Ask Me Help Desk - Dangerously in love?

Quote:

Originally Posted by starbuck8

So did my ex!...and he went too! When we finally went together, after several sessions, the councellor pulled me aside and said I just needed to leave him. He only wanted me to see a counsellor to prove he could fix me, and he gave many reasons why his counsellor was useless, because he knew more than the councellor. According to him, his councellor talked alot of phycho babble, and just didn't know what he was talking about.

I was offline for the majority of last night, but read back and am now caught up. I just wanted to add to what Starbuck says here. He only wanted her to go to a counselor to prove he could fix her...
OMG over and over I heard how I needed to go to counseling... not that counseling is a bad thing for anyone, I have no problem with that, but this is just another way for him to gain control over you. (ie. He recommends counseling to "help" you, you think it is a supportive thing for him to do, but HE is doing it do he can have "credit for fixing you" you "owe it to HIM" that you are better and HE now has another 1 up on you and another way/reason to maniputate and control) It is a sad sad thing...

While he may appear to be loving and supporting now, as we all here have said before, it is really just tactics to gain control over you and have you under his thumb... I truly hope you can do what you have to do to get out of this situation... everything Starbuck said I can agree with, everything she has said was the same in my past relationship, seriously!. all the warning signs are there...

And what's typical of this kind of guy is that they can be quite the charmer. They'll wine you, and dine you. They'll tell you how beautiful you are. They'll even charm your friends and family to the point where they all think you're so lucky to have him.

Dangerously in love? Absolutely...

How come everyone is so quick to go to counselling when there's bugger all wrong with them except maybe other people whispering in their ears! Sounds to me like he's the one that needs counselling and possibly a doctor (the white coat kind! )

When all is said and done and everyone who has posting has given the advice you wanted you'll still be sitting alone with this guy in a room with a decision to make. You know what you have to do BECAUSE you posted here!

Right. Well as I stated in one of my previous posts, "My boyfriend is concerned that I cheated on him with my ex." While we did hang out ( not saying that was the most appropriate action) I did not do ANYTHING with him. I did an STD screening a few days ago and I am sooooo stressed about the results. Now, I do not believe I have ANYTHING, but he has stressed me to the point where I am on pins and needles thinking what if I did something and I don't remember. Ever since I told him that I saw my ex that night I have been ragged about it. I did lie to him and tell him I was with a different friend ( that was not wise either). I keep that secret for 5 days and I couldn't keep it anymore. Also, hanging with my ex that night truly made me understand that there is ZERO attraction for the guy and I can really move on without any doubts. SIGH. I created some of my mess, but I have profusely apologized.

While you may have not been totally truthful... you ARE NOT AT FAULT for his manipulative, controlling, *abusinve* behavior. Him ragging on you, having people watch you while he is gone, and all the other things mentioned are sick controlling immature behaviors that can and will lead to abuse.

Please STOP making excuses for him, (this alone proves he has already begun his brainwashing into making you feel that everything is your fault) stand up for yourself and your right to be a free woman that does not need to be watched or taught every move she makes.

You are better than this situation, you can do this!

This is the last time I chime in on this story, otherwise Starbuck8 will have my butt.

All I can say is from a guy's point of view. I would NEVER treat any girl I was with like he treats you.

Take from that what you want, that is just my take on this situation. Good luck!

There is WAY too much drama on both sides of this relationship.

You "cheat" on him (ask anyone on AMHD, emotional cheating, even if it is "just to find out if I'm over" is still cheating), he get's manipulative on you and has to know where you are at all times. You like to flirt and giggle, he wants you to be "just his" and gets freakishly obsessive when you're not. You like to wear the flirty clothes (that hey, if you have the body for and feel comfortable in WORK IT GIRL! :) ), he wants to control your wardrobe.

Way too much drama for a normal, sane, mutually trusting relationship. You know this. Yet you still rationalize.

You've heard it all, we've given tons of advice, you have everyone on your side, agreeing with your fears. Act on it. Nothing is going to change until you do.

Had to spread the rep Chicky but I agree.

It's time to stop talking and act.

You know that this is a bad relationship, we've confirmed your fear, so it's time to do what you have to do.

If you keep rationalizing everything then I guess you'll just have to learn the hard way. Hopefully you'll figure it out before it becomes physical, or worse.

We've given you what we can, either take it and run with it, or ignore it and come back in a few months to tell us that you just got out of the hospital because he beat the crap out of you, that's where this is heading, no doubt about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

Right. Well as I stated in one of my previous posts, "My boyfriend is concerned that I cheated on him with my ex." While we did hang out ( not saying that was the most appropriate action) I did not do ANYTHING with him. I did an STD screening a few days ago and I am sooooo stressed about the results. Now, I do not believe I have ANYTHING, but he has stressed me to the point where I am on pins and needles thinking what if I did something and I don't remember. Ever since I told him that I saw my ex that night I have been ragged about it. I did lie to him and tell him I was with a different friend ( that was not wise either). I keep that secret for 5 days and I couldn't keep it anymore. Also, hanging with my ex that night truly made me understand that there is ZERO attraction for the guy and I can really move on without any doubts. SIGH. I created some of my mess, but I have profusely apologized.

You are playing right into his hands. You are "appologizing profusely," and agreeing with him that the way he is treating you must somehow be your fault! Can you not SEE THIS? He's got you questioning your own sanity, and now you are driving yourself crazy about an STD screening, because he's got you thinking you're too stupid to remember something like having sex with your ex! If God forbid you have anything, it is likely from this guy!

You need to make yourself an appointment with a good therapist, so you can figure out why you let men treat you this way. This is NOT HEALTHY! Don't worry about him. Let him deal with his own issues. His are NOT your problem, they are his. You are stuck in the mud and spinning your wheels here! The only wheel spinning going on should be when you're on your way and he's left behind you in a cloud of dust.

Dump his lousy A$$ and forget you ever knew him or anyone like him.