Ask Me Help Desk - My long-term girlfriend wants to leave; and she did. I want her back. But how?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

Here's the deal. Women don't want candies and flowers and gifts. Women want appreciation and respect, both for her, and for yourself. When you beg and plead and buy her all sorts of crap it's completely meaningless. The fact that you've kept her this long is a reflection on how sorry she feels for leaving you. Women don't really admit this often, but what they really want is a challenge. They don't want somebody that's gonna do whatever they say whenever, they want a bad boy. That doesn't mean bad character, that means that they want a guy that's gonna piss them off occasionally. When you present yourself as submissive, you're going to get walked over. Women don't want men they can walk on.

For the time being, you two are done, and you need to let her go. The more you call and beg and plead, the more you prove to her how right she was about you. It's time for you to head off into the world by yourself, and enjoy it. Women don't respond to weakness, they respond to strength, show yours and let her go.

I fully agree with these posts. At 19 you maybe rushing the obligations of adulthood such as children, house, etc. on her in order to hold her.

That may be too much for her at this age and she may want to see if someone else might be more interesting and (as said) a challenge for her.

They are right also in saying that women don't respect a man that needs them too much - they do respect and want a man that occasionally makes them wonder how secure they are with him.

You're rushing the heavy responsibilities of adulthood - that would scare off a lot of women.
Most want a house and babies but sometime in the future - if they get forced into too soon it will be a drag on them. You can't keep someone you love by saddling them with a lot of obligations.

Life as an adult can be rough regardless of who you are with, and you need to enjoy your younger years without thinking about all those responsibilities and she does too.

If you become truly independent of her and don't bring the subject of house, family up again - she might see you as a fun person - what most women of that age want to do.

MajorHar Page Title

Quote:

Originally Posted by LBP

The time for you and her is over. If you want to really drive her away for good, keep doing what you're doing. If you want to salvage some sort of friendship in the future, it's time to remember that the time for YOU has reared its head. Lash some reins on that thing and get ready to work on yourself - it's gonna suck and at times it's going to feel like you've been going through the same old stupid garbage FOREVER, but trust me, things will pass.

Remember your hobbies. Do you have a talent, like skateboarding, drawing or writing? Time to indulge in these things. Go to the gym and hit that weight set, if that's what you need to do. Run, get in shape, play basketball (what a great game that is!). Get a little of that testosterone out of your system with some healthy competition. If you don't have a job, get one and fast!

At the end of the period of your coping, however long it may be, you're going to look back and realize two things. First, that it didn't last nearly as long as you thought it would. Second, that her dumping you may have been one of the best things to ever happen to you.

Let her go, man. Get rid of her cell number, delete her email address and AIM contacts, do whatever you need to do. NO TALKING TO HER! If she cares about you, sometime down the line you can still be friends - there's a lot of years yet to plow, my friend! She has to live for herself, right now, and so do you. Here's the hard truth - when she took you back, after the begging, it was only because she felt pity for you. There was very little affection at work there! In fact, she very likely felt put upon for being the anchor to your emotions. YOu've done some damage that only time and self-improvement will repair.

Get to it. I know you can do this. I know you'll come out of it a happier, stronger and generally improved human being. Good luck and enjoy your journey!

I fully agree. MajorHart

I remember this like it was 2 years ago... and the Mav and Bears were losers. Some things never change.