So the other situation.

Well he sent an email when he got back and we sent a few 'light and happy' emails over and back since then but no mention of the drink.

Anyhow perhaps its better like that.
Plus the anniversary of the breakup is coming up in a few weeks so I don't feel like meeting him around that time.

Anyhow I'm happy and positive , even though its Friday the 13th ;-)
And I was invited to 3 parties tonight so single life is going OK and I do see how being positive attracts people around :-)

[QUOTE=Wildcat21He may come back - but you can't convince anyone to come back. He also doesn't deserve any of your attention what so ever right now.

People want what they can't have - I am wondering if you both were just way too available to each other?

" Guess alot of people think love is just about those sparks and dont really realise that love is really what there is when those sparks are gone." - Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh - could you please go back in time and explain that to about 5 certain women????? PLEASE!!! That is so true! Sparks are just the beginning.

Yes -we ALL are still learning.[/QUOTE]

Great insight... very helpful. I must say.. we strive to get what is sometimes not easily available and once we have it.. we take it for granted.. don't we? And that is where the crux of the problem lies... thnks for this lovely answer wildcat.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by diya

Great insight...very helpful. I must say..we strive to get what is sometimes not easily available and once we have it..we take it for granted..don't we? and that is where the crux of the problem lies...thnks for this lovely answer wildcat.

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I think many people in general take a lot for granted in this world. We forget the things that are precious to us, like our health, our family, our friends, the power to see and be seen, our beliefs and so on... We (not all) usually want more than we really need and fail to appreciate what we already have.

Thought I might add an update on this situation.

So he sent an email about meeting , then he left on vacation,
When he got back he sent an email which I didn't reply to as I was thinking which day would suit me so he rang that night and we had an easy going converation and he asked if I wanted to meet this week, so I said ill check which day and get back to you, maybe Friday so he said any day is fine this week.

So we met for a drink at a bar,I was 45 minutes late , terrible...

Anyhow I arrived and he waved over at me, so I went over and apologized for being late and said bigg traffic jam and laughed(he knows I'm always late anyhow)

So then sat down and tried to relax He did not look very well, looked very tired.
So talked about my life, his life , work, family, he told me 3 of his aunts died recently so he went back to see his mother last week as she was feeling bad, he has some debt as his new place cost more then he thought it would to renovate,his job is going OK but they might need to relocate,he has some health problems, generally he was not very happy...

So I was my positive self , and just acted like it was an old friend. I didn't get too much into his problems as I figured they are his problems and I am not his girlfriend so I should not get involved.

At 10 he said he would leave now as he was tired as he woke up at 5 due to his insomnia.
So I said OK bye then and we did the 2 kisses on cheek, so he said that he might go out tomorrow with a friend if I want to come. I said maybe, ill see.

Rol,

Wow. How did you really feel, truly feel. While there you probably had your internal defenses up, meaning trying best not to allow too much feeling to seep in. But how do you feel about it now.

Boy, he sure does seem broken down now.

When reading, I was thinking, see, that's what life without Rol is, not too pleasant.

Good luck with that, I don't think any advise can be given?

Is that situation bad or good rol?

Yeah broken down completely...

Its amazing because when he met me and when I was in his life he always told me how everything went so great and that I was like his lucky charm,how he got what he wanted and his life greatly improved .Now that I am gone it has disintegrated, he has disintegrated. Is this karma... it was kind of sad to see.

I just told him to think in the positive and all will be fine for you, we used to always say that to each other.

Well he didn't get back to me yesterday about meeting , anyhow its not good for me to see him to soon again.

That was quite emotional seeing him after 6 months and I'm sure he felt the same.

Im trying to think what is best for me at this stage.

Meanwhile "my" life is great, have lots of new friends , have met some nice new male friends.. im filling my "void" by doing lots of new hobbies and smiling.

Rol, you are on a healthy path. And it is sad about your ex, very sad. But that's his sadness either based on his choices or the cards being dealt.

************************************************** ***

So above represents the line to draw and you just be sure you keep on the healthy side.
Boy you are one bright girl and your ***smile*** is just beaming through.

You have handled all of this so well and that is why you are able to smile and move on. You did it in a healthy way. I still think back to the days where your pain was still so fresh and there you were going from thread to thread helping others. :).

Um, you have not called him about the meeting... not that he hasn't called you. Right :)

So glad to hear about your new friends. I just love it.

Good for you Rol!

Aww thanks allheart, you are such a lovely sweet person:-) I wish you great things, I'm sure you already have them:)

Yeah I'm getting on with my life... ill smile when I hear from him and he can see how great I'm doing without him. . Im growing and learning and lets see what the universe brings

Hi Rol,

Similar situations, you and I both saw our exes after 6 months. Plus, the way you described him to be, was the way mine was too. I think they both have problems that we cannot fix, it's up to them to sort out their own lives.

Stay strong
Xx

OK I'm feeling pretty bad now, met with ex to discuss the house we own together,I am going to buy him out and he proceed to tell me he was with someone new since November! One month after our proper breakup and better still I know her as she was a friend of his and she works in my company!!
Lovely... Skell will know how I feel here...

This is long...

So met and talked etc etc... then I said lets talk business so talked about house etc, then talked another while..

Then he said I'm with someone now.. and he told me who it was.. I said oh right she gave me a strange look in the canteen and I thought something was up..

So then we had silence for a while and he changed the subject..

So then after a while I said so how long have you been with her then, and he said since November and I said boy that's a long time to spend alone , 1 month!! then I got very be itchy...

So you jumped on the first girl you came across... no he says.. ok I said, tell her not to give me strange looks anymore, I'm fine alone,
So he said nothing changed he's not living with her and he's happy like that.
I said welll good luck to her then.
Then we talked a bit about the breakup and I said why did you just not tellme it was over from the beginning, and he said he thought he just wanted a break but then he saw he was happy alone.

Then his phone message beeped and I said its OK he's leaving now.
So he said you are sarcastic, I said I am not.he said he wanted to tell me himself , I said OK that was nice thanks.

Then I finished my wine and we went to go so walked to my car and said goodbye.. and he said thanks for being so understnading about the house , I said yeah I'm very understanding.

Then I came home ,feel like crap now... what an...

How can someone be so f stupid!!

What's done is done! Pick yourself up, things can only get better. Head up! Go workout or take up hitting large hunky men - kick boxing :P

Hi Rol,

How awful, we really didn't see this one coming. The fact that he emailed you now and again, and he looked so tired on your first meeting.

I guess you can only really take from this, that he wasn't the guy you thought he was. It would never work out if you were ever to get together again anyway, the guy doesn't know where he is going with his life, like my ex. They are both around the same age our exes, I really don't think they will realise until they are about 40 what they want.

In a way, I am fortunate that I wasn't engaged or anything. He really drew everything out though, that's what annoys me, I mean it has taken over a year before the house etc was sorted out.

This whole situation has made me think again, try not to analyse, please keep busy and keep well : )x

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rol

ok im feeling pretty bad now, met with ex to discuss the house we own together,i am going to buy him out and he proceed to tell me he was with somone new since November!! one month after our proper breakup and better still i know her as she was a friend of his and she works in my company!!!
lovely...Skell will know how i feel here...

this is long...

so met and talked etc etc...then i said lets talk business so talked about house etc, then talked another while..

then he said im with someone now..and he told me who it was..i said oh right she gave me a strange look in the canteen and i thought somthing was up..

so then we had silence for a while and he changed the subject..

so then after a while i said so how long have u been with her then, and he said since november and i said boy thats a long time to spend alone , 1 month!!!then i got very b itchy...

so u jumped on the first girl u came across...no he says..ok i said, tell her not to give me strange looks anymore, im fine alone,
so he said nothing changed hes not living with her and hes happy like that.
i said welll good luck to her then.
then we talked a bit about the breakup and i said why did u just not tellme it was over from the beginning, and he said he thought he jsut wanted a break but then he saw he was happy alone.

then his phone msg beeped and i said its ok hes leaving now.
so he said u are sarcastic, i said i am not.he said he wanted to tell me himself , i said ok that was nice thanks.

then i finished my wine and we went to go so walked to my car and said goodbye..and he said thanks for being so understnading about the house , i said yeah im very understanding.

then i came home ,feel like crap now...what an ....

how can someone be so f stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

Cripes Rol,

I am so sorry, just saw this.

Look - I don't have the words... but I do have a huge hug and lots of sincere heartfelt love for you.

Rol, it is a kick in the teeth and heart, no matter how far you progressed, which is a lot. Everyone would have the same reaction and feelings that you are having.

Rol, you are an awesome girl, AWESOME. So, if you want to have a cry, you go right on and have it. Whatever it is you are feeling, feel it. It all is normal.

Please pop back in when you can. I know you wrote this last week.

It is the shock of it all Rol, not so much the fact that you were hoping for a reconcillation.
But all the emotions are balled up into one right now. There is no law written, there are no rules saying you have to feel any way then what you are feeling now.

My heart is with you. I love you Rol.

We are here for you rol! Just hang in there... Life will get better sometime soon!

Hi all,
Thanks a lot,
I'm fine now again , and in fact I'm starting to find him pathetic that he had to jump onto a new girl right away especially 'that' girl.

Im finding the whole thing a bit weird actually, again he started telling me how hard the breakup was for him.
When we talked about the house I said I appreciate that you did not rush to make a decision about selling it right away , he said well he didn't know what he was doing. That he thought he just needed a break.

So I do think in the beginning he just needed a break and then decided he was happy alone without any commitment.

Also the previous time we met a month a ago he did not mention the girl and asked if I wanted to go out the following night.

I mean... what the f! has he lost it or what?

Weird..

I know it's hard but try not to analyse again. It really kills you, I know. He is really not worth wondering about. I'm afraid he is someone we will never figure out. Try and think of good goals for yourself, Treat yourself to a holiday, maybe even in Scotland : ) xx

Ouch...

Sorry to hear about this rol, you have my deepest sympathy. Then again, you don't really need it, because you are better off without him.

Cut him out of your life for good now rol wherever possible. Let him find out whatever he needs to find out (thats his problem) and just focus on you again.

Hi Rol,

Sorry I didn't see this last week. I seem to be missing lots of threads lately.

Anyway there isn't much we can say to make it better. Its just another bump on the road to recovery. Nothing you can't or won't handle just fine like you have everything else.

Like AH said, Rol you are an amazing person and this will only make you stronger.

As Geoff said, just continue to cut him out of your life as much as you can. Focus on you as much as possible!

It's so hard to cut that person out of your life or is it?. We all know deep down what's best for us and sometimes we just need to let go to focus on the new you. Change is inevitable, it's the only constant :( and sometimes I just hate that.