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Originally Posted by BlackVY

You will be ok rebecca... and there is a better guy out there who deserves the love you have to give, someone who is faithful and who wants to be with you only. Its just a matter of time..

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Thank you for your kind assurance. I hope so.

Rebecca, take time for yourself. It's time to be selfish and dress the way you want to dress, eat what you want to eat, watch the movies that you want to watch, etc. and not worry about He (any "he") wouldn't like it or would prefer something different.

Someday, when you are ready, you will meet someone who treasures you for who and what you are-the whole you, not just this bit and that bit. It will take some time and patience, but you will find love again.

I am taking my own advice and I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He's been unhappy with my long working hours and has been making me feel inadequate. I don't need him.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Rebecca, take time for yourself. It's time to be selfish and dress the way you want to dress, eat what you want to eat, watch the movies that you want to watch, etc. and not worry about He (any "he") wouldn't like it or would prefer something different.

Someday, when you are ready, you will meet someone who treasures you for who and what you are-the whole you, not just this bit and that bit. It will take some time and patience, but you will find love again.

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Cat1864,
I appreciate your suggestion, and yes, I am going to the direction.
I did not deserve endless pain. I will enjoy my life again. I am treasuring myself as much I deserved. My girl friend anxiously made a lot of plans for me, we will spend time together to have fun as we did before happy girls. We shopped yesterday, bought a bunch of pretty outfits and makeup. We will go to hair salon to get a new hair done. We are taking a yoga class once a week, already got an invitation for the top notch Irish Halloween party, we ordered the Sexy Genie custom for Halloween party last night. We will dress up, and will have fun at the party. We are talking about taking vacation to Aruba for Christmas. She appointed herself as my guidance & body guard, and I am giving her A+++ grade.

According to her, multiple guys already asked her to let them know if I am ready for date. She told me I have multiple secretive admirers in my company alone already. I never thought I would consider dating someone else before...
What a dramatic change again... Sigh

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Originally Posted by makapuu

I am taking my own advice and I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He's been unhappy with my long working hours and has been making me feel inadequate. I don't need him.

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makapuu,
I can imagine your sorrow... I feel for you. I think we deserver better person to be happy. Let them go if there are not with us 100%.

Best regards,

Rebecca

The Weakest & Begging Cheater?

My ex showed up at my work Friday around 6 pm.
I just took off form my office, walked to the parking lot with my wonderful girl friend. Unexpectedly, I found he was standing next to my car. I knew it was coming, but my heart was racing with anger again without control.
I refused to look at him. My girl friend stood just next to me firmly to protect me.

“Can we please talk?”
He was talking with sorrow. He was begging. He glanced my finger, found out the promise ring was gone, and he seemed shocked. I heard he was crying. I glanced him too, and found out he looked so awful. He did not shave, mal dressed, obviously lost weight, and had dark circles around his eyes… The confident & playful man, who made me the most miserable girl 2 week ago was completely gone, and there was a weak man stood there to beg me. It seemed so unrealistic. Is it really happening??

“I am not doing well…
I know I did wrong, very wrong.
I know I hurt you, did not respect you, lied to you, and put you down. I do not know why I did it, but I just fooled around. When you found it out, I should accept my wrong doing and apologize, but in stead I tried to be defensive. I do not have any intention to see any other girls. I did not sleep with any of them. I know I did very wrong, but I met 3 different girls only once each. You have all the right to be angry. Punish me. I will take it. But please forgive me. I do not want us break up. Please… I want to be with you for the rest of my life…”

He cried and cried in front of me and my girl friend.
I did not know what to do, and speechless. It was not what I expected. I stood there with blank mind, and looked at him with no idea what to say. Finally, my girl friend stepped between us, and told him
“we would think about it and let youknow. Bye now.”

My girl friend & I got in my car, I started it, and we left the parking lot. He stood there and watched us to leave. I had my suit case in my car, and planned to go back to my apartment, but I was so overwhelmed. She took me to her place again.
“He does look so awful. Something is wrong with him...” My girl friend is keep mumbling. Now, I am in her place with aching heart with different reasons.

I do not know what to do. I am very interrupted & shaken hard…
If he was really weak man, why even he tried to cheat on me? My mind is blank...

He has always been an insecure, womanizing, controlling child.

I am not really surprised that he looks bad and isn't taking care of himself. His world crumbled when you stood up to him. Someday, he will start to pull himself back together. Maybe he will even have improved himself. That is for someone else to find out, because I doubt the 'new' him would survive long before the 'old' came back out to play.

IF you had forgiven him and bought all the manure he was selling, then he would still be playing dating games and hiding it from you. Possibly even telling himself that since you 'forgave' him, he had every right to play around after all you let him.

BUT YOU DIDN'T. You stood up like a strong independent woman who can dress herself without help from a controlling little boy and said "Goodbye." Every time that you think about allowing him to get anywhere near you, remember that he had it all planned out to play as much as he wanted to until the wedding, EVEN AFTER, you found out about the dating sites, etc. His type doesn't change for the woman he has. They feel no need to because the woman takes them back no matter what they do.

Don't let yourself be pulled into a cycle of: caught, apologize and promise, try not to get, caught...

A person who holds you back to fulfill his own pleasures is a man not worth of waiting for. A girl like yourself who has class deserves a whole lot more. Enjoy this moment of freedom from that waste and live it up love.

Keep that head up =]

He took your loyalty for granted. Now he doesn't. If you went back, he'd be confirmed in his feeling that he has a right to do anything he wants and you'll put up with it, PLUS, he'll feel like you put him through hell and "owe" him something. Don't even think of going back. Listen to cat and bobby.

Be strong!

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Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

makapuu,
I can imagine your sorrow... I feel for you. I think we deserver better person to be happy. Let them go if there are not with us 100%.

Best regards,

Rebecca

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Rebecca,
I'm right there with you. It's been about a week for me, and although not as dramatic, I did get a phone call. So what do you do with a man that has realized he did wrong? I'm very confused.

I still love him. I don't love him less because he flirts, I'm just mad at him for doing it. He doesn't flirt because he doesn't love me, he flirts because he a typical man. He said he didn't know it hurt me so much because in the past, I handled it OK.

I'm so confused. I know what you're going through. Love will guide us.

To all of you "confused" about your partners, let me tell you my story, it may help you all.

When my ex broke up with me, for 2 month she said she was confused and most probably wanted to go back with me. By that time, I didn't know she had cheated. Once I called it quit and when I was flirting with someone else, only then she wanted to go back with me. She played with me after that and she said she was going to wait for me when I left for 1 month for vacation. She was with someone else when I came back.

Our exes are desperate because they want what they can't have. They can't have you, so they feel despair. When they have you, they won't feel lonely and they will go back doing what they were doing.

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Originally Posted by paxe

To all of you "confused" about your partners, let me tell you my story, it may help you all.

When my ex broke up with me, for 2 month she said she was confused and most probably wanted to go back with me. By that time, I didn't know she had cheated. Once I called it quit and when I was flirting with someone else, only then she wanted to go back with me. She played with me after that and she said she was going to wait for me when I left for 1 month for vacation. She was with someone else when I came back.

Our exes are desperate because they want what they can't have. They can't have you, so they feel despair. When they have you, they won't feel lonely and they will go back doing what they were doing.

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Sigh...
I got your point. So, long in short, I have no chpoice, but have to leave him completely forever whatever he does...
How sad is this...
It seems h's childish online fling destroyed both of us permanently... I can see he was totally wrecked badly...

Rebecca-whatever he is feeling now is his own fault.
He broke your trust and he is not the man you thought he was.
Remember he hurt YOU not the other way around.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

He has always been an insecure, womanizing, controlling child.

I am not really surprised that he looks bad and isn't taking care of himself. His world crumbled when you stood up to him. Someday, he will start to pull himself back together. Maybe he will even have improved himself. That is for someone else to find out, because I doubt the 'new' him would survive long before the 'old' came back out to play.....

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Yes, I think he was always insecure. I knew he was completely depend on me after the initial chasing game in our relaitonhsip. He chased very had to get me. When I gave him "boy friend" title, he was overwhelmed, and thrilled. He took all the reastaurants he ever known, he took me all the good places he ever went to, and showed me off. I never doubt he could do such a thing behind of my back. I was his trophy.
His childish online fling & 3 dates with random girls destroyed our future, and himself.
How stupid he was!!
Are you sure his "old hilself" will come out soon no matter what happened?

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

IF you had forgiven him and bought all the manure he was selling, then he would still be playing dating games and hiding it from you. Possibly even telling himself that since you 'forgave' him, he had every right to play around after all you let him.

BUT YOU DIDN'T. You stood up like a strong independent woman who can dress herself without help from a controlling little boy and said "Goodbye." Every time that you think about allowing him to get anywhere near you, remember that he had it all planned out to play as much as he wanted to until the wedding, EVEN AFTER, you found out about the dating sites, etc. His type doesn't change for the woman he has. They feel no need to because the woman takes them back no matter what they do. ....

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Yes, when he admitted his oline fling, I did not even said a word. I ran into bathroom, washed my lips & hands with soap. I had to because it seemed so disgusting. He saw I was doing it with shock. After came out of the bathroom, I only said a word. "LEAVE".
No further disucssion or No chit chat what so ever since then.
I have not talked to him a word or looked at him since.
Even though I was so deeply wounded and hurt...

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Don't let yourself be pulled into a cycle of: caught, apologize and promise, try not to get, caught....

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Here is where I am struggling with. I taught him a hard lesson. So, another woman will take the benefit from it when she enters in his life. Right? How can I justify that?? Please help. Am I said to give him a lesson? That's it??

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Originally Posted by amicon

Rebecca-whatever he is feeling now is his own fault.
He broke your trust and he is not the man you thought he was.
Remember he hurt YOU not the other way around.

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Amicon,
All you said is right. He degraded me, disgraced me, and disrespected me, while I gave him honor and love. He hurt not only me but himself too... How stupid & shallow he was!!

He did that to you-and he ll probably do the same to whomever he s with.
Its actually good if you ll excuse my using the word good that he showed his true colours now and not another couple of years down the line when you could have been married with children.
He s the big time loser here-not you.

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Originally Posted by amicon

He did that to you-and he ll probably do the same to whomever he s with.
Its actually good if you ll excuse my using the word good that he showed his true colours now and not another couple of years down the line when you could have been married with children.
He s the big time loser here-not you.

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If I do not marry him, how will I know he will be faithful or not? Can you give me more strong evidence he will do it again even in marriage? Thank you for your all advice! It really helps & guide me.

He went behind your back with these girls he went on dates with and I'm guite sure he would have continued his little explorations had you not found him out.
He did this because he thought he could get away with it.
On the occasion when you confronted him he got angry and left.
He also said he didn't want a promiscuous girl-whilst thinking his behaviour was completely fine!
That to me is a dead give away.
You deserve so much better than this.

Amicon,
I must spread Reputation around.
It is excellent insight, and you are giving me the light during confusing & drastric time!
You are saving my life indeed!

Thank you Im glad you feel comforted by our posts.keep posting whenever you feel the need.