forget what she has 'said'..
You have a mission - stick to nc, heal, better yourself for your own good and you will find that self respect and self love will come your way... then when you least expect it.. that special one may just come along, who knows!!
Give it a try my friend

Arzy

UPDATE!!

Hi everyone...

I wanted to tell you the latest here. Our mutual friend gave me a call and told me that my GF wrote HIM a long letter.

I know its wrong, but we have been using him as an intermediary of sorts. She especially.

I already emailed her and told her how I felt, gave her ultimatum.. etc as everyone on here knows!

Anyway, he called and told me that he will call me later TODAY to discuss what she wrote.

Now here's the deal... if she wanted to be with me, then she would right? She would have contacted me, as I told her right? Help me out here please!

So, I'm thinking she wrote him to tell ME a "dear John" letter. Whatever the reasons... blah blah.

I need some advice please for you all. ANYTHING!

OUR friend didn't sound very positive when he was telling me this.

So, I'm thinking that its probably BAD news and that she's dumping me again... blah blah.

I figure that when he calls me back later today, that I should ask him if its GOOD NEWS or BAD NEWS... and if he says BAD news... then I'm thinking of telling him NOT TO TELL ME ANYTHING MORE! Don't get into what she said in the letter etc... dont say ANYTHING more.

I know I'm being a wimp here, because of how I still want her back even though she's done all this to me... I was thinking that maybe THIS time, I could CHANGE how she acts towards me... etc... blah blah.

But yet at the same time, I have really gotten a lot of respect for myself and from this forum and everyone on it. Like I said I would be even more of a mess if it wast for Everybody here! But I still feel conflicted. Damn me for being this way.

Anyway, I got to tell everyone here that I'm kind of sick to my stomach about hearing this. I have myself respect slowly coming back but if he tells me that its bad news... I am going to feel like $hit. Its crazy... but id rather not know HER reasons or excuses.

HELP!

Hop into the nearest vehicle you can find, drive to where I live, and run me over!! You're killing me Smalls!!

Utilize the letter for toilet paper... that's my two cents.

Leave her she does not respect you, you deserve better.

If you want to keep yourself respect and everything, then simply tell him you do not wish to know what it said. She has your number, she knows where you live, she has two able legs to walk her high self centered arse over to your house and explain why she was a selfish b*tch

Hi Crazyover,

Everyone here is right. You do not deserve this. You are getting yourself respect back. I know you want to know what the letter said, but if it is negative, you don't want or need anymore hurt from this woman. You are way to good for her and her imature behavior.

That's what I figured everyone...

Ill just tell our friend that I Don't want to hear any of it. But let me ask you, if he blurts out that she said that she will hook up with me later on... what do I tell him?

I figured id tell him that SHE knows where to find me. Right?

Yeah, I think that I DO deserve better than that! Not to mention all that she is putting me through.

She is very self centered and high and mighty isn't she? I mean all of you are right, if it WAS good news then she would have contacted me. You know, I'm thinking that I'm going to tell him that I Don't WANT TO HEAR what she wrote! Period. And that she does know how to reach me IF she accepts my ultimatum. If not... to leave me alone forever.

Isn't THAT the right thing to say?

Yeah, I just can't stand any more hurt from her. It has effect my relationship with my family as they tell me that I'm soooo down and out. I happen to agree.. but lately with your help, they have noticed a positve change in me.

My opinion: cut both her and your friend out of your life... perhaps forever, UNLESS your friend can handle not talking about her around you. You have way too many attachments to her right now, and he is only serving as an enabler to this drama... I have never seen such immature games go on between two people who AREN'T even together!

Enough games. Don't say anything, period, that is the right thing to do. Tell him that you are finished with this stuff and end it at that. This is similar to playing the game "Battleship" where every single piece in your fleet has been sunk yet you are still trying to play the game! GAME OVER!

I've been thinking about that kctiger. I've been thinking that I don't know if I could still BE his friend... because he DOES talk about her Every time I see him or he calls or whatever.

He continues to be close to her as is evident. Let me ask you something... kctiger...

U say that you've NEVER seen such immature game like behavior. I don't want any compliments if even you think that way... but do YOU think that I've been a good guy THROUGHOUT this ordeal?

Thnks

I feel like she's lead me all long... that she's played me for a long time now. If she tells me that shed get back with me I barked at the moon, I would and THEN shed find some other reason to not want to be with me.. until I do something else.. sheesh

I am not one to judge or say you have been a good guy throughout this ordeal. I give advice on here merely from experience and to help those NOT make the same mistake I have. If I judged you on that alone, you would get a C+ or so... however I can't give you a bad grade for being human... we have all been down that road before, it just sucks to watch someone you are trying to help fall in the same traps. I am also FAR from being an expert, as there are many others on here better at giving advice than I am. I just give my two cents and hope you combine that with the advice of others' and then make a rational choice from there.

That seems fair enough...

I have been using Everyone's advice on how to handle this.

It almost seems that our friend is getting off on being the 3rd party to relay all of this to me and to keep it going.. he calls me and asks "how u doin man" how you holding up"

Haha. You need to dump your friend ;-).

Yeah... I hear u.

I think your right IMtotallylost. I guess after today ill start using the NC rule on him as well! :)

I don't know... my curiosity is getting the better of me... u guys really think its positive?

If anything, I'm thinking that at best it would be: "WAIT FOR ME" type of $hit...

Again, I'll be the controversial guy here but, here's what I suggest.

Ask your friend to forward this e-mail or give you the letter, if it was addressed to you. If it's not, then find out what was the message she wanted to give you. The reason is that you already know she has something to say and you're dying out of curiosity. It might be good or it might be bad but either way you'll be crushed. But it's better being crushed than engaging in this compulsive behavior you're in right now. Sometimes we need to do something really stupid that we know is not going to end well just to understand that a stupid move is really stupid.

Independent of the message contents, what you need to do next is nothing. And I mean I. Don't answer or do anything. If you feel you really need to answer, come here and vent. Then, ask your "friend" to never relay a message to you ever again. If she wants to talk to you, she MUST look for you directly. If you're friend think you're being unreasonable, dump him. He has no business playing the middleman between you two.

I mean, I'm saying that because you are dying out of curiosity. In the ideal world of perfect dumpees, we just get out of the scene quietly, never to be heard of again. But we do our foolish things sometimes. Because we are stupid. It's not good, it's stupid. But it seems to me that there are some things we have to learn the hard way. At least, I did. To be honest, I feel there are a lot of things I'll have to learn the hard way ;-)

My sister is EXACTLY the same with men... she KNows she's hot and she uses it... makes men fall for her then she's off... but the thinh is babe the more you go crawling back the more she will do it to you!

If you stand up for yourself and say "fu*k it" fine lets leave it, play it cool , don't text her let her come running to you, perhaps she will gain back respect for you. Some women (particulally ones like her) as soon as a man becomes putty in their hands, I hate to say it, but I think it's a case of treat her mean to keep her keen lol

Wow.

Those are really different approches to the issue! Thanks for your input. I think that yes, although I am DYING to know what the heck she has to say... I am just going to tell him NOT to tell me anything.

Good or bad.

If she wants me, she knows what my demands are. If she doesn't... then she doesn't have to do anything.

The thing is... I am coming to realize that there are other fish in the sea who are just as pretty as she is. I'm not going to date but its just that my eyes are open a little more.

I'm not sure if I can have a friendship with this guy because one way or another... he WILL bring her up. I guess ill talk to him tonight or tomorrow... tell him not to say anything to me about the letter and then... not contact him until he contacts me... which will be within a weeks time.

The thing is that I know this guy and he will tell her that I didn't want to hear anything. I know HER and so do all of you out there... my fear is that she will either say F*C* me - OR will go psycho and start emailing me or showing up at my apt unannounced that kind of stuff. Although she has NEVER done that before.. I don't want to underestimate her. She gets crazy sometimes... and if she's drunk with her whore friends... god knows what would happen...

But, that being said, she told our friend that she put a LOT of thought to the letter and that is very very long. He's just being a good guy I think in wanting to tell me about it.. but he is HER friend first... you know?

I'm not sure if she will get upset with me not "crawling" back as I have ALWAYS done before... the thing is... im NOT playing any games anymore. EVERYONE here has helped me out in that way.. to realize that I'm too good to be treated like she has treated me and that she's not pretty on the inside...

Comments please!

I just don't know how upset she will get when he tells her that I didn't want him to give me her message in the letter...

Sure... she didn't respond to my emails... and now she thinks that I should respond to hers because SHE put some "thought" into it? And what did I do when I wrote my emails..? Seems very one sided to me. She showed me no respect and still isn't right everyone?

Show ill return the favor.

Hi Crazy,

You should try not to worry about whether she will be mad that you don't want your friend to tell you what is in the letter. You have gone above and beyond for this girl, and she is being quite insensitive. You are the better person here, and you are protecting yourself by not wanting to know. If she gets mad that is her problem, not yours at all. She will show her immaturity.

Thanks starlite1...

Yeah in not "scared" of her... I just didn't want her to go crazy out of revenge. Guess not much I can do about it one way or another... so ill take your advice, and hope she doesn't slash my tires or something! :O

I appreciate you telling me that I have gone above and beyond for her. That means a lot to me and everyone out there. It tells me OBJECTIVELY that I have been in the right - trying to be good to her.

Hon, she is the one that has the issues, not you. I know it is so hard when breakups happen, but honestly, you can do better. I don't mean to pass judgement on your girlfriend, but what I've read so far, you can and deserve so much better.

Did you tell your friend that you don't want to hear about the letter?

No starlite1...

I haven't spoken to him yet. He called earlier in the day but hasn't called back and I turned off my phone.. I don't want any drama for the evening. Ill talk to him and tell him tomorrow... I just hope he doesn't EMAIL me the letter or anything... before I tell him I don't want him to tell me anything!!

Im proud of you crazy! That's good that you turned your phone off. If he does e-mail you, you can always delete it, you know?

Thnks! :)

Yeah... I WILL delete his email... but I don't think he'll send it without talking to me.. but you never know...

Its been a crazy month since she gave me a valentines day card that said ill love you forever.. spend my life with u.. etc... and then hasn't spoken or seen me since!

Not self pity here... just the facts... how insesitive and cold of her. Do you believe in karma? Jk

I do believe in karma, and you are right, she was completely heartless and insensitive. But, you know what? You are seeing her true colors. They aren't pretty colors, and I know you are hurting right now, but you will find someone new, who will treat you with respect and the love that you deserve.

Even if your friend doesn't call you your thinking right about not opening the email so you won't read the letter.

This ex of yours is a colorful character and like you said way at the beginning of this thread "you want what you want and you wanted her" but even though you changed your way of talking, kudos for you, now this seems to be her way of thinking. However she isn't afraid of adding drama to the mix.

Just keep your head up and stay positive with a strong stance.

Thanks everyone! I'm going to head to bed...

Ill let you all know what's up tomorrow!