Okay guys, time for an update I guess. This will be long, but lots have happened.

First of all, I know I've done stupid things, I know I didn't always listen to what you guys said I should, because I'm stubborn. But now, at least, I've learned. You learn from your own mistakes.

I'll try to make things as precise and short as possible.

Well, shortly after my last post, she contacted me. I remember being a little bit insecure on how to act, because well, I was doing no contact. But I felt better and I was curious how she was doing.

We talked a bit over MSN and stuff, and we were both recovering.
A bit later we met, and I remember still how she smiled. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and knew that I had ed up. I still had (and have) some feelings for her, shouldn't have retaken contact.

Well, as you might've guessed by now (if not by how things were in earlier posts), we wound up being together again. In the beinning of getting together again, she talked with me and asked me what I felt, and ended up basically begging for a new chance. I made a mistake, I gave her one.

The relationship was rough from early on this time though. Forgetting the things that had happened wasn't easy, seemed easier for her than me though.

We had some arguments, and a song that still sticks in my head from those times is actually a quote off the Strokes:
"I know exactly what you're thinking, you won't say it now
But in your heart it's loud.
Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours".

So, first she begged me for a chance, then I had to do all the fighting?

Then she went away for two weeks which in a way was good for us, I think. Missing each other made things better when she came back. But then she one day just out of the blue told me that this girl started making out with her when she was away. The way it seemed was like a surprise kiss from a girl, I didn't get too upset.

But as things turned out, time by time, she didn't just get kissed but made out with the girl, and actually had sex with her as well.
Then she begs me not to end it, and I unwillingly let the relationship go on a bit longer. You see, she was at her worst having depressions and I thought I'd end it when she would be ready for it. Yes, seriously, that was my plan.

Anyway, the relationship was even more rough now, obviously. She actually acted like a a couple of times. For instance, a night we went out together, this girl was hitting on her right in front of me and she was enjoying it, didn't care that I was there. This other time, she made a scene because I ate a meal with a friend of mine for about 40 minutes, when she had told me she had to go home to do some stuff. Appearantly she wanted to meet me then.

In general, there were lots of ty days after that. I was on the verge of breaking up one night, but decided to let it wait over the weekend. That weekend I went away, and there was no time to talk about stuff that night. When I came home we ended the relationship.

This is actually pretty recently, but right now, I'm happier than in a long, long time.
I've gotten four guys in my class I'm especially connected to now, like people I would call close friends. I've got many more I can talk to and hang with etc.

I'm even starting to rebuild my relationship with my friend (mentioned in the title), though things are going slow.

I spend a lot less time home and alone, and most of the time out with friends. I've even gotten into this volunteer culture work circle thing, it's loads of fun.

I'm enjoying school most days, and my grades are even going up!

I feel I've wasted a lot of time in this drama. I should've listened to you guys all the time, I see that now, but people who know me know that I'm stubborn. I learn my own way, by failing first. At least I know now. And at least I'm out of it now. I feel like I've lost 20 pounds, though I've probably gained a couple, because I eat normal again.

I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore, I handle lows a lot better. I handle life a lot better, and I think I will handle a new relationship a lot better.

Thanks for all of your help, without you I might not be alive today, and certainly not this far into recovery as I feel. I'm not ready for a new relationship, but I'm actually recovered enough to have fun and flirt abit without it being rebound.

I really, really appreciate your help guys, I'm serious. I kind of owe you my life. I'll write more later, please ask questions :).

Short update again, had a lot of fun today, hanged out with mates. Last night was fun as well, finally got together a new band with some of my mates. Actually feel happier than I can remember at the time. Things are even starting to work out between me and my friend (in the title again).

I mean, it's not just like it was before, but we don't have the giant barrier between us that makes us not speak either, things are going forwards.

I've learnt that I should listen more to you guys as well, in the end, doing just what you said I should worked like a dream. Wish I wasn't so stubborn..

Thanks again:).

Hi again.

Well, I doing better and better. I'm no longer so much blinded by love, and I now see clearly that I should've ended this drama way way way much earlier.

My ex tried contacting me last night, saying she misses me etc. Handled it a lot better than last time, that's for sure. I've been talking with some friends about things, and they are wondering why I'm still so "kind" with her after all she did, I mean she asked me why I didn't speak as much to her as I used to, and my reply was simply "Well, we aren't dating anymore plus we just broke up, so I think it's natural we don't have any contact."

I feel like I've grown a lot from my mistakes.
I'm really starting to get along with my mate again. I mean, things aren't just like they used to be of course, but at least we kan speak together like normal people and have fun.

I'm also getting some attention from girls nowadays... I'm not ready for a new relationship just yet, I know that, because I don't want to make anyone my rebound, but it feels good anyway, if you know what I mean.

Thanks for reading this :).

Wow, I'm a bit overwhelmed by how my ex is handling all of this now.

Keeps contacting me, saying she misses me and trying to make me feel bad because I don't talk with her like I used to do.
I tell her that I don't feel like talking to her because of all that' happened etc, and she acts like nothing wrong ever happened between us.

I finally managed to convince her that hey, I don't feel like talking to you every day, not really at all, and not like meeting you.

It's really frustrating though, I don't know why she does this.
Any suggestions on a good way to really tell her?

Sigh, there's now som pretty convincing (given the people who've seen all this) rumours that my ex and my friend (in the title) now are a couple.
First, he talks to me about wanting to be friends like we used to, then she tells me she misses me, and now he goes and screws me over.

To be honest, I don't really care what she does anymore, but I hadn't really expected this from my friend. My only concern is that I don't know for sure if it's true or not, so I don't know what to expect and all from him. If it's true, well, I feel kind of backstabbed (again).

Do you guys think I should just contact him and ask him straight out or wait and see if there's any truth at all in this rumour?

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Quite a story you have there. I'm a mess too so I won't be giving you any advice =), but only best wishes! Keep safe, there's a long life ahead of you and it's very hard to safely know on who you should spend your time, guess we learn it in time.

Stay strong!

I think you have had every opportunity in the world to get what the facts are. That you don't know for sure tells me that you have not asked the right questions in the first place, as just me, I would have got that out of the way long ago.