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Originally Posted by talaniman

So you think she has changed?? Or will change to get you back??? You think your in charge now?? I don't think so.

You don't have love between you, you have a war of the wills. Your both trying to change each other.

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People don't change and its not healthy to make someone in a relationship change to make things work out. What if the change doesn't define them or make them happy? I think instead of trying to change, a relationship should settle their differences and work together for a solution and not try to change the other. You can't expect someone to change and if you can't work pass the differences maybe their not the right person to be with. That's what I've learned

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

we argued about money a lot. She wanted me to spoil her, and 2 months ago i lost my job and ended up on unemployment insurance.
I did my best to pay the bill at restaurants or other outings. But there came a point where i needed her to help me pay sometimes and she did not like that at all. we argued for other stuff too, but in the end i did not feel like arguing anymore, got fed up. I mean i have a lot of stuff to pay too, i have monthly bills like everyone else. car payments, etc...

It's tough, i feel like i have very little options.
There was never any violence between us. For behavior, i must admit i was a bit down after i lost my job, i was'nt as enthousiastic as i was, less outgoing, this probably did not help the situation either.

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Sure money provides a comfortable life and easy life but I believe money doesn't not necessarily mean happiness. Wouldn't you rather have happiness than money? I know I would.

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Originally Posted by LoveStoned

Well she has to learn to be understanding about things. When someone loses their job their finances are cut short.....COMMON SENSE. This is not something you should work on. Its something for her to understand. Sounds like she's being materialistic about love.
Whats money got to do with feelings...C'mon. Can't huggs and a kiss on the cheek be enough. You spended on her but when it came time for her spending on you she wasn't there. Imagine yourself in a real tragic life event where you had to depend on her. Do you picture her being there for you 100% with or without money? Think my friend.....Think

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Your absolutely right LoveStoned, She is not understanding and she thinks I did on purpose to start arguments. Once again this demonstrates she is not flexible. She said that we both have hard heads and that's the main problem.

I think it's still possible to save things, but the chances we repeat the same arguments are big. We got to deal with our differences and accept them or else we will just run around in a circle and not get anywhere.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, its a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

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So what should I do? Refuse casual and give her an ultimatum, serious committed relationship or nothing?

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So what should I do? Refuse casual and give her an ultimatum, serious committed relationship or nothing?

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Choose for yourself, or nothing, and leave her alone, that simple.

If you have to go through all those changes to be with someone, I would question your own judgment.

Heal, and chose a real person, who actually wants to be with you!!

*****Harsh stuff deleted********

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Choose for yourself, or nothing, and leave her alone, that simple.

If you have to go thru all those changes to be with someone, I would question your own judgment.

Heal, and chose a real person, who actually wants to be with you!!!!

*****Harsh stuff deleted********

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I already have someone who wants to be with me. I just want to know if she is willing to come back how we were, if she doesn't I am ready to move with the new girl I met.

The problem is I don't want to regret my decision. That's why I want to know if she is willing to make efforts for us to get back or if she just wants to keep me as a 2nd option. So by giving her an ultimatum 2 weeks from now, I will know if she wants me back or not. Until then I will stick to NC until she calls me back.

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

I already have someone who wants to be with me. I just want to know if she is willing to come back how we were, if she doesnt i am ready to move with the new girl i met.

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Heal from your 1st girl before involving someone else , you'll just be using her as a Rebound and that's selfish and not fair on her.

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Heal from your 1st girl before involving someone else , you'll just be using her as a Rebound and thats selfish and not fair on her.

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Yes , I won't do the rebound thing. I'm taking my time.

Are you going back to square one again?

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

yes , i wont do the rebound thing. im taking my time.

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You said you have another girl that's interested. You are taking her as a rebound without even realizing it. She's your back up plan if your ex does not come through. She's your way of trying to move on without experiencing loss to the fullest. I have guys who approach me and ask me to go out... but the truth is I rather become friends more than anything. I need to really get to know myself without my ex in my life. What are my true strengths and weaknesses? What things do I enjoy doing? Take time to really HEAL!! You're in a vulnerable state. You think you're over her but your not. You think you're strong but you're still very weak.:o

She obiviously thinks she was right in many of your arguments which lead her to break things off. We all see things for what it truly is because we don't have the ATTACHED FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AS YOU DO.

Ok here is an update. She called me tonight and we talked, she says she still needs time and has mixed emotions. I told her I won't do the casual thing with her or friendship. I told her I won't wait for her anymore and I'm deleting her and blocking her from msn. I told her why don't we just end it for good and stop the hurt. She said she doesn't want to hurt her own feelings and mine by making a final decision. Says she still has feelings. So I told her I won't be contacting her anymore. Going back to NC.

I have no choice, she just won't accept my offer of getting back together slowly. She is not ready or she never will be.
So I'm thinking of moving on, because ill be just waiting and wiaitng for nothing. For the girl I'm going to date, ill make sure it's not a rebound. I can wait another month before dating her. I will take my time. I really like her and we have long conversations.

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Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

Ok here is an update. She called me tonight and we talked, she says she still needs time and has mixed emotions. I told her i wont do the casual thing with her or friendship. I told her i won't wait for her anymore and im deleting her and blocking her from msn. I told her why don't we just end it for good and stop the hurt. She said she doesn't want to hurt her own feelings and mine by making a final decision. Says she still has feelings. So i told her i won't be contacting her anymore. Going back to NC.

I have no choice, she just won't accept my offer of getting back together slowly. She is not ready or she never will be.
So im thinking of moving on, because ill be just waiting and wiaitng for nothing. For the girl im gonna date, ill make sure it's not a rebound. i can wait another month before dating her. I will take my time. I really like her and we have long conversations.

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Don't think of moving on buddy, DO IT!! Ill be doing the same with you. Screw our ex man. Its time we stop playing their shyt and stop wasting our time. She had her chance, take good care of the next girl that comes into your life.

Yeah, she just doesn't have the motivation or enough feelings to want to get back. I believe she did not miss me enough. I broke NC and that did not help. So it's going to take more time, so what am I going to do keep waiting for her? And waste my life waiting? No. I have no choice to move on. She even said I should date other women and not wait for her. So I have my answer.

That is right, Luigi,

As much as it hurts, you must move on for yourself. You deserve to be happy, correct?

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Originally Posted by starlite1

That is right, Luigi,

As much as it hurts, you must move on for yourself. You deserve to be happy, correct?

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Yes very correct!
I cannot wait and wait, life will go by and I will miss out. I cannot do this to myself.
I have wasted 2 months already. Enough is enough. For all of you out there that are in the same situation as me. It's OK to have hope that they will come back, but you must block emotions and use your logic. Would they pause their life and wait for us? I do not think so.
Why keep hanging on a thin rope, and torturing our mind and hoping we get that phone call or text message saying ''i miss you, I want you back'' As tempting as it might seem, the chances of this happening are very slim.

Better forgetting the past and moving forward and use the law of attraction. Attract everything positive to you by using an optimistic mindset. Create opportunities for yourself, whether it is career, love, financial. Put yourself in the right mood and go for it, cause if there is something I learn in life, if you don't create opportunities for yourself, they won't come to you.

Congratulations!! You have ended this 3 months earlier than I did. It takes permanent absence for one to realize what they have lost. Live your life and make every second count!! :D

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Originally Posted by LoveStoned

Congratulations!!!! You have ended this 3 months earlier than I did. It takes permanent abscence for one to realize what they have lost. Live your life and make every second count!!!!:D

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Thank you lovestoned. As much as I would have loved to reconcilliate, I accept the way things are and will be happy anyway and work on myself to be a better man for the next woman I meet. I want to be happy with her and give the best of myself so she can give me the best of herself too and we will share great moments. The past is gone, the present is now and it is building tomorrow. That's all that counts.

Here is an update of my situation. I took more steps to forget my ex. I deleted her pics on my cell and text messages. I am talking to other girls and there,s a possibility I will be dating a new girl in the coming days. It's crazy but we have so many things in comon.

I think the breakup happened for a reason, I am seeing the light now, it happened so I can meet this special girl I been talking to.
So yeah guys, see your breakup as the spark that will start a new and better relationship with a more compatible person.
Hard to believe? Believe it. No matter how much you would love to go back to that person that dumped you. Why do you want to torture yourself? You think you will never find better? WRONG.

Yourself esteem is hurt and you think she was the best you can find. Like I said earlier, be positive, attract everything that is best for you, do not settle for less than you deserve. Be confident and strong.