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What were the reasons and what was the perspective outcome you wanted to achieve?
I want to know because I'm thinking about calling a break but my intention is to go the "absense makes the heart grow fonder" or the "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" route. My boyfriend needs to know that I don't feel appreciated sometimes so I'm hoping this last effort will get him to appreciate what he has.
Playing games is for children. Or teenagers who don't have any faith in their ability to communicate.
Adults discuss their problems and seek a resolution or a compromise that both can agree on.
Suppose you say you want a break and he breaks and never calls back?
Then your plan has backfired and you did not achieve the desired results.
Be honest.Understand what it is that you expect from the relationship and then discuss if your expectations are realistic or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
I have talked until I'm blue in the face so I'm running out of options.
In my experiences, a break usually means that you are not happy in the relationship and think that some time apart will suddenly change him. Chances are that his behaviors didn't come overnight, therefore will not be changed overnight. If you are going to break for a little while to see if behaviors change, then make sure you hold your ground and don't going running back after a week because you miss him too much. That just shows the emotional and mental control that he has over you.
Just keep in mind that a relationship is something that both of you need to work at if you want it to work. If you're on a break, you're going to do your own thing while god only know what he is doing. This can really lead to both of you becoming more apart, but it can also give you a chance to think about if this is something that you really want.
I think that you should ask for a break. He may be at the point where he has unitentionally taken this relationship for granted. Sometimes the only way to wake someone up to that is give the distance. There is nothing wrong with doing this and it's best to sort these things out before your relationship gets any more serious. i.e.. Marriage,children. You may also find this time to be a good chance to reflect. It may not be easy at first for him to accept this, just re-assure him it is not to see other people. And if he truly loves you, than distance does make the heart grow fonder!
Hi Lovelee
Has your BF always taken you for granted ? Is this new?
What is it about the relationship that you think makes it worth saving?
If you tell him I want a break so he can understand that you are someone to be appreciated,which is also akin to being respected than maybe he will understand.
Give him an ultimatum,either you start respecting me or I'm gone and mean it!
He hasn't always taken me for granted, but he has his time when he does and it lasts for a while. I really don't like to give ultimatums because I fear it will work against me.Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
Lovelee
*I really don't like to give ultimatums because I fear it will work against me*.
Yes but breaking up or *fake * breaking up may work against you as well.
As you said you have talked until your blue in the face.
Have you ever considered that he is not going to change and perhaps you are holding on to something that should not be kept going?
Maybe he's not into you anymore.Maybe you need to be alone for awhile and truly make a break.
To me not appreciating someone is akin to disrespect and no one should tolerate that.
If you communicated your feelings to him and he didn't take heem to it then that tells you what he thinks about your relationship.
In order for a relationship to work it takes to two. It is about listening to eachothe wants and working on a solution to a problem as it occurs. He doesn't seem to be listening to what your saying or he don't care, even one is bad. It might be going in one ear and out the other.
You can't continue on this way. What does he do or say while your are having these discussions or while your trying to?
He gets angry and tells me that its not true, that I am exaggerating and need to be more patient and understanding. But I don't know what I am being patient for because it still continues. I want to see how it feels to be apart for a while. If I'm too comfortable with it then there's no sense going back.Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
Then it sounds like a break is in order but understand the condition that comes along with a break. Like you can't get mad if he dates someone else.
Sometimes you've to do what is right for you and if you need time to clear your head than do so.
I agree with the above. Take your break, but don't do it out of spite or to play a game you might likely lose. We've all heard the "I need a break" thing. Make very sure you are serious about this, or it could very likely backfire on you. If you are comfortable with that, then by all means use the "break" card. Just be willing to accept the consequences of pulling that out of your hat!
BIG RED FLAG- When partners are unable to work together thru honest communications, to resolve their problems to the benefit of both!
May I suggest some straight blunt talking and if that doesn't work for you, a separation if you live together.
Be aware, as others have warned you that breaking up can backfire big time, so be careful what you ask for as that's what you will get.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=3636091
From your other posts this has been going on for quite a while and maybe its time to realize he ain't working with you very well, and that doesn't seem like its likely to change.
Make up your mind, as maybe it's a REAL BREAK UP you need, and just do it. Don't expect to play games to change someone's mind, that's crazy, either accept it or move on.
Thank you guys for your comments. I certainly have a lot to think about but I do know that I will not request a break, it's either we work on it or we break up, there is no in-between.
If both parties aren't willing to do the work, then the relationship won't survive in the long run anyway. Communication is key, and there are no short cuts. I'm glad you have realized that there is no in between. Hopefully your boyfriend will see this. If he doesn't, you are only prolonging the inevitable.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovelee
Good luck!
My boyfriend is driving me nuts! I know he is insecure but lately its gotten so much worse.
It started a couple of weeks ago when I was invited to a superbowl party given by my good friend who happens to be a woman. Sure men were there and they were focused on the game but a few of us women were talking among ourselves. When I told him I was going he asked since when am I a football fan? I told him it was more like a party type setting for me. Of course he told me that I must be meeting a guy there but when I started bringing up how a relationship cannot survive without trust he suddenly told me how much he trusts me. While at the party he kept calling and calling every 10 minutes. At first my phone was in my bag away from me and when I got it I noticed 7 missed calls! When I called back he was very angry and told me that I was definitely talking to some guy there. After several minutes of trying to calm him down he hangs up. The phone rang for the rest of the night each time he was getting angrier and angrier. Finally when I came home and tried to call him he didn't want to talk. He was mad for days after.
Then this past Saturday my sister invited me to go play pool with some friends of ours, I hesitated to go but finally gave in. When I told my boyfriend where I was going he started up again telling me that I am meeting some guy. I told him excatly where I was going to be and that he can even come by if he choose to. So he got a little embarressed and told me that he trusts me. While at the pool hall he calls telling me that he saw me talking to a guy at the bar. I know it wasn't true but he insisted that it was. Obviously he was trying to cleverly get information from me but it didn't work. When he hung up I went to the bar for a drink when who shall I see but his landlord at the bar, innocent enough but then one of the guys I was playing pool with comes and tells me drinks are on him and he stood there the whole time! All of a sudden his landlord gets on his cell phone and makes a call. Sure enough my boyfriend calls back very sad telling me how he knows that I am there and some guy is going to take me away from him and break his heart. I left immediately after that and went home to call him but he was very angry and told me he doesn't feel like talking and hangs up then I call back telling him that I wouldn't go out anymore to see what he would say. But he says that he wouldn't want to be "that guy". But he is "that guy" and I don't understand it. He is a tall, handsome guy who makes decent money. I know women like him and it kind of bothers me but not enough to act the way he does. He has too much going for him to be caught up in this insecurity nonsense. I never cheated on him and have no intention on doing so. I love him and he needs to know that I am true. Can an insecure person ever change? Or do I need to stop going out to please him?
Yes, having jealous partner can kill a relationship. Maybe he been burned by a woman in the past but these issues are his issues not yours. You shouldn't have to try to prove something to him every time you go out or have his interupting your fun. It doesn't matter what you say or do this guy doesn't trust you and he is going always think there is another man your with or after you when you go out.
If you stay your only going get fed up and eventually leave. I think he needs counselling or space until his insecurities are straighten out because he has unresolved issues that has nothing to do with you.
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If he doesn't do something to change his behavior, it will get worse, no matter what you do. Its up to you to tell him that your tired of this insecurity crap, and the behavior it brings.
As the link shows, your whole history with this fellow has been rocky. I feel its because you do way too much to keep things going, and he undermines your efforts by being a big kid.
Doesn't sound like fun to me, so why don't you stand up for yourself sometime, and stop letting this big baby dictate the relationship into a brick wall.
He has the problem and HE needs to deal with it.
IF he doesn't and you want to stay with him you will spend a lifetime of always feeling that you have to prove yourself. Always needing to justify where you were, why it took you two hours to shop instead of an hour and a half, where else did you go, having to tell him that he can check up on you anywhere and everywhere you go. You will get to the point that you feel like a prisoner that can not take a breath without okaying it with him first.
Tell him to get help!
Doesn't seem to be anything on this link Tal , is it me :(Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
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