Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend wants to breakup after 5 years

Do you know how to on an Iphone? Im sure it can block.

I think there is an app called iblacklist

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

I feel now that I am attracting those people for some reason & felling insecure and stupid.

It sounds like you might have a hero or provider complex or both. She had a bad childhood (so she says) and you are solid, mature, established, and can provide her with all that she never had before, not only becoming her lover but also a hero or provider to her, which you perceive to mean she will then love you more for because you give her more then anybody else ever would. The problem with this is you are not getting back what you are giving.

Thanks. I woke after a restless sleep and a bad nightmare about her & what has been wearing on me re: answers & why now? etc..

A couple weeks ago she went to California for a self-help conference & told me she probably wouldn't much during it until later as she would need to decompress.

After it was over, she drove up to L.A. to meet with an agent and see some friends. Still never really told me any details. She did mentioned in a really casual way that she met tis guy there that lives in L.A. & was planning on meeting up with him one night. I obviously felt a little jealous, but gave trust as usual. That night she texted me late & said that she is having fun & may be out late & probably wouldn't call before she goes to bed (something she did every night when we weer away) I didn't hear from her until the next morning when all she asked for was for me to check her in to her flights. When she got back home and the week right before she dumped me, was distant, cold and short (the only thing she revealed about her trip was the great meeting she had with the agent, a total ego boost) I had this sneaking suspicion that she cheated & even confronted her & why she never told about her trip.

I think she did this, whether she had already made up her mind to dump me or this pushed her over the edge to do so. This I see now not only justified dumping me, got her off the hook as a cheater, and that's why she did this over the phone. So she would have to look me in the face. Now no one can ever find out now & she's scott free. Ahhhhhh! I may be way off mark or paranoid here, but that is starting to make sense. I feel sick to my stomach and so messed up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks. I woke after a restless sleep and a bad nightmare about her & what has been wearing on me re: answers & why now?, etc..

A couple weeks ago she went to California for a self-help conference & told me she probably wouldnt much during it til later as she would need to decompress.

After it was over, she drove up to L.A. to meet with an agent and see some friends. Still never really told me any details. She did mentioned in a really casual way that she met tis guy there that lives in L.A. & was planning on meeting up with him one night. I obviously felt a little jealous, but gave trust as usual. That night she texted me late & said that she is having fun & may be out late & probably wouldnt call before she goes to bed (something she did every night when we weer away) I didnt hear from her until the next morning when all she asked for was for me to check her in to her flights. When she got back home and the week right before she dumped me, was distant, cold and short (the only thing she revealed about her trip was the great meeting she had with the agent, a total ego boost) i had this sneaking suspicion that she cheated & even confronted her & why she never told about her trip.

I think she did this, whether she had already made up her mind to dump me or this pushed her over the edge to do so. This i see now not only justified dumping me, got her off the hook as a cheater, and thats why she did this over the phone. so she would have to look me in the face. Now no one can ever find out now & she's scott free. Ahhhhhh! I may be way off mark or paranoid here, but that is starting to make sense. i feel sick to my stomach and so messed up.

She won't get off scott free. Karma will get her sooner or later. You just can't treat people that way and it not smack you in face. It'll happen you just probably won't be around to see it. Nor should you

I know, but now Im really hurting and feel right back to the beginning. I feel so sick right now. I really feel like calling her on it.

Before that night in L.A. she texted me that she would be meeting an actress girlfriend in the morning :) But nothing as to her evening. She ing planned this... ALL OF IT!!

She was planning to move to L.A. and now she has figured out a way to do it! And have a little taste of what it can be like there... I feel so twisted up now with emotions.

Now I know why she was too busy to check in to her flights. She was having one last morning shag!!

my X of 8 years did the same thing... when we broke up she bounced to another guy and was sleeping with him in less than 2 months. I had nightmares for 2 or 3 days after I found out. Dreams about faceless girls that I was dating and she went to a bathroom and 45 mintues later I went in the bathroom and she was having sex. Then I woke up. Had 2 or 3 bad dreams in a row.

I was the one who broke up with her out of unhappiness, but then after finding out she was with this dude it messed with my head, etc.. Also caught her cheating but we were on the rocks. After a big 5+ year relationship I felt like she needed to re-establish her self esteem and pleasing a new guy was her way of doing it. He gave her everything I can't give her (money, courside tickets to the NBA finals, trips to the bahamas next month) etc. I know why she is with him, but she doesn't. She thinks she is happy. But like others said, Karma will come around full circle.

The thing is.. I want to forget her before the karma comes.. Its hard brother, you have so much stuff that's got no real closure and its left you feeling betrayed and untrusting. You just need to heal, NC, try and forget her. After my 8 year relationship, I can say I still think about that chick everyday, even after she cheated on me and treated me like crap. I am not even thinking about her in a good way, just thinking about her.. just hurt. You just need to find other things to do! Other friends to see, gym, music, whatever... its tough, I wish you the best of luck!

Oh yah I forgot, my X-GF has NPD in my eyes, I already posted on your thread and mentioned it. Status, success, money, dillusions of who she is... (shes 30 and lives at home with her mommy, only had a 40 hr job 1 year in her 30 year life, yet she thinks she is really successful and driven). Never appologizes during any of our fights in 8 years. Blames me for being with this 46 year old ugly guy. Denies any wrong doing, thinks he is 10x better than me, wants to live in NY, no LA, no chicago, no here.

Look up NPD on Google. You will see that with a narcisist you can never please them and no matter what you did it wouldn't work.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) : How to Recognize a Narcissist

Thanks. This is my worst fears realized and right now Im shaking like a leaf writing that..

I went through the same thing, knowing my ex was doing the dirty with some other dude... I know it is hard man. Nothing else I can say other than it sucks, but you will survive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks. This is my worst fears realized and right now Im shaking like a leaf writing that..

It's OK to feel like that man. I can understand 100% where you are combing from.

I saw an away message of my exes friend saying "bri bri's getting laid tonight! You go girl" so I know the pain you are going through

Quote:

Originally Posted by romefalls19

i saw an away message of my exes friend saying "bri bri's getting laid tonight! You go girl" so i know the pain you are going through

Wow ouch...

I am blown away of how evil, and calculating she is. Knew exactly how to do it. She wants to be on top, get to L.A. and was frustrated that wasn't happening. She finally figured out a way to do it, get rid of me, and plan an escape rout in the process. How perfect...

But really do you want to be with someone like that. It sounds like to me it's always about her always been about her.. She doesn't care who or how she hurts someone. She's just looking to get ahead.

I think your so much better off without a user like that.

Thanks, Ive been reading up that. Its very sick & twisted.

Thanks, L&B, this I already know. Those feelings are gone now. Im just left feeling the pain of betrayal, and the manner of which she did all of this, for herself. Not a great feeling at all. I feel like I make one stride, for a couple hours. But this realization about this trip & such, just seemed to set me back.

I guess that's why she told me that she hopes someday, she can truly tell my why she's doing this... again so I will never find out that she cheated, a perfect plan. Nice one.